I make it no secret that when couples come to me for premarital counseling, I will apply the pressure, almost like I’m trying to break them up (if you are recently engaged, please go to premarital counseling or, at the very least, check out “276 questions to ask before marriage (or regret it later)”).
It’s not because I’m a hater (marriage is a beautiful thing and when done right, I am its biggest fan!); it’s that I have seen far too many people go into a marital union, having no clue what it’s real purpose is and/or how to know if their partner is truly the best complement for them — and then Elmo shrug it off like divorce is nothing more than a break-up between two people who were seriously dating each other.
Marriage is a covenant. Marriage is a business contract. Marriage is absolutely nothing to play with. And that’s why I actually have all of the respect in the world for those who have the courage to say, via their actions, that even if they got to the point of engagement (or shoot, even the night before the nuptials), if they see red flags — whether with their partner, the dynamic or within themselves — that they will pump the breaks. Because like I say, “It is far better to break up than to go through a divorce.” (Just ask any divorced person.)
So, let’s hear from some brave women who respected marriage enough to not play with it.
*Middle names are used here*
1. Sarai. 34. Ended a 10-Month Engagement Two Years Ago.
Giphy“I already know that women are waiting on me to rant about all of the things that he did wrong but actually, it was on me. At the time, I was trippin’ because so many of my friends were jumping the broom. So, I gave him an ultimatum after two years of dating that if he didn’t propose, I was going to end the relationship. Shellie, you know how you always say that ultimatums are threats? I used to not get that — oh, but I do now.
"If you’ve got to pressure a man to marry you, something isn’t right. I was miserable because I kept wondering if he really wanted to marry me and he was miserable because I went from pressuring him to get engaged to pressuring him to set a wedding date. I finally ended it so that we both could have peace. We didn’t speak for a year. We’re kind of rebuilding now. We’ll see.”
2. Raquel. 28. Ended a Five-Year Engagement One Year Ago.
“IT. DOES. NOT. TAKE. FIVE. YEARS. TO. GET. MARRIED. Let’s start there. I’ve read that if you wait longer than a couple of years to do it, you really don’t want to and there’s some truth to that. After some therapy and arguing with people like you [she means me, Shellie], I get that I think I just wanted the security of knowing that he wanted to marry me…someday. But after about 14 months of putting it off, I got a promotion that took priority and then he decided to totally switch career paths. And when an opportunity came up for him to relocate, he did and we tried the long-distance thing.
"Before we knew it, it was five years later and we were no closer to getting married than before. So, we ended it. Yes, it was mutual. No, there are no hard feelings. And next time, if I say ‘yes’ to someone, I’m gonna be his wife in under 12 months. Otherwise, what’s the point?”
3. Sophya. 29. Ended a Two-Year Engagement Five Months Ago.
“I’m selfish and he’s got too much growing up to do. We’ll both own it even if you ask him. I’m selfish because I honestly don’t care as much as I should about what he needs to be happy in a marriage. I mean, I’ll do what I feel like doing but I’m kind of inflexible beyond that. Always have been, I just think that there haven’t been enough consequences for my mindset…yet.
"He needs to grow, not because he’s immature but because there are a lot of things that he wants to do that I don’t want to compromise on — and I don’t think any woman does. Things that will cause finances to be inconsistent and affect his time at home to where a woman would have to make a lot of sacrifices."
"We ended on good terms. Maybe I’ll become more flexible and he’ll become more stable. For right now, we just want what’s best for each other and it’s not us.”
4. Wanda. 46. Ended a One-Month Engagement Almost Two Months Ago.
Giphy“I’m not sure what other stories you’ve heard but this might be the wildest one. I love my ex-fiancé. We’re actually still together. A lot of times, when people talk about ending an engagement, people break up but I’ve been married twice before and he’s been married once. He proposed on Christmas Eve in front of our friends and family because he thought that marriage is what I wanted.
"After two [of them], I’m not so sure and I didn’t want to give him or our families the impression that I was. So, I gave him the ring back, we agreed to take some steps back and…who knows? I don’t need the hoopla this time. I’m happy with the way things are and he honestly is too. Sometimes happy is enough.”
5. Averie. 30. Ended a 10-Year Engagement One Year Ago.
“Before women talk about how crazy it is to be engaged for 10 years, remember that I’m just now 30 which means we got engaged when I was 20 — actually 19. It was a real proposal although it started off with a promise ring and then a tiny engagement ring when I finished college and a bigger one at 26. We were long-distance and wanted to get our careers off of the ground before I relocated. Once I did, it was during the pandemic which forced us to get to know each other in a way that we never really had before.
"I get why so many divorces happened [during that time] because folks think they are in an intimate relationship but if you’re only having dinner together and watching an hour of TV before going to bed, you don’t really know each other at all. We love what we knew. We just didn’t know…enough.”
6. Ursula. 28. Ended a Five-Month Engagement Seven Years Ago.
“He cheated. Am I the only one with this story? He cheated with an ex. An ex who he told me he was over. I found out because she actually came to our engagement party and I saw them arguing outside. No, he didn’t invite her. She found out about it on social media and invited herself. But the fact that he was arguing with her instead of celebrating with me meant that I knew something was up.
"He admitted to sleeping with her right before proposing to me. He called it ‘getting closure,’ so even though I don’t give AF about her feelings, I get what she was so mad about. Anyway, needing to get someone out of your system right before asking for my hand means she’s still in your system. Good luck…but not really.”
7. Malynda. 31. Ended a One-Year Engagement Six Months Ago.
Giphy“Social media is a strange place, sis. I loved my ex-fiancé but there was always a part of me [that] felt like I would be settling if I went through with marrying him. Not because he wasn’t cute enough. Not because he wasn’t a good provider. Not because I don’t think we could’ve had a good life together. It’s just that there was someone in my past who I knew I would drop everything for in a heartbeat. So, when he hit me up to say that he was back in the country and wanted to give us another try — yep…guess what I did?
"People can say what they want but I’m happier than I’ve ever been and we’ve been discussing getting married around the end of the year.”
8. Shannon. 24. Ended a One-Year Engagement Two Weeks Ago.
“Anyone who plans on getting married should go to premarital counseling first. The break-up is still really fresh, so I don’t want to get too much into the details. I’ll just say that even though my fiancé and I passed [counseling sessions], when we thought about what it takes to not just say ‘unto death parts us’ but mean it, along with the biblical ramifications of not taking it seriously, we realized that we’re ready to love each other…just not commit for the long haul.”
Shellie here: Shannon gets all of my respect and never-ending applause for this. Also, as far as the Bible goes, Malachi 2:14-16, Matthew 19:1-12, and I Corinthians 7:10-11 are great places to start re: what Scripture says about marriage and divorce.
9. Toya. 40. Ended a Three-Year Engagement 18 Months Ago.
“I guess the best way to define us is we were the friends who said that if we weren’t married by 40, we’d marry each other. Yes, I said that at almost 37, and yes, we stayed engaged for three years. I guess the best way to explain it is we used that time to see if we were feelin’ each other beyond the strong friendship love that we had. Yes and no. We had sex and it was good. Our families always wanted us together. He felt like a safety net.
"But I don’t want ‘safe’ love. I want full love. Funny thing is, I attended his wedding four months ago and he’s overjoyed. I believe you should marry a friend but not just a friend. I know all of what I need now.”
10. Brea. 27. Ended a Six-Month Engagement Two Months Ago.
Giphy“My ring was fake. I don’t know what else to tell you. The rock was huge and I was hype. I went to get it appraised to prove to some of my what-I-thought-were-hater friends wrong because they didn’t get how a UPS guy could afford a ring with 2.5 carats. When I confronted him, he didn’t even try to hide it. He said that it didn’t make sense to spend all of that money on an engagement ring if we were saving up for a house. I don’t know if the lie or the ring pisses me off more. I just know that if he was never going to tell me that, he could be hiding other stuff. I’m good. Not really but I’m getting there.”
11. Xia. 32. Ended a Five-Year Engagement Four Years Ago.
“Now that I’m married to who I’m with, I’m so glad that it didn’t work out with my ex. I don’t want to put all of our business out in the street because it’s in the past but what I will say is if you’re taking more than a year to get down the aisle, there is something telling you to wait and you should listen."
"Every year that you put off means you’re not ready, even if it’s just with your finances. Being engaged means you’re ready to get married, so there’s no need to drag your feet.”
12. Imani. 40. Ended a Three-Year Engagement Three Years Ago.
“I always wanted to be married…but I wasn’t really sure why. And when the pastor asked me, I drew a blank. So, I pushed the wedding date back while my ex patiently waited and I still couldn’t come up with my ‘why.’ I think I just thought that being a wife and mom are things that women are supposed to do. Three years later, I don’t think I want to get married. I respect it too much to not take it seriously and being single out here has all kinds of benefits. I like weddings — just more as a guest. I feel peaceful in that place.”
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There you have it, y’all. Just like no marriage is a monolith neither are the reasons why engagements end. If you’re single, hopefully, this will give you a lot to think about. If you’re engaged and see yourself at all, hopefully, you’ll also find the courage to push pause. Because until you’re married, you are still your top priority. So, if marriage is not for you yet, for whatever the reason, be okay with choosing what is — starting with yourself. Full stop and no apologies.
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- Taraji P. Henson Calls Off Her Engagement: ‘My Happiness Is Not His Responsibility' ›
- This Is Why I Have Mad Respect For People Who Break Off Their Engagements ›
- 8 Very Valid Reasons To Break Off Your Engagement ›
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
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Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Even if you already knew (most of) this, what might surprise you is the fact that wine is wonderful, not just when it comes to your insides but your outsides (your skin, specifically), too. Yep, thanks to the antioxidants, tannins, and manganese that wine contains, if you apply it to your skin, it can benefit it in ways that you probably never would’ve imagined — until today.
According to the American Heart Association, men should have no more than two glasses of wine a day, while women should indulge in no more than one. Still, if you’re looking for some other ways to make wine a part of your daily routine, I’ve got 10 that can have your skin looking absolutely amazing in no time.
How to Use Wine for Your Natural Skincare and Beauty Routine
1. Exfoliate Your Skin with Red Wine
Aight, something that you may not have known (until now) that wine has in it is alpha hydroxy acid. That is good for your skin because it increases blood circulation to it, reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, helps to even out discoloration, brightens your skin over time, and even aids in exfoliating it (you know, removing dead skin cells). Since red wine contains a good amount of this type of acid, why not exfoliate your skin with a red wine solution? I happened upon a red wine scrub recipe that is super easy to make here.
2. DIY a Red Wine Mask
Between the alpha hydroxy acid, antioxidants, and polyphenols (plant-based antioxidant compounds) that are in red wine, you could do your skin a world of good by also making your own peel-off face mask. HelloGiggles featured one that contains only three ingredients: wine, kefir, and honey. The kefir is a nice addition because it’s packed with probiotics and those can help your skin to be far less dry while also balancing your skin’s pH levels and even soothing acne and eczema. As far as honey goes, it’s good for your skin because it softens it, contains anti-aging properties, and it can help to reduce the appearance of pimples, too. The mask recipe is available here.
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3. Apply Red Wine As a Toner
When it comes to maintaining optimal skincare, one thing that continues to be underrated is toner. Toner is essential because it deeply cleanses your skin, unclogs your pores, balances the pH levels of your skin, and helps to soften the feel and appearance of your skin. If you mix two tablespoons of red wine with two tablespoons of rose water, the red wine will provide toner benefits, while the rose water will moisturize your skin and give anti-aging benefits.
4. Rinse Your Hair with Red Wine
Since red wine has polyphenols in it, if you’re looking for something that will clarify and even help strengthen your hair, you might want to try some red wine. Word on the street is that not only will it help to remove extra product or residue from your tresses, but it can also decrease frizzing as well. My two cents? Because wine has alcohol in it, rinse with it like every third wash day and also apply the rinse in between shampooing and conditioning — just so you decrease the chances of inadvertently drying your hair out in the process.
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5. Soothe Your Scalp with Red Wine
If you already deal with dry scalp quite a bit (check out “Stop Scratching: The Differences Between Dandruff And Dry Scalp”), please keep in mind that, reportedly, a five-ounce glass of wine is made up of approximately 12 percent alcohol. What this means is if your skin (or scalp) is naturally dry, using wine only on it could amplify the issue. The flip side to this? Thanks to the antifungal properties that are also found in wine, if you put some of it on your scalp, it can help bring relief to itchiness and irritation. Just be sure to mix the wine with something like olive oil; it will help to keep the wine from drying out your scalp and the antioxidants and fatty acids in the oil will help to soothe your scalp even more.
6. Dab White Wine on (Minor) Breakouts
It’s kind of ironic that although alcohol has the ability to alter your hormones to the point where it could cause a pimple or two (inflammation overall, if you’re not careful), applying a bit of wine to your zits can help speed up their healing process. That’s because the antioxidant resveratrol that’s in wine helps toprevent the growth of the bacteria that causes acne in the first place. So, if you’ve got a pimple that you would like to go down overnight, put some wine on a cotton ball and then dab it on your zit; you should see some reduction in size by morning.
7. Create a Skin Mist with Champagne
Champagne is simply sparkling wine, so yes, it comes with some impressive skincare benefits. For instance, since the tartaric acid that’s in wine can help to exfoliate your skin, reduce the signs of aging in your skin as well as increase hydration — using a skin mist that has champagne in it can give you all of these benefits in just a couple of sprays. Just add a bottle cap of champagne to some distilled water and a few drops of vegetable glycerin (which will help to soften your skin), and you’ll be good to go!
8. Use Champagne Cubes to “Tighten” Your Skin
Something else that champagne has in it is potassium. Since potassium is both a mineral and an electrolyte, and electrolytes help to provide your blood vessels with the nutrients that your skin needs, champagne can also do wonders for your skin if you turn the drink into ice cubes and then apply the cubes to your freshly washed skin. Apart from all of the benefits that I’ve already mentioned, the ice will help to tighten up your pores, get rid of puffy eyes, decrease the inflammation of breakouts, and help your skin to look younger and (temporarily) tighten it as well.
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9. A Bit of Champagne Might Even Out Your Skin Tone
Something else that champagne has in it is carbon dioxide (CO2). The reason why carbon dioxide laser treatments are becoming more popular is that they are known for removing mild scarring and lesions as well as evening skin tone and reducing the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. Although the CO2 in champagne will not provide as dramatic results as laser treatments do, using champagne on your skin a few times a month could result in you seeing more even skin over time.
10. Drink Wine to Slow Down the Aging Process
And yes, if you are looking for a way to slow down the aging process of your system overall, science has shown that resveratrol has increased the lifespan of mice, rats, and monkeys. And so, although studies are still being conducted on humans, with all of the benefits that were mentioned in the intro — if it can do all of that and make your skin look younger, why not toast yourself with a glass from time to time? (I mean, really…)
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BONUS: Can (and Should) You Bathe in Wine?
With all that I just shared about how wine can benefit your skin, you might wonder why you shouldn’t just jump into a tub that’s filled with it. Good question. Several years back, Allure published an article entitled, “I Bathed in Red Wine and Here's What Happened to My Skin.” The biggest takeaway that I got from the author is it sounds good more than anything. And while doing something this “extravagant” would certainly qualify as a form of self-pampering, I think it is a good idea to, once again, keep in mind that wine has alcohol in it.
So, if you are going to “treat yourself,” make sure that you put no more than a cup or two of wine into your bathwater and also that you seal your skin (check out “Your Skin Is BEGGING You To Do This Right About Now”) once you step out of it.
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Martin Luther once said, “Beer is made by men, wine by God!" If you factor in that the Bible says that Christ turned water into wine (John 2) with all of what was just shared, that is definitely a fair debate. LOL.
So, whether you drink wine or not, at least consider nourishing your skin with it. As you just read, there are far too many reasons — really good ones, at that — not to.
Indulge, sis. INDULGE.
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