'Tis the season. Yes, it's that time of year that many people like to refer to as "cuffing season" – when you're "cuffed" up and cuddled up with someone during the long fall and winter months.
While it sounds good and we can all agree that it feels really good to have someone to hold and stay warm with during cuffing season, let's be real… Unfortunately, during this time, for some singles (not all) who aren't "cuffed up" with anyone or in a committed relationship – whether by choice or force – it's common to feel some type of way.
You may start to feel overwhelmingly dismal, discontent, frustrated, or brokenhearted – especially when you're scrolling through your social media timelines and you notice all the pictures, stories, and updates showing off things like "#HolidayWithBae," or marriage proposals and engagements. At least, that's how I used to feel sometimes when I was single.
If you're starting to feel like that and are already planning or prepared to be a "party of one" this cuffing season, just know that you are not alone. We've all been there, and there are plenty of other people who can relate.
The good news is that you've been through tougher stuff than this, and you WILL make it through. Plus, I've got you covered with these six tips and ideas to help you make it through cuffing season.
Take Advantage Of The “Me” Time
There's no better time to make it all about yourself than when you're by yourself. Cuffing season is traditionally known for cuddling with and catering to someone else, but it's also a great time to cater to yourself and make yourself a priority. Why not use this time to pamper yourself and do some things that you've been putting off for some time, all the while without having to consider someone else?
You could explore new adventures, do a photo shoot, or try something new. Or, you know that thing you wake up and go to sleep thinking about? Like: going back to school or getting certified, starting a business, starting a new career, pursuing your dream of becoming an entertainer, building a brand, writing a book, or starting a non-profit. It's the perfect time to make those dreams a reality.
Plan A Girls’ Night Out (#GNO) Or A Girls’ Night In (#GNI)
Even Michele Obama clearly understands the importance of sisterhood and spending time with your girlfriends. She was once quoted saying, "I love my husband, and he is my rock, but my girls are my sanity."
So, whether it's a girls' night in or a girls' night out and you're in some pajamas, grabbing drinks or snacks, laughing, crying or, putting on some party clothes…as long as you're with your girlfriends, you're likely to have some fun, and possibly forget, if even for a moment, that it's cuffing season.
Host A Theme Party
You really don't need a reason to celebrate and fellowship with your close friends and loved ones, but cuffing season does, in fact, provide several opportunities for you to do so and one creative way is to plan a theme party.
Even if you don't celebrate some of the holidays like Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, or Christmas, there are plenty of other new and trendy themes and ideas you can choose from like an ugly sweater party, game night, a Saturday or Sunday brunch, or even a "Friendsgiving" (similar to Thanksgiving, but instead of family members, it includes mainly your friends and is usually organized as a potluck).
Catch Up On A Good Book, Movie, Or Television Show
With the extra time, you can easily catch up on some of the most popular and your favorite TV shows like Insecure, Power, Queen Sugar, as well as movies like Hidden Figures, Girls Trip, and a number of Netflix series and comedy specials.
Not to mention the fact that it's always a great time to pick up and start a new book. There are thousands upon thousands of options and genres to choose from, like fiction, non-fiction, celebrity memoirs, inspirational/self-help (including a new one by yours truly titled, Find the Good in Goodbye: Daily Inspiration for Dealing with a Breakup), business, and history books and eBooks available in-stores and online; many of which are written by very talented and knowledgeable women.
Keep in mind that depending on your level of sensitivity, it may be wise to avoid watching or reading certain things that could trigger negative sentiments or keep you down in the dumps during cuffing season.
Get Involved And Give Back
In case you didn't notice, cuffing season happens to fall around the same time as the major holiday season.
While serving others is something that should occur throughout the entire year, cuffing season is a great time to get more involved with your local community and give back, especially if it's been a long time. Consider things like volunteering at a local shelter or hospital, feeding the homeless and less fortunate, or assisting the elderly.
Enjoy And Cherish The Extra, Uninterrupted Time With Your Family And Friends
One of the major benefits of not having someone around during cuffing season is the fact that you won't feel somewhat pressured to divvy up your time between your significant other, their family, and your family. Not to mention, you eliminate the risk of worrying or having the complicated discussion about inviting each other over for family dinners and parties.
Sure, if you show up at different family and friends' gatherings with no one, you will likely be inundated with questions like, "Why are you still single?" or "Why don't you have a man?", which is annoying, but honestly, there's no getting around any line of questioning when it comes to family, whether you're single or married.
Nonetheless, you won't have to spend time and effort getting to know their family; nor will you have to figure out a way to explain to your family and friends the status of your relationship, especially if it's complicated or it's merely a convenient "situation-ship." You can focus your time and energy on those who matter most right now in your life.
This is your time right now – your time to shine. Single doesn't mean stagnant. There's a great quote that says, "Do something today that your future self will thank you for." I can imagine that it gets frustrating at times, and you have the right to feel what you feel and be honest about your feelings.
But you also have the right to live your best life, regardless of your relationship status.
*Originally published on shondabrownwhite.com
Featured image by Getty Images
- Urban Dictionary: Cuffing Season ›
- A Survival Guide to Skipping Cuffing Season | Complex ›
- A Look at the Science of Cuffing Season - Tonic ›
- A Guide To Cuffing Season ›
- Someone made an entire Cuffing Season map so if you're alone in ... ›
- Your Guide To Cuffing Season, In 8 Simple Charts | HuffPost ›
- 7 Signs Your Relationship Won't Survive "Cuffing Season" ›
- Forget Cuffing Season, We're in 'Clearing Season' Now - VICE ›
- If You're Single During Cuffing Season, Here Are 3 Ways To Cope ›
- 8 Ways To Make The Most Of Cuffing Season | SELF ›
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
We all know Black doesn't crack but when reading up on beauty trends, many online experts suggest that every woman over 30 needs specific products to fight against fine lines and wrinkles. To maintain perfectly smooth glowing skin after a certain age, if it's not eye cream, then it's a specific product or procedure that could cost more than what I'm willing to pay for anti-aging effects. I decided to get the real tea on the skincare needs of Black women over 30.
I spoke with beauty expert Eden Gilliam, an esthetician with 11 years of experience in the beauty industry and founder of EVE MILAN, a Black woman-owned skincare company based in New York City.
Courtesy of Eve Milan
"I like to stay away from adding a bunch of extra products into a person's skincare routine that they're not going to commit to. Too many steps ultimately lead to becoming so frustrated that you're not going to do much of anything." Eden states.
"For example, the area around your eyes is more delicate of course, it's the thinnest skin you have so it may need more attention as you age. However, if you have a nice hydrating serum like hyaluronic acid that's already in your daily routine, then you can definitely get away with using that on your under-eye skin. For people that like to keep it natural, using shea butter also keeps that area hydrated." Her point? "Keep your routine simple."
After working hands-on with clients, Eden identified common skincare struggles which led her to create a line of products designed to restore confidence and a healthy glow no matter one's age. She explains, "There isn't anything that a three-step system can't solve." With age comes responsibility and a quick morning and nighttime routine are extremely effective when balancing healthy skin and busy life. "It should only take 10 minutes of your time, knowing exactly what you're doing and feeling confident in your routine."
The Simplicity Set: 3-Step System
"When it comes to the products we offer, like our best-selling 'Simplicity Set,' it's a hydrating cleanser, gentle exfoliant in the form of pads and a serum."
1. Gentle Cleansing Gel No. 103
Courtesy of Eve Milan
Every routine starts off with a cleanser. Eden suggests tackling your skincare basics with a nourishing cleanser that balances oil production while delivering a deep clean.
2. Superfruit Enzyme Exfoliating Pads
Courtesy of Eve Milan
Recently introduced to the process of exfoliation, when speaking with Eden I learned how instrumental this process is for aging skin. "Exfoliating as you get older is going to be the foundation of any skincare routine. You have to exfoliate. As we age, our skin turnover rate starts to slow down and it's not renewing itself as fast as it used to. That's how you get clogged pores, fine lines, and wrinkles, even dry skin. When exfoliating, that allows the remaining products you apply to be more effective."
When asked what's the difference between an exfoliant and a toner, Eden explains, "A toner completes the cleaning process which is why it's used after a cleanser but exfoliants dissolve the glue that holds your skin cells intact. You want these skin cells to regenerate like they used to."
"A chemical exfoliant, which I believe every Black woman should be using, not a scrub (physical exfoliant), penetrates into the skin and keeps working throughout the day. It also increases your skin turnover and helps with appearing how it was in your teens and 20s."
Another tip when using the enzyme exfoliating pads, you can use [them] on your face, neck, chest, anywhere on your body, even your bikini area when suffering from ingrown hairs. Take care of all areas and achieve a head-to-toe glow by getting the most out of your products. Don't neglect the rest of your body by focusing solely on your face while other areas suffer from dry, cracked skin.
3. Reset Serum No. 422
Courtesy of Eve Milan
To complete the 3-step system, Eve Milan's Reset Serum is the perfect universal hydrating formula created for skin types. Doubling as a moisturizer, this is the final step to securing fresh and rejuvenated skin. Eden shares, "If you are going to invest money in anything skincare-wise, you'll want a serum." For a hydrating, vitamin-rich product, the Reset Serum soaks into the skin with healing ingredients like Gotu kola, niacinamide, and ceramides which provide you with anti-aging benefits. Whether oily or dry skin, this hydrating serum is for everyone.
"Asking whether a hydrating serum is for dry skin only is like asking if a person needs water. Your skin needs water, not oil. One of the main things that African-American women deal with is post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation which is brown spots resulting in the lack of hydration. No matter your skin type, you need products that add water to the skin and keep it in there."
Aside from the 3-step process, Eden also shares the importance of good health and probiotics when it comes to healthy skin. She adds, "One thing I tell my clients, we need to take vitamins. Skincare is what you are eating and the vitamins you are taking. Ask yourself what you are eating and drinking. Like caffeine, is it helping you or causing more problems?"
Without the use of harsh chemicals, Eve Milan's mission is to get customers to feel comfortable in their own skin. All the products are made free of sulfates, parabens, phthalates, artificial color, and fragrance to limit your exposure to toxins.
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Featured image by Getty Images
Originally published on October 30, 2021