'Tis the season. Yes, it's that time of year that many people like to refer to as "cuffing season" – when you're "cuffed" up and cuddled up with someone during the long fall and winter months.
While it sounds good and we can all agree that it feels really good to have someone to hold and stay warm with during cuffing season, let's be real… Unfortunately, during this time, for some singles (not all) who aren't "cuffed up" with anyone or in a committed relationship – whether by choice or force – it's common to feel some type of way.
You may start to feel overwhelmingly dismal, discontent, frustrated, or brokenhearted – especially when you're scrolling through your social media timelines and you notice all the pictures, stories, and updates showing off things like "#HolidayWithBae," or marriage proposals and engagements. At least, that's how I used to feel sometimes when I was single.
If you're starting to feel like that and are already planning or prepared to be a "party of one" this cuffing season, just know that you are not alone. We've all been there, and there are plenty of other people who can relate.
The good news is that you've been through tougher stuff than this, and you WILL make it through. Plus, I've got you covered with these six tips and ideas to help you make it through cuffing season.
Take Advantage Of The “Me” Time
There's no better time to make it all about yourself than when you're by yourself. Cuffing season is traditionally known for cuddling with and catering to someone else, but it's also a great time to cater to yourself and make yourself a priority. Why not use this time to pamper yourself and do some things that you've been putting off for some time, all the while without having to consider someone else?
You could explore new adventures, do a photo shoot, or try something new. Or, you know that thing you wake up and go to sleep thinking about? Like: going back to school or getting certified, starting a business, starting a new career, pursuing your dream of becoming an entertainer, building a brand, writing a book, or starting a non-profit. It's the perfect time to make those dreams a reality.
Plan A Girls’ Night Out (#GNO) Or A Girls’ Night In (#GNI)
Even Michele Obama clearly understands the importance of sisterhood and spending time with your girlfriends. She was once quoted saying, "I love my husband, and he is my rock, but my girls are my sanity."
So, whether it's a girls' night in or a girls' night out and you're in some pajamas, grabbing drinks or snacks, laughing, crying or, putting on some party clothes…as long as you're with your girlfriends, you're likely to have some fun, and possibly forget, if even for a moment, that it's cuffing season.
Host A Theme Party
You really don't need a reason to celebrate and fellowship with your close friends and loved ones, but cuffing season does, in fact, provide several opportunities for you to do so and one creative way is to plan a theme party.
Even if you don't celebrate some of the holidays like Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, or Christmas, there are plenty of other new and trendy themes and ideas you can choose from like an ugly sweater party, game night, a Saturday or Sunday brunch, or even a "Friendsgiving" (similar to Thanksgiving, but instead of family members, it includes mainly your friends and is usually organized as a potluck).
Catch Up On A Good Book, Movie, Or Television Show
With the extra time, you can easily catch up on some of the most popular and your favorite TV shows like Insecure, Power, Queen Sugar, as well as movies like Hidden Figures, Girls Trip, and a number of Netflix series and comedy specials.
Not to mention the fact that it's always a great time to pick up and start a new book. There are thousands upon thousands of options and genres to choose from, like fiction, non-fiction, celebrity memoirs, inspirational/self-help (including a new one by yours truly titled, Find the Good in Goodbye: Daily Inspiration for Dealing with a Breakup), business, and history books and eBooks available in-stores and online; many of which are written by very talented and knowledgeable women.
Keep in mind that depending on your level of sensitivity, it may be wise to avoid watching or reading certain things that could trigger negative sentiments or keep you down in the dumps during cuffing season.
Get Involved And Give Back
In case you didn't notice, cuffing season happens to fall around the same time as the major holiday season.
While serving others is something that should occur throughout the entire year, cuffing season is a great time to get more involved with your local community and give back, especially if it's been a long time. Consider things like volunteering at a local shelter or hospital, feeding the homeless and less fortunate, or assisting the elderly.
Enjoy And Cherish The Extra, Uninterrupted Time With Your Family And Friends
One of the major benefits of not having someone around during cuffing season is the fact that you won't feel somewhat pressured to divvy up your time between your significant other, their family, and your family. Not to mention, you eliminate the risk of worrying or having the complicated discussion about inviting each other over for family dinners and parties.
Sure, if you show up at different family and friends' gatherings with no one, you will likely be inundated with questions like, "Why are you still single?" or "Why don't you have a man?", which is annoying, but honestly, there's no getting around any line of questioning when it comes to family, whether you're single or married.
Nonetheless, you won't have to spend time and effort getting to know their family; nor will you have to figure out a way to explain to your family and friends the status of your relationship, especially if it's complicated or it's merely a convenient "situation-ship." You can focus your time and energy on those who matter most right now in your life.
This is your time right now – your time to shine. Single doesn't mean stagnant. There's a great quote that says, "Do something today that your future self will thank you for." I can imagine that it gets frustrating at times, and you have the right to feel what you feel and be honest about your feelings.
But you also have the right to live your best life, regardless of your relationship status.
*Originally published on shondabrownwhite.com
Featured image by Getty Images
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- Your Guide To Cuffing Season, In 8 Simple Charts | HuffPost ›
- 7 Signs Your Relationship Won't Survive "Cuffing Season" ›
- Forget Cuffing Season, We're in 'Clearing Season' Now - VICE ›
- If You're Single During Cuffing Season, Here Are 3 Ways To Cope ›
- 8 Ways To Make The Most Of Cuffing Season | SELF ›
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak