10 Women Share Why They Decided To Not Have Kids (And Don't Regret It)

Women Share Why They Decided Not to Have Kids (And Don't Regret It)

1. Allison. 37. Dating.

“I don’t know why folks think that not liking kids means that we don’t have a heart or something. When I say that, I mean that I think that children need to be raised by people who adore having them around and don’t just tolerate them or enjoy them when the mood hits. I know a lot of people who weren’t raised like that. I think that kids are cute and smarter than a lot of adults if you really listen to them.

"I just don’t like them enough to have them in the day-to-day of my life, for the rest of my life. A couple of hours or a weekend of babysitting are good. More than that, no ma’am. If that makes me evil to everyone, I’ll live. It’s better than having them and then raising them like they are always getting on your nerves. I’d call out names, but I want to keep my anonymity here.”

2. Evelyn. 41. Married for Three Years.

“This is my second marriage. The reason why my first one ended is because my husband wanted kids, and I was on the fence. Really, I wasn’t on the fence; I just loved him and I said whatever I needed to, to get married. That wasn’t fair to him or to me because all I ended up doing was wasting each other’s precious time. He’s now remarried with a baby and one on the way and couldn’t be happier.

"I’m now married to a man with children in college, and I’m thrilled too. I’m just not someone who looked at my adult life and saw children in it — not in a ‘mommy’ way. I have always wanted to do other things with my life and I enjoy now having a partner who feels the same way.”

3. Alessia. 35. Engaged.

“I ended two pregnancies in my past: one was in college, and another was in my mid-20s. At the time, I thought that it just wasn’t the right time for me. But then I noticed that when I shared my abortion stories with others, and they were talking about all of the PTSD and regret that they had surrounding their own terminations, I realized that I don’t think that there will ever be a ‘right time.’

"My fiancé has a child, and I love him, and I don’t mind becoming a stepmom. But there is nothing about me that wants to get pregnant or have a child around full-time. He doesn’t want any more kids either, to the point where he has already had a vasectomy, so it’s turned out perfectly.”

4. Paxtone. 51. Married for 16 Years.

“My husband and I knew that we were meant for each other on our second date — the fact that we got married four months later and have been married for almost 17 years now proves it! One of the things that made it crystal clear to us both is that neither of us wanted to have children. Children are expensive, and we preferred to put that money towards seeing the world, saving up for retirement — and also helping our siblings with their children.

"We’ve helped to put a couple of nieces and nephews through college and put a down payment on a home for another. Don’t underestimate uncles and aunts who don’t have kids. They can bless in ways you never saw coming.”

5. Lakelynn. 43. Separated.

“When my soon-to-be ex-husband first told me that he wanted a house filled with children, I should’ve ended the relationship then. He told me that when we were dating and I thought he was so perfect that I talked myself into what I knew I didn’t want: to be a mother. I think the universe agreed with me because I was never able to get pregnant during the first four years, and then we tried IVF and still weren’t successful.

"Now he’s drained, I’m resentful, and we both feel like a lot of time was wasted. He still wants children, I don’t and I don’t want to keep ignoring what is screaming in our faces — that I shouldn’t force what my gut doesn’t desire and he shouldn’t have to make the kind of sacrifice to go without. Love isn’t always enough.”

6. Skye. 48. Dating.

“Some won’t want to hear this, but I don’t respect people who think that older kids should help them raise their younger kids. Children are not continuous babysitters, and they need to have a childhood. I know because I was the second-to-oldest child in a family of six, and there were a lot of things that I missed out on doing because I needed to stay home and watch my brothers and sisters.

"When it was time for me to go to college, I couldn’t wait to leave and never looked back. I decided after graduation that I didn’t want any children, not because I don’t like kids, but I would rather have the freedom that comes from being an auntie than a mom. I was basically a second mom while growing up. Girl, I am so over that.”

7. Carlee. 45. Divorced.

“My decision to not have kids may be different than other women. I once did, but after three miscarriages, I emotionally don’t have the strength or even the interest to keep trying. Now that it’s been seven years since my last miscarriage, I realize that I don’t want to adopt either. Sometimes you’re conditioned to focus on only one part of what makes you a woman that when you put it aside, you learn more about yourself.

"Motherhood is beautiful, and it’s not all that makes a woman a woman. I’m not sure if I had birthed any of my children if I would’ve ever realized that.”

8. Ona. 37. Married for Five Years.

“Two things that I always thought were really cute for anyone but me are kids and pets. Sure, they’re adorable and fun to play with, but when everyone goes home, you’ve got to do some real work, and it never lets up. How do I know? My girlfriends constantly tell me! I’d rather be, what I call [a] ‘relief auntie’ for a few hours than a mother 24/7. It’s just not me, my husband is the same way. Parenting enriches your life in one way. Not parenting does in another.”

9. Kiera. 44. Dating.

“I’m too selfish for children — in a good way. What I mean is, I think if you know that you don’t want to devote your life to your children, you absolutely shouldn’t have them. I know parents who are too self-absorbed to be raising kids and that’s unfair to their kids. There has always been a part of me that knew that I didn’t want to put a child first, and so I have either been on the pill and used condoms or had an IUD for years now. You have no idea how thrilled I am that I’m seeing signs of menopause coming.

"I live my life for me, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Be embarrassed if you have kids and you still think that you come first.”

10. Xane. 50. Single.

“I never want to get married, and so, I never want to have kids. I know that some women see being a mom differently, but I come from a single mom, and I think that children need both of their parents. Since a hubby has never been a desire for me, children aren’t an option either. I think it’s sad that some people think that is sad. I live a very full and enjoyable single life, and not once have I wished that a kid was a part of it.

"Hell, when I hit menopause, I threw a party like it was a birthday one! I like being a poster child — hell, billboard — for being a happy single woman. If you want to be a mom — great. If I don’t want to be a mom, also great. Right?”

____

Absolutely right, my dear. Indeed, something that’s so beautiful about being a woman is there are many ways to be one. And as far as children go, you can “birth” other things like dreams and ideas too — never forget that.

If you’re a woman who has never really wanted to have kids, please know that I penned this with you in mind. As you can see, you are not alone, and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or quiet about.

In fact, pat yourself on the back for knowing what you want — and don’t want. You’re more ahead of the game than you might think, sis. Hmph. Promise you that.

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