10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'
If you ever wanna make me happy, get me a T-shirt. As a self-professed human billboard, I can't even begin to tell you how many that I have. I adore them so much that I even wrote an article on here about how to start your own T-shirt line. Anyway, back when I was working with a porn ministry, they let me design some of the shirts for them. One of the ones that I created featured some of the words that I'm about to share with you today, along with "single" at the very bottom.
Ah, the porn ministry days. I'll be the first to say that one of the reasons why I'm currently abstinent now is because of how I was able to get a front row seat into how porn affects people in the industry. The more I saw the "darker sides of sex", the more peace I made with choosing to be abstinent until I could get my own self together and embrace my singleness without the need of a man—in any way and on any level; not because I don't want a man in my life but because I never again want to be needy for one.
Hmph. It's funny the things that you can learn, relearn or unlearn when you really put your focus on that thing. And one thing that taking a break has done is show me how to fully respect and honor the word "single". Yes, in the relational sense, it does mean that you're not in a relationship with someone (technically, it means you're not married; your taxes say that you're single until you say "I do"). Yet hopefully, after reading two other definitions and eight synonyms for single, you'll see that it means a heck of a lot more than that.
Single isn't just about not being in a relationship. Single is dopeness personified.
1.Unique
A word that every single woman should be totally in love with is "unique". Not only because it's a definition of "single", but because of all of the different things that it means. To be unique is to be unparalleled. To be unique is to be incomparable. One of my absolute favorite definitions of the word is "having no like or equal". A close second is "without alternative possibilities".
Gee, when you look at "single" from the perspective of being unique, how can you not want to shout out your relational status from every rooftop and social media page that you've got? It doesn't get much better than being unique. And being single is just that.
2.Original
Something that I dig (and respect) about true creatives is they are highly original. They are all about doing what is fresh and new. Not only that, but they thrive off of being independent. Meaning, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing or how popular something is. If it doesn't sit well with them or if their spirit man is calling them to go in another direction, they do it without reservation or apology. To be original is to be bold, courageous and to truly march to the beat of your own drum. And yes, "original" is a synonym of "single".
What's so cool about that is it's a reminder to approach life with a fresh and new angle; to also be bold and courageous and, when it comes to everything about your world, to be willing to do your own thing instead of what's expected of you. Taking an original approach to life provides being single with limitless possibilities.
3.Exclusive
People know that if I ever use the word "monogamy", I never apply it to couples who aren't married. That's because, in spite of how much the word may be misused, monogamous means to be married; more specifically, to be married to one person for a lifetime. So, what's the word I prefer when it comes to those who are in a long-term relationship? "Exclusive". In a nutshell, it means that you aren't considering anyone else other than the one you are currently with.
As it relates to this article, "exclusive" is another synonym of "single". One of its other definitions is "belonging to a particular individual".
As a single woman, everything about you—mind, body and soul—is exclusive. It belongs to you and you alone. And, should you ever decide to share an exclusive part of yourself, because it is so limited and private, the person on the receiving end should feel highly privileged. Access to exclusivity isn't easy to come by. Treat yourself as such.
4.Special
Not too long ago, I wrote an article on here about how the right man will complement you. Well, if you really want someone to do that, to be the ideal fit for you and your world, sometimes that takes time because, let's all be real for just a sec—if all we wanted was a date or a warm body to be around, that comes a dime a dozen. What most of us want is something much more special than that. Sometimes, we have to be single for a while in order for that to happen.
There's another definition of this synonym for "single" that I want you to take special note of, though. Did you know that "special" also means "having a specific or particular function, purpose, etc."? All of us are God's children and, according to Psalm 33:15(NKJV), "He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works." You don't have a specific purpose once you are in a relationship. You have a calling on your life regardless of whether you ever end up with someone or not. By the mere fact that the Most High has appointed you to something that absolutely no one else can do, especially in the way that you can do it, that makes you very special. For now, a very special single person. Never forget that.
5.Peerless
Once upon a time, there was a guy I loved who couldn't decide how he felt about me. More specifically, he couldn't figure out what to do about the feelings that he had. Every few months or so, he'd tell me that although he wasn't ready for the kind of relationship that I wanted (marriage), he couldn't deny the fact that a woman like me doesn't come around every day. Of course, she doesn't, sir.
I am peerless. All single women who know their worth and value are.
Is "peerless" another synonym for "single"? Absolutely. It means that you have no rival or competitor. Keeping this in mind, even on the lonely days, when it seems like everyone and their grandma has someone in their life but you, don't look at it as being overlooked. Choose to instead see it as you being so supreme (another definition of "peerless") that it doesn't make sense for you to be out here just dating "anybody". You are deserving of the kind of man who is like, "Damn girl, I can't let you get away because I'll never run up on a woman like you again!" Then nod in agreement because he's right. After all, you are peerless.
6.Exceptional
This is a synonym for "single" that is also pretty dope. To be exceptional is to be more than the average of something. To be exceptional is also to be extraordinary, and to be extraordinary is to be remarkable, noteworthy and "beyond what is established".
There is something that I really like about being exceptional as it specifically relates to being single. It's the fact that my status gives me the opportunity to represent single living in a way that goes beyond folks thinking that something is wrong because I'm not married or a mom (a great read about this very point is "Tracee Ellis Ross Doesn't Subscribe To Society's Deadlines").
"Single" is not some sort of relational purgatory or holding pattern until a man comes along. Singleness affords me the time and space to do some things that my married friends aren't always able to do with the same amount of focus and ease.
Single women (and men) are out here accomplishing some pretty amazing things. In part, because their relational status affords them the ability to do so. Honey, you are exceptional. And don't sleep. In many ways, being single is an exceptional thing to be too.
7.Rare
"Rare" is another synonym for "single". Amazing, huh? When I was reviewing its definitions, something that kept coming up was the word "unusually"—unusually great, unusually excellent…stuff like that. This means that to be rare is to be uncommon; in its proper context, that can be a really good thing.
All of this is interesting to me because, when I think of "rare" as it relates to being single, virginity comes to mind. Not in the sense of singleness and virginity going hand in hand (I'm single and ain't nowhere close to being a virgin!); it's more like, I know virgins who don't like being uncommon in the sense of never having had sex before and I know single women who are super uncomfortable with being uncommon in their circle when it comes to not being in a relationship or married.
In both instances, I'm kinda like, "Why don't we alter our perspective a bit here?" Just because you're not (currently) sexually active and/or seeing someone, that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. By choosing not to settle, by waiting until the man and time are truly right for you, that automatically makes you unusually great and unusually excellent. Waiting will bring you the kind of rareness that you, yourself, already are. Never lose sight of that.
8.Private
Privacy speaks to something belonging to one individual only. I remember a wife once telling me, "Girl, the loneliest night in bed alone beats being in a miserable marriage any day." Say that, sis! It's important to also keep in mind that private is synonymous with "single". This means that when we think of being single, we should relish in the fact that what we have is ours and ours alone. We don't have to share our bed, our resources, our time or anything else in the name of compromise in order to make a relationship work or last.
Like oh so many married women tell me, while marriage does have its benefits, the privacy of singleness is something that all of them grieve from time to time. Because of that, they make sure to tell me to never take for granted. I don't.
9.Individual
Another definition of "single" is individual. On the surface, you probably get the gist of what it is to be an individual. However, let this definition simmer on your spirit for just a moment—"separate or distinct, especially from others of its kind". Something that really does bother me is how many single women overlook their individuality and, instead, compare themselves to other women. According to what this definition of "single" is, whenever any of us do that, we're not living out the true meaning of the word.
A woman who revels in her singleness does so, in part, because she knows that her status alone defines her as being someone who is supposed to be and live unlike anyone else.
Being single is all about celebrating one's individuality. How often do you do that?
10. Without Equal
The final synonym for single that I want to round all of this out with is "without equal". When something or someone is equal to something or someone else, it basically means that it's just as great as it is; that it brings balance to it.
Until someone comes along who you can, without question or hesitation, profess that he is as great as you are, be "without equal". And be OK with that. As you've just seen, all that it means in the meantime is that you're single. And girl, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with that!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
If You're Not In Love With Being Single, Ask Yourself These 6 Questions
Quick & Easy Self-Esteem Hacks That Will Have You Feeling Yourself
7 Daily Affirmations Every Single Woman Needs To Speak Over Their Lives
How To Own The Power Of Your Single Season
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- 20 Responses To Why Are You Still Single - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What To Do Stuck In Relationship Purgatory - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Spend Christmas Alone, Ideas - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 6 Reasons To Be Abstinent For A Season - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next October (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Women's Voting Organization Supermajority's CIO Talks Election Issues, Minus The Drama
Voting has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. As a child, my parents would pack my sister and me up in the car and allow us to take in the excitement of the polls during local and national elections.
Years later, in 2008, I voted in my first election for Barack Obama and emotionally celebrated his win surrounded by fellow classmates from Clark Atlanta, Spelman, and Morehouse.
I remember calling my grandmother, who has since transitioned, and hearing the passion in her voice when she explained how she’d never thought she’d see something like this happen and how much it meant to her. As I reflect, I realize it’s a combination of memories like this that undoubtedly encouraged my will to vote.
However, as an adult, my reasoning behind the practice has developed. It’s no longer just about “the right thing to do.” I feel a responsibility to myself and my future to know the issues, how they impact me, and make a difference for others.
In the times we’re in, there's so much “news” everywhere. It’s hard to distinguish fact from opinion and bias from beliefs. This is why it was such a pleasure speaking with Jara Butler, Chief Impact Officer of Supermajority. Supermajority is an organization focused on making women the most powerful voting bloc in the country. During this authentic and informal conversation, we talked about so much.
I learned about her time working with the Obama campaign and how she masterfully worked in multiple industries, and we shared some of our favorite female rap moments. However, in the snapshot you’ll read, we focused on the issues. Jara walked xoNecole through what’s most affecting women of color in this election and what we can do to be more aware. Whether you’re a politics girlie or like me, just trying to gain more insight, hopefully this convo connects with you.
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xoNecole: Let’s just jump right in. What are some of the most popular issues that you hear Black women discussing related to this election?
Jara Butler: Our sister organization, the Supermajority Education Fund, recently did some research specifically looking at young women in the age group 18 to 35, and young Black women identified their economic well-being as a priority. Right now, we're in a place where a lot of us, especially young Black women, are finding that meeting those basic needs are harder and harder.
Secondly, is Project 2025. I think Black women see it as not just something that could happen, but actively happening. For example, we’ve all been watching the case with the Fearless fund, and how it's been targeted. We know Black women are very entrepreneurial. We can go back to Madam C.J. Walker and others who have opened the door for all of us to achieve. But if those barriers are in place, we're just not going to be able to meet that.
Lastly, Repro is a very big issue. But I think looking at it holistically and not just about abortion is important. Black women are more likely to talk about this from a perspective of our reproductive health care and the lack of access due to medical racism. As a Black woman myself, who's over 40, a lot of the changes that I am making in my life are because I have to do everything I can to put myself in a position, because I know no matter what my economic status is, if I walk into a medical office, there's a good chance I'm gonna face medical discrimination. Breast cancer screenings, colon cancer screening, ovarian cancer screening, cervical cancer screenings - all of those are part of that network of reproductive health.
xoN: Another issue I’d love your insight into is our missing girls. I think it's so unbelievable how much this is swept under the rug. There are so many stories about Black women that are continuing to go missing; I don’t understand how that’s not a bigger conversation. Is this something that can be pursued on the government level and what can we do to bring more attention to this issue?
Jara: We have this list of majority rules on our website, and my favorite one is: that our government represents us. I think that we have to continue to apply pressure to our government to meet our needs. And again, women are the majority of voters. Black women, especially, are the most reliable voting bloc across all groups, and our interests right now are not being met. So yes, there is something that we can do, but I also am a big proponent of us having these conversations.
My great-grandmother was enslaved, my grandmother was born into Jim Crow, and I watched my mother face economic insecurity. I say that because, as a Black community, we have to have an internal conversation to talk about these issues, and we have to do it upfront. I think we have to get into a position of realizing that we do have power, and how we activate that power.
Our power comes from being Black folks because Black people organizing has been enough to shake up and scare people. There were laws that prevented us from congregating together, even at church, because they knew what would happen when we got together. We have to get back into that. It's not that we are not doing it, but the urgency needs to be greater. And finally, we have to get away from depending on one individual to take us there. It's gonna take all of us.
"Our power comes from being Black folks because Black people organizing has been enough to shake up and scare people. There were laws that prevented us from congregating together, even at church, because they knew what would happen when we got together. We have to get back into that. It's not that we are not doing it, but the urgency needs to be greater."
xoN: I agree completely. Now, when we started, you mentioned money. So let’s talk about it. So many of us are starting businesses and getting degrees, and I love to see it. But everyone seems to still be having a lot of the same issues around finances. What are some of the underlying reasons behind this debt that we're dealing with, and how can voting influence these challenges without getting into the individual candidates?
Jara: Hello! Let’s talk about the money! Black women have been told that if we want to move ahead, we have to have that master's degree. We have to be twice as good. So we met that measure, right? But in order to do that, we have to pay for it. Up until about the 1970s college was absolutely affordable. You could work one job and pay for college with some money left over. That has changed.
Realistically, student loans are a barrier. They are a barrier to access housing. They impact our credit, and really and truthfully, depending on how much your loans are, they could affect you paying rent. It basically creates a cycle of debt. And I have real problems with people who say, get a degree in something that's going to make money. It’s about your skills, and if you have the skills, you should be able to earn a living. That covers that.
But the fact is that student loan debt continues to increase, and there have been attempts, more than once, to try to relieve some of that pressure. The reality is that this is a squeeze. It is a conundrum, and we see efforts by the current White House administration to try to alleviate those things, even when they are stopped.
But truly, Congress needs to step in and support this, but I would take it a step further. We should be considering and looking at what it would look like if we had free community colleges. Because what we have now is two generations of borrowers, because older millennials’ children are beginning to age. Black women have the highest degree of second-degree secondary education, but we carry like 1.7 trillion in debt or something like that. I can't remember the exact number, but basically, the majority of the student loan debt is ours.
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xoN: Speaking of college, obviously there’s a lot of discussion around affirmative action in the schools and the undergoing changes. How important is it to consider this topic, and are there any new laws or policies being proposed around this that we should be aware of?
Jara: Oh my goodness, affirmative action is one of the things that we saw that our sister site, the Supermajority Education Fund, found last year as a number two issue for young women. I actually hypothesized that it was a real thing, and it was. And the reason for that is that affirmative action as a whole has been something that benefited white women more than any other group.
However, what is happening is that we’re using the word DEI in a way that is derogatory. I’ve heard people refer to it as: “didn't even earn it.” And as a Black woman who attended an amazing school, I remember being in class and having someone make that comment, knowing my grades were higher than theirs.
The fact of the matter is that we would not need these policies if we lived in an equal and equitable society. It doesn't do us any harm for us to face the facts that this country was built off the backs of enslaved people and the blood of indigenous people, and off the sweat and the tears of immigrants. But because we are unwilling to face that, we now are demonizing programs that are actually meant to create some symbol of balance.
xoN: Finally, I’ll close with this, what can we do to provide information to young people, and how do we combat all of the less than researched info?
Jara: One thing I encourage is to look at the source. At Supermajority, our social channels are information-based. We strive to provide up-to-date accurate information that is digestible to all. Media literacy is something I believe in, and unfortunately, it is something that we have a responsibility to continue to share with the community at large. So much of our world is centered on immediate info, a lie spreads faster than the truth.
We just saw that with the Olympic women's boxers, and we have to ask ourselves often: is this information accurate? Who is telling the story? Most importantly, how am I an original contributor? Not everything said needs to be shared, and not every thought needs to be public.
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