If someone were to ask you about the part of your body that you personally think you neglect the most, what would you say? For me, it wasn’t until I became intentional and proactive about taking care of my scalp that I realized that it’s easily in my top three (check out “10 Things Your Scalp Has BEEN Waiting For You To Do”).
The main thing that got me into the mindset of pampering my scalp more was that, when I got serious about growing longer hair, I realized that I couldn’t really accomplish that goal unless the foundation of my locks — my scalp — was in pristine condition. And y’all, that doesn’t “just happen” — quite a bit of effort has to go into having a clean, healthy, and thriving one.
Something that helps you to achieve that goal is learning as many facts about your scalp as you possibly can. And if it trips you out to know that your scalp ages six times faster than your face does, you are not alone, chile. I felt the same way when I first found that out.
So, now that your eyes are staring wide-eyed at your screen let’s learn more about why our scalp has a tendency to age in the way that it does, along with some hacks for how to slow down the aging process…for our overall hair and hair goal’s sake.
What Causes Your Scalp to Age? What Speeds Up the Process?
GiphyOkay, so when you get a sec, check out Verywell Mind’s article, “Your Body Gets Much Older at These Two Ages, Study Shows.” If you’re at work and skimming this, I’ll give you the ages off the rip: 44 and 60. I’m not anywhere close to 60; however, I am definitely past 44, and so, when I read this, I thought about if I recalled experiencing noticeable changes back then, as far as my scalp was concerned.
Honestly, it’s been over the past two years or so that it seems to be drier than usual, which has resulted in me having to purify it more (there are serums out here for that; scalp exfoliation can help with this, too) so that it doesn’t get so irritated. And yep, both of these are indications of a scalp that is sho ‘nuf aging.
See, because a lot of us tend to not provide our scalp with the consistent TLC that it needs, the neglect, along with the drop in collagen production and natural sebum that comes from our scalp and hair follicles — these are the things that play a direct role in our scalp becoming dehydrated at a faster pace than usual.
Not to mention the fact that if we’re still using chemicals on our hair, applying plenty of heat, and already dealing with other scalp-related issues like dry scalp, dandruff, or eczema — well, there you go: the perfect scalp aging storm.
If anything, keeping all of this in mind can actually serve as a PSA to ease up on some of your styling techniques, use a moisturizing shampoo, and apply a leave-in conditioner to slow down the aging process. Okay, but I’m getting a little ahead of myself. I’ll circle back to this part, in more detail, towards the end of this.
How an Aging Scalp Affects Your Hair
GiphyEven though I’m sure you get that your scalp is indeed the foundation of your hair, I do wonder if more of us took the time to really let that sink in, would we actually be better about taking good care of our scalp? For instance, did you realize that when your scalp is dryer or older, both your scalp and hair end up experiencing oxidative stress (which can cause your hair to gray faster), weaker hair follicles (which can lead to excessive hair shedding and hair loss) along with dull, thin and frizzy hair too?
So yes, you definitely should care about what state your scalp is in and do what you can to keep it from aging — especially prematurely aging — as much as possible.
5 Tips to Keep Some Youth in Your Scalp for Years to Come
GiphyNow that you know why an aging scalp is such a big deal if you’re ready to create the kind of scalp regimen that can help you to maintain a younger one for a longer period of time, here are some easy and practical things that you can do.
1. Take a multivitamin.
Since vitamin deficiencies are pretty prevalent in this country, it can never hurt to take a multivitamin as a nutrient supplement, especially since vitamin A helps your scalp to produce sebum, vitamin C helps your scalp to produce collagen, and zinc helps to strengthen your hair follicles. By taking a multivitamin, you can get all of these nutrients into your system with the help of one capsule or pill.
2. Use gentle products (most of the time).
A misconception that is easy to have is that if you use hair products a lot, you always need to use a hair-clarifying shampoo — you know, one that contains sulfates. The problem with that is sulfates are basically like a detergent for your hair. This means that, over time, they can strip moisture from your scalp, which can lead to dry scalp and brittle hair as well.
To prevent this from happening, it’s best to use a mild shampoo and a clarifying one no more than once every third wash day (at the most if you shampoo and condition your hair every 2-3 weeks) and definitely not on the days when you are planning to do a protein treatment (because those can dry out your hair too). The rest of the time, a milder shampoo that also contains softening ingredients like keratin, shea butter, amino acids, panthenol, and/or glycerin is going to be a much better bet.
3. Massage your scalp on a weekly basis.
Wanna decrease your stress (including oxidative stress) levels? Massage your scalp. Increase blood circulation to your hair follicles? Massage your scalp. Thicken your hair over time? Massage your scalp. Distribute sebum more evenly throughout your scalp? Massage your scalp.
When you add to this the fact that a scalp massage — even a quick DIY one — can also relieve tension headaches and migraines, whether it’s with your fingertips or an actual scalp massager, you’ll be doing your scalp (and body) good to devote 10-15 minutes, 2-3 times a week, to rubbing on your head a bit (tips for how to give yourself a proper scalp massage are here).
4. Apply peppermint or tea tree oil.
Speaking of scalp massages, if you want to keep bacteria off of your scalp so that it remains cleaner and healthier in between wash days, apply a few drops of peppermint or tea tree essential oil to a carrier oil like grapeseed or virgin olive oil to your massaging process.
If you warm up the oil blend first, it will provide an amazingly soothing effect, increase circulation even faster, and also promote healthy hair growth (peppermint oil) and/or prevent dandruff and psoriasis to your scalp (tea tree oil).
5. Try a scalp facial.
Imagine if you really did treat your scalp like you did the rest of your skin. If you did that, you would probablygive your scalp a facial from time to time. What exactly does that consist of? First, you would need to deep-cleanse your scalp (like with a clarifying shampoo). Then, you would need to (gently) exfoliate your scalp to remove any dead skin cells.
Next, you would need to apply the kind of serum that would provide it with lots of hydration to your scalp (there are some exampleshere). Finally, you would need tonourish your scalp with an oil like jojoba, rosemary, avocado, sweet almond, or lavender oil. Then, you’re done.
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There is nothing wrong with aging. Aging is a blessing. However, since our scalp ages so much faster than the rest of our skin, why not do your part to slow down the process — so that it can “age gracefully” and your hair can flourish in the process? Follow these tips, and you’ll be on your way to making that happen. I can almost guarantee it, sis.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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What Being The Villain In Someone Else’s Story Taught Me About True Authenticity
For the past few weeks, I’ve been rewatching Scandal on Hulu. This is my third rewatch but with so many twists, turns, and complexities, it feels like the first time all over again.
If you’ve ever watched Scandal, then you know that to some, Olivia Pope is the ultimate hero, cleaning up other people's messes and protecting those she loves. To others, she’s a fixer who lies, manipulates, and bends the law to get what she wants. What makes Olivia’s story so compelling is that even when she’s operating in her truth or protecting those closest to her, she often ends up being perceived as the villain.
Her intent is noble — she wants to keep her people safe — but her methods hurt those around her, whether she intends to or not.
Like Olivia, sometimes we think that hiding certain truths is an act of protection. We tell ourselves that it’s for the greater good, but the reality is that hiding from the truth only complicates things further. Olivia’s story shows us that you can’t be everything to everyone, and trying to do so often leads to pain on both sides.
And this isn’t just Olivia’s story — it’s mine too. I often sit around and reflect on moments where I was the villain in someone else’s story. Sometimes I was aware but chose to honor myself over the other person, and other times I had absolutely no idea I was being the villain until it was too late to do anything about it.
Why We Fear Being the Villain in Someone Else’s Story
When I was 15 years old, one of my best friends told me she no longer wanted to be my friend.
She detailed a list of offenses that ultimately led to her decision to end our 10-year friendship. I was devastated - mostly because I was completely unaware of how my actions made her feel. Since that day, I’ve been extremely cautious of how I operate in my relationships - not wanting to run another person away or hurt others unknowingly. For me, the fear of hurting others became intertwined with something deeper — how people see me.
I became so deeply obsessed with perception that it manifested into behaviors and habits rooted in inauthenticity.
For years, I’d say yes to things I really wanted to say no to. I’d find myself showing up faithfully to functions and outings that I hated and I would even engage in gossip or speak badly about people instead of speaking up because fitting in meant having friends.
I’ve tried to mold others’ views of me for years, but all it led to was frustration for everyone involved. It was exhausting for me, confusing for them, and left us all feeling disconnected.
The Intersection of Noble Intentions and Misunderstood Actions
Over the course of the next 15 years, I would have 4 or 5 more women end their friendships with me for various reasons. Another series of things I did, things I said, things I didn’t do, etc. Despite my desperate attempts to make people see me as the loyal, accommodating friend, I kept getting it wrong - giving people what I thought they wanted instead of being my true authentic self.
What I’ve learned is that trying to control what others think of you is exhausting. It’s a game you can never win because no matter how carefully you present yourself, people will form their own opinions either way.
There’s something unsettling about realizing that, despite our best intentions, we can still end up as the villain in someone else’s story. Whether it’s by speaking our truth or choosing silence, the choices we make can hurt those around us, even when we mean no harm.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes, being true to ourselves means that others will get hurt — and that’s okay, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
What 'Scandal' Taught Me About Authenticity
There is a scene in Scandal towards the very end of the series where Olivia Pope is standing with her team. She is wearing a black coat, hair blowing in the wind, and a concerned and vulnerable look on her face. It was right after her villain era where her desire to use her power for good was being overshadowed by her desire to be in power.
She isn't sure if she’s doing the right thing but she’s resolute in her attempt to be the good guy in her own story, even if that means being the villain in someone else's.
In a lot of ways, I was inspired by both versions of Olivia. The woman who wanted power so badly she was willing to do anything for it and the woman who stood in the light and made decisions for the benefit of others. There is a beautiful balance to be found between the two extremes.
Ultimately, after an intervention and a lot of inner dialogue, Olivia decides that in order to be the woman in the white hat, the woman she truly is, she would have to expose her actions and blow up an entire top-secret organization, even if it meant losing everything.
Letting Go of People-Pleasing to Find True Freedom
For me, friendships became the things I wanted to hold onto - instead of focusing on being a good friend, I was focused on having friends. With this realization, I was forced to make decisions about how I would show up in my relationships moving forward - even if I wasn’t sure how they would change.
My therapist and I started working on finding freedom through authenticity. This led to a year of several “friend transitions” as I call them. I started noticing patterns in my friendships that didn’t align with my desires for friendship.
The more I chose to speak up, show vulnerability, be honest, and walk in my true self, the more I noticed my friendships weren’t actually a good fit.
I had to choose - me or them; and this time, I decided to walk away from the friendships that no longer felt safe or authentic. I chose me. There’s a popular quote that says, “People won’t remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.” It resonates with me because I do care deeply about how I make people feel, but I don’t care as much anymore about what they think of me.
Feelings and thoughts don’t always align —and in many cases, they’re in direct conflict.
We live in a society that tells us to care deeply about what others think of us. And while there’s value in being mindful of your reputation, you don’t have to be a slave to it. There’s a fine line between awareness and obsession. True authenticity means accepting that not everyone will understand or like you — and that’s okay.
You can’t make everyone happy and you certainly can’t control how everyone sees you; but you can live in your truth, knowing that the right people will see you for who you truly are.
Being the villain in someone else’s story isn’t the end of the world. If your intentions are pure and your actions are genuine, then you’re living authentically, and that’s where real freedom begins.
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