"The ugly truth is this—when a man says that he doesn't want a relationship, the subtext in that is 'I don't want to be in a relationship with you.'"—Unknown
OK. Deep breath, y'all. Raise your hand if you've been in at least one relationship with a man who you were fully committed to, only to discover that he wasn't fully committed to you. When you stop and replay the entire dynamic in your mind, how did you miss the signs that you were "more in" than he was?
If you think that I'm asking you that to put you on blast, don't. I am the poster child for committing myself to non-committal people. If I were to go really deep into why, I think that growing up in a two-time divorced home played a role in it. Come to think of it, I know it did because whenever my late fiancé and I would argue and I would threaten to break-up, he'd be like, "Why is that always your solution to everything?!" (His parents are still married to this day.) It's because never really saw commitment modeled. What I did see are people who desperately wanted to be loved without really knowing how to get it from their partner. So, that's what the foundation of my hamster-wheel-pattern was all about.
However, after watching a video about a woman who dated a man for 10 years, then, after five months, he up and married someone else, for the sake of sparing others from having our kind of testimony, I thought it'd be a good idea to share some in-hindsight-signs. Ones that clearly depict that, no matter how much you love someone, how long you've been with someone or how hard it might be to face reality about certain things, there is a 90 percent chance that ole' boy isn't going to making a long-term commitment or marry you. Ever. Again, brace yourselves now.
Here's How To Know He Won't Commit To You
He’s Indecisive
GiphyI don't know about you, but the men I know, when they want to do something, they find a way with no hesitation. That's why, when a man seems to be so confused, befuddled or whatever other word along those lines about whether they want to be in a relationship or not, I don't really buy it. The combination of experience and observation has taught me that if a guy doesn't know what he wants to do about a particular woman, that usually either means it's a new situation and he needs more time or he's vacillating because he's able to get enough of what he wants without having to invest more on his end—and he's just fine with that. If it's a latter, 8.5 times out of 10, all you're gonna end up doing is wasting your time. Why? Because, as hard as it might be to hear it, indecision is usually its own decision. And the decision is no.
He Keeps a Billion Excuses on Tap
Something I've learned the hard way is a man who is ready for a commitment isn't only open to talking about it; oftentimes, he'll even bring taking things to another level all on his own. He'll ask things like "Where do you see this going?" or "Where would you like us to be a year from now?" (yes ladies, those kinds of men very much so exist). Meanwhile, guys who aren't ready for something serious and long-lasting will act like you're speaking a language they don't understand whenever you bring commitment up. They'll talk about all of the things they want to do first, how much more time they need or why they're not ready to have that kind of conversation, let alone take the kind of steps required to be in a monogamous relationship.
Popular entrepreneur Jim Rohn was really onto something when he said, "If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." Why we as women think this doesn't apply to commitment-phobic men is beyond me. Because it does. Absolutely so.
You See No Signs of Him Getting into “Husband Mode”
Someone who's a nice guy or even a great date does not automatically indicate that he is husband material or even that he wants to be married (whether it's to you or at all). I know a guy who is amazing, on so many levels. But he has made it abundantly clear that the choices he makes—staying in a small place when he can afford a larger one, buying a motorcycle instead of a larger car, spending money on travel and going out to eat every day rather than saving up—are all about enjoying his single life, with no intention of preparing for a wife or children.
Meanwhile, a man who's in husband mode, he's gonna make plans to at least start the transition from being a bachelor to becoming a fiancé and then a husband. If he wants to wait, it's gonna be because he's saving up money to get a home or an engagement ring. Not only that but he's gonna mention wanting to talk to your family and/or going to premarital counseling. Plus, his world will be adjusted to make more room for you to fit comfortably into it because these are the kinds of things that a husband-to-be does.
He Makes You Feel Guilty for Even Bringing the Topic Up
Guilt trips are the worst; especially when they come from someone who you are emotionally connected to and you feel like you can discuss any and everything with. If your man is open to talking about your family, your friends, your job or your life overall, but the moment commitment or sharing a future comes up, suddenly he's got you feeling like you're pressuring him or being semi-ridiculous for even mentioning those things, that's another flag that you shouldn't ignore.
No woman should feel bad about or embarrassed for wanting to know what a man's intentions for her are. Any guy who makes—or at least tries to make—his lady feel that way is showing indications that he's not interested in making a long-term commitment. And he wants you to feel guilty for trying to change his mind.
Meanwhile, If You Never Brought Up Marriage, It Would Never Come Up
People tend to talk about things that they actually are interested in doing. Think about it. When your man wants to check out a new live venue, doesn't he say it? How about a restaurant on the other side of town or even a city that he wants to visit on y'all's next vacation? OK, now think about the state of your relationship with him. If you never asked, would he ever mention it? Hmm…
I have a male friend who's been married for a couple of decades now. He was really young when he got married, but he said that when he saw his now-wife for the first time, even though he didn't think he was ready for marriage, what he was also sure of was that he couldn't let her get away. So, he didn't. And he made sure that he let her know, very early on, that he had every intention in the world to make her his wife.
I'm not saying that if you've been seeing a guy for several months now and the words "exclusive" or "marriage" hasn't come up that they never will. What I am advising is you not mention them for a couple of months and see what happens. If the answer is absolutely nothing, well…yeah. You feel me?
He’s Fully Content with Things Remaining Just as They Are
Living in the moment. If a lot of us women were really real with ourselves, we'd admit that we could do better in this area. Sometimes, we're so caught up in—if not full-on obsessed over—what's coming next that we don't enjoy what's happening now. But it's one thing for your man to be relishing in the moments of just being with you (as he should). It's another for months or even years to go by and he doesn't seem to show any desire to do anything more than what the two of you currently are doing.
How does this happen? Sometimes it's our fault because we pretty much act like the wife without actually being one (check out "Why You're Always the One Who Prepares a Man for His Wife"). Then sometimes we make the grave error of mistaking patience for stagnation (check out "The Important Reason You Shouldn't Wait to Be Chosen"). Sometimes, we're waiting for him to bring up what's next even though he's not in the relationship by himself, so it's perfectly fine—encouraged even—to speak up.
I don't know about you, but there's not one man in my life who has a problem with speaking their mind when it comes to getting what they want. So, why we want to make excuses or exceptions for them when it comes to us, that's unfortunate.
You deserve to have what you want. If you want more and he's fine with the way things are and—get this—he doesn't speak on not being fine for the foreseeable future, rather than looking for signs of whether he's going to commit to you or not, maybe you should look for ways to detach from him.
Then maybe, just maybe, you'll be the kind of woman who dated a guy for a while, ended it and then met and married the love of your life shortly after. How did it flip? Because, unlike the guy that you're currently with, "future dude" actually wanted and was ready for a commitment and dated you with that life plan in mind. Funny how that works (wink).
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert