October is a month of balance. With some energy moving direct and some energy moving retrograde, there is a middle ground to find this month between what is unfolding and what you are letting go. The month begins with Mercury officially moving out of retrograde and going direct in Virgo. Mercury this month is cleaning house and sprucing things up after the somewhat tyrant energy it’s brought over the past few weeks. Now that Mercury is direct, there is less interruption when it comes to daily flow and plans, and this is a good month to start setting things into motion.
On October 9th, there is a Full Moon in Aries, which is the Hunter’s Moon of the year. This Full Moon is cleaning what is in the way towards your direction and positive movement forward and is a time of building momentum. The Moon in Aries is feisty, and this is a passionate Full Moon. Both Pluto and Saturn go direct this month after being retrograde for the past few months. Pluto will be direct in Capricorn on October 8th and Saturn goes direct in Aquarius on October 23rd, what this means for the collective is fewer power struggles and more opportunities to come together.
Toward the end of the month, there is a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in Scorpio on October 25th, and it’s as magical as it sounds. This Solar Eclipse is a time of emotional rejuvenation and transformation, and new doors are opening. Jupiter retrograde in Aries moves into Pisces on October 28th and is taking some heat off fire and air signs, and impacting water and earth signs more now. Jupiter retrograde in Pisces asks you to check in with your modes of healing, spirituality, and emotional regulation and to make sure your beliefs are stronger than your doubts.
As the month comes to an end, the infamous Mars in Gemini transit makes some moves and goes retrograde from October 30th until January 12, 2023. Mars retrograde in Gemini is wildcard energy and it’s best to remain flexible with what’s occurring at this time. Things are up in the air and Mars is giving you the clarity on what to grab ahold of or where to redirect your energy. October is a time of new beginnings and a change of pace.
Aries Horoscope for October 2022
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are reaching a pinnacle of achievement this month, Aries. October is a month of evolution as you move into the next chapter in your life. You have been through a time of growth and have turned your challenges into stepping stones to your success. With Jupiter retrograde moving out of your sign this month, you are getting a weight lifted off your shoulders and a helping hand when you least expect it.
The Full Moon happening this month will be in your sign on October 9th. This Full Moon is a time of re-energizing your spirit, and renewal. Take some time for yourself this day, relax, and gather your strength. You deserve a moment to just be and breathe before you walk into the new doors that are opening for you now. This month is all about living in your empowerment and aligning with your synergy, Aries.
Taurus Horoscope for October 2022
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about getting out of your head and into the moment, Taurus. Your guidance for the month is to focus on the bigger picture, connect with the heart spaces, and take note of the gifts in your world. You are solving some puzzles in your life this month and coming to your own conclusions rather than letting anyone else form them for you. This is a month of learning more about where you stand and where you want to continue to plant your roots.
There is a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your opposite sign Scorpio before the month ends and this is an awakening time for you in love. You are gaining clarity on how your heart is expanding right now, by the reflection you are seeing in others. There is playfulness, love, and connection that wants to come into your life more this month but it’s all about perspective and seeing the opportunities in your life.
Gemini Horoscope for October 2022
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about reclaiming your power, Gemini. This month you are being reminded of the power you hold as a creator in your life, and that the value you hold for yourself, sends out energy externally. Use your time and energy wisely, and remember that you always deserve a seat at the table. With your ruling planet Mercury moving direct at the start of the month, you are moving through October with new experiences and wisdom unfolding for you.
Saturn officially moves direct on the 23rd the same day Scorpio Season begins, and travel plans, opportunities for adventure, and aligning with the higher self are all coming through for you. Mars in Gemini makes its significant transit at the end of the month and goes retrograde in your sign on October 30th until January 12, 2023, and you are entering a major growth spurt of learning more about yourself, your goals, and the direction you are headed right now.
Cancer Horoscope for October 2022
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThings are moving full speed ahead for you this month, Cancer. October is a month of opportunities for you, and you have the Midas Touch right now. This is the month to fuel your spirit, and to follow through on some dreams you have been looking to come to fruition. With Mercury officially moving out of retrograde at the beginning of the month, you are able to get the message across right now and are putting your best foot forward this month.
There is a Solar Eclipse happening in your fellow water sign, Scorpio, on the 25th, and this Solar Eclipse is opening up a new chapter in your life when it comes to your happiness. This Eclipse is here to highlight where your heart is, what is making you happy, and where you truly feel free in your life. With Jupiter retrograde moving into Pisces a few days later and into your 9th house of adventure, you are being guided to be flexible this month and remain open to the possibilities you encounter.
Leo Horoscope for October 2022
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a month of rejuvenation for you, Leo. After somewhat of a chaotic past few months, the fog is clearing and you are seeing things in a new light. This month is a time of being recognized for the beauty and creativity you inspire in this world and it’s about allowing yourself to receive love right now. You have given so much to others recently and this is beautiful, but this month you are being reminded to allow others to share that love with you as well.
The New Moon Solar Eclipse this month is happening in your 4th house of home, family, and foundations, and you are seeing breakthroughs here. Over the next six months, you are going to be entering a new stage of your life when it comes to those closest to your heart, and the places that make you feel at home. By the end of the month, Jupiter retrograde enters Pisces, and you are leaving the month thinking about the commitments that are being formed in your life at this time.
Virgo Horoscope for October 2022
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVirgo, this month is all about flying high and being the leader of your life. You are rising above any previous chaos or challenges that Mercury retrograde has brought into your life, and experiencing a new sense of freedom this month. With Mercury going direct on October 2nd and being direct in your sign until October 10th, you are entering the month seeing things come full circle and a positive change of pace in your life. There are less roadblocks on your journey moving forward, and things are flowing your way.
With the energy moving into Scorpio towards the second half of the month and the attention moving towards your house of communication, self-expression is key in October. This month you are getting the messages and answers you have been looking for, and it’s making it easier to communicate and express yourself. New connections are coming into your life this month, and these are situations you have been hoping for. Remember that you deserve to take up space this month, Virgo.
Libra Horoscope for October 2022
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour season is here, beautiful Libra, and this is your time! Libra Season is in full swing as you enter October, and with Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month after being retrograde in your sign and in Virgo, you out of most really benefit from this change of pace. The mind is clearing, opportunities are popping up, and plans are falling into place. There have been some adjustments and reworking in your life, but this month you are seeing how your plans and intentions have worked out for the best for everyone involved.
The Full Moon this month is happening in your opposite sign, Aries, on October 9th, and will be highlighting your 7th house of love. You are closing one chapter in this area of your life during the Full Moon, and preparing for the new. As you have been regrouping and gathering your strength, in mid-October you are ready to let go of anything holding you back from truly experiencing partnership, unconditional love, and everything you need in a relationship, and you are making space for new experiences in love.
Scorpio Horoscope for October 2022
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about balance for you, Scorpio. You have been learning a lot about perspective this year and how one thought can change things for you both positively and negatively, and this month you are experiencing the final lessons of this chapter. This is a month of being a master of your reality and creating the circumstances you want for yourself. There is a divine coming together happening in October, and there is a lot of beauty and magic to enjoy in your life this month as the energy moves into your sign.
Venus enters your sign and Scorpio Season also begins on the same day, on October 23rd. With the Sun and Venus coming together and shining just for you, you have a lot of love coming your way this month and you have taken the time over the past few months to clear your energy, making space to receive this love and empowerment in your life. Before the month ends there is a New Moon Solar Eclipse in your sign on October 28th, and you are experiencing major breakthroughs and epiphanies in your life.
Sagittarius Horoscope for October 2022
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is bringing a windfall of blessings into your life, Sagittarius. October is a special month for you as the intentions you have been setting come to fruition in your life and you gain a new sense of stability. One door opening is leading to many other positive experiences for you, and the more you keep up this energy in your life and believe you are worthy of this good, the more it can enter.
With Saturn officially going direct this month after being retrograde in the area of your life having to do with home and family over the past few months, you are finally getting the opportunities to ground your energy and spend peaceful time in your safe spaces. Find your center, and remember to reach out to others when you need to. At the end of the month, we have a New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 25th, and this time for you is all about healing, finding the middle ground, and releasing what doesn’t serve you in this next phase of life.
Capricorn Horoscope for October 2022
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you, Capricorn. You are at the beginning stages of some important chapters of your life, and this month is an opening to those experiences. Over the past few months with your ruling planet Saturn in retrograde, you have been cracked open and awakening to something beautiful. The vulnerability and grace you have shown yourself even through times when it was hard to see the light, is commendable.
Pluto has been retrograde in your sign since April 29th and finally goes direct this month on October 8th. You are going through the stages of rebirth as you get out of your shell more this month, and let the world see the growth you have been through. Instead of looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, you realized you were the light yourself, and October is about shining that light, Capricorn.
Aquarius Horoscope for October 2022
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month you are being guided to breathe, and take it one day at a time, Aquarius. This is a month of divine intervention, and situations are moving around to create a better circumstance for yourself. With Saturn moving Retrograde in your sign over the past few months, you’ve gotten a look at things from a higher perspective. Some adjustments and rebuilding were necessary, but you were able to live your life on your own terms rather than according to anyone else’s plan.
October is a month all about being the creator of your life and rewriting your story. With Saturn officially moving out of retrograde and going direct in Aquarius on October 23rd, you get to enjoy the benefits of task-master Saturn for the rest of the year, and there is a sense of achievement and empowerment with you moving forward. Use this month to finalize plans, tie up any loose ends, and get things sorted out.
Pisces Horoscope for October 2022
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a time of paving new paths for yourself in life, Pisces. With all of the activity going on in the sky this month, you are finding your way. Mercury retrograde officially goes direct at the beginning of the month, and you get a breath of fresh air in regards to love. Relationship matters start to move more smoothly over the month after a time of Mercury retrograde helping you gain the full picture here.
With a New Moon Solar Eclipse in fellow water sign Scorpio happening this month, you are seeing some massive changes in your life as you move more into the month. The Solar Eclipse happening in October will be moving through your 9th house of adventure and some big plans and intentions you have set for the year are being seen through at this time. Your guidance for the month is to stay focused on what you are creating, and believe in yourself.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And that is why I decided to put emphasis on the word “late” for today’s topic. Because if you and someone break up and they approach you, well after the fact, with an “I’m sorry,” if you struggle with whether or not to accept it due to the timing of it all, you should definitely ponder that a bit.
And as you’re doing so, it might help to read a bit deeper into what an apology should look and live like, even from an ex, regardless of when it shows up.
Your “late.” Or his right on time.
Three Things That a True Apology Consists Of
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that when you work as a therapist/counselor/coach, a lot of people never really see you as human — and this can include your close relationships. What I mean by that is, it’s almost like they expect you to be free on-call therapy to the point where they “forget” to actually check on you sometimes.
Such is the case with one of my longest-running friendships. Even during the weeks between losing my mother and losing $4K (SMDH), she would just keep calling me to vent about her marriage. I finally got so fed up that I brought it to her attention that for the past couple of years, that is exactly what our friendship has been like: her venting, me listening without her being very invested in my life at all. In response, she texted me an apology — and boy, was it beautiful.
I’m not going to share the details of what she said; however, I am going to tell you three things that it consisted of because it’s what I believe ALL APOLOGIES should entail.
1. She took full ownership for what she believed that she did. I framed this point in this way because, something that everyone needs to forever keep in mind is the fact that two people start and, to a large extent, end relationships — and what I mean by that is, it’s never like one person was perfect and the other was the villain. That said, though, when someone is making an apology to another individual, they are going to own their part and articulate what that part is. It’s not gonna be a simple “My bad.”
It’s going to be “I am really sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me” or “I apologize for taking you for granted” — something that sounds like they get the “offense” that transpired. By doing this, they recognize their missteps — and that is what puts people on the road to not repeating them.
2. She did not deflect or gaslight me. You know what one of the worst apologies are: It’s when someone says they are sorry and then follows it up with, “But you do it too” or “If you hadn’t done ‘A’, I wouldn’t have done ‘B.'” Justifying your actions is a surefire way to make someone believe that you don’t really think that you did something wrong (or that bad) in the first place. And really, how can they trust you (again) if that is how you feel? Oh, and don’t get me on gaslighting.
Ugh, ain’t nothing like someone claiming that they want to set things right with you, only to act like they don’t really get where you are coming from with the issues y’all were having in the first place. A good gaslight line in an apology: “If that is what you think happened, I apologize.” Yeah, you can keep that, jack. Never accept this kind of apology — because it isn’t one.
3. She addressed why she needed to make the apology in the first place. Wanna know one of the main reasons why I don’t trust people who don’t believe in having regrets (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”)? Did you know that apology means “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” How, as a human, do you think that you are out here not making any mistakes or poor decisions that you sometimes need to APOLOGIZE for? That is just…insane.
And one of the reasons why apologies are important is because if you feel bad about “failing” someone, it’s usually because you value them enough to want to keep them around. And yes, in my friend’s apology, she also explained why she didn’t want me to feel hurt in the way that she had hurt my feelings and what she would do to prevent that from happening in the first place.
So y’all, with all of this out of the way, before getting deeper into this topic? If an ex is hitting you up to apologize to you for something, please make sure that he hits all three marks of a true apology.
Now let’s keep going.
A Genuine Apology Should Also Include an Amends
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made.” You know how I mentioned a second ago that a solid apology has no gaslighting in it? Hmph. Ain’t it wild how someone can do something that hurts or harms you and yet, they want you to just “hurry up and get over it”? GASLIGHTING.
Someone in my family, after unpacking years of abuse that I experienced at their hand, they had the nerve to say, “I’m not going to keep apologizing to you for this.” Hmm…Okay. So, how about you let me give you a consistent three months’ worth of the years of mistreatment that I experienced from you and then flippantly throw an apology your way. Let’s see how you feel about it. How much you believe that I am being genuine and sincere.
Listen — and please hear me GOOD on this: when someone really gets the magnitude of the pain or discomfort and inconvenience that they caused, they aren’t going to be fine with just saying that they are sorry for it; they are going to ask you what they can do to set things right.
It’s actually a part of the reason why I named the four children who I aborted (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”) because I do have some real remorse for those decisions. Each of their names have an intentional meaning and I strive to leave out their purpose, through those names, on a daily basis. It’s a small way of making amends.
You know, back when my first book came out, my first love reached out, via email, to send me an apology. The apology hit most of the points that I mentioned earlier. Looking back, there wasn’t an offer to make an amends, though, and trust me, there was A LOT to make up for.
At the end of the day, amends means “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense” and while none of us should use bitterness, resentment or emotional stagnation as the “bar” for which we should expect amends to be made, if you’re trying to figure out just how sincere an ex is with their apology, if they want to do something to make things better, that’s a good sign.
There is a caveat, though.
Discern the Motives. Always.
GiphyEarlier this summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “What's Your Motive For Sex? (It Reveals A Lot. Trust Me.)” Then, a few weeks ago, I wrote another article entitled, “As Cuffing Season Steadily Approaches, What The Heck Is 'Winter Coating'?” and boy, when I tell you that both of these complement this point really well? Goodness.
If you’ve never heard of the dating trend known as winter coating before, it’s basically when an ex creeps back up around cuffing season — and if you know what cuffing season is all about, you can absolutely connect the very probable motives behind those dots.
Now can there be exceptions? There are ALWAYS exceptions. Still, if you haven’t heard from your ex in years and here he comes a couple of weeks before Christmas, unless the two of you got together or broke up around the holidays, stay on potential “winter coating alert,” because it might not be about “building bridges” so much as getting into your bedroom.
That said, if it’s been a minute (six months or more) since you’ve heard from an ex and he suddenly reaches out to apologize, absolutely take out a moment to discern the motive — and shoot, feel fine with even asking what is causing him to make the move…now. If it’s in the spirit of the holidays and wanting to go into a new year with a clean slate, got it. If it’s because he’s been in therapy and realizes that he didn’t end certain things in his past very well, understood. If it’s because he didn’t like how the two of you broke up and he wants to try and make peace, that’s fair.
On the other hand, if you sense that he wants to rekindle something (check out “Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'” and “I'm Thrilled That Ryan Destiny & Keith Powers Are Back Together. 5 Things Before Reuniting With Your Ex, Tho.” and “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”) — although that’s kind of another article for another time, do check that motive.
When someone apologizes, you should really be the only focus for them; not what they can get out of it on the back end. Listen, even if he hopes to get back with you (or back in bed with you), that shouldn’t be something that is discussed during the apology. If it is said or even implied, something about HIS MOTIVE is disingenuous. And if that is indeed the case, to a valid extent, so is he.
We All Should Give the Grace and Mercy That We Desire
GiphySooner than later, I’m going to write an article about forgiveness (beyond what I already have here). For now I’ll just say that if you are someone who thinks that other people don’t deserve forgiveness? That is either your pain or your ego talking and, either way, you can’t trust “their” judgment.
All of us mess up sometimes and if you are a karma (or you reap what you sow) believer, then you absolutely should want to extend others grace and mercy so that you can receive it in your own time of need (and you are absolutely delusional if you think a time won’t come, sooner than you probably think, that you will need it).
Besides, do you know all of the self-inflicted drama and trauma that comes from NOT forgiving others: higher blood pressure, insomnia, stress, anxiety, the higher risk of a heart attack, a weakened immunity, a greater risk for depression and anxiety — whatever he did, is it really worth all of this? Yeah, while a lot of people think that weaponizing forgiveness is empowering, really all it’s doing is putting themselves in harm’s way. Physically. Emotionally. SPIRITUALLY: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — NKJV)
By the way, no one is saying that forgiving that man means that you have to allow him back into your life. After all, access is a privilege. Yet if he comes to you and acknowledges that he feels sorry for some things, for the sake of your own sanity, why not let him express it? Don’t wanna meet up or talk on the phone? Understood. Email and/or text are there for the taking. Don’t want to go back and forth? Who said that it needs to be a discussion or a debate?
All I know is, the more time you spend on this planet, the more you want to put out the energy that you want to come back. Forgiving others tends to make life easier. Not forgiving? Oh, the way that it boomerangs, sometimes in ways you never saw coming, chile. Dodge that kind of experience (and typically hard life lesson) if you can.
Yes, Better Late than Never
GiphyToo late to apologize. Yeah, I don’t really know if there is such a thing (because forgiving and reconciling are not one in the same and some of y’all will catch that later). I’ll wrap this up with a story to prove my point.
Once upon a time, I knew a woman who was in a serious relationship and yet, whenever her boyfriend would bring up the possibility of marriage, she would stall him out. When I finally asked her what her deal was, she explained that she still harbored so much pain from the man before him that she didn’t fully trust that he was the real deal. About five months later, here came her ex with a thorough explanation for why he made some of the decisions that he did while they were together. Now that she had the full story, she was able to heal. She got married to her boyfriend that following year.
You see where I am going with this? Although your ex’s apology might be “late” as far as y’all’s relationship timeline, the timing may be BRILLIANT when it comes to true when and why you actually need it. Yeah, a Scripture that I adore is “Timing is the Father’s business” (Acts 1:7 — Message) and sometimes those apologies, in the grand scheme of things, are more on time than you could ever imagine; they’re when God deems you need them not when you want to have them.
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It is Oprah Winfrey who once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience” and sis, if you remove the bitterness and anger and look deeper, there were valuable lessons, even in and from the most challenging relationships. And that is worth appreciating through forgiveness and, if need be, full and complete release.
Bottom line, should you accept an ex’s late apology? Absolutely.
What better way to illuminate your present on a whole ‘nother level.
Just as forgiveness always does.
TRUST ME.
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