When I was turning 30 last year, I thought I would want this big grandiose affair for ushering in this new era. But instead, I opted for peace, I opted for quiet, I opted for an unofficial but official move to a new country and the overall unloading of things that no longer served the version of myself that I no longer was. On my actual birthday, I wasn't on someone's beach like I had imagined or turning up until the wee hours of the night, I was enjoying a meal with my love over wine in a city that I love and those two factors made it more affirming of an evening than I ever imagined. In a phrase, entering my 30s felt like coming home to myself. I reveled in awe at the confidence I felt wash over me in the way that women before me had raved it would be.
I didn’t sweat the small stuff, I started the long and winding road of learning boundaries, I embraced a soft life that no longer saw wealth as success or my ultimate goal in life. In this new decade, I longed to plant seeds of a life where stress was something that came in sporadic visits instead of being a resident. I seek comfort, I aim for health, and I gravitate towards the simplicity of small things and leading a life well-lived. By terms and rules that are my own. Who I was in my 20s would surely stare at the woman I had become with such awe. Is that me? I am, indeed.
Though I am most definitely still finding my footing, I am enjoying what this season of life is teaching me and asking of me. And as a newly 30-year-old, I found myself wondering how other women’s 30s have shaped them so far. We asked four women to define their 20s and how the lessons they learned helped them evolve into who they are today as thirty-somethings.
xoNecole: What's one word you would use to describe your 20s?
Bianca Lambert: I'll have to use three in this case: a hot mess.
What is the single most significant lesson or takeaway that you took from that time in your life and how are you applying that to your 30s?
You know, what's funny about this question, in particular, is that I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I've stepped into my mid-30s. The most significant lesson I learned was that it's okay to make mistakes. I think what I got wrong in my 20s was thinking I was somehow supposed to have it all together post-college. I understand why I felt that way because of all of the pressures we have as Black women to not only the idyllic career, but we also have to layer our career successes with perfect long-term relationships, and soon after securing a man, now we're supposed to have kids and live happily ever after. That's just so unrealistic and, to be frank archaic and doesn't allow young women to actually figure out who we are in the same way men do.
I want to be clear that I'm not saying if you get married early in life, you're doing anything wrong. I just think I realized as I was turning 33 that there was so much more to life than the things people told me I should strive for, and I am grateful I've had this time to myself. In my 20s, I made some pretty drastic and life-changing mistakes that were the source of a lot of hurt and trauma. But that is life, and that's how I try to see things now. It's not about that thing that I messed up. It's about taking the time to process, work through it, and then move forward to the next part of my life. Life can be so beautiful even after things have gone off the rails.
Sometimes it takes a minute for us to really come to terms with lessons that we need to learn and grow from in life, was it a journey to learn that particular lesson?
You know, I felt like I was doing all of the growing and healing on my own. But the truth was I was compartmentalizing and moving on without letting myself really sit with and feel the pain of the things I'd experienced, and that turned into panic attacks that started when I was 32. It wasn't until I was 34 and we were all processing the pandemic that I realized I needed help. I couldn't even drive myself five minutes to the grocery store without feeling the onset of a panic attack hit me.
So, I sought out a therapist and have been talking to her once a week for almost two years. I think there are times when we can make room and space to look back on certain really big events in our life and say, "Okay, I learned x,y, and z from that." But, so much of the time, it's the little things that creep up on us, and for me, that has made it really difficult to allow people into my emotional bubble.
But, I can always be there for other people because it's easier for me to be there for them and not talk about how all of these things that have happened in my life have shaped who I am. So, I am always the "strong friend" or fixer. Therapy has opened me up and allowed me to see myself and my experiences in a new way. For the first time ever, instead of looking at my past as this thing I'm trying to forget, I use it as a way to inform me about how people and situations make me feel, which is vital to ensuring I allow good people in and allow myself to enjoy life without waiting on the other shoe to drop.
Are there any other lessons that speak to you when you think back to that time in your life?
I'm sure we all do this thing where we look back and cringe at what we did and said. I'd even have a habit of beating myself up about them, but now it's like I've grown, and if people want to continue to remember me the way I was, what feels like a million years ago, that's their stuff, not mine. We're all works in progress. We all have shit. And, giving people the same grace you'd like to receive is essential. And I strive to do that daily.
What was the biggest misconception that you had about your 20s and your 30s?
In my 20s, I really attached my worth to how other people saw me, including guys and dating. What a time that was. Yikes. When I hit 26 and was unmarried without prospects and a career I didn't love, I thought I was failing. When in fact, it was the exact opposite. I was experimenting with creating, entrepreneurship, and writing, and really diving into all of those interests—even though I was in debt up to my eyeballs—[and that is] why I have a career I love today. In my opinion, the 20s are meant for trying and failing a lot—not getting every step of your journey just right. And, I wish more people kept it real about the difficulties they face(d) during this very transitional time from young adulthood to the real world. It's challenging.
"In my opinion, the 20s are meant for trying and failing a lot—not getting every step of your journey just right. And, I wish more people kept it real about the difficulties they face(d) during this very transitional time from young adulthood to the real world. It's challenging."
When I'd hear people talk about their 30s, I'd be like, "Wow, that's so old." Now, I'm an oldie. Ha! I think that was my biggest misconception about my 30s. Like, welp, I'm 30. This is it. And the reality is life is just beginning. I didn't get settled in my career until I was 32. And I didn't get my first opportunity to work full-time in digital media until I was 30. If someone had told me I'd move to L.A. with zero dollars at 30 to be an intern —or what they called a resident—at BuzzFeed, I'd be like 'No, when I'm 30, I will be happily married with three kids, a fine ass husband that adores me, a thriving career, and a big house in some suburb.'
But, God's plan for me wasn't that. I embraced turning 30 and said yes to every opportunity. Being single, curious, and ambitious has worked out for me. Has my life been perfect? Absolutely not. But, if I compare my happiness from my 20s to my 30s, I am the happiest I've ever been at 35. The pressure to live up to everyone else's expectations of me is gone. I do what I want and what feels right for me.
What's a word or theme that you feel is defining your 30s so far?
Acceptance and happiness.
xoNecole: What's one word you would use to describe your 20s?
Monnie Drea: The word that I would use to describe my 20s is "impulse." Mostly every decision I made in my 20s was 20 percent logic and 80 percent impulse. If I felt unhappy in any situation, I would work to find something that felt "right" and put 100 percent into exploring that. That's how I ended up in L.A.
What is the single most significant lesson or takeaway that you took from that time in your life and how are you applying that to your 30s?
Forget the rules. Everyone has their "right way" to do things but just because it works for them doesn't mean it'll work for you. Create your own rules and live by them. As long as you maintain your morals everything will be fine.
Sometimes it takes a minute for us to come to terms with lessons that we need to learn and grow from in life, was it a journey to learn that particular lesson?
It was most definitely a journey. I spent a lot of time doing what my friends thought would make me successful. That's why is very important to choose your friends wisely and always have a mind of your own. It's okay to take suggestions but make sure the advice you're receiving applies to where you see yourself going. I got to a point where I was just so unhappy that I had no other choice but to bet on myself, and it worked out.
Are there any other lessons that speak to you when you think back to that time in your life?
Another lesson I've learned was to not be afraid of people. It was instilled in me to always be wary of people and their motives so, literally everyone that I was meeting would give me anxiety. I would consistently question what their motives were and it showed. Discernment is vital. Trusting your gut and not being afraid of getting it wrong would probably be my next toughest lesson.
What was the biggest misconception that you had of your 20s and your 30s?
The biggest misconception is, that you have to have everything together before you start working towards your dream. The reality is you'll never have everything together. I guarantee they'll always be something that you "need" to get started. Focus on using what you have already in your possession and start working today.
What's a word or theme that you feel is defining your 30s so far?
The word that best describes my 30s so far is individuality. I'm focused on learning exactly who I am and taking all the lessons I've learned in my 20s and applying them so that I can become the best version of myself.
xoNecole: What's one word you would use to describe your 20s?
Brittany Daniel: I would say adventurous. I did whatever I wanted to do. I mean that in the humblest way just taking risks and going after everything that I wanted in my 20s. I didn't have children. That's the biggest thing and that's one of the things I preach on my platform. I understand that social media is making motherhood look so glamorous and popular, but the freedom of not tying myself down at a young age to a person or another life was really why I was able to just really move freely and do what I wanted to do.
I think that's the biggest contributing factor because I did get pregnant at 21. Had I made the decision to have that child, I wouldn't have had the life that I ended up having in my 20s.
What is the single most significant lesson or takeaway that you took from that time in your life and how are you applying that to your 30s?
Save your money and delay gratification. Especially when...I’m not sure how old you are but when I was in my 20s, becoming a beauty guru was really popular so consumerism was really heightened in my mid-20s. I would have just delayed a lot of the spending that I did, [been] a lot smarter with my money, saving it when they told me to when I was young. When you're in your 20s, you feel like you have your whole life [to save], but being more financially responsible, fiscally responsible with my income... If I could do anything over again, that would be my biggest takeaway.
Sometimes it takes a minute for us to come to terms with lessons that we need to learn and grow from in life, was it a journey to learn that particular lesson?
I moved to New York and I moved to New York off of my GI bill. So, I had a steady income. I had to finesse it a little bit, but at least there was something coming in. Even though I wasn't working a job, I was able to intern and do certain things. I really had to go out there and grind and start over, that was my turning point. Not to say that I didn't know life was real before, but it really showed me that I was in charge of my destiny, and I take control of my life. I always knew I was in control of my life, but when I decided to leave something comfortable that I just really took charge of my life.
I guess the turning point was when I had mental health issues because I had never known a job could affect me in that way. I guess overall I didn't know that choosing the wrong career for the wrong reasons, that you can suffer for that. I think that the biggest turning point was just me hating life [at the time], having depression, and then deciding to do something about it.
Are there any other lessons that speak to you when you think back to that time in your life?
Chile, if I could go back and not date anybody I dated... What I try to teach young women [through my platform is] to focus as much on yourself as you can until you've reached a level where you feel like, 'Okay, this is the career that I want, I know who I am, and this is what I want out of life.' Then, I think it's time to incorporate somebody else and start building with that person. But if you try to incorporate somebody into your life and try to date while you're figuring it out, I feel it just causes distraction.
From my personal viewpoint, nothing came of it because I wasn't who I was yet. I didn't know who I was yet. If I could take that back and not waste a lot of time on dating or energy focusing on marriage before I figured out myself and figured out what I truly wanted for myself and what I wanted to do -- I think that's the biggest thing. Make sure you know who you are, what you want to do, and where you're going, and then incorporate somebody else into your life. But until then, just stay single, girl. Have fun.
What was the biggest misconception that you had of your 20s and your 30s?
The misconception for my 20s was that I would have it all figured out by now. [I would have] the biggest house with three children, a husband, a dog, and I'd be a marketing executive making millions of dollars. I think in your 20s, even though it's great to visualize the life you think you want, I think one thing that we don't stress enough with people is, 'What's the plan?' Your 20s are just figuring it out. You're just figuring out life. You don't know a lot. You're not supposed to have the answers. That doesn't happen for everybody. That didn't happen for me.
I think the biggest misconception in your 30s is that it's too late and you have to play catch up. So many people freak out before they're 30 that they are not married or they don't have children. One of the highest viewed videos on my YouTube channel is [talking about being] 30, single, no kids. A lot of women have anxiety approaching their 30th birthday and not having what they thought that they should have at that time.
We still have time in our 30s to figure out our partner when we want to. We have other options if that's what people want to do. You're still building in your 30s.
What's a word or theme that you feel is defining your 30s so far?
I would say sacrifice and discipline because I did a whole lot of partying and a whole lot of spending and a whole lot of living in my 20s. But now, I feel like my life is shifting into where it's really focused and it's like, I don't have time for a lot of the things that I would've entertained or done back then or the way I was spending money back then.
xoNecole: What's one word you would use to describe your 20s?
Darla Holmes: The one word I would use to describe my 20s is "discovery." I found myself constantly discovering, navigating, and learning a lot of the hard realizations about myself, the people around me, and why I made the decisions that I made. My 20s were a beautiful lifelong lesson of learning how to “fail forward” and a prerequisite to one of the most beautiful decades of life in my opinion that I call, The Thirty Journey.
What is the single most significant lesson or takeaway that you took from that time in your life and how are you applying that to your 30s?
One of the single most significant lessons from that time that I’m applying now in my 30s was learning the importance of discovering who I was as a woman and overall individual before navigating romantic and platonic relationships. It taught me about accepting yourself in every aspect. Your quirks, your uniqueness, and overall, what makes you, YOU. From that, I believe you attract those to you that align with your beliefs and bring out the best and hidden parts of you. It’s one of the most beautiful displays of self-love in my opinion.
Self-love for me goes beyond just fun spa days and pampering after a long day. Those things are great but learning who I was and being authentically me to attract the same is self-love in its purest form. Being authentically me has always given me a freedom that I can hardly put into words. It has always led me closer to those that feel like home. It also allowed me to attract partners who allowed me to be ME and repelled those who did not.
"Self-love for me goes beyond just fun spa days and pampering after a long day. Those things are great but learning who I was and being authentically me to attract the same is self-love in its purest form. Being authentically me has always given me a freedom that I can hardly put into words."
Sometimes it takes a minute for us to really come to terms with lessons that we need to learn and grow from in life, was it a journey to learn that particular lesson?
It was extremely hard considering I really didn’t start assessing this until my late 20s and didn’t commit to doing the actual work until my early 30s. There was definitely work being done during my 20s, just not consistently. The turning point came when I started to hone in on the spiritual aspect of my life and learn who I was through God’s eyes. It’s funny, I purchased my first bible as an adult at the age of 29 and didn’t open it and really focus on my relationship with my Creator until 31. The intention was always there, but the execution is what changed everything!
Are there any other lessons that speak to you when you think back to that time in your life?
One other lesson that speaks to me looking back is thinking you have so much time. I remember preparing to graduate from high school and my English teacher at the time said, “After leaving here, time is going to fly by for you all. Your 10-year high school reunion will be here before you know it.” I remember we were all like, “Ma’am, whatever.” That moment still sticks with me to this day because it was so true. I’m a firm believer that you can start over, fail forward, and begin again at any age, but applying the lessons learned and committing to something sooner rather than later is the catalyst for easier transitions and heightened awareness when navigating through life’s journeys.
What was the biggest misconception that you had of your 20s and your 30s?
The biggest misconception is that the pinnacle is your 20s. I heard a while back from a few people that “it gets greater, later.” And I wholeheartedly agree. To believe you must have it all figured out and done before 30 is added stress and premature wrinkles. My 30s so far have given me purpose, an amazing relationship with my Creator, visions for upcoming and future milestones, attained career goals, leaps of faith, domestic and international solo travel, love, a platform, and so much more.
Don’t believe the hype. Like I mentioned earlier, applying the lessons sooner rather than later is what makes for an easier transition through life’s ups and downs, but to believe that it’s all downhill after 29 is just crazy talk. I firmly believe those that believe that aren’t living or doing it right.
What's a word or theme that you feel is defining your 30s so far?
A purposeful faith and fulfilled journey. Purpose found me at the age of 32 and my platform The Thirty Journey allows me to share my experiences, life lessons, and journey through my 30s with all who choose to listen.
Featured image courtesy of Darla Holmes
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At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Featured image by Anchiy/Getty Images
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images