August is impactful. This is a month where it’s all or nothing, and a lot is changing and coming to fruition right now. Focus on the energy you are giving out and the energy you are receiving, and work with the divine alchemy in your life to manifest. Powerful things can happen to you this month, and this is the time to set your intentions for them. The month begins in Leo Season and with Venus making its retrograde transit through this bright fire sign. Under this influence, love is a big factor in the changes that are occurring right now, and new energy is being created here. August, overall, is an important time of the year when a new page is being turned.
August 2023 Horoscopes
On the first day of the month, there is a Supermoon in Aquarius. This is the Sturgeon Moon of 2023, and this time is all about connection. Emotionally rejuvenate, let go of separation, and allow yourself to connect deeper to others and the world on another level. Focus on what brings YOU closer to others and your dreams rather than apart from them. On August 16th, there is a New Moon in Leo, and this New Moon is bringing in some happiness, some creativity, and a whole lot of love. This New Moon is all about having confidence in yourself and showing up. Don’t count yourself out right now, and be a little more courageous with your dreams and with how you can express yourself.
Virgo Season begins on August 23rd, and in true Virgo fashion, we are forced with some hard truths on the same day, as Mercury goes retrograde in Virgo as well. Virgo Season altogether is an opportunity to straighten things out, organize the details, and connect to your higher self. Virgo doesn’t put up with what doesn’t feel right, and Virgo Season is often a time when people are cleaning house. With Mercury retrograde in this earth sign in the midst of it all until September 15th, there could be a sense of feeling more pressure to have it all together.
Remember, it’s about progress and not perfection right now, and sometimes just the clarity needs to be enough until you can do more.
On August 27th, Mars enters Libra, and new connections are being built. With the Sun in Virgo and Mars in Libra, two very selfless signs, there is a lot of love and support flowing through the world. Mars in Libra is a reminder to have balance in life and love and to prioritize what and who is important to you. Uranus goes retrograde in Taurus this month from the 28th until January 27, 2024, and Uranus retrograde brings the shock factor. This rebel planet makes changes in the spur of the moment, and in Taurus, a lot of these surprises come to be financial. Uranus in Taurus isn’t afraid to take risks, but Uranus retrograde in Taurus is a reminder to be careful with financial impulses and to make sure you will still have stability through any unexpected changes that may arise.
What’s interesting about August 2023 is that two Full Moons are happening this month. The second one is a Full Moon in Pisces, on August 30th. This Full Moon is the Blue Moon of 2023 and is another Supermoon. With all of this powerful energy moving through the cosmos this month, at the end of August, some major closures are presenting themselves, ones that provide more space emotionally to receive greater blessings. The Blue Moon is about trusting the guidance of your soul.
As the month comes to an end, August is a great month to look back on when it comes to when things started making sense and when things changed for the better.
August 2023 Horoscopes For Every Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about getting out of your comfort zone, Aries. You have been through a time of rejuvenation and contemplation and may have even been secluding yourself from others altogether. In August, you are ready to spread your wings and fly. With a Full Moon happening in your friendship sector on August 1st, right as the month begins, it’s time to close that chapter of your life of feeling like you had to do it all on your own and open up to the community and support around you.
There is a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Leo, on the 16th, and this New Moon will be highlighting the happy areas of your life. Write a list of gratitude and set your intentions for passion projects you want to see through over the next month, and also what new beginnings you are looking for in love right now. Before the month ends, Mars enters your 7th house of partnership, and you are motivated to connect. The main theme for you this month is working together with others.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are free, Taurus. August is reminding you of this truth. This month is about releasing yourself from the restrictions you have been feeling in your life and healing the mind. Overthinking has been making things stagnant in your life, and you are ready to break free from this energy this month. The Full Moon at the beginning of the month on the 1st will help your confidence renew and will be reminding you of the accomplishments you have already made.
On August 23rd, Mercury goes retrograde in fellow earth sign Virgo and will be retrograde in your 5th house of romance, hobbies, passion, creativity, and happiness. Over the next few weeks, you are on a journey of finding your happiness in a new way and connecting to the heart space. The old ways of relating and connecting to your passions may not be resonating right now, and this is your opportunity to redefine what lights you up and then move more toward that energy.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleAugust is about moving on, Gemini. You have been through a lot emotionally, and you are ready to let this heaviness go. The month begins with a Full Moon in your 9th house of adventure, and right as you enter the month, you have your eyes set on the horizon. You are feeling inspired, but it’s okay to take things at the pace you are comfortable with right now, as it’s been a difficult start. Remind yourself this month, deep breaths in, deep breaths out.
Mid-month, there is a New Moon in Leo that will be moving through your 3rd house of communication. Expect some important conversations to be had this month and the revelations to be plentiful. Mid-August is a good time to set your intentions for how you want to move through the world, express yourself, and who you want to connect with. Before August comes to a close, your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde, and over the next few weeks, you will be going over some things when it comes to your home life, family, and foundations.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a time of making things happen for yourself, Cancer. You have your eyes set on the path ahead, and you have a lot of energy with you in August. With the Sun in your 2nd house of income, investments, and value systems right now, you are making important plans and are working on your long-term goals. This is the month to be fearless, powerful, and be you, Cancer.
On August 16th, a New Moon is happening in the same area the Sun and Venus retrograde currently are in your chart. You are using your time and energy wisely as you have been realizing, now more than ever, how valuable they are. Focus on new beginnings financially, set your intentions for abundance, and pay attention to what your intuition is telling you. Mercury goes retrograde in your 3rd house of communication a week later, and you could be feeling more misunderstood over the next few weeks. This is happening for you to gain more clarity on who you are and to have the confidence to express that more freely.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleAugust is a powerful month for you, Leo. You are walking into the month with Leo Season in full swing and so much to learn. The culminations and insights you have been looking for are coming through for you, but they may not be as glamorous as expected. Take your time with what is being revealed to you, as it will all make sense the further you go into the month. On August 1st, the Full Moon in your 7th house of love will be inspiring you to build deeper connections and to cross that bridge.
The New Moon happening this month will be in your sign on the 16th. This New Moon is all about you, and the Moon is shining its healing power on your lioness self. This New Moon, you are seeing things differently, including yourself, and are focused on bringing more love into your life. On August 23rd, Leo Season comes to a close, and Mercury goes retrograde. This Mercury retrograde for you is a time to plan wisely, handle your finances, and go over the details thoroughly. Mercury will be retrograde in a financial zone of your chart, and these matters should be examined during this time.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou can do this, Virgo. August is about creating breakthroughs in your life, and you are doing so. You are overcoming the roadblocks that have been placed in front of you and are claiming your blessings right now. Mars is in your sign for most of this month, and you are passionate about your personal progress. A lot is happening for you in August, as this is when Virgo Season begins, and you are stepping up to the plate and telling the universe that you are ready.
On August 16th, there is a New Moon in your 12th house of closure, and this is when you are really starting to see the past behind you and the new even closer than before. You have healed, you have learned, and you are ready to be free. On August 23rd, Virgo Season begins, and it’s your time to shine. This Virgo Season will be a little different, though, as Mercury will go retrograde in Virgo on the same day. Mercury retrograde for you will be about getting to know yourself better, and self-love is the priority right now.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecolePerspective is everything in August, Libra. There is a lot of emotional energy you are moving through this month, and as a more mental sign, this can feel like a lot for you. If you can focus more on the gifts in your world rather than what feels like it’s falling apart, you can rebuild more than what you feel has been lost. The Full Moon happening on August 1st will be in a fellow air sign, and you will be given an opportunity to flow with more synergy, let go of past hurts, and honor your happiness.
On August 16th, there is a New Moon in your house of friendships, and you are feeling more connected, loved, and in tune with your people mid-month. You are turning the page on disappointment and are ready to capture more of the joy others are bringing into your life right now. Before the month ends, Mars enters your sign on the 27th, and with Mars in your sign, you will have the passion, vigor, and energy to see things through that you once felt were weighing you down. A shift of power is happening for you this month, and it’s allowing you more freedom to be, to love, and to be happy most of all.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleAugust is an enlightening month for you, Scorpio. You are reaching new heights, inspiring others, and your spirit is moving through a renewal. There are a lot of exciting moments happening for you this month, and one good thing is leading into another. The Full Moon happening on August 1st will allow you to close a chapter when it comes to finding your ground, growing new roots, and emotionally regulating. You are walking into the month with less emotional baggage and more creative freedom.
Mercury goes retrograde this month on the 23rd and will be retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with your aspirations, dreams, friendships, and community. You could be feeling like your dreams are being put on the back burner for the time being or like you have to rethink some of them. Once Mercury goes direct, you will have a better idea of what you want and how to get there. Uranus goes retrograde this month as well and in your partnership sector, so it’s best to flow with change when it comes to others rather than fight it. You are discovering new truths in August.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are feeling things through this month, Sagittarius. August is an emotional time for you, and one where you are feeling more nostalgic than usual but also feeling more excited than what’s been as well. You are someone who typically focuses on either the future or the present, but right now, you are honoring the past you have been through to be here. On the first day of this month, there is a Full Moon, and this Full Moon will give you that clarity and divine insight you have been looking for.
The New Moon on the 16th is happening in fellow fire sign Leo, and this is the time of the month when you are feeling more adventurous and spontaneous. This is a good time to travel or set your intentions for travel plans as you discover some new inspirations right now. The second Full Moon of the month is on August 30th, and this Full Moon will allow you to find stability within what you were communicating at the beginning of the month and the declarations you have been making altogether.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe world is yours, Capricorn. New opportunities are coming into your life, and you are feeling more inspired than ever. This is an exciting time for you and one when you are unfolding the magic in your life. As you move into the month, ask yourself, “How good could it really get for me right now?” The New Moon happening on the 16th is a door opening into the divine, spiritual, and emotionally transforming experiences that can lead you to your manifestations.
On August 23rd, Mercury goes retrograde in Virgo and does so in your 9th house of travel, adventure, education, and the higher mind. Take this time to develop your mind, learn something new, connect with different types of people, and think about the big picture. If you plan on traveling over the next few weeks, look things over thoroughly, and most importantly, have patience. There is a Full Moon happening on the 30th before the month ends, and this will bring things into perspective before moving forward again.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe seeds you have been planting are showing fruition, Aquarius. You have had to have a lot of patience with what you are bringing to life right now, and this month is a reminder that it was all worth it. The month starts with a Full Moon in your sign, and you are emotionally feeling like a different person than you were a year ago. You are wrapping up a major cycle in your life this month and are preparing for a rebirth. August is giving you many gifts, clarity on thy self, the most important one.
On August 16th, there is a New Moon in your sister sign, Leo, and this New Moon is opening up new doors for you in love. Set your intentions for your relationships during this New Moon, and make love the focus right now. Mars moves into Libra before the month ends and enters your house of adventure. This month has been a lot about patience and perseverance, and when Mars makes this transit on the 28th, you feel creative, inspired, and courageous.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleAugust is a game of balance, Pisces. There are things you are letting go of, and new beginnings you are walking into as well. There is so much to see, so many places to be, and love to be felt, and you are doing it all this month. On August 1st, the Full Moon will be allowing you to let go of what’s been keeping you away from you, and you are honoring what you have learned in the process. You are walking into this month ready for whatever comes your way.
Mercury goes retrograde in your opposite sign, Virgo, on the 23rd, and this retrograde will be about love. You are learning more about yourself through your relationships with others and may be going through some growth spurts in love. Open communication will heal, and the bonds that are meant for you will only strengthen at the end of this transit. Before the month ends, there is a Full Moon in your sign, and you are walking away from what no longer serves you. You have learned a lot about yourself, and nothing is stopping you from being the person you want to be.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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