September is about being confident, getting organized, communicating, and claiming your blessings. A lot of pleasant and fulfilling energy is playing out this month, but a few surprises will be coming up for people as well. The month begins with the Sun in goddess Virgo, and life is a little more focused, grounded, and nurturing in this energy. The Sun will be in this earth sign for most of September until September 22, and this is a good month to get things in order, cleanse your space, be there for others, and take care of your overall health and well-being.
On the first day of the month, two retrogrades are grabbing our attention. Uranus goes retrograde in Taurus until January 30, 2025, and Pluto retrograde enters Capricorn until October 11. With Uranus moving into retrograde motion, we are rethinking our creative visions and stance on things, and this can bring up areas of your life where you are needing a little more freedom. Pluto has been retrograde in Aquarius since early May and moves into Capricorn on September 1, finishing off its over-a-decade-long Pluto in Capricorn transit that began in 2008. While Pluto is in retrograde in Capricorn, it is a time of reflecting on what you have built in your life and the foundations and systems that have empowered you.
September 2 brings the New Moon of the month, and this New Moon will be aligning with the Sun in the sign of Virgo. A Virgo New Moon is all about setting intentions for your future goals and plans, grounding your energy, creating space by cleaning or sprucing up the home, and taking care of yourself. This is an empowering New Moon and is a good time to manifest and open up to receive some new abundance. Mars enters Cancer on September 4, and Mars in Cancer brings up a lot of emotions, but also a lot of dedication, love, and connection.
More passion and motivation are going towards the home, the inner world, and emotional well-being in this energy, and this is a healing transit.
Mercury moves into Virgo, and we get an opportunity for enhanced creativity, ideas, and intuition. Mercury will be direct in Virgo from September 9 until September 26, and this is a chance for a re-do and an opportunity to see something you may have missed before. Mercury was retrograde in Virgo from August 5 to August 14, and what wasn’t working for you then is coming up again for you now, but you have new tools and wisdom to approach it. September 17 brings the Supermoon Lunar Eclipse in Pisces, and this is when things start shaking up this month.
This particular Full Moon is special because it’s a Lunar Eclipse, Supermoon, and Harvest Moon all in one. There is a lot of abundant, supporting, and nurturing energy coming forth during this Eclipse and it’s an opportunity to reflect and let go of old insecurities and self-doubt. A lot is awakening and being put into perspective during this time and it’s everything we need to prepare for this Eclipse Season.
Libra Season officially begins on September 22, and we end September, bringing the focus to love. Libra Season is always a time when relationships and partnerships are more of the focus, and this energy is further enhanced this year by Venus entering Scorpio on the same day. Think about your close commitments and where you are feeling valued, nurtured, and supported, or where you can ask for what you need more. Mercury will be entering Libra on September 26, and there is a lot to think about as the month ends. Overall, September is here to bring in some new blessings, clarity, and connections.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what the month has in store.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
You are focused on getting things done this month, Aries. You have more responsibilities on your plate right now, but it’s nothing you can’t handle or haven’t prepared for. September begins with a New Moon in your 6th house of health, routine, daily life, and your working environment and this is a good time to set your intentions for your overall well-being in life. What are you committing yourself to right now, and how can you bring a more grounded and organized approach to your daily routine?
On September 4, Mars, your ruling planet, enters your 4th house of home, family, your inner world, and sense of security in life and you are being motivated by growth more than ever. Extra activity and commotion are expected in the home with this transit, so make sure you are finding your balance and taking care of yourself, too. In September, we also have a Lunar Eclipse, and this eclipse will be happening in an area of your chart that represents closure, letting go, and healing. Big transformations occur as you end the month, but these are positive outcomes from the work you have done.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
Your guidance for the month is to let it go, Taurus. Don’t hold onto things too tightly that haven’t worked out for you, and listen to your body when it’s telling you to slow down. You have been carrying a lot on your shoulders, and with the Sun in your 5th house for most of this month, you are being nudged to have more fun, relax, and focus on the things and people that make you truly happy. With Uranus going retrograde in your sign at the start of the month on September 1, you are doing a lot of reflecting and reworking in September and seeing where you have been feeling overburdened.
There is a New Moon in fellow earth sign Virgo on September 2, and this is an exciting and romantic New Moon for you. Set your intentions for love, and focus on what your heart wants to manifest. Before the month ends, Venus, your ruling planet, moves into your sister sign, Scorpio, until October 17, and this is good news for you. Venus, over the next few weeks, will bring you the full picture in love and will be one of the more romantic and fulfilling times of the year for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
September is a month of success, stability, and support for you, Gemini. You are walking into new doors this month and feeling the recognition you have hoped for. There is a lot to look forward to in your life right now, and with a New Moon in your 4th house, as the month begins, a lot of this success and positive support is coming in for you in terms of family, home life, and overall abundance. You are feeling more stable and grounded as you enter the month, and it’s encouraging you to think more about what is possible for you.
Your ruling planet, Mercury, moves into Virgo on September 9 and will be joining the Sun in your 4th house. With Mercury here, the best conversations you are having right now are the more intimate ones in safe and comfy settings, and you’re connecting with others on another level during this transit until September 26. Before September comes to an end, the Sun moves into a fellow air sign, Libra, and after a month of gaining new ground, taking things slow, and enjoying your successes, you move into a season of love, entertainment, and freedom.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is about giving yourself more grace and focusing on self-love and confidence, Cancer. The energy of the month is in your 3rd house of communication, transportation, siblings, and neighbors, and life is usually more active when the Sun is here. You are doing a lot and having important conversations right now, but remember to have confidence and self-assurance with what is moving around in your life. You show people how to treat you with how you treat yourself, and this month is a time to check in to make sure everything is aligning for you.
On September 17, we have the Lunar Eclipse of the month, and this Eclipse occurs in an area of your life that has to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education. You are gaining a new perspective in September, and you may see some old travel plans finally fall through for you during this time. You are moving around a lot this month, and new doors open for you when you get your energy moving. Before September ends, Venus moves into your 9th house of adventure, and you are feeling the need for more freedom and renewed energy in your love life as you end the month.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
September is a fresh start for you, Leo. After dealing with Mercury retrograde in your sign at the end of last month, Mercury is finally direct in Leo until September 9, and you get to walk into this month with a little less weight on your shoulders. You are feeling inspired and excited for the future right now, and there is a lot to look forward to in your life. The New Moon, happening on September 2, is a good chance to manifest new opportunities for yourself financially, and this is a time to ask for a raise, open a new door career-wise, get a promotion, or discover a new stream of income.
As you are balancing the new developments that are taking place for you both personally and financially at the beginning of the month, Mars enters your 12th house of closure on September 4, bringing the energy to a slow down and urging you to process, heal, and get some more rest. While Mars is in your 12th house until November 3, you may feel a lack of energy and a need to take a step back and heal. Listen to your body and trust that when you take care of yourself, you can do more things in return.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
Virgo Season is fully here, and you are ready to have some fun and thrive, Virgo. This is a more upbeat, positive, and harmonious month for you and you are focused on enjoying your life. There was a lot of heaviness you had to move through this summer, and once September comes around, you are letting all of that go and embracing the new love, people, and opportunities surrounding you.
The New Moon in Virgo on September 2 is one of the most powerful New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest, and you should be thinking of your personal progress, self-empowerment, and path to joy at the start of September.
Mercury moves into your sign from September 9 until September 26, and this is your ruling planet; therefore, the stars are aligning in the best ways for you mentally right now. While Mercury is in your sign, you will be doing a lot of thinking, writing, communicating, and processing. Take it all in, but don’t overwhelm yourself with perfection or the tiny details.
Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse in your 7th house of partnership, and love is coming full circle to bless you with some more support and encouragement.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
You are working through a lot and overcoming some fears in September, Libra. There has been a lot of unexpected energy in your life recently, and it's left you feeling uneasy about what’s next. This month is a chance for reflection and a time to let go of unhealthy obsessions or perspectives that are limiting your experience of life. The New Moon of the month occurs on September 2 and will be in your 12th house of endings, healing, dreams, and secrets, and this is a good time to set your intentions for your healing and transformations in life. Work through what is coming up for you right now without judging or shaming, Libra.
Libra Season officially begins on September 22, and you get to take a step back and look at the life that has come full circle for you. With the Sun in your sign for the next month, you have more energy at your disposal, and after a heavy month, you are breaking free from the past. New beginnings are in store for you as you move out of September, and with Mercury entering your sign from September 26 until October 13, more mental well-being and clarity are flourishing for you as well.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
This month is all about perspective, Scorpio. You are working through some self-doubts and insecurities in September, and it’s time to focus on the bigger picture and stop overthinking things. A New Moon is happening in your 11th house of hopes, dreams, friendships, and wishes on September 2, and this is a good time to manifest. Focus on where you want to see more growth, connection, and clarity in your life, and write a list of things that are purposeful for you or that make you feel authentically you that you want to see more of in your life.
Mars, your ruling planet, moves into fellow water sign, Cancer, on September 4 and will be here until November 3, enhancing your more adventurous side. It’s all about thinking outside the box right now, getting out of your comfort zone, traveling, and trying new things. The Supermoon Lunar Eclipse of the month is also happening in a water sign and will be coming full circle on September 17 in the sign of Pisces. This Full Moon for you is an awakening of love, and you are getting a moment to take a deep breath, enjoy, and flow in gratitude for the love that is here for you now.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
This month is all about getting things moving and taking action, Sagittarius. You are focused on your goals, career life, reputation, and achievements, and you are showing up and making things happen for yourself. The month begins with Mars, the planet of passion, energy, and direction, moving into your 8th house, which is the area of your life that rules shared finances, commitments, intimacy, debts, resources, and transformation. You are getting down to the nitty gritty this month and will be cleaning the house while also creating space for new abundance to enter.
September is an empowering month for you overall, and a lot of this energy is going to stabilize more for you once the Lunar Eclipse comes around on September 17. On the day of this Eclipse, focus on letting go of feeling like your life has been out of your hands, and write lists of gratitude for areas of your life where you have grown this year or felt more stable and secure. As you end the month, the Sun moves into Libra and into your 11th house, and you walk into a month where your friendships and community will be grabbing more of your focus as you recognize you don’t have to do it all alone.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
You are moving into something better, Capricorn; remember that this month. This is a more emotional time of the year for you and you are working through some things that have been weighing heavy on your mind. The perspectives you are gaining are invaluable, and these eye-opening experiences occur right as you enter the month as Pluto goes retrograde in your sign on September 1. While Pluto is retrograde in Capricorn until October 11, notice in which ways you have personally evolved over the last decade or so and what changes you have made in your life that have truly empowered you and made you feel like you were on the right path.
The New Moon occurring this month is in fellow earth sign Virgo on September 2, and this is a good time to get out, go somewhere new, or plan a trip. Set your intentions for where you want to grow and learn over the next month, and take some more time out to have fun. On September 17, the Lunar Eclipse of the month rolls around, and this Eclipse is an opportunity for you to clear the air. This Eclipse will be happening in your 3rd house of the mind, and it’s all about receiving the messages and guidance you have been looking for, using your voice, and communicating how you are feeling.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
Expect the unexpected this month, Aquarius. You are at a moment in your life when you are not where you have been, but you are also not where you want to go either. You are finding your way this month and with the Sun in your 8th house of transformation, changes will fall into place in the process. Once Mars enters your 6th house on September 4, you will feel a lot more energy to take care of yourself and your health, and this is a good time to take care of the things you have been putting on the back burner. Whatever you prioritize this month has the chance to really grow into something beautiful in the future; remember that.
On September 17, we have a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse occurring in your 2nd house of income, values, confidence, and stability, and this Eclipse is about focusing on gratitude and letting go of the rest. Assess all that you have created for yourself, give back, pay off a debt, clean up your purse, wallet, or finances, and be free. You are getting a lot of things in order financially this month and this Eclipse will be helping you make that needed space. Overall, this month is about putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that your positive intentions are coming true for you.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
Focus on what makes you happy and what changes need to be made to experience more of that, Pisces. It’s all about having the right perspective right now, and with the energy in your 7th house of love for most of this month, you may be feeling more pressure in your relationships or love life right now. The New Moon that occurs in your opposite sign, Virgo, on September 2, is the perfect opportunity to set your intentions for love, and this is a good time to give yourself a fresh start here and to trust that you deserve an easy and fulfilling romance.
The Lunar Eclipse happening this month will be in your sign, and it’s also a Supermoon and a Harvest Moon all in one. This is an abundant and fulfilling time of the month for you, and even though you are still working through a lot of personal changes right now, you are overall feeling the need for them and how much life is getting better for you from here. As we end the month, Venus, the planet of love, moves into your 5th house of romance, happiness, creativity, and sex, and you are entering a spicy time of the year when love takes a turn and things start heating up for you.
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
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Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
I thought that it was important to address this term for a couple of different reasons. One is for the reason that is mentioned in the origin story of sobergasms that I will address in just a sec. Another is because…people who are in long-term committed relationships? I think it’s pretty safe to say that, unless they both have some sort of substance abuse situation going on, most of them have sex some, if not most of the time, without alcohol (and certainly without drunkenness) being involved. Those who engage in casual/recreational sex, though? Well, I’ve got some stats included in this piece that will show you how much alcohol and copulation go hand in hand in a lot of those instances.
And although some studies say that casual sex (i.e., hook-up culture) isn’t quite as rampant as it was, even just a few years ago, at the same time, let’s not act like it isn’t still happening. Hell, every time we hop on social media, we see evidence (and sometimes fallout) of that. Plus, while many people are out here declaring that they don’t want or need marriage anymore (chile) — do you hear them saying that they feel the same way about sex?Yeah…exactly.
With all of this being said, let’s take a moment to look into what sobergasms are really all about and why, if you are sexually active and are not in anything serious, you should strongly consider having (more of) them.
The Origin Story of Sobergasms Is…
GiphyAight, so here’s the backstory of sobergasms. Last year, right around the holiday season, the sexual wellness brand Lovehoney decided to partner up with an alcohol-free drink company (CleanCo) to create a mocktail (I will share the recipe in just a sec) — you know, a cocktail that doesn’t have any alcohol in it. They did it because their UK (where they are based) research revealed that people tend to drink almost 40 percent more during the holidays (in the US, Americans reportedly drink twice as much as they usually do around that time).
If you add to that the fact that Lovehoney conducted their own study which cited that 64 percent of participants have admitted to having sex while being intoxicated and yet only 20 percent said that they actually enjoyed it.
And that was the main motivation for why Lovehoney came up with sobergasms: it’s a way to encourage people to be more intentional about going without drinking (so much) so that they can engage in the kind of sex that they will actually find to be pleasurable; especially since their findings also discovered that only 29 percent of men and 11 percent of women have consistent orgasms when they are drunk compared to 45 percent of men and 15 percent of women who do when they are sober.
As I thought about all of this, I decided to go on my own fact-finding mission about alcohol and its relationship to sex. It helped me to come up with even more reasons to cosign on sobergasms — and I’m hoping that it will do the same thing for you.
Before I share 10 interesting stats, first, the recipe for the mocktail that Lovehoney and CleanCo came up with:
Sobergasm Clean Drink
25ml fresh lime juice
50ml CleanCo Clean T
1 tbsp fresh orange juice
1 tbsp hot honey
Sea salt, chili flakes, and lime for garnish
You can click here for thorough instructions on how to make it. Over on this side of the pond, we’re pretty big on mocktails ourselves and so, if you'd like to test out some other recipes, check out “10 Spring/Summer Cocktails (& Mocktails) That Your Vagina Will Truly Enjoy” and “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too.”
And while you’re pondering which mocktail you would actually like to try first, let’s get into some other reasons why oftentimes “less is best” when it comes to mixing sexual activity with alcohol consumption.
10 Stats to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Mixing Sex with Alcohol
GiphyWhen it comes to how many people partake in alcoholic beverages, Gallup cites that 65 percent of Americans who are over the age of 21 claim to do so. Out of those, the average amount of drinks that they consume on a weekly basis is around four. The preferred drink of choice? Wine (31-35 percent) with liquor being a close second (30 percent). Now factor all of this into your mind as you read the following information about alcohol and its relationship to sex:
1. One study revealed that almost 30 percent of participants were less safe when it came to their sexual decisions due to them having alcohol in their system.
2. About half of the sexual assaults that happen on college campuses involve alcohol whether it’s the perpetrator, the victim, or both.
3. Among college-aged women, when they are having sex while in a relationship, alcohol is involved 20 percent of the time. When it’s casual sex? Alcohol is involved 53 percent of the time (heavy drinking happened a whopping 36 percent of the time).
4. 42 percent of college students binge drink and 400,000 of them have sex without using a condom while consuming alcohol.
5.One study revealed that almost 72 percent of college students regretted their sexual decisions at least once. Out of the ones surveyed, almost 32 percent said that alcohol was involved when they did.
6.Of people aged 18-25, more individuals regretted having sex while having alcohol in their system than they did when it came to weed or ecstasy.
7. Women tend to participate in “non-traditional” sexual acts and masturbate more when they are intoxicated than when they are sober.
8. Although a small amount of alcohol in a woman’s system can arouse them sexually, high amounts will decrease it and can even make it harder for them to become naturally lubricated.
9. Alcohol increases the probability of having more sex partners for women.
10. Alcohol can make it more challenging for women to climax.
When you take all of this in, although I certainly appreciate how Lovehoney has brought to our attention that too much alcohol can make sex less physically pleasurable, as you can see, it can also make coitus more risky, potentially more dangerous and it can cause us to make some pretty unwise decisions, if we’re not careful as well.
And so honestly, this additional intel should further solidify why you should be uber cautious and super careful if you are going to bring alcohol into the picture when it comes to having sex with another person — again, especially if it’s recreational sex. Because even though intercourse, on average, lasts between 3-7 minutes (Google is right there), that small window of time can result in a lifetime of consequences that you may not wish to experience.
Besides, it’s not like sober sex doesn’t have its own benefits…
5 Benefits of Having Sex While You’re Completely Sober
GiphyYou know what’s interesting about the word “sober”? It doesn’t just mean that you aren’t drunk; it also means that you are “rational,” “self-controlled” and “level-headed” — and yes, when you are about to have sex with someone who you aren’t in a serious, long-term or exclusive sexual relationship with, it’s best that you are all of these things. Because while alcohol can initially make you feel like sexual activity will be more fun, sober sex has the following five proven things to offer.
1. You can better trust your decisions. Recently, I watched a video of four women who taped and posted themselves driving drunk. Moments later, all of them were ejected from the vehicle that they were in and only one survived (and she is in critical condition). Imagine if they could go back in time and go without having alcohol in their system before getting in that vehicle. SMDH.
When it comes to today’s topic, no matter what pop culture tries to tell you, any act that can potentially result in you conceiving or contracting something that doesn’t have a cure is serious as all get out. That’s why, especially when it comes to casual sex, you want to make sure that you go into the act as level-headed as possible — and you can only really do that if/when you are sober.
2. You can clearly articulate your needs and expectations. We’ve all seen a movie (or personally know someone) where a woman got tipsy and wanted to do certain sexual things; however, as alcohol began to affect her system even more, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go further or not. When you’re sober, it’s so much easier to articulate what you want/don’t want and what your expectations are. T
hat said, there are so many people who have sex-related regrets and a big part of the reason is because alcohol totally clouded their judgment and sometimes altered their thoughts and words. Definitely something to (always) keep in mind when it comes to consuming alcohol in the presence of others.
3. You’re more present. I also want to make sure that I touch on some of the things that prompted Lovehoney to come up with sobergasms in the first place. As far as the purely pleasurable side of sex goes, ask anyone who has a satisfying situation in their bedroom and I’m willing to bet that one thing that they will advise is to not overthink the experience and to remain in the moment.
When you’re intoxicated, your mind tends to be all over the place. When you’re sober-minded, it’s easier to remain focused.
4. Sex definitely tends to be more pleasurable. I’ve already shared with you that you are wetter and it’s easier for you to climax when you don’t have a lot of alcohol in your system. A part of the reason is that, since your brain is your biggest sex organ, it’s important to keep in mind that alcohol has a way of negatively affecting the communication pathways of your brain; when that happens, it can cause your moods to become erratic and you tend to become less coordinated too.
Not well-lubricated. Not climaxing. In a bad mood. Do those that sound like the keys to an awesome sexual experience? Right…absolutely not.
5. There is a lot less regret. Once you have sex with someone, you can’t take it back. That’s why it’s so important that you go into the act feeling like this is something that you really want to do (the person and the acts included); you significantly decrease the chances of you having this type of certainty when you’re not sober. And sexual regret can sometimes be one of the hardest things to get past.
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Sobergasms. Although there seem to be new terms that come up daily, one that I can definitely get behind is that. Because it encourages everyone to be sober-minded and sexually responsible in order to ultimately have a more fulfilling sexual experience.
And I will certainly raise a mocktail to that.
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