When I was little, my anxiety manifested in the form of stomach aches. Birthdays, Christmases, funerals, and first days of school were often accompanied by packs of Alka Seltzer and indescribable pain. As an adult, these stomach aches evolved into behavioral challenges and for the first time I was prescribed anti-anxiety medicine.
Klonopin, a pill that I later learned is a common drug in the prescription addiction world, was everything I didn't need in my life. First came the panic attacks, then came the blackouts, and finally, I decided that I was done with pills.
That is, until I took my very first ride to Xanny land and fell in love.
In college, I became dependent on unprescribed meds, namely Adderall and Xanax; one lifted me up while the other brought me back down and soon my addiction became the only way to feel normal. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, my experience is not unique and anxiety disorders affect nearly 40 million people across America. One of those people is 35-year-old actress Malika Haqq who recently said that after years of battling anxiety, she was able to trade in her Xanax for CBD oil.
In a recent interview with People, Malika got real about suffering in silence and the mentality shift that ultimately led her to ditch prescription pills:
"A lot of anxiety is very much about the way you process things in your head. So for me, I actually am processing that I'm doing better and feeling better because I'm doing something that's better for myself. It's crazy, but the truth is it really does help. It honestly has done a world of difference for me where anxiety is concerned."
The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star said that while seeing a therapist for her anxiety issues, she discovered the Boston-based full-spectrum CBD line, beam, which has changed her life in more ways than she could have imagined. Malika says that since starting this new wellness practice, she's become the candy lady in her circle of friends, except her "candy" just happens to be CBD oil. CBD, which is legal across all 50 states, is now included in a number of natural beauty, skin, and health products, and for Malika, has been a game-changer when it comes to her perspective on anxiety for the better:
"It's almost like hitting a reset button that makes your body go back to a balanced state. It has been the reset button for me that balances everything out. It's not a heightened moment, it's not a dull moment, it's just right. And it's instant. I would relate it to if you're thirsty and you drink water, however long it takes to feel hydrated is how long it takes for the CBD to kick in, in my personal experience."
Don't get it confused, chemical imbalances are real, sis; Malika is NOT telling you to trade in your psychiatrist for a bag of weed and some CBD oil. The actress says that while Xanax is no longer how she chooses to manage her anxiety, there was a point in time where medication was totally necessary.
"It isn't that those things didn't help me, but I actually needed to be on medication. But the older I've gotten, I've gotten wiser and more protective of myself and the things I put in my body."
As a reality star that is constantly in the public eye, Malika says that initially it was difficult to open up about her struggles with mental illness publicly. Nobody can lie to you like you can, but as you get older, denial gets old, too. Malika said that ultimately her decision to talk about her anxiety came out of a need to be honest with herself:
"I think that the more you mature and become self-aware, you spend less time caring about what people think about what you're doing and spend more time actually taking care of yourself and your well-being. What I've learned is the best way to handle or deal with your discomforts in life is to be honest about them."
She said that although it isn't necessary to spill all your tea, sometimes the strongest thing you can do is find the courage to ask for help:
"It doesn't mean you have to scream them from the rooftops, but it's almost impossible to get help with something that people don't know about. So often we struggle with things out of fear that someone will judge us. There are so many people that are afraid to say, 'I'm struggling.' I'm going, 'I struggled, and I still do with stress on a daily basis.' I'm happy to be someone that's out there going, 'You don't have to speak up, I'll speak up for us.'"
Anyone with anxiety knows that living with mental illness is a marathon, not a sprint. Although every day is a new battle to become free of fear, she's headed into her newfound lifestyle with a warrior's mentality:
"Some days are better than others.Those days that I'm not doing that great, trust me — I'm CBD oiling it down, in the morning in my tea, then I'm going on about my day, just doing the very best that I can."
Read Malika's full interview here!
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak