From webisodes to episodes--the sky is the limit for young director Issa Rae.
After a year of waiting Insecure is back so fans of everyone's favorite Awkward Black Girl,Issa Rae, can finally rejoice! For those that are living under a rock (seriously why haven't you seen Insecure?), the series is loosely based on Issa's own life, where she stars as a young woman on the verge of 30, that deals with the stress of everyday life and being a late 20-something who doesn't quite have it all, but hasn't completely given up on life either.
The satirical comedy also stars the handsome Jay Ellis as "Lawrence," Issa's somewhat emo and unemployed man (or ex man, the way the finale was set up - the verdict is still out on that one) who is also struggling to figure it all out, while Orji plays Molly--her bestie who has scored major success in her career, but has missed the mark in the love department. 30 year old Issa, both stars and executive produces Insecure, with the assist of producers Prentice Penny and Larry Wilmore.
In a short time Insecure has taken off, prompting everyone to add "issa" to everything (issa bae aka it's a bae). My awkward-sister-in-spirit has gone on to do great things and become an overnight success in only half the time (because we all know it takes 10 years to be an “overnight" success, let's be real).
Issa was a woman that got her first taste of viral fame in the digital space, from creating the show The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl back in early 2011. The comedy web series showed exclusively on Youtube and featured Issa as "Jay," a young woman with a mediocre job who falls somewhat victim to the discomfort that comes with often being one of the few Black girls in her work and social settings. The girl who loved bumping trap music on her way to the club, but most likely won't dance once she gets there. And although it was 100% acting, it was more "real" than most reality TV. ABG was so refreshing to me mainly because of its ability to highlight the life of the Black, introverted female who is somewhat socially awkward, but more “popular" in existence than most media portrayals of us would lead you to believe.
Issa's ability to include an element of dark-humor (no pun intended) to the real life scenarios in ABG was no surprise though. This is someone whose gone on record to say that her in television and film ranges in everything from Boyz in the Hood to Girlfriends.
So fast forward nearly two years later, Insecure had been promoted from production-purgatory to Sunday night. Granted it didn't come easy, but it came fairly quick! Issa revealed in a recent New York Timesarticle that the delays were very much so creative and conceptual based. They were trying to erase the "Black" in the girl that made the show! In her NYT article, the interviewer reveals:
"Rae recalls a phone conversation with a network executive who wanted to make it into a pan-racial franchise operation, starting with ''Awkward Indian Boy.'' Another suggested Rae recast the lead with a lighter-skinned actress with long, straight hair — in essence, the exact opposite of Rae. She turned down the offers."
She also revealed that back in 2012, just over a year into the rapid fame of becoming a Youtube sensation, she caught the attention of Scandal and Grey's Anatomy producer, Shonda Rhimes, but fell short of bringing the project into fruition due to creative differences.
"I compromised my vision, and it didn't end up the show that I wanted. 'It wasn't funny anymore.''
Issa went on to propose the question in her autobiogrphy:
''How hard is it to portray a three-dimensional woman of color on television or in film? I'm surrounded by them. They're my friends. I talk to them every day. How come Hollywood won't acknowledge us? Are we a joke to them?''
So it's crazy to think that three years later, Issa would be sharing the cover of Essence with Shonda as the youngest of five deemed "The Game Changers" of Hollywood.
And as for Insecure, after all the efforts from one too many hands to reroute and rewrite the script, the HBO show snagged a leading cast of all Black, up-and-coming talent.
To say the least, I was proud of Issa.
I am proud of Issa.
As a girl born in the Bronx and raised in Florida, I remember back in 2011 moving back to New York- Washington Heights to be exact- to follow my own dreams. Back then, I couldn't afford cable, so I would hijack my neighbor's wifi in my apartment building, in order to stream my Netflix and use the internet. It was then that I stumbled upon Issa's Awkward Black Girl series on Youtube. The web-series craze was at an all time high.
[Tweet "What I loved about Issa Rae's show is, it depicted Black 'Middle Class' angst and I could relate."]
Middle class angst is something many of use could relate to, contrary to the ethical and economical biased Black women are often subjected to by way of Hollywood stereotyping. I was drawn in to the show automatically and it was an escape from my own very humble style of living (plus it was $Free.99 to watch)!
I watched Issa's first show gain momentum, go viral, and catch the attention of producer Pharrell Williams, who would later place the show on his verified "IAmOther" Youtube channel. I knew then that this 20-something sensation had officially made it once she was rubbing elbows with the likes of a Pharrell and them. Plus it's Skateboard P--he felt like the “safe" bet and he gets it. He's Black. He's quirky. He won't compromise this (at least I hoped)!
I would later go on to watch Issa do her major interviews that come with the fame, press appearances, book deals, etc. Before the premiere of Insecure, I heard about it coming to HBO but very little updates had been released after that. Now I know it's because of her willingness to stand firm in her vision, which I can appreciate.
It wouldn't be until I'd read in Issa's book, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, that she too actually moved to New York from California after graduating from Stanford University back in 2007. And like me, Issa once lived in the same neighborhood I did (Washington Heights), where she went through a slight stint of hopelessness. Her small New York apartment had been broken into and Issa had been robbed of the little bit of everything she did have--including her laptops, tapes and video treatment for a “mockumentary" she had been designing to pitch to Viacom. However, she managed to push through the frustration and began documenting her anti-social woes that came with living in a hyper social atmosphere such as New York city and voilà--Awkward Black Girl was born. And then, Insecure.
For Issa Rae, there's been more wins than setbacks, and we've been with her every step of the way. We've watched her take destiny into her own hands with the launch of her YouTube channel, turn down major deals, and fight to make her voice heard in an industry that attempts to silence us. And although it's been a long time coming for the production of her pilot show, the digital pioneer is finally getting her chance to shine. This isn't just a win for her, but a win for us all, because her success will open more doors for the many young black creatives who are producing compelling youtube content in their backyards.
I'm personally rooting for her from the privacy of my bedroom. And I won't need to hijack my neighbor's wifi to watch Issa do her thing, because this time around, the "evolution" is televised.
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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Feature image by PeopleImages/ Getty Images