I already know. Some of y’all read the title of this and was like, “How does that even make sense?” Oh, believe you me, there can be someone who you are definitely attracted to, who you connect with on a billion levels, where the sexual chemistry is totally off the charts — and yet, when it comes to intercourse, your vagina is on some "Do we really have to?"
It can be for a few different reasons. His penis size might take some adjusting to. His sperm/semen may throw your pH balance off. You might end up with a yeast infection or UTI (urinary tract infection) on a semi-consistent basis. Uh-huh, now do you see how you can enjoy coitus and still experience — let’s call them “technical difficulties” as far as your vagina goes at the same time?
If this has been your plight and you’ve been scouring the internet in order to get some much-needed (literal) relief, here are 12 things that may be able to get you, your partner, and your vagina on the same page, as far as experiencing consistently pleasurable copulation is concerned.
1. Bring in Some Lubrication
GiphyLet’s begin with something that can kill two birds with one stone — umm, so to speak. Whether your issue is that your man’s size is a lot to handle or either the friction of the sex or the inability to get as wet as you would like is resulting in you ending up with a UTI, invest in some lubrication. The wetter you are, the better sex will feel, and the less irritated your vagina will be.
The real hack is to get the kind that is as close to the pH level of your vagina (which should be somewhere around 4.5) as possible. Word on the street is that silicone-based ones can help you out in this department. By the way, saliva can also throw your pH balance off, which is why some people use things like dental damns. Just something to keep in mind as far as oral activity goes.
2. Use Condoms
GiphyIf it’s been a minute since you’ve had sex (check out “What Actually Happens To Your Vagina During Seasons Of Abstinence?”) or you’re about to change (or add) sex partners, there are many reasons why you should use a condom — one of them being that bacteria or sperm/semen definitely has the potential to throw your vagina’s pH level off as well which can lead to a yeast infection.
Not to mention the fact that men can get yeast infections and sometimes they are asymptomatic. This means that if you don’t want to be passing one of those bad boys back and forth to each other, a rubber can serve as a barrier for that.
3. Consume More Probiotics. Eat Less Sugar.
GiphySpeaking of bacteria, another thing that you can do to decrease the chances of bad bacteria overtaking the good kind that’s in your va-jay-jay, be intentional about taking a probiotic and consuming foods that are filled with probiotics. Also, try to eat less sugar. Probiotic-enriched foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, fish sauce, and fermented veggies will give you more good bacteria. The reason why sugar is an enemy of your vagina is because that is what feeds bad bacteria and yeast.
4. Have Your Partner Give You a Perineal Massage (with a Twist)
GiphyAs a doula, I know quite a bit about perineal massages. Basically, it’s all about having your partner put some oil or lubricant on one or two of their fingers before using them to gently massage your perineum (the skin that is in between your vaginal opening and your anus) in order to decrease your chances of tearing while giving birth. Well, if you want to prepare yourself for sex after going without for a long period of time or before engaging with a larger partner, this type of massage could help you out, too.
The reason why I didn’t just call this good old-fashioned fingering is because if a part of what you want to partake in is anal sex, it can be wise to not just stretch your vagina but that piece of skin as well. Just make sure that if you plan on using a condom, you go with a water or silicone-based lubricant only. Oils will dissolve the potency of latex.
5. Invest in a Vaginal Dilator
GiphyI’m actually kind of surprised that vaginal dilators don’t come up more in sex-related articles. If you’ve never heard of them before, they are tube-like devices that are made out of plastic or medical-grade silicone that can help to stretch out your vagina, make it more flexible, and reduce discomfort during intercourse (especially if yours is related to having some sort of issues with your pelvic floor).
In fact, if you’re in the latter stages of perimenopause or you’re post-menopausal and sex has not been as pleasurable for you because of symptoms that are directly associated with that, a vaginal dilator might be able to offer up some relief.
For the record, you can typically purchase them at local drugstores (and online); however, you might want to run this decision by your doctor first, just so they can discuss any potential challenges/issues that you should know about (since they have your medical history).
6. Take Some Ibuprofen Before Sex
GiphyThis tip right here is a bit of a double-edged sword because whiletaking an over-the-counter pain reliever like ibuprofen an hour or so before having sex can help to reduce pain and inflammation to your vagina (if that has been an issue in the past),some studies say that men who take these same meds can potentially increase their chances of experiencing some level of erectile dysfunction.
That said, since the article today is focusing on our body parts, yes, this is somewhat of an effective hack, especially if you also soak in a warm bath prior to getting some.
7. Urinate Right After Sex
GiphyIf you’ve always wondered if you really should make it a point and practice to pee after having sex, the short answer is yes. Although nothing is going to blow up if you don’t, the reason why it’s a good idea is it can help to flush bacteria out of your urethra which can, in turn, lower your chances of experiencing a UTI.
8. Extend the Foreplay
GiphyI don’t think one woman on this planet is shocked thatmost ladies would prefer more foreplay before sex. As far as how long that should be, some studies state thatsomewhere around 20 minutes is good. That said, all of us are different, and, keeping in line with being wetter making sex better theme, if you need more time with “the appetizer” before the “main course” —tell your partner that. When it comes to less friction, more comfort, and ultimately more satisfying sex, longer foreplay might just be all that you need.
9. Stay on Top
GiphyYou probably already know this; still, I’m adding it in for safe measure. If you want to be able to better control the speed, motion, and depth of your partner when it comes to intercourse, opt for being on top. It will feel more comfortable to you, and I don’t know any man who doesn’t like to get a full view of what his partner has to offer when she’s on top of him. It’s a win for everyone involved.
10. Sign Up for Some Pelvic Floor Therapy
GiphyIf no matter what you do, you seem to experience some level of discomfort during sex, you might want to look into getting some pelvic floor therapy. It is a literal form of physical therapy that can help to strengthen the muscles in your pelvic region. If you’re interested in learning more about this, you can search for pelvic floor therapists who are in your area here.
11. Have Some Diflucan on Tap (Just in Case)
GiphyAlthough a lot of these tips are all about taking preventative measures, what should you do if you already have a yeast infection that’s tied to sex (and you know that for sure)? If you don’t want to go through the (sometimes) drama of scheduling a doctor’s appointment, there are sites now that will prescribe antifungal meds like Diflucan online.
Wisp is one that I definitely know does, along with medication for bacterial vaginosis (BV), UTIs, and genital herpes, too. Just fill out a form, and a doctor will follow up online. If they feel that you are a good candidate, they will send a prescription to a pharmacy in your area (of your choosing), and you can go pick up and pay there — sometimes all within the same day.
12. Get Tested for a Potential Sperm/Semen Allergy
GiphyAlthough actually being allergic to sperm/semen is not hella common (reportedly around 40,000 women in this country are), it is a real thing. So, if after having unprotected sex, you experience incessant burning and/or itching, hives, lip and/or tongue swelling, nausea, or diarrhea, it’s important that you see your physician. Although this kind of allergy is not particularly “dangerous,” it can be super uncomfortable.
Plus, it can make it harder for you to conceive a child (if that is something that you and your partner are trying to do). As far as treatment goes, to a certain extent, it varies. However, a prescription-strength antihistamine may be what your healthcare provider recommends for you.
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Gee, I certainly hope that these tips help. Because while having sex with someone who you dig is wonderful, it is so much better when your vagina “gets along” with him too. Feel me? Exactly.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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The desire to transform and start fresh that often comes with the beginning of the new year and the subsequent shedding of old skin can also have you questioning where exactly to begin in your attempts to reinvent yourself. According to Dr. Kim Foster, M.D., the journey to reinvention and changing your life starts with the very foundational shift of changing your identity.
"The secret to true transformation isn’t in setting more goals or working harder or even changing your environment. Those things can help, but they are not the core of what actually drives change. The real key is your identity. It’s who you believe you are at your core," Dr. Foster said in a video uploaded to YouTube entitled "The Ultimate Guide to Reinventing Yourself in 2025." To her, "behavior follows identity," and the most important work in reinvention lies not in what you do but in who you become.
With Dr. Foster's insights in mind, the following list of reinvention micro tips is designed to cut through the online noise and focus on actionable steps that align with the deeper work of becoming the person you need to be to truly reinvent yourself.
1.Define and visualize:
Delmaine Donson/Getty ImagesReprogramming your mindset starts with seeing yourself differently and visualization is a powerful tool to usher in that transformation. By defining your future self in vivid detail, you create a blueprint for the person you are becoming. Visualization techniques allow you to practice embodying that version of yourself before the external shifts happen, bridging the gap between who you are now and who you want to be. Some visualization techniques include:
The understanding here is that the more you see it, the more you’ll believe it, and with time, the more you’ll become it.
2.Create an identity board:
If you want to know want to know what an identity board is, it's like a vision board, but better. While vision boards are known for their ability to help you focus on external aspirations and goals, identity boards are great tools to use that help you delve deeper than what's outside of yourself. Instead, it helps you better align with the values, traits, and mindset of the dream identity you are working toward.
As Peace Immam shared in her YouTube video, an identity board can be a transformative tool for reprogramming your subconscious beliefs and shifting away from limiting patterns that keep you playing small. According to Peace, identity boards can be very specific to you, including images or symbols that represent the mindset, lifestyle, and habits you desire to become versus what you want to achieve outside of you.
By focusing on the habits, traits, and lifestyle of that reinvented version of you through an identity board, you place yourself on the path to embodying the identity, aligning with the energy and behaviors of your present self with the reinvented self you are becoming.
3.Write a personal mission statement:
ShutterstockIf creating an identity board isn’t your thing, crafting a personal mission statement is another powerful way to gain clarity, vision, and focus. A personal mission statement helps you align your values with your goals. This simple yet impactful exercise anchors you in your journey of reinvention, aligning you with the energy of your dream self while shaping your decisions and daily habits.
When you define who you want to be and the life you want to create, you give yourself a roadmap to move through life with intention. Whether it’s a paragraph or a single sentence, your personal statement keeps you grounded in your purpose and future vision.
4.Pay attention to your thoughts and change your inner dialogue:
Whether you realize it or not, your inner dialogue influences how you see yourself and what you believe is possible at your core. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can keep you tethered to a version of yourself you've outgrown, making it difficult to step into your fullest potential. Similarly to what Dr. Foster touched on at the start, a big part of reprogramming your identity lies in observing these thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve you and consciously choosing to rewrite them.
You can begin by paying attention to what you think about yourself, i.e., your strengths, your worth, and your abilities. When you catch yourself thinking limiting beliefs, challenge them by replacing them with self-affirmations that reflect the version of yourself you are becoming. This practice helps align your inner dialogue with the energy and mindset needed to match that of your future self.
True transformation happens when your beliefs about yourself are in harmony with the person you need to be to achieve your goals.
5.Thoughtfully build your circle:
Vladimir Vladimirov/Getty ImagesThe relationships and connections you surround yourself with play a vital role in your journey of reinvention. Evaluating your circle isn’t just about letting go of toxic friendships or relationships that no longer serve you, it’s also about intentionally creating a support system that aligns with your values, goals, and the person you’re becoming. Thoughtfully curating your circle ensures you have the foundation you need to thrive.
Nurture friendships and connections that are healthy, uplifting, and reciprocal. Look for bonds that foster your growth and provide mutual encouragement, and don’t overlook the importance of community care. Building networks outside of romantic relationships, be it through mentors, colleagues, online groups, or hobby-based communities, creates a web of support that can inspire, guide, and uplift you as you evolve.
6.Carve out space for God and meditation:
A recurring theme across the reinvention is the importance of nurturing a spiritual life. In the videos I watched specifically, some creators shared that they meditate daily for grounding and clarity, while others emphasized the importance of carving out time for God at the start of their day by watering their relationship with Him through prayer, focus, and connection.
Prioritizing this spiritual time helps center you, providing the clarity, peace, and strength to rise to your fullest potential and stay aligned with your purpose. A daily spiritual practice helps center you, giving you the clarity and focus to rise to your fullest potential.
7.Invest in yourself:
Rocka/Getty ImagesReinvention requires intentional investment in your growth, confidence, and well-being. Start by refreshing your wardrobe to reflect the elevated version of yourself you’re stepping into or developing a signature scent that embodies your essence. Cultivate different routines (morning, night, self-care, skincare, etc.) that support this transformation and help you feel aligned with your new identity daily. Beyond the physical upgrades, invest in your personal development through courses and classes that support your talents, teach new skills, and refine your strengths.
If you have the means, consider working with life coaches or therapists, even temporarily, as they can act as guides and accountability partners on your journey. These professionals provide tools to help you hone in on your life vision, stay aligned with your goals, and navigate the challenges of growth with clarity and intention.
When you pour into yourself, you create fertile ground to flourish in your reinvention.
8.Leave your comfort zone:
You know what they say, growth begins where your comfort zone ends. Trying something outside of your usual routine, like attending an event alone, starting a new hobby, or exploring a new city, helps you build confidence and expand your perspective, which is why leaving your comfort zone is a powerful cheat code to reinvention. Want to know another cheat code for stepping out of your comfort zone? Making regular solo dates a practice.
Take yourself to a new restaurant, explore a museum, or try an activity you’ve always been curious about, all in the name of cultivating independence and deepening your connection with yourself. And, of course, entering into the realm of your fullest potential.
Pushing past your limits allows you to discover strengths and qualities you didn’t know you had, which is essential for reinventing yourself. Each step outside your comfort zone helps reshape your identity, aligning you with the confident and capable version of yourself you’re striving to become.
9.Celebrate your wins, both big and small:
miniseries/Getty Images
When you’re in the process of making shifts, inviting big change, and growing into a new version of yourself, it’s easy to overlook the importance of celebrating the wins you collect along the way. The journey of reinventing yourself can be challenging, and acknowledging the big wins (and the small wins) helps to keep you motivated and grounded. Small celebrations create moments of joy and gratitude that give you the momentum to continue stepping into your higher self.
Also, an important note to remember: what feels like a win to you might not be important to someone else, and that’s okay. You don’t need external validation from the people around you to celebrate yourself. Whether it’s buying a cake to celebrate hitting 5,000 followers, treating yourself to something special for sticking to Dry January or having a photoshoot for your birthday, these milestones matter because they reflect your growth and commitment to self.
10.Prioritize fitness:
Prioritizing your fitness is a game-changer when it comes to reinvention and shifting your identity. Moving your body daily not only enhances your physical health but also builds discipline, confidence, and mental clarity, all of which are essential if reinvention is the goal. The benefits of regular fitness are unmatched, from improved mood and energy levels to a stronger sense of self-worth and accomplishment.
Starting your day with fitness, especially before work, is a powerful way to pour into yourself first. This practice reinforces the idea that you are a priority and sets the tone for showing up as your best self throughout the day. Whether it’s a mental health walk, yoga, Pilates, or an intense workout, finding sustainable forms of movement you enjoy helps you stay consistent with the future self you’re working to become.
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