In the words of the wise Solange:
'"I slept it away, I sexed it away...Well, it's like cranes in the sky. Sometimes I don't wanna feel those metal clouds."
A dick appointment with that special someone in your life could have you up early cooking, cleaning, singing, and off to a good start to your day. Sex is a great way to relieve stress, as it helps your body release endorphins that elevate your mood (similar to exercise). If you're boo-ed up with your romantic partner, sex is an activity that can bring you closer together and make you feel more loved, especially if one of your favorite of the five love languages is physical touch. However, what is not often discussed amongst lovers is the dangers of having sex when you are uncentered within yourself.
As with anything great in life, the intentionality behind your actions is very important. It is very easy to fall into the trap of using sex as a coping mechanism when you are feeling isolated, lonely, anxious, or even just bored. This is not limited to single people; we sometimes get caught in the pattern of using our significant others for a release too. Perhaps after an intense argument or discussion, you decided to break the tension by having a passionate session. For you single ladies, perhaps after a stressful week at work, you decided to text Zaddy Long D, your ex-flame that you know is up to no good but can wear you out like no other and keep you company. There is no shame in enjoying sex and letting the act relieve your stress.
My question to you is: When you have gotten your sexual fix and you check in with yourself, has any of the issues or anxieties you were experiencing before disappeared, or have you numbed them?
After the make-up sex you had with your boo, were any of the issues you were experiencing truly resolved? Or were they put onto the back burner until the issues simmer to the surface again?
After Zaddy Long D gave you that sweet loving and disappeared into his abyss of inconsistency and vagueness, do you feel less alone and more loved?
If the answer is no, then it is time to really look at yourself, your emotional needs, and your well-being, and realize that though it may have never been your intention to do so, you might be using sex as a way to run away from some harsh truths in your life. This is not to assume that one must have a profound reason to engage in sexual acts, but to ensure that you are not doing so for reasons that may be self-destructive. The great thing is you are a very powerful woman, and once you are aware of the mistakes that you may be making, you can also make the necessary changes, too:
Figure out your narrative around your sexuality.
Many of us have some negative deep rooted beliefs around our sexuality that stem back to our much younger selves. We have some unmet needs and have learned to adapt some dysfunctional sexual behaviors in an attempt to meet them. Perhaps you feel like you are not good enough so to compensate for your lack of perceived value, you make yourself sexually available to your partner even when you are not particularly in the mood. Maybe when you were younger, you did not receive the love and admiration that you desired, so sex is a way to be seen, heard, admired, and to feel wanted for the night. Whatever your narrative is, get it out, make peace with it, and identify the parts that are not serving you and that are chasing true intimacy away. This is a great exercise to complete with your therapist as they can help unpack possible trauma in a safer way than doing it by yourself.
Question your intentions behind your sexual encounters.
Sex is an act that can move notoriously fast, especially with the help of hormones, alcohol, attraction, and emotions. One minute you are watching Netflix and chilling, and the next minute the television is watching you put your leg behind your ears and the rest is history. The rush and the spontaneity of sex are some of the best parts of the act, but it is really important to make the distinction between if you are having it in order to explore another person or to escape your own issues.
Not being clear on your own intentions before becoming sexually intimate with someone can open you to the feeling of being used.
For example, you can be getting intimate with the intent of ridding yourself of loneliness, and then be devastated when your partner is not the type to stay around for too long. You could be thinking you put it on your boo in the form of makeup sex, but he can still walk away angry at your unresolved issues. There is no right or wrong intention when it comes to how you choose to use your body, but just make sure it serves you in a healthy way.
Learn different methods of achieving true intimacy in your life.
As a significant other, you could be completely surprised that while you were researching how to give fellatio using grapefruit, your man is dying for you to ask him about one of his passions and to cheer him on. You may feel like inviting Zaddy Long D over will help cure your loneliness, but what will give you a more fulfilling feeling is inviting your girls over for some margaritas and movies.
The five love languages are not only for romantic partners, but can be used to get close to all of your loved ones and yourself. The great thing is once you work on building true intimacy with your lovers, or even your potential suitors, you will have more sensual and explosive sex in the long run. A good place to start is identifying actions that make you feel loved, safe, and seen. Next, start paying attention to what makes your loved ones feel that same way. How often do we ask how can I love you today? How often do we ask this of ourselves or to others?
As we are stepping into living intentionally, let's take a moment to make sure we are loving ourselves and others intentionally too!
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Now, with more than 20 years of experience in professional aviation, starting with American Eagle Airlines and then on to becoming a captain at American Airlines, she has continued to pay it forward. In 2022, she made history as the first commercial airline captain to lead an all-Black, women-led flight crew. She has also written a biography on Bessie Coleman, the first African-American and Native-American woman to earn a pilot’s license, and produced and directed, Discovering Bessie Coleman, working alongside the family to get the project completed. Add to that her role as a founder of consulting firm LadyAv8rBeth, which offers a guide of pathways into aviation, and as a podcast host covering all things aviation.
For Women’s History Month, xoNecole caught up with the busy pilot, in between flights, to talk about her career journey, her role in a Bessie Coleman documentary and book, how she balances self-care and safety, and how other Black women can add to the aviation legacy:
xoNecole: You’ve built an successful career in aviation. And you were only 15 and already had your first flight. Were you afraid at all, or did it feel like second nature to you?
Beth Powell: It felt completely natural. There was no fear, just excitement and curiosity.
Now, it’s what they call STEM, and my teacher at the time thought that I was really good at numbers. He recommended three career paths, and I tried the first one.
I didn't understand why it made sense back then at 15, but as I grew up and met other pilots, I recognized that the reason I liked math and physics was that we were technical learners. So we like to break things apart and put them back together. We like to check procedures. We like to write manuals. We were technical artists.
xoN: That’s such an important message. Many young women and girls are often discouraged from pursuing careers in STEM or aviation, so it’s incredible to hear your story. Now, fast forward a bit—how did you transition into your corporate career with larger airlines?
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BP: After that first discovery flight, I quickly finished my high school classes and graduated at 16. By 17, I had earned my private pilot’s license, and by 18, my commercial license. Then, I moved to the U.S. to attend flight school in Florida. While working on my degree in professional aeronautics, I began working for American Eagle Airlines at just 21. Over the years, I’ve built my career and have now spent 25 years in the airline industry, including 14 years at American Eagle and 11 years at American Airlines. In terms of leadership, being a captain is key.
As a captain, I’m responsible for the aircraft, the crew, and the passengers. It’s a huge responsibility, and you learn a lot about leadership when you’re in charge of so much.
Being a captain definitely teaches you leadership. You’re in charge of every aspect of the flight from the moment you sign in to the moment you sign out. From overseeing the crew to managing the safety and well-being of passengers, you have to make quick decisions and take responsibility. Even when you’re starting out as a first officer, you’re learning vital leadership skills that prepare you for the captain role.
xoN: There's a lot going on with airlines right now that might make someone feel afraid in terms of some of the tragedies that have recently happened. How do you sustain your self-care balance and your resilience in the aviation industry when those sorts of things happen?
BP: I truly believe that aviation is still the safest and the No. 1 safest means of transportation. I say that proudly. For any airline, any pilot, any air traffic controller—anyone who works in the industry—safety is our number one priority. However, of course, we see things happening in the news, and it is concerning to passengers.
What I'm telling everybody to do right now, including myself, is that it's very important to have your source of strength. I'm a Christian, and one of my sources of strength is prayers. I go deep within my prayers every morning, and I pray to God, giving things that I can't control to him, and the rest— I can do my best to deal with.
No. 2 is meditation on the Deepak Chopra app. Ever since COVID happened, that was the first time I thought that I needed something more than just my prayers to help me go through to calm down the noise around me.
And last but not least, I'm really big on self-development. I read, I read, and I read. If your foundation is strong, you have something to build from. And so, when I read, I learn a lot about myself. I learn about what triggers me and when something triggers me. I literally hear the Kendrick Lamar song, "TV Off" in my head, because sometimes you need to shut the noise off.
xoN: That's amazing—the combination of faith and just being excellent at what you do. Now, how did you get involved with the Bessie Coleman project?
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BP: I sit on the board of advisers for an organization called Sisters of the Skies, and was at a gala celebrating with all our Black women of our achievements. At the end of the night, Dr. Sheila Chamberlain walked up to me. She was the first Black woman U.S. combat intelligence aviator in the Army. So, if she's walking up to me, it's very serious. She said, ‘I have a favor to ask.’ I said, ‘Yes.’ I did not hear what the favor was. I didn't know what she was going to ask me, but somebody like that walking up to you saying, ‘a favor’? The answer is yes.
She told me [the project involved] helping the Bessie Coleman family elevate the story. ‘I'd like you to ask your company if they will do a flight in honor of Bessie Coleman.’ I went to the different departments at American Airlines, and the rest was literally history. We did that flight on August 8, 2022, and it became a historical flight because everyone on that flight, from the ground up, was a Black woman.
Gigi Coleman, Bessie’s grand-niece, was also on that flight. We started chatting at the end of the flight. Another night, we were hanging out—Sheila, Gigi, and I—and she kept telling me she wanted to write a book, that she wished there was a movie, and that people approached her about it. Nothing had been done as yet. And I thought, sounds like another mission.
I literally took it on. We do have a documentary with the family sharing their perspective of who Bessie Coleman is. And we do have a book called Queen of the Skies.
xoN: For the young women who are looking for career paths in aviation, what are some skills they need to thrive?
BP: While you don't necessarily have to love math to be a pilot, technical knowledge is important. You’ll need to understand aircraft systems and aerodynamics. This includes weather patterns and instrument training. It might seem daunting at first, but the great thing about flight training is that it builds on itself. The more you learn, the more it all clicks. Also, aviation is constantly changing, and you need to be adaptable.
It’s a field where you need to be ready for anything, from unexpected weather to technical issues. Being open to learning new things and adjusting to change is crucial.
My daughter, who has her private pilot’s license, once said, “This journey is both challenging and rewarding. I feel like I’ve grown so much since starting.” It’s important to keep going, even when it gets tough.
To help others, I’m outlining how they can go from “zero to hero” as a pilot. I offer this information freely on my Instagram account, and it’s something I’m passionate about sharing. I want everyone to have access to the resources they need to follow their dreams.
For more information on Beth Powell, the Bessie Coleman documentary, and aviation career resources, visit LadyAv8rBeth.com.
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