Something that I've been really getting into lately is watching Black web series. Some pretty cool ones are The Put Down, To Each His Own, The C-Word, Staged and the entire Issa Rae Presents YouTube channel. While I was wrapping up the season finale ofThe Land of Milk & Honey, something was said that reminded me of my all-time favorite quote on love, as it relates to self-love.
Let me set it up for you a bit. A woman had to choose between a bomb internship in New York or staying where she was in order to be with a man. A man who 1) Refused to give her the title of girlfriend that she wanted and 2) Unbeknownst to her, had a newly-pregnant girlfriend.
As she was grieving over the fact that the guy didn't "fight" to keep her in his life, her homegirl said something that, quite frankly, a lot of us could stand to hear: "I love you enough to tell you the truth. You have such a big future, God couldn't find space for him."
That right there? It complements my favorite self-love quote exquisitely:
"As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I, in a love relationship, do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming."
— Leo Buscaglia, professor and author.
What does all of this even remotely have to do with soulmates? Chile, I'm so glad that you asked.
If there are two words that seem to trigger a ton of different emotional responses and reactions, it's "fairy tale" and "soulmate". The first one, I personally can't stand; especially when I hear women say, "I'm living for the fairy tale." Are you? I wonder how many people know that a fairy tale by definition is "a story, usually for children" and "an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief". A "childish misleading account" is not my idea of a beautiful (or realistic) love story. But soulmate? I dig that word all day long.
Only, it's probably not for the reasons that you might think.
I grew up in the church. And the church, as a whole, isn't all that big on soulmates. I find that to be weird because there is a clear example of soulmates in the Bible — Jonathan and David. In fact, there's a scripture that says, "Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul." (I Samuel 18:3—NKJV) This was not a romantic or sexual covenant or connection. It was a powerful bond of friendship. It's also evidence that soulmates can be platonic. OK, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
Something that I've been studying for a few years now is the Hebrew language. I really dig its definition of soul and soulmate. The Hebrew word for soul is "nephesh". It's a complex word, but it basically means that our soul is not just the spiritual part of us; it's all of us — our mind, heart, and body, our desires, our life overall. The Hebrew word for soulmate is "bashert"; it means our destiny. It's all about being joined to a life partner who will help us grow as spiritual beings. By definition, that literally includes going through the good, bad, ugly, challenging, and annoying things with someone else in order to become who we were truly meant to be.
It's not about butterflies in the stomach or feeling good all of the time. It's about being connected to someone who will make us better individuals.
This is why I believe that a soulmate can be someone who broke our heart. When I think about the man whom I loved more than anyone else, he's also the man who devastated me the most. The story within itself is a novel — well, at least a novella — that I will probably write one day (heads up — always be cautious about getting involved with a writer; you will see yourself in print). For now, I'll just say that during my journey with him, I learned more about love, patience, forgiveness, personal growth, and even acceptance in a way I know I wouldn't have had he not been a part of my life. No one can convince me otherwise.
When things came to an end, heartbroken doesn't begin to describe how I felt. For months, it was like I was in a daze, trying to figure out how to make sense of it all. But as I began to heal, the Leo Buscaglia quote started playing on repeat in my being. "Love is about continual becoming." Love is about having the people, places, things and ideas in your life that are suitable, appropriate, and proper for the individual you are becoming. In order to become that person, sometimes you have to let certain things go.
Since a soulmate is our destiny and one definition of destiny is "meant to be", as painful as it can be to accept sometimes, sometimes our soulmate comes in the form of someone who leaves us broken so that we can rebuild ourselves into who we were truly meant to be all along.
Just think about it. If a soulmate was only someone we always got along with, never caused us to step out of our comfort zone, and/or face some of the "ugly truths" about ourselves, there's a good chance that our souls would never grow and evolve.
We wouldn't become our best selves because it's not the easy things that mature us; it's the hardest ones that do.
It's kind of like the chick I mentioned in that web series. She always wanted to be a fashion mogul and was offered an internship with a top fashion designer. She needed to leave who she loved in order to become who she was meant to be, while the object of her affection needed to stay behind to get his heart and house in order. Staying together, at least in that season, would've probably proven to be detrimental. However, if she chose her future over an unpredictable relationship, the impact of making that kind of decision would change her life for the better. The sacrifice would've improved the condition of her very soul.
As for my real-life situation, I don't know what the future ultimately holds as it relates to me and my "soulmate". I do get why we need this time apart, though. I need the space to become more of who I was created to be — so does he. At least for now, trying to soul-evolve together would stagnate us.
At the same time, it is because of our time together — and the heartbreak that I experienced — that I am the woman I am now. Someone who can clearly see all of this for what it is. Someone who fully embraces that the journey is just what my soul, my life, needed in order to reach my destiny (and to even write this article).
It might not be the most conventional take on soulmates, but I hope it's one you'll consider. Is there anyone who altered your life in such a way that they ultimately made your soul better, even if it shattered you for a season? It may not be the kind of soulmate you wanted, but it was sho 'nuf the kind that you needed.
You may not see it now, but time will reveal. Give thanks.
Featured image by Getty Images.
RELATED
The show is exactly what you’d expect when you put a media pro and a sports legend together—a mix of real talk, unfiltered moments, and guest interviews that feel like family kickbacks. As the duo wraps up their first season, Rocsi sat down with xoNecole to talk about teaming up with Deion, the wildest moments on set, and why streaming platforms like Tubi are shaking up the talk show world.
Scoring the Gig & Clicking Instantly with Deion
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Essence
Deion Sanders had been dreaming of hosting a talk show, and when Tubi came calling, it was only right he made it happen. But before he found the perfect co-host, he held auditions with different women for the spot.
Lucky for us, Rocsi threw her hat in the ring, and the connection was instant. “You just can’t buy chemistry like we have,” she tells us. “We are legit like big brother, little sister—fighting, cracking jokes, telling each other off. When you watch the show, it’s like watching family.”
Mixing News, Culture & Sports—Minus the Snooze
With We Got Time Today, Rocsi and Deion cover everything from the latest headlines to celebrity tea and, of course, sports. But instead of stiff, rehearsed segments, the show keeps it loose and unpredictable.
“We’re not breaking the mold—it’s not rocket science,” Rocsi jokes. “We just bring our own flair, our authenticity, and our personalities to it. Deion has firsthand experience in sports, so when we talk about athletes, he brings a different perspective.”
And the best part? Unlike traditional talk shows that rush through quick interviews, We Got Time Today actually takes its time. “A lot of shows might give you one or two segments with a guest,” Rocsi says. “With us, we actually sit down and have real-life conversations.”
Her Top Guests (So Far!)
From music icons to relationship experts, the show has already had some unforgettable guests—but a few stand out for Rocsi.
“Ice Cube was our first guest, and he’s just legendary,” she says. “Kirk Franklin had us cracking up when he broke into a full choir freestyle for our Christmas special. And anytime we get Dr. Bryant on to put Deion in the hot seat? That’s my favorite!”
And of course, there’s Nick Cannon. “Nick was amazing,” she adds. “You already know he’s going to bring the energy and say something wild.”
Tag-Team Hosting with Deion: The Inside Scoop
While Deion Sanders is best known for his football greatness, Rocsi says he’s also one of the funniest people she’s ever worked with.
“He’s goofy—like, really goofy,” she laughs. “A lot of people didn’t know that side of him, but now they do. He can crack a joke, and if you’re too sensitive, good luck, because he will go in. But the best part? I throw it right back at him! Sometimes we just look at each other like, ‘Okay, that was a good one.’”
But beyond the laughs, she admires his insane work ethic. “Watching him juggle everything he does is just super admirable,” she says.
How "We Got Time Today" Brings That "106 & Park" Energy
Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images
For those wondering if We Got Time Today feels like 106 & Park 2.0, Rocsi says it’s a whole different vibe.
“The only comparison I’d make is that it’s a destination for the culture,” she explains. “It’s a platform where our people can come, feel safe, and have real conversations. But other than that, this is Deion’s world—we’re just having fun in it.”
The Talk Show Shake-Up: Why This Show Hits Different
Unlike traditional networks, We Got Time Today lives exclusively on Tubi, proving that streaming platforms are changing how we watch talk shows.
“Tubi is giving more people opportunities and making content more accessible,” Rocsi says. “Deion is a huge Tubi fan—he literally loves Black cinema—so it just made sense for him. And honestly? He’s got me watching it too!”
Real Ones Only: Women Holding Each Other Down
Rocsi credits her best friend, Chantelle, for always keeping her grounded. “She kept pouring into me, reminding me of who I am,” she shares. Even Deion Sanders makes sure to give her flowers, often calling her “the hostess with the most.”
In the industry, she’s built lasting bonds with women like Julissa Bermundez, Angie Martinez, and Angela Yee. “Julissa and I still kick it—her house is basically Sephora, so I just shop there,” she jokes. She also cherishes her friendships with Melyssa Ford and Robin Roberts, who have offered unwavering support. “Robin has always been there for me,” Rocsi says, reflecting on the wisdom she’s gained from the legendary journalist.
With the show’s first season wrapping up, Rocsi is grateful for the experience and excited for what’s next. “We’re having a good time, and the audience can feel that,” she says.
And if you haven’t tuned in yet? Well, Rocsi and Deion got time—so you might as well make some too.
Catch We Got Time Today now streaming on Tubi!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/Getty Images
Lenny quickly explained why he named his home after The Jeffersons star. “It was her dream to come live in Paris,” he explained. “She wanted to retire after doing 11 seasons of The Jeffersons and she never got to do it. So I’m doing it for both of us.”
Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot
The “American Woman” artist, Lenny, revealed that he had been residing in the house for 22 years. During this time, he has amassed a collection of unique pieces and crafted custom furniture that adorns every corner of the home.
From African artwork to Swarovski crystal chandeliers, Lenny’s home is a true spectacle. “This house continuously pays tribute to my ancestors,” he said.
Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot
Most rooms in the house feature photographs of prominent Black figures, such as the renowned photographer Gordon Parks and legendary boxer Muhammad Ali. The petit salon, which he refers to as the Roxie room, is adorned with his mother's photos.
“I found a bunch of photographs my father had taken of my mother in the late ‘60s and got them framed by the same framer that does a lot of framing for the Louvre," he said. “I just wanted to have a room that was surrounded by her image.”
Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot
He shared that one of the first pieces he designed under his company, Kravitz Design, was the Swarovski crystal chandelier in his grand salon. He often finds many of his unique pieces by browsing the local flea market and small boutiques.
When it comes to his bedroom, the “Fly Away” artist takes a minimalistic approach. Focusing more on creating a calming vibe. He finds comfort in the Moroccan rugs that cover the floor, occasionally even sleeping on them.
Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot
The father of one ended his tour in the basement, which was designed to be a club. Check out the full tour below.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot