The definition of a power suit has changed over the past twenty years because women have redefined what it means to have power. In recent years, we have proven that the future is hella female and we will always create our own lane. With women adjusting their crowns and truly owning their power in their designated fields, the power suit has evolved from massive shoulder armor and bow ties.
Don't get me wrong, we will always be obsessed with women like Olivia Pope and Joan Clayton who could make any tailored suit look flawless. But now that women can decide what it means to have power and what style staples ignite that power, there is no stopping us.
We had the chance to chat with five powerful women and they shared their definition of a power suit and how they avow their power.
Kashmir Thompson
A funky pair of shades is a must in Kashmir's rendition of a power suit.
What She Does:
Designer and Owner of KashmirVIII
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"I think what makes me powerful is my confidence in my abilities. I truly believe I can do WHATEVER I want to do, and successfully. I think people see that in me and respect that. And respect will always be a key to power."
Her Power Moment:
"I'm going to say last year when I was a vendor at Essence Festival. That was my first time vending there and for a venue so large, with such a large audience. Having so many of my supporters in one space was an eye-opening experience for me. There were soooo many of them. People coming up to me telling me how much they love me and my work was overwhelming. Not to mention meeting so many new people who didn't know me and who were in awe immediately. A lady came into my booth and saw one of my paintings titled, 'Easin', and literally cried. That experience was one that made me step back and say, 'Wow...look at what I can do.'"
Her Power Suit:
"A dope pair of sneakers, a beat face, one of my clutches, and a funky pair of shades are definitely my staples. If you ever see me, I'm going to have at least two of the four!"
Kumasi Aaron
Color is Kumasi's version of the power suit.
What She Does:
National Correspondent for E.W. Scripps
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"I am powerful because I don't let doubts and fears keep me from letting the world see who I am. It's a process, but every day, I set the intention to do it and it becomes easier every time. I am a National Correspondent, rocking my natural hair, and bringing the fullness of who I am to every interview I do and every story I write. The way I ask a question, the way I craft a story is authentically me. I think that makes for more compelling journalism, but the real power is being able to connect with people in a truer way, and in turn, empowering them to share a little more of themselves with the world."
Her Power Moment:
"As an Anchor and Reporter at a TV news station in Florida, my bangs breaking off led me to discover the beauty that was my natural hair! So when I was off, it would be out in all its glory but while at work, I wore a wig. After a while, I started to feel like I was hiding who I was, and decided to talk with my manager about being able to wear my natural hair on air. She was okay with it, and although I was excited, I was unsure how our audience would react. I can still remember sitting behind the desk for the first time and telling myself, 'This is who you are. You love it, and so will they.' I anchored like I was the most powerful beautiful queen on the screen. And guess what? They love it too! But even if they hadn't, that moment forced me to embrace my power, and that was priceless."
Her Power Suit:
"Can a power suit be a jumpsuit? Mine is. I was a little hesitant to wear this on air first, but it just makes me feel so powerful, feminine, and confident, I just went with it anyway. Now it's one of the things I reach for when I want an outfit that stands out without being too loud. Another power suit for me is a dress in a color that pops. Armed with this and a smile, I feel powerful walking in any room!"
Tiffany Battle
For Tiffany, personality is her power.
What She Does:
Creator of The Werk! Place
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"There's power in being authentic. So, the ability to move authenticity from theory to reality is what makes me a powerful woman."
Her Power Moment:
"The transitional moments in life have forced me to get to know myself better. With each test and trial, I've found more strength to embrace my power."
Her Power Suit:
"With any look, I like to infuse my personality. So, my power suit is definitely going to have a little mixed print flavor to it."
Paige Parker
Paige believes flexibility is key for honing her power.
What She Does:
Founder of Whole Health Club
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"Connection, creation and, passion. I have the ability to connect with most people that I meet, on such a deep level that it feels like I have known them my whole life. I create relationships and bonds through trust and honesty. I choose to surround myself with like-minded individuals who aspire to conquer the same life goals; it's almost as if we are feeding off of each other's hustle, good vibes, and passion. I always knew I wanted to help women discover the healthiest version of themselves but I had to make sure I was the healthiest version of ME before I could help anyone else. I notice that when I make connections, create relationships and express my passion for health and wellness, I feel balanced and at ease. When I discovered how these three words made me feel, I realized I wanted to help others find their true value and purpose in life. When you feel balanced, everyone else around you can feel it too! I teach women how to see that they have value and purpose, I guide them to TRUE self-care, I help them see that their past DOES NOT define them and I show them the value of empowering/uplifting other women."
Her Power Moment:
"In 2016, I started Whole Health Club with my husband, Chase, and my best friend, Sam. We moved out to Colorado with the intention of opening up a gym that felt like home to our clients. We knew NO ONE, but we had a vision and we weren't going to stop until we made that vision a reality. Whole Health Club is the gym with the kitchen. We believe in taking the WHOLE approach to health and fitness, so we added a residential style kitchen to help our clients bring back cooking into their homes. We also have an open space with free weights and a classroom where I teach yoga. When we opened Whole Health Club, I had NO IDEA how much energy it was going to take to make it happen, I quickly learned that if I let every bump in the road get to me, then this path to success was going to be a LONG one. I had to go within and find what gave me the power to survive a day in the life of an entrepreneur. I knew if I made connections with the right people, created relationships that serve my divine path to success, and continued to express my passion for health and fitness, then NOTHING could stand in my way."
Her Power Suit:
"Yoga pants and any SOFT fabrics! Being in the fitness field is amazing because I get to wear comfortable outfits that fit my body and allow me to embrace my athletic body. I am all about LEGGINGS, anywhere from seamless and soft to tight and sporty. Alo Yoga is a brand that I love so much because of, not only their clothes, but everything that they stand for as a company. A-air L-land O-ocean are the perfect words, and truth that yoga can be done ANYWHERE. When I feel like I can move and breathe, I feel like my most powerful self."
Kesha McLeod
Bold color is how Kesha makes her powerful statement to the world.
What She Does:
Wardrobe Stylist & Owner of KMCME
What Makes Her A Powerful Woman:
"I'm powerful because Women are stronger. Men learn from us. We're amazing beings. We work, we nurture, we endure pain, then get back to business. We are all-around."
Her Power Moment:
"Stepping out on my own and leaving my previous agency forced me to do my own thing. I became a better person and I was more confident in myself. I never knew I wasn't confined, but I knew I had to make my OWN major decisions so that I knew I had power. Now it cannot be taken away from me. That feeling is priceless."
Related: How Kesha McLeod Went from Working In Retail to Styling The Biggest Names In Sports
Her Power Suit:
"My style staples are always a great color no matter if it's a suit, coat, or as simple as a sweater. I think anyone in a bold color can make a powerful statement!"
Featured image via Kesha McLeod/Instagram
Originally published February 12, 2018
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- The Evolution Of The Female Power Suit & What It Means — PHOTOS ›
- How Fashion is Updating Power Dressing for 2017 | W Magazine ›
- The return of the female power suit | The Independent ›
- 7 Wearable Power Suits For Your Inner Girl Boss | more.com ›
- Suisupply Is Now Redefining the Power Suit For Women | Observer ›
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Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
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Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
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And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
____
Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy