On Friday, April 19, xoNecole launched its new event series: Pajamas & Lipstick: A Girls' Night in Experience. The four-hour event featured a one-of-a-kind photo booth experience, a fireside chat, and pampering and reflexology stations with massages that will have you calling home to your mama.
90's and 2000's jams from DJ Ohso filled the room at Upstairs Atlanta, intensifying the Coachella vibes and turning the floor into a Soul Train line. The ambiance created by the dimly lit candles, floor cushions, cactuses, and floral tepees, created an atmosphere where women could relax, dance, and let loose.
Whether guests arrived solo or with a group of friends, the Find The Guest icebreaker game helped attendees meet and bond with each other which set the tone for the rest of the night.
Throughout the evening, guests indulged in cocktails, light bites, and desserts almost too cute to eat while snapping Insta-worthy pics in the interactive photo booth.
After a few sips of Ketel One's signature cocktails, attendees were ready for a fireside chat hosted by founder Necole Kane, radio personality Tracy G., and correspondent Dana Blair. The dynamic created amongst the hosts and their ability to tackle raw conversations on relationship and sex generated a ton of laughter and made a few men working the bar listen intently.
The hosts' insightful conversation on whether independent women could learn to submit in their relationship left women pondering on current and past lovers.
Tracy's joyful spirit and candid commentary on everything from being a reformed cheater to penis sizes left the crowd contemplating, does size really matter? The consensus amongst the room was crystal clear. In 2019, size matters but foreplay matters way more. While women debated amongst themselves, the fun was just heating up on stage.
It was very clear throughout the night that Tracy G is someone who is unapologetic about sharing her truth with the world in hopes that the next woman can gain something through her experiences. The room was whisper-quiet as she revealed her journey to finding love and how it began with cleansing herself in a year of celibacy. "For a period of time, I felt like lust had a leash on me in a sense, and I was using the male gaze as a form of validation," she shared. "...Celibacy helped me to just understand who I was beginning with a spirit before I even decided to look at myself as a woman."
When an attendee jokingly revealed she'd choose a guy working at McDonald's that puts it down in the bedroom over a financially stable guy with bad sex, Tracy reminded the women in the audience that as boss women, their role is to teach:
Women are some of the best teachers on the planet. I feel like love can be replaced with other terms and if you know how to pleasure yourself, what is wrong with directing? You want to be a boss but you can't tell a ***** what to do? The reason why the sex is bomb is because another woman taught him.
Special guest and five-time gold medalist Sanya Richards-Ross shared her experience as a married woman juggling a demanding career and a toddler. Her perspective allowed guests to see a different side of sex and relationships. She expressed to women that sex does change after marriage, and most definitely after having children. She also allowed the audience to dive deep into her story when she talked about adjusting from life as an Olympic athlete to a full-time mother and entrepreneur. Her candor allowed guests to laugh and empathize with her journey.
"I've been very blessed to find a man who wants to be married to a Beyonce or a Michelle Obama. It fills him up to see me walking in my purpose," Sanya told the audience.
Toward the end of the evening, guests were in for a surprise when their names were pulled at random to answer spicy questions on sex and dating via the Pajamas & Lipstick envelope game. At check-in, each guest was given a wristband to indicate their relationship status: single (pink), in a relationship (blue), married (purple), it's complicated (yellow), and their status corresponded with the envelope they were able to choose from.
Lining the wall behind the naked teepee were brightly colored envelopes stuffed with questions to make your mouth drop! For example, would you date a rich man with bad sex or a financially unstable man with amazing sex?
To top off the night, attendees left with swag bags filled with products by Kiss nails, Creme of Nature, Posh Candle Co., The Honey Pot Company, and The Lip Bar.
To say the evening was a memorable one, would be an understatement. It was an experience curated to help women feel empowered in their personal lives.
Fortunately, for those who were unable to attend, Pajamas & Lipstick is coming back bigger, better, and to a city near you. Take a peek at a preview of the night below:
xoNecole Launches PAJAMAS & LIPSTICK: GIRLS NIGHT INyoutu.be
To stay up-to-date, follow Pajamas & Lipstick on Instagram @pajamasandlipstick.
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Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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However, today, she only spends about 3-4 hours a day on her work and has exceeded the highest income she made as a journalist. Sammi has created a lifestyle that allows her more freedom and ability to grow. In fact, we met at Invest Fest 2024, where she was selling her card game, Trady Wars, designed to inspire financial literacy. The crazy thing is, this all started thanks to a story she was working on during a much more trying period of her life.
Check out xoNecole’s exclusive Money Talks conversation below.
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Sammi on her relationship with money:
I've always had a pretty terrible relationship with money, especially when I was younger. I think I was about 18 when I got my first credit cards, and I really didn’t understand how they worked. All I knew was that they were giving me money to spend, and at some point, I was supposed to pay it back. But I didn’t grasp the seriousness of things like late payments, letting the debt pile up, or how it could impact me in the long run.
There was a point where I just wanted more. I wanted to spend more money, travel, and keep up with others. I’d see people who didn’t necessarily have high-paying jobs still living the life they wanted—traveling, buying nice things—and I couldn’t figure out how they were doing it. That’s when I realized the key wasn’t just about having more money; it was about managing the money I already had. Once I started doing that, I found I could do the same things.
On the moment she knew something had to change:
Honestly, it was the feeling of always waiting for the next paycheck. I was stuck in that rat race so many people know today—just working to pay bills and covering the necessities, but never really having enough left over to do the things I actually wanted to do. It’s frustrating, and I got to a point where I was like, “There has to be more than this.”It wasn’t just that, though. I was also curious. I kept hearing about investing, stocks, and all these financial strategies, but I always thought, “Is that even for me? Or is it just for people with a lot of money?”
Eventually, I decided to see for myself.The turning point came one day at work—I’ll never forget it. As a journalist, I was supposed to be working on a story, but the story itself was about a company that had just received government funding. I remember thinking, “This is probably going to make their stock go up.” So, instead of focusing on my story, I opened my first brokerage account right there at my desk.
Eventually, I decided to see for myself.The turning point came one day at work—I’ll never forget it. As a journalist, I was supposed to be working on a story, but the story itself was about a company that had just received government funding. I remember thinking, “This is probably going to make their stock go up.”
So, instead of focusing on my story, I opened my first brokerage account right there at my desk.I put $200 into the company’s stock and, to my surprise, made a profit within a day. I was shocked! It wasn’t a huge amount, but it was enough to hook me. From there, I knew I had to educate myself and figure out how to take control of my finances. It was a life-changing moment.
On making the decision to pivot professionally:
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My first job in journalism paid about $30,000 a year - it wasn’t much at all. From there, I learned that in the news field, you usually have to move to a new market to make more money or get a better position. Typically, that means moving to a bigger city. So I went from South Dakota to Georgia, then to Alabama, and eventually ended up in California, where I’m still based now. The highest salary I made in news, as a reporter and later as a news producer, was around $80,000 to $90,000 a year.
When I started trading and got comfortable making consistent profits, I reached a point where I was able to replace my journalism income just from trading. That took me about a year and a half of learning, studying, taking courses, and reading everything I could. Instead of working 8- or 9-hour shifts—or overnight shifts, weekends, and late nights like I did in news—I was in control of my schedule. Since then, I’ve increased my income from trading, but also started a business with a learning platform where I offer courses.
I’ve also created a stock market trivia game. It’s something I developed from my own learning experience to make the stock market fun and entertaining. Right now, I’m selling the game on my own, and it’s been doing really well. But in the future, I see myself partnering with major retailers like Target or Walmart to expand the reach of my game.
On the power of multiple streams and additional income:
I do have this side gig that I can’t believe I’m doing. In the beginning of the year, I got really into tech. I ended up taking a certification course, and I actually had a lot of fun with it. One of the people I did the course with recommended me to a hospital here in the Bay Area with an opportunity. Now, I randomly go in for 2 or 3 days. It’s been a good experience. We’re not always working, so it’s a pretty laid-back vibe. I bring my laptop with me and work on my business when there’s downtime. It kind of gives me the feeling of still having a job, and I get to see people, which I love because I work from home a lot.
On advice for people looking to invest:
Investing is bigger than just stocks. If there's a startup or a company you truly believe in, and there's an opportunity to invest, I think that's a great route to take. For me, one of the investments I’m really excited about is Fanbase. It’s a social media platform created by a Black man. Like, I really believe it has a future and it has so many features.
And then there’s real estate—there are so many different avenues to build wealth. If you look at any truly wealthy person, their money isn’t tied up in just one area. They diversify. I don’t own a home yet, but I plan to own one within the next year. Looking ahead, I also want to invest in properties like apartment complexes and even commercial buildings. That’s my big focus for 2025.
When it comes to stocks and long-term investments, I focus on companies that I believe will have a significant impact on the future. Like right now, AI is a big thing. Ten years ago, AI wasn’t a household topic, but now it’s everywhere. Imagine the people who invested early just by paying attention to where the world was heading—they’re reaping the benefits now. It’s about doing research and staying ahead of trends. My advice for anyone looking to invest is to look for companies that are making big impacts in the future and those that you know aren’t going anywhere and will continue to grow.
On unhealthy habits she had to quit:
Courtesy
Probably - spending money just because I had it. I got to a point where I felt financially comfortable. Bills were taken care of, and I’d spend because I knew things were okay and I’d get more money soon. Now I've learned to save, invest, or move it toward another goal. The unhealthy thing I was doing the most was probably eating out and giving it away to family and friends. I was always that person. That’s cool sometimes, but when you’re doing it too much, it can be a problem. I had to learn to use my brain and not my heart.
On her ultimate savings goal:
I invest in my Roth IRA, so I plan to retire as a millionaire. But I want to be a millionaire before I retire, and then I'll have my retirement money to just add on to it. My savings goals really are really to put the majority of it into investments, and whenever I'm ready to take it out, it's grown, it's multiplied, and then I'm able to help the next generation, like my nieces and nephews. And when I have kids, I want them to be financially okay. I don't ever want them to struggle. So pretty much, just making sure that my future children are okay and I’m in a place where I don't ever have to worry - I'm comfortable.
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