'Tis the season. Yes, it's that time of year that many people like to refer to as "cuffing season" – when you're "cuffed" up and cuddled up with someone during the long fall and winter months.
While it sounds good and we can all agree that it feels really good to have someone to hold and stay warm with during cuffing season, let's be real… Unfortunately, during this time, for some singles (not all) who aren't "cuffed up" with anyone or in a committed relationship – whether by choice or force – it's common to feel some type of way.
You may start to feel overwhelmingly dismal, discontent, frustrated, or brokenhearted – especially when you're scrolling through your social media timelines and you notice all the pictures, stories, and updates showing off things like "#HolidayWithBae," or marriage proposals and engagements. At least, that's how I used to feel sometimes when I was single.
If you're starting to feel like that and are already planning or prepared to be a "party of one" this cuffing season, just know that you are not alone. We've all been there, and there are plenty of other people who can relate.
The good news is that you've been through tougher stuff than this, and you WILL make it through. Plus, I've got you covered with these six tips and ideas to help you make it through cuffing season.
Take Advantage Of The “Me” Time
There's no better time to make it all about yourself than when you're by yourself. Cuffing season is traditionally known for cuddling with and catering to someone else, but it's also a great time to cater to yourself and make yourself a priority. Why not use this time to pamper yourself and do some things that you've been putting off for some time, all the while without having to consider someone else?
You could explore new adventures, do a photo shoot, or try something new. Or, you know that thing you wake up and go to sleep thinking about? Like: going back to school or getting certified, starting a business, starting a new career, pursuing your dream of becoming an entertainer, building a brand, writing a book, or starting a non-profit. It's the perfect time to make those dreams a reality.
Plan A Girls’ Night Out (#GNO) Or A Girls’ Night In (#GNI)
Even Michele Obama clearly understands the importance of sisterhood and spending time with your girlfriends. She was once quoted saying, "I love my husband, and he is my rock, but my girls are my sanity."
So, whether it's a girls' night in or a girls' night out and you're in some pajamas, grabbing drinks or snacks, laughing, crying or, putting on some party clothes…as long as you're with your girlfriends, you're likely to have some fun, and possibly forget, if even for a moment, that it's cuffing season.
Host A Theme Party
You really don't need a reason to celebrate and fellowship with your close friends and loved ones, but cuffing season does, in fact, provide several opportunities for you to do so and one creative way is to plan a theme party.
Even if you don't celebrate some of the holidays like Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, or Christmas, there are plenty of other new and trendy themes and ideas you can choose from like an ugly sweater party, game night, a Saturday or Sunday brunch, or even a "Friendsgiving" (similar to Thanksgiving, but instead of family members, it includes mainly your friends and is usually organized as a potluck).
Catch Up On A Good Book, Movie, Or Television Show
With the extra time, you can easily catch up on some of the most popular and your favorite TV shows like Insecure, Power, Queen Sugar, as well as movies like Hidden Figures, Girls Trip, and a number of Netflix series and comedy specials.
Not to mention the fact that it's always a great time to pick up and start a new book. There are thousands upon thousands of options and genres to choose from, like fiction, non-fiction, celebrity memoirs, inspirational/self-help (including a new one by yours truly titled, Find the Good in Goodbye: Daily Inspiration for Dealing with a Breakup), business, and history books and eBooks available in-stores and online; many of which are written by very talented and knowledgeable women.
Keep in mind that depending on your level of sensitivity, it may be wise to avoid watching or reading certain things that could trigger negative sentiments or keep you down in the dumps during cuffing season.
Get Involved And Give Back
In case you didn't notice, cuffing season happens to fall around the same time as the major holiday season.
While serving others is something that should occur throughout the entire year, cuffing season is a great time to get more involved with your local community and give back, especially if it's been a long time. Consider things like volunteering at a local shelter or hospital, feeding the homeless and less fortunate, or assisting the elderly.
Enjoy And Cherish The Extra, Uninterrupted Time With Your Family And Friends
One of the major benefits of not having someone around during cuffing season is the fact that you won't feel somewhat pressured to divvy up your time between your significant other, their family, and your family. Not to mention, you eliminate the risk of worrying or having the complicated discussion about inviting each other over for family dinners and parties.
Sure, if you show up at different family and friends' gatherings with no one, you will likely be inundated with questions like, "Why are you still single?" or "Why don't you have a man?", which is annoying, but honestly, there's no getting around any line of questioning when it comes to family, whether you're single or married.
Nonetheless, you won't have to spend time and effort getting to know their family; nor will you have to figure out a way to explain to your family and friends the status of your relationship, especially if it's complicated or it's merely a convenient "situation-ship." You can focus your time and energy on those who matter most right now in your life.
This is your time right now – your time to shine. Single doesn't mean stagnant. There's a great quote that says, "Do something today that your future self will thank you for." I can imagine that it gets frustrating at times, and you have the right to feel what you feel and be honest about your feelings.
But you also have the right to live your best life, regardless of your relationship status.
*Originally published on shondabrownwhite.com
Featured image by Getty Images
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- Forget Cuffing Season, We're in 'Clearing Season' Now - VICE ›
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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That’s why, over the years, I’ve been intentional about figuring out ways to get more agua into my body without feeling like it’s a chore or something to dread. And now, I want to pass some of those hacks on to you, just in case you happen to totally relate to where I am coming from.
If something that you want to do more of right through here is get extra H2O into your system, here are 10 tips that can absolutely help to make that possible.
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1. Invest in a Fun Water Bottle
There’s a far greater chance that you are going to drink water if you have a water bottle around you. So, cop yourself a cute one — one that will help you to stay motivated. A tumbler that I purchased some time back, just because I thought it was cute as hell, simply says, “Make Better Coochie Decisions” (amen?-LOL). Honestly, that doesn’t just have to apply to sex but how you treat your vagina overall — and that includes making sure that “she” has all of the fluids that she needs.
2. Try Some Sparkling Water or Mineral Water
At this point, I should take stock in Waterloo. It currently is my favorite kind of sparkling water and it has definitely made getting more water into my system easier to do. That’s because I will add some limes to it or a bit of fruit juice to it and that makes drinking water less “meh” for me. Another type of water that has bubbles in it is sparkling mineral water; it can also be beneficial since it contains magnesium, potassium and calcium.
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3. Go Halfsies with Your Other Drinks of Choice
Speaking of making some all-natural soda (which is basically what happens when you add juice to sparkling water or sparkling mineral water), you can find yourself drinking more water while consuming less calories if you fill up your glass with half of your favorite fruit juice and half of some sparkling water. More times than not, the juice doesn’t even taste watered down. Try it before you doubt me.
4. Collect Some Infused Water Recipes
I’m forever gonna be a fan of infused water; that’s because it’s water that has fresh fruits and/or veggies in them — and it doesn’t get any healthier than that. Plus, infused water tends to take on the taste of whatever fruits or vegetables that you put into the water (if you let the stuff soak for a couple of hours), so that the water doesn’t taste so boring and bland. Wanna try a few recipes? You can check out some here and here.
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5. Make Slushies Instead of Smoothies
Are you someone who enjoys consuming smoothies? Well, if you want to get more water into your system, how about going with a slushie instead? Although it is true that some smoothies have water as a base, the most bomb ones use milk (or a milk alternative) or yogurt. Slushies, on the other hand, typically go with crushed ice (which is frozen water) instead. That said, some (pardon the pun) cool slushy recipes can be found here, here and here.
6. Use Water As Your “Drink Chaser”
Another great thing about water is it can help to keep you from overeating; it does that by causing you to feel full if you drink it while you are eating. And speaking of calorie-counting, if you don’t want to give up your favorite drink at mealtime, one way to keep from downing 2-3 glasses of it at a time is to use water as your “chaser.” What I mean by that is, after enjoying a glass of your favorite beverage, “chase it down” with a glass of water. That should satisfy your want for what you want without overdoing it.
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7. Eat Foods That Are High in Water Content
Another way to get more water into your body is to eat foods that have a ton of water in them. Some that top the list include lettuce (96 percent); cucumber (95 percent); zucchini (95 percent); celery (95 percent); strawberries (91 percent); cantaloupe (90 percent), and peaches (89 percent).
8. Have a Ball with Your Ice Cubes
Ice cubes are frozen water, right? That’s why most of us prefer to enjoy our drinks before the ice cubes melt because melted cubes water down whatever it is that we are consuming. And so, for this very reason, add more ice cubes to your drinks — and have fun making them. You can add juice, fruit and/or mint leaves while making your cubes. That way, they are aesthetically-pleasing; plus, they will also add more flavor to your water once the ice cubes actually melt.
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9. Add Some Non-Alcohol Cordial to Your Water
If you’re fine with just having a tad of taste in your water, why not add a bit of cordial to it? Cordial is simply a type of tonic, syrup or sweetener (that can contain alcohol or not) that can help to make your water more…interesting. Some alcohol-based cordials can be found here. Some non-alcoholic recipes are located here.
10. Technically, Herbal Tea Counts
Tea is always gonna be my thing. That’s why I’ve penned articles on it for the site like “10 Different Ways Herbal Teas Can Fit Into Your Beauty Regimen”, “10 'Uncommon' Teas You Should Add To Your Stash (& Why)” and “I've Got 10 Teas That Will Help You To Age (Even More) Gracefully” And y’all, if you want to get a lot more water into your system yet a tall glass of water only isn’t your — pardon the pun — cup of tea, make some iced herbal tea instead.
It’s basically water with some herbs tossed in and, if you add some honey or raw organic coconut palm sugar to it, it will be a really sweet treat that will still be extremely hydrating (and very healthy) for you.
Water that is a bit more exciting for you…now. LOL.
Drink up!
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