I know you've heard it. It's the lingo that's “hot" in the streets for driven adults between the ages of 18 and 45.
“Girl I don't need sleep! I'm grinding!"
“Sleep is for the dead!"
“Poor people sleep. I'll sleep when I'm dead."
WHAT?! Okay, wait a minute. Rewind. Please.
I've heard those statements so many times over the last five years that it started to make me feel rather unworthy inside.
I started having thoughts of inferiority and was riddled with contemplation that I was somehow less strong, less talented and less incredible than my sleep deprived peers.
But why? Because I wasn't up every night until 3 A.M. “working" on my dreams before jumping back up three hours later and hitting the day job? Well…yes. The social media standard of a hard-working individual making things happen for themselves became the real life standard. And if you were a SUPER entrepreneur like everyone was claiming to be, then you most definitely were part of the “no sleep" club. Not wanting to be left out of all of the great success that all of these folks seemed to be having, I became a card-carrying member, please and thank you.
Social media had started putting a value on people's capabilities according to how much they didn't sleep at night, with many trying to one-up one another, almost braggadocious about how much rest they never got. It was admirable to go four days running on fumes. They even taunt those that went to bed before midnight.
I know, because I was a taunter.
I would laugh at people who DARED to go to bed when their body told them to.
Sometimes I'd even judge them.
That is, until I started to become ill.
My immune system just couldn't seem to keep it together, and I didn't know why! For months, I had a terrible illness that wouldn't go away, along with pounding headaches, patchy skin and a blah attitude. My energy was so low and I became emotional. I may have only been sleeping 4.5 (sometimes a glorious 5) hours a night, but I was taking herbs, vitamins and eating vegetables, so what was going on?
That's when I started to study sleep and the effects of it on the human immune system. I began to learn and study something that mattered way more than some extra dollars in the bank--my health and my very livelihood. I didn't realize at the time how important 7 hours (or more) of sleep a night was to stay healthy and fight off bugs, pathogens and disease. I then thought about how many years I had allowed myself to be fooled by the, “sleep when you're dead," advice. The same advice, in fact, that was actually breaking down and killing my body.
I began tracing my lack of sleep back to how easily I got sick. I felt bad not staying up late every night, but even worse when I did. I decided that if I wanted to be successful and healthy, things had to change, and since I love my body and want to live to see my success, they did! I'm here to tell you that you can be successful AND take care of yourself at the same time. You have to be wise and practical.
Sometimes women feel guilty for caring for themselves first and put it on the backburner for the greater good of the cause, but that's not always the best approach.
Women on average, need more sleep than men--don't feel slighted, it's science. A study at Duke University showed that we women suffer more than our male counterparts both physically and mentally when we “shade" our rest. Recall above when I shared how my health AND emotions were suffering due to my constant (and then proud) lack of sleep. That's because sleep affects the brain!
The article continued, “As well as a higher risk of heart disease, depression and psychological problems, sleep-deprived women have extra clotting factors in their blood, which can lead to a stroke. They also have higher inflammation markers, which indicate developing health problems." Ummm, uh-oh.
You do not have to compete with men in this area, and you're not made to. For a better overall sense of wellness, get your rest. If you want to compete, you'll do it much better with a clear mind. Here are some tips on how to sneak a few extra z's into your schedule without he guilt trip of not doing enough.
1. BALANCE. Do what works for YOU!
You know what your body can and can't handle. Always be honest with yourself. If you feel yourself coming under the weather, try to shorten your wake time and get some much-needed sleep so you can feel great and tackle your projects again. Trust that a healthier, more alert you is a better, smarter you. You always want to be at your best when you have your business hat on. Plus, your skin looks SO much better when you're getting proper sleep.
2. Yes, go ahead and burn the midnight oil, but not every night.
Don't be irresponsible and not get the things done that need to get done. That's the worst because it can cause anxiety or create dire consequences in the long-run. However, use body wisdom and make enough time for adequate sleep or take naps when you are able. Sometimes there are deadlines and you may only get five hours in the sack on Tuesday and Wednesday night. Hey, you're working on your awesome next best-selling novel! I get it. Just make sure that on Thursday afternoon, you embrace that welcomed two-hour nap. Guess what? You can still be a Superwoman with over six hours of sleep.
3. Stop allowing others actions to dictate your level of success.
Enough said.
4. Remember that sleeping is used by the body to repair, rebuild and strengthen you.
Philip Gehrman, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania walks us through the three (which was once four) stages of sleep in addition to REM sleep, and what takes place inside of your body during this sacred time. Within these stages, your heart and vascular system get the rest they call for. Your brain also uses pillow time to get smarter. While sleeping? Yes! A lot is going on during our nocturnal visits!
Sleeping forms the pathways in our brains for memory and learning. Don't just take my word for it. You might be reading this, shaking your head thinking, “This is impractical. You don't know how busy my life is!" I urge you to read the articles and studies…unless it's time for bed of course, which in that case, please pick back up on this with your cereal in the morning.
I am NOT saying go to bed at 10 every night; I certainly don't. But what I am encouraging is that you evaluate your schedule and see what can be adjusted to allow yourself the much-needed sleep that your body was made to have. That might mean midnight for some and 3 A.M. for the rest, which is fine if you know that you will be able to sleep for more than 5 hours when you do go to bed. The truth is some of us have our businesses to attend to and at night is truly the only time we can devote to it.
Others have schoolwork for a master's degree to finish, kids to tend to, and other extremely important life responsibilities that must be taken care of after hours. Sleep to busy people can feel like a set-back or a curse! But it's far from a curse; it's a biological need! I used to think that by sleeping, I was missing out on something. Well I was--my well-being.
I've learned to rest when my body calls me to and no longer spend weeks at a time blazing through life shunning my yummy sleep when I can help it. This is not to say that I don't struggle with this sometimes, but I quickly get myself back in check. I've become much more in tune with myself, and it's made me a more balanced, happier spirit. I want the same for you. So take care of you. Let's take care of each other.
Helpful Tips For Better Sleep
- Log off of the computer/cell phone/social media at a reasonable time.
- Make sure that the room you sleep in is both dark and slightly cool.
- Trouble relaxing into a good night's rest but want to stay away from all meds? Try sprinkling a few drops of either lavender or chamomile essential oil to your pillow and inhale. No need to drench your pillow; less is more. The aroma can make for an awesome quieting of the soul. The pillow not enough? Then also dab some of that precious, calming oil onto your wrists, behind your ears and even your scalp for a total, “AAAAAAHHHHH!!!" affect!
- Troubled mind at night? Try “thanking" your way into sleep. No matter how rough your day is you can always find matters to be grateful for. I've counted my blessings right into a peaceful, happy sleep on several occasions.
Now go get your zzz's and never allow yourself to feel guilty about it!
Miesha Lynn is a free spirited writer and owner of a private consulting business. She adores the art of whimsy and has a marked penchant for all things weird, outrageous and magical.
Featured image by Getty Images
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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