If you came across this article and clicked on it because of its title, you might be wondering, what is "main character energy"? Don't worry girl, we've got you covered. Main character energy is a phrase that gained popularity through TikTok and places the spotlight where it needs to be, on you as the writer and architect of your own story. And as such, you are the main character. Main character energy is a positive way to describe yourself as it refers to an interesting, multi-faceted, multi-layered protagonist who are ultimately the loves of their own lives, period.
Main character energy isn't a trend, it's a lifestyle. Main character energy takes time and dedication to crafting the best life for yourself by yourself. For many years, I struggled to tap into my "main character energy" due to my lack of self-confidence and codependency. After my breakup, I took time to find myself again. Once I put in the work to heal, I began to find radical self-acceptance. Embracing my "main character energy", I became the love of my own life.
Below are a few women I admire who I feel radiate main character energy. They have put so much love into themselves and are amazing women. Here is how they have become the main character of their own life.
Devri Velazquez
Courtesy of Devri Velazquez
Writer, Digital Creative, and Rare Disease Survivor
"When I was 20 years old, I was diagnosed with a rare disease that has no cure. It devastated me so much. More than the physical limitations I experienced in the first few years of my diagnosis, my mental health was rocked. It was important for me to root myself in my faith and spirituality so I didn't lose my mind. I did not like myself at all, but years later after my illness went into remission and I could go back to work, I gained my confidence back.
"I put one foot in front of the other and had to realize that this was my new normal, and if I still wanted to succeed in whatever I envisioned for my life, then I needed to stop spending so much energy pitying myself and instead, navigate the obstacles in the best way I could."
"Whenever I see something in my life, I manifest it and work towards a goal to make it a reality. I've moved across the country twice with no savings, no friends, nothing to my name but my ambition. I take a lot of pride in trusting my intuition and forging my path a lot of times even when my decisions were unpopular or seemed unrealistic."
Tanika Lambert
Courtesy of Tanika Lambert
Athleisurewear Designer
"I overcame challenges because I had to ask myself hard questions. The one question I had to ask myself was, 'What do I want?' When I finally answered this question, more opportunities began to open up for me.
"I'm living life on my terms by, doing the things that matter to me. I found that being intentional with what I want and what goals I want to accomplish helped me a lot."
"Self-love, acceptance, and understanding has helped me with outside relationships because now I know what people I want around me. I want positive people around me that will elevate and motivate me."
Courtney Richardson
Courtesy of Courtney Richardson
Creative Strategist for Paper Magazine and founder of Do It For The Brand
"Growing up Black and being a woman is a challenge within itself. When you grow up as such, society tells you that you're not worthy, that you're less than, and that you don't matter. Whether it's the lack of representation in entertainment or the systematic barriers that are set up to hold people like me back due to race and gender, it's easy to be on the sidelines. So, I wasn't always the main character in my own life growing up due to how society saw (and still sees) people that look like me. But it became so exhausting that I got tired of being tired.
"In my early twenties, I decided it was much easier to love who I was and steep in that joy than it was to not. And at the same time, for many who look like me, there's also an innate form of resilience by being a woman and a Black woman at that. By being such, I've been able to come into my own by embracing the gifts of being a Black woman and defying what society negates me to be."
"A while ago, I made a non-negotiable contract within myself that contain terms like:
- I refuse to put energy into things that don't light me up.
- My joy is my joy and no one else's.
- The only time I'll sleep on myself is when I have to get rest.
- Recharge but also refuse to have any apologies about doing so.
"By living life by my own set of terms, I can hold myself to be accountable to my measure of greatness, growth, and gratitude."
Ty-Michelle
Courtesy of Ty-Michelle
DJ and CEO of #ZenitudeShop
"What has helped me become comfortable with my whole self is fully accepting my flaws. I think we all strive to be a perfect model of ourselves but the reality is, there is no such thing as perfect. I've reached a place where I now fully understand the concept of duality and how important it is for us to honor both the light and dark sides of who we are.
"Once I began living in the space of honoring my mistakes instead of running and hiding from them, I began to settle into my true self."
"I wake up every single day and do what I want. If I need a rest, I take it. If I feel like I need a spa day, I plan one. Most importantly I don't let other people dictate what my life should look like or let opinions from outsiders get to me. We only get one run at this. I do what makes me happy and let God worry about the rest."
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Featured image by Courtney Richardson
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak