Ever since you were a little girl, you've probably had a favorite color. Even if it was pink or purple when you were young and now that you're grown, it's something that's more in line with red, yellow or a neutral hue – have you ever thought about why you gravitate to those shades?
If your response is a Kanye shrug followed by "I dunno. I just do." that's probably what most folks would say. But as I was trying to figure out why I like the colors that I do — these days, it's shades of blue, grey, and brown — I did a little research on color psychology. It actually revealed a lot.
See, the thing about me and color is our relationship is ever-changing. Right now, I'm in a season in my life where I'm focusing on peace, consistency, and figuring out who is truly reliable in my life. And lo and behold, check what blue, grey and brown symbolize:
Blue:
- serenity
- wisdom
- loyalty
- truth
Grey:
- reliability
- dignity
- maturity
- dependability
Brown:
- stability
- friendship
- comfort
- natural
Crazy, right?! Just to make sure this wasn't a random coincidence, I thought about how a couple of years ago, I was really into the color green. At the time, I was focused on doing things to improve my health. And green? It's all about that.
Green:
- growth
- health
- harmony
- fertility
- money
That got me to thinking about actor Lisa Raye and the fact that, more times than not, she's in all-white. I did a little digging around to remind myself of why she does that. When she first started doing it, she said that it made her feel like an angel. Then, once she wore white to her father's funeral, she realized that white complemented her personality of going against the grain; of marching to the beat of her own drum. Her story, in combination with my own, was enough for me not to be a skeptic of color psychology anymore. There had to be something to it.
Before thinking about how various colors reflected wherever my mind was at any given point in time, I pretty much only thought about color psychology as it related to establishing a business brand (a good read is "How to Use Color Psychology to Give Your Business an Edge"). But as I kept reading articles on the topic, I got that it really does have a lot of power and influence on our psyches.
Take yellow, for example. How do you feel whenever you see it? Probably brighter and happier.
That's just what yellow symbolizes. Or what about red? When you want to look and feel sexy, it's probably one of your go-to hues. After all, nothing is hotter than the perfect shade of red lipstick. Red is the color of love, passion, and desire.
There are even studies that say the color that you choose to wear can totally alter your attitude for that day.
For instance, if you wake up in a bad mood, you should probably put on a cool color like blue, purple or green because it will help to keep you calm and centered.
On the other hand, if you have a first date coming up and you want to make a bold impression, go with something warm like orange or red. If you've got a job interview, making a good impression before saying a word by wearing black (it signifies leadership), blue (it conveys being a team leader), or a shade of grey (it represents being a responsible person and logical thinker). Or, if you're somewhere you know your ex is gonna be, rock some purple. You probably know that it symbolizes royalty, but it also represents respect, wisdom, spirituality, sophistication, and mystery.
Am I saying that colors and what they symbolize should run your life? No. Nothing should do that. I'm simply saying that colors affect us more than most of us probably think that it does.
And, thanks to my own color psychology experience, I'm suggesting that whatever colors you gravitate to, you might have a couple of your own a-ha moments if you do some digging into what they represent. By the way, another cool read is "Color Psychology: Does It Affect How You Feel?".
Once you get started, it might cause you to see some commonalities among the people you know, based on the colors they're the most attracted to as well.
Anyway, just some cool food for thought. Life is vivid. Live it in (semi-well-thought out) color!
Featured image by Getty Images.
- Ultimate Guide to Color Psychology ›
- Psychology of Color | ›
- Forget Everything You Know About Color Psychology and Read ... ›
- Color Psychology: The Psychological Effects of Colors ›
- Color Psychology: Does It Affect How You Feel? ›
- The History of Color Psychology | Ethos3 - A Presentation Design ... ›
- The Psychology of Color in Branding ›
- Color Psychology ›
- The Color Yellow | Psychology Today ›
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AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
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TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
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GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
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CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
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LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
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SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
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PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
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I thought that it was important to address this term for a couple of different reasons. One is for the reason that is mentioned in the origin story of sobergasms that I will address in just a sec. Another is because…people who are in long-term committed relationships? I think it’s pretty safe to say that, unless they both have some sort of substance abuse situation going on, most of them have sex some, if not most of the time, without alcohol (and certainly without drunkenness) being involved. Those who engage in casual/recreational sex, though? Well, I’ve got some stats included in this piece that will show you how much alcohol and copulation go hand in hand in a lot of those instances.
And although some studies say that casual sex (i.e., hook-up culture) isn’t quite as rampant as it was, even just a few years ago, at the same time, let’s not act like it isn’t still happening. Hell, every time we hop on social media, we see evidence (and sometimes fallout) of that. Plus, while many people are out here declaring that they don’t want or need marriage anymore (chile) — do you hear them saying that they feel the same way about sex?Yeah…exactly.
With all of this being said, let’s take a moment to look into what sobergasms are really all about and why, if you are sexually active and are not in anything serious, you should strongly consider having (more of) them.
The Origin Story of Sobergasms Is…
GiphyAight, so here’s the backstory of sobergasms. Last year, right around the holiday season, the sexual wellness brand Lovehoney decided to partner up with an alcohol-free drink company (CleanCo) to create a mocktail (I will share the recipe in just a sec) — you know, a cocktail that doesn’t have any alcohol in it. They did it because their UK (where they are based) research revealed that people tend to drink almost 40 percent more during the holidays (in the US, Americans reportedly drink twice as much as they usually do around that time).
If you add to that the fact that Lovehoney conducted their own study which cited that 64 percent of participants have admitted to having sex while being intoxicated and yet only 20 percent said that they actually enjoyed it.
And that was the main motivation for why Lovehoney came up with sobergasms: it’s a way to encourage people to be more intentional about going without drinking (so much) so that they can engage in the kind of sex that they will actually find to be pleasurable; especially since their findings also discovered that only 29 percent of men and 11 percent of women have consistent orgasms when they are drunk compared to 45 percent of men and 15 percent of women who do when they are sober.
As I thought about all of this, I decided to go on my own fact-finding mission about alcohol and its relationship to sex. It helped me to come up with even more reasons to cosign on sobergasms — and I’m hoping that it will do the same thing for you.
Before I share 10 interesting stats, first, the recipe for the mocktail that Lovehoney and CleanCo came up with:
Sobergasm Clean Drink
25ml fresh lime juice
50ml CleanCo Clean T
1 tbsp fresh orange juice
1 tbsp hot honey
Sea salt, chili flakes, and lime for garnish
You can click here for thorough instructions on how to make it. Over on this side of the pond, we’re pretty big on mocktails ourselves and so, if you'd like to test out some other recipes, check out “10 Spring/Summer Cocktails (& Mocktails) That Your Vagina Will Truly Enjoy” and “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too.”
And while you’re pondering which mocktail you would actually like to try first, let’s get into some other reasons why oftentimes “less is best” when it comes to mixing sexual activity with alcohol consumption.
10 Stats to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Mixing Sex with Alcohol
GiphyWhen it comes to how many people partake in alcoholic beverages, Gallup cites that 65 percent of Americans who are over the age of 21 claim to do so. Out of those, the average amount of drinks that they consume on a weekly basis is around four. The preferred drink of choice? Wine (31-35 percent) with liquor being a close second (30 percent). Now factor all of this into your mind as you read the following information about alcohol and its relationship to sex:
1. One study revealed that almost 30 percent of participants were less safe when it came to their sexual decisions due to them having alcohol in their system.
2. About half of the sexual assaults that happen on college campuses involve alcohol whether it’s the perpetrator, the victim, or both.
3. Among college-aged women, when they are having sex while in a relationship, alcohol is involved 20 percent of the time. When it’s casual sex? Alcohol is involved 53 percent of the time (heavy drinking happened a whopping 36 percent of the time).
4. 42 percent of college students binge drink and 400,000 of them have sex without using a condom while consuming alcohol.
5.One study revealed that almost 72 percent of college students regretted their sexual decisions at least once. Out of the ones surveyed, almost 32 percent said that alcohol was involved when they did.
6.Of people aged 18-25, more individuals regretted having sex while having alcohol in their system than they did when it came to weed or ecstasy.
7. Women tend to participate in “non-traditional” sexual acts and masturbate more when they are intoxicated than when they are sober.
8. Although a small amount of alcohol in a woman’s system can arouse them sexually, high amounts will decrease it and can even make it harder for them to become naturally lubricated.
9. Alcohol increases the probability of having more sex partners for women.
10. Alcohol can make it more challenging for women to climax.
When you take all of this in, although I certainly appreciate how Lovehoney has brought to our attention that too much alcohol can make sex less physically pleasurable, as you can see, it can also make coitus more risky, potentially more dangerous and it can cause us to make some pretty unwise decisions, if we’re not careful as well.
And so honestly, this additional intel should further solidify why you should be uber cautious and super careful if you are going to bring alcohol into the picture when it comes to having sex with another person — again, especially if it’s recreational sex. Because even though intercourse, on average, lasts between 3-7 minutes (Google is right there), that small window of time can result in a lifetime of consequences that you may not wish to experience.
Besides, it’s not like sober sex doesn’t have its own benefits…
5 Benefits of Having Sex While You’re Completely Sober
GiphyYou know what’s interesting about the word “sober”? It doesn’t just mean that you aren’t drunk; it also means that you are “rational,” “self-controlled” and “level-headed” — and yes, when you are about to have sex with someone who you aren’t in a serious, long-term or exclusive sexual relationship with, it’s best that you are all of these things. Because while alcohol can initially make you feel like sexual activity will be more fun, sober sex has the following five proven things to offer.
1. You can better trust your decisions. Recently, I watched a video of four women who taped and posted themselves driving drunk. Moments later, all of them were ejected from the vehicle that they were in and only one survived (and she is in critical condition). Imagine if they could go back in time and go without having alcohol in their system before getting in that vehicle. SMDH.
When it comes to today’s topic, no matter what pop culture tries to tell you, any act that can potentially result in you conceiving or contracting something that doesn’t have a cure is serious as all get out. That’s why, especially when it comes to casual sex, you want to make sure that you go into the act as level-headed as possible — and you can only really do that if/when you are sober.
2. You can clearly articulate your needs and expectations. We’ve all seen a movie (or personally know someone) where a woman got tipsy and wanted to do certain sexual things; however, as alcohol began to affect her system even more, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go further or not. When you’re sober, it’s so much easier to articulate what you want/don’t want and what your expectations are. T
hat said, there are so many people who have sex-related regrets and a big part of the reason is because alcohol totally clouded their judgment and sometimes altered their thoughts and words. Definitely something to (always) keep in mind when it comes to consuming alcohol in the presence of others.
3. You’re more present. I also want to make sure that I touch on some of the things that prompted Lovehoney to come up with sobergasms in the first place. As far as the purely pleasurable side of sex goes, ask anyone who has a satisfying situation in their bedroom and I’m willing to bet that one thing that they will advise is to not overthink the experience and to remain in the moment.
When you’re intoxicated, your mind tends to be all over the place. When you’re sober-minded, it’s easier to remain focused.
4. Sex definitely tends to be more pleasurable. I’ve already shared with you that you are wetter and it’s easier for you to climax when you don’t have a lot of alcohol in your system. A part of the reason is that, since your brain is your biggest sex organ, it’s important to keep in mind that alcohol has a way of negatively affecting the communication pathways of your brain; when that happens, it can cause your moods to become erratic and you tend to become less coordinated too.
Not well-lubricated. Not climaxing. In a bad mood. Do those that sound like the keys to an awesome sexual experience? Right…absolutely not.
5. There is a lot less regret. Once you have sex with someone, you can’t take it back. That’s why it’s so important that you go into the act feeling like this is something that you really want to do (the person and the acts included); you significantly decrease the chances of you having this type of certainty when you’re not sober. And sexual regret can sometimes be one of the hardest things to get past.
____
Sobergasms. Although there seem to be new terms that come up daily, one that I can definitely get behind is that. Because it encourages everyone to be sober-minded and sexually responsible in order to ultimately have a more fulfilling sexual experience.
And I will certainly raise a mocktail to that.
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