A few weeks ago, while in a session with some clients, the wife asked me if I had any tips on how she and her husband could make foreplay more exciting. The first thing that came out of my mouth was that she and her man should get into giving each other massages more often.
After she looked at me like, “No, I mean something sexy that we can do,” I proceeded to explain to her that, when done with a specific intention and goal in mind, sex massages can be something that will lead to some of the most intense and pleasurable sex two people have ever had.
Yeah, I know a lot of times that, when the topic of massages comes up, it’s from a more “functional” space, such as relieving pain or reducing anxiety; however, as you’re about to see, if you and your man added sex massages into your sex life more often, “boring” is probably the last thing that you will ever use to describe what happens up in your bedroom ever again.
Here’s why I believe that to absolutely be the case…
First, Let’s Recap (Some of) the Benefits of a Massage
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A few years ago, I wrote an article entitled, “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.” for the platform. When you get a second, check it out because not only can it help you to figure out what specific type of massage you should get the next time that you schedule one, but it can also provide some proven health benefits that come with each one.
As far as massages overall, according to the American Massage Therapy Association, massages can do everything from reducing stress and anxiety to soothing lower back pain, releasing muscle tension, and improving your quality of sleep — and that really is just the tip of the iceberg! And since those things alone can play a direct role in not just how much sex you have but how great the sex will be while you’re having it, automatically, massages should become a part of your self-care regimen if you’re serious about getting the absolute most, in the best way possible, when it comes to your sex life (along with the quality of your health overall but we’re talking about sex right now…#wink).
Now, Let’s Talk About the Power of Physical Touch
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Back when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national nonprofit, once I developed a certain level of trust with my “daughters,” they would oftentimes bring their boyfriends (or, umm, situations) in for me to low-key vet them. Even though, these days, you have to be extra careful when it comes to extending any kind of physical contact with folks, does it surprise y’all that I am totally unconventional? I would hug my girls and their guys. Why? Because I get that a big part of the reason why so many young people are so hypersexed is that they don’t really get much physical affection at home (you can always tell); so, sex is what they resort to in order to get some sort of touch from another human being. They’re not alone either; I’ve actually read that the United States tops the places in the world where people are extremely “touch deprived.”
That said, at this point, who doesn’t know about the five love languages (check out “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?”)? At the very least, everyone is aware that they are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and, yes, physical touch. Yet even if physical touch isn’t the top way that you’d prefer to receive love, it’s still a foundational need for you, whether you realize it or not. There are studies to support the fact that when teachers pat their students on the back, those individuals are three times more likely to engage in class, that children with autism (who oftentimes prefer no touch at all) feel soothed whenever they are massaged by a parent or their therapist; that massage therapy is quite effective with moms who are going through postpartum depression, and that touch can make those with Alzheimer’s disease feel less stressed out.
When it comes to touch on a romantic level, there’s also research that cites that physical touch helps to activate the part of our brains that helps us to make wiser decisions. And, when it comes to kissing, we as women choose our partners, in part, by “messages” that we receive through a man’s saliva (no joke!). Plus, if you want to feel supported and empathized with, physical touch can convey that message, too. Not to mention good ole’ oxytocin and the role that it plays in bonding us to other people whenever we’re holding their hand, cuddling up with them, or engaging in sex with them.
I really could go on and on, yet I’m hoping what you’re getting is revelation, understanding, and/or confirmation that physical touch is extremely important and, when it comes to interacting with your partner, it goes well beyond what goes down in the bedroom. Physical touch is literally life-altering.
Okay, So What Makes a ‘Sex Massage’ Different?
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So, what makes a sex (or sexual) massage different from any other kind of one? That’s a good question. A sex massage is pretty much what it sounds like: a massage that has the ultimate intention of sexually exciting or arousing one’s partner.
If the first thing that comes to your mind is a “happy ending,” I won’t lie — there is some merit to that. In fact, full disclosure, a part of what inspired me to even pen this was rewatching the Lifetime seriesThe Client List (Jennifer Love Hewitt) on Tubi (did you know that they’ve gotDegrassi High: The Next Generation [yep with Drake] on there now? Dammit man! LOL). If you’ve never seen it or the movie that resulted in the spinoff, long story short, a spa was giving happy endings on the low. The women there would dress up in sexy outfits, start off with a “regular” massage, and between personal requests for certain fetishes, touching “those” spots, and umm, doing some other things — I’m pretty sure that you get the drift. So yes, all of that would technically qualify as a sex massage.
However, when it comes to its core definition, the objective of a sex massage is to use massage to bring some peace, serenity, and stimulation to the mind, body, and spirit.
When you do this for men, it can help to treat erectile dysfunction and help them to last longer in bed. When you do this for women, it can reduce stress levels and make it easier to climax. For both, it can lead to intensified orgasms, which is always a good thing. And that’s why incorporating sex massages into your foreplay activities can always be a super wise move.
What Are the Different Types of Sexual Massages?
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Okay, so now that you know a little bit more about sex massages, you might be wondering if you should just put a lace teddy on, pull out some massage oil, and get to rubbing (or rubbing one out). I mean, that’s one approach — and I’m pretty sure that your partner won’t mind one bit. LOL. Technically, though, there are some specific types of sex massages that you can do.
Tantric Massage. This is a massage that incorporates the principles of tantra. You can read more about tantric sex principles here. As far as the massage itself goes, you pretty much start by massaging the entire body (preferably while your partner is on their back) as you slowly move towards their various erogenous zones. Peep that I didn’t say genitalia only; erogenous zones are various places throughout the body that sexually stimulate a person (check out “7 Erogenous Zones You and Your Partner Should Explore During Sex,” “Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life” and “So, What If ‘Typical Erogenous Zones’ Annoy TF Outta You?”). Anyway, you can read more about how to give a stellar tantric massage here.
Tantric Breast Massage. Aside from the fact that breast massages can help to remove toxins from your body, if they happen to be an erogenous zone for you, they can feel pretty damn amazing, too, especially since nipple orgasms are definitely a thing and starting your night off with one could make for a super wild evening (in the best way possible, of course). Learn more about breast massages here.
Lingam Massage. Still, a part of the “tantric family,” lingam massages focus on the penis solely. I would go into more depth here, but there’s no need. A few years back, I wrote all about it. Check out “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.”
Yoni Massage. Pretty sure you can guess what this one is all about, right? Yes, a yoni massage is when your partner hones in on your vaginal region — first on your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) and then on your vagina (the inner tube). If you’d like to experience one, shoot your man the article that Men’s Health wrote on how to give one; it’s right here.
Nuru Massage. I’m someone who likes to read up on the origin of things. From what I’ve discovered about this type of massage, “nuru” is Japanese for slippery. What takes place here is you and your partner are both naked and (massage) oiled up. Then one of you lays on top of the other and rubs against the other person. How you can do this and it not immediately lead to sex? Your guess is as good as mine, chile. Read more up on it here.
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If reading about all of this doesn’t get you all hot ‘n bothered, just at the mere thought of giving and receiving a sex massage, I don’t know what to tell you, sis. Hell, I wrote it and I feel a bit of a tingle! All I can say is that a sex massage is something that you shouldn’t knock until you’ve tried (all five, in my opinion). And once you have, report back if all of that rubbing doesn’t cause a spark! Straight up.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert