It's funny how you can go from living your best life without a care in the world, to hitting rock bottom in one fell swoop.
In May of 2017, that's what happened to me.
For roughly a year and a half, I seemingly had all I ever wanted out of my young adult life. I was a wide-eyed, New York City transplant with nothing but ambition and opportunities within arm's reach. Not only did I have the fancy advertising gig with a buzzing social life to go along with it, but I was blessed to find a hip apartment in Bed-Stuy of which I had always dreamed. To sum it up, nothing could stop me.
Or so I thought.
Clearly, life had another plan for me because within just a week, everything was snatched right from under my feet.
I went from living a functionally independent lifestyle, to not having a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Before I knew it, I was back at home, living with my sister in the small town I called home.
In the last year and a half, I've experienced changes in my finances, career, and even relationships that took a major hit to my confidence. If you've ever experienced shifting from having the ability to create a means for yourself, to suddenly having to rely on the grace of others, you may understand how humbling this change can be.
At some point or another, we all may experience a season where we fall on hard times or have to make major adjustments to the life we once knew. In most cases, it's not by choice, a result of "laziness," or the lack of ambition. Sometimes, unfortunate things happen to even the hardest working of people. That's life.
In my experience, it wasn't necessarily money and a handout from my friends and family. What I needed the most was for my loved ones to be kind and loving to me during that rough transitional period in my life. It's easy to say that someone "isn't doing enough" when they don't get back on their feet in record time, but everyone's path is different. Take it from me.
To say the least, your "broke" friends need love, too. Here's where you can start:
Be Patient.
When you have a friend or loved one who has fallen on hard times, practicing patience with them is the kindest and most gracious thing you can do. You don't always know what God is doing in that season of their life, so rushing them won't make things turn around any faster. Someone who is experiencing a life shift like losing a job or being homeless can be affected on a mental and emotional level. They can go through depression or even withdraw from those around them and it's in those moments when they're going to need a friend and a sister more than ever. Be kind. If you see them slipping, give them a gentle nudge; but don't pry.
Give Only If You Can.
When dealing with a friend who has fallen on hard times, there will be moments when they may look to you for some assistance. It's completely up to you whether or not you want to supply your friends with funds, but in the case you do, no loans. Think about it: if you have a friend who is struggling financially, what is the logic in having them owe you when they didn't have the means to begin with? We don't want to add more debt to their name, now do we? Only give if it's not going to put you in a bind and you're confident that you can go without that particular amount of money without needing it back, ever.
Alley-oop.
There's nothing sweeter than having a friend open the door for another friend – both figuratively and literally. In fact, there's nothing wrong with a little nepotism if you have a sound understanding of your friend's character and work ethic. If you know your job has an opening that your friends would be a good fit for, use your leverage to pass their name along to HR. Even if you don't know of any opportunities, keeping the line of communication open by being a go-to reference for a friend during the tedious application process is a big deal. This will show them that you're in their corner and want them to win!
Love for Free.
We all want to live a little and have a good time, but it can be a bummer to miss out on social activities simply because you can't afford it. Although you have the right to spend your hard earned cash the way you darn well please, every now and again, it's nice to mix things up a bit so that you can include your "broke" friend. Try to incorporate some free fun or low-cost activities into the equation. Check out free events at the museum like "First Fridays," catch up over a cup of coffee on a discount day, or even use a Saturday night for an evening of binge-watching a new Netflix series (I heard Manic was good). Get creative. The coin-saving possibilities are endless and your friend will appreciate you all the more for it.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert