Charge it to my daddy when I say that I adore accumulating random bits of information. For example, a couple of weeks ago, I decided to look around to see what movies had anniversaries this year (you know, being that 2000 was the end of a millennium and all; you can verify that it was the end and not the beginning here and here). Anyway, I was already trippin' when I saw that, in 2020, movies like Inception and The Social Network are 10; Crash, Hustle & Flow and The 40-Year-Old Virgin are 15; Love & Basketball, Bring It On and Bamboozled are 20, and Bad Boys, Braveheart, Clueless, Devil in a Blue Dress, The Usual Suspects, Seven, Toy Story and Friday (its official anniversary is actually Sunday, April 26) are all 25. What in the world?!
As I kept going down the rabbit hole of entertainment nostalgia, what caught me totally off guard was the fact that on September 11, 2000, the very first episode of Girlfriends premiered.
Girlfriends. I mean, that fact threw me so much that I actually went to some of the cast member's social media pages, just to make sure that Google wasn't trippin'. It wasn't.
Wow. Just wow. Back in 2000, I was 25 (26, by the time of the actual premiere date). Matter of fact, I didn't even start watching Girlfriends until I was like 28-29. It started out because people would tell me that I reminded them of Toni on the show. Yeah, I didn't believe that either until one day, back when I was on social media, Facebook had a day when we all were supposed to put up our celebrity doppelgänger. I posted a picture of Jill Marie Jones (who played Toni Childs on the show) with short hair. No one noticed that it wasn't me for two weeks (hilarious).
Anyway, that's just one of the many things that makes me smile when I think back to the sitcom that featured four women doing their thing in Los Angeles. Like so many other Black shows, Girlfriends paved the way and set the tone, on so many levels.
Black-ish Season 6 "Girlfriends Reunion" Featurettewww.youtube.com
I remember last year, back when Joan, Mya, Toni and Lynn made an appearance on Black-ish. As they were doing their press tour for it, the cast addressed two questions that a lot of us have had for years. One, no Jill Marie did not fall out with everyone else when she left the show; she simply wanted to move on and that happened to be the season before Girlfriends came to an end.
And two, just like when it came to Living Single (and I want to say the "spin-off" from Girlfriends, The Gameas well), they didn't get a proper series finale. The final episode was "Stand and Deliver", where Joan read a letter to her fiancé Aaron's class, letting him know that he was coming home from his stint in Iraq. (Yes, ya'll. The CW totally left us hangin'.)
In a particular article I read that referenced all of this, Tracee Ellis Ross said that, in regards to a reboot, that would probably be unrealistic, but the cast was open to doing a movie:
"People will literally come up to us and say, 'Why don't you guys get on Netflix,' but what they don't realize is we literally have no power over that. We weren't executive producers or showrunners, we were just actresses, so we have no say in none of that."
So that gave me an idea. Rather than wait until the fall to write a piece celebrating the show's 20-year anniversary, I thought it would be a good idea to get this out now. For one thing, it'll give us five months to (hopefully) create a buzz that just might get Netflix (or somebody) to take seriously that, not only is a Girlfriends movie something that we want but it's something that the creator (Mara Brock Akil) and cast truly deserve. And secondly, it gives me the opportunity to do a little dreaming in the meantime about what I think life for the ladies would actually look like right now. Are you ready to brainstorm a bit with me?
Joan Carol Clayton (Tracee Ellis Ross)
I'm gonna be honest. A part of me wonders if the writer who created Joan Clayton drew their inspiration from Carrie Bradshaw on Sex & the City. They both were accomplished, they both were one who others went to for advice and they both were pretty erratic and intense; especially when it came to their own matters of the heart. Anyway, anyone who watched even a season of Girlfriends knows that, at the end of the day, what Joan wanted more than anything was a HUSBAND (that's in all caps on purpose) and children. Although I think that my favorite boyfriend of hers was actually Brock (played by Malik Yoba), while the one who I believe brought out the absolute worst in her was Ellis (played by Adrian Lester), I get why she ended up with Aaron (played by Richard T. Jones). One day, I'm gonna write a piece on here about the difference between choosing a man who is good to you vs. choosing a man who is good for you. Brock was probably the former and Aaron was the latter.
That said, in my mind, Aaron did come back and they did get married. Joan had the wedding of her dreams although maturity brought her to a place of wanting to marry the groom more than the actual wedding (if you catch my drift). She did get pregnant and have a child of her own, but she and Aaron also decided to adopt a couple of other kids (not babies but youth).
The house that they renovated, they turned into a home for underprivileged Black youth and with Joan's law degree, she started a non-profit for Black kids as well. Oh, and even though she and Toni did fall out, 20 years brought forth some healing and Toni is actually the godmother to one of Joan's little ones. In fact, all of Joan's girlfriends are.
Mya Denise Wilkes (Golden Brooks)
Mya, boy. First, let's address another question that I always had, that I recently looked up. Some of you might recall that, during the first season, her husband Darnell was actually played by Flex Alexander. Then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, fine ass Khalil Kain filled the role. From what I read, Flex left, not due to any bad blood, but because he got a lead role in One on One (I think her son, Jabari might've changed from Tanner Scott Richards to Kendre Berry simply because they needed someone much older in a shorter period of time).
With that out of the way, one of my favorite storylines for Mya was when she had an emotional affair (including a kiss where her lip got bit while she tasted pieces of pickles) with Stan (played by Don Franklin). It ultimately cost Mya her marriage, and also caused her to grow up a bit. Since I'm a marriage life coach whose niche is reconciling divorces, I dig that she and Darnell ended up getting married again and making things work.
By now, I'm thinking that Mya has turned a couple of her books into movies (even though she would probably prefer a one-woman show), she had a baby girl and she's also a grandmother. What? It is 20 years later, which means that Jabari would be what—mid-30s at this point? Darnell runs a franchise auto shop business with Peanut 'n them while Mya has an assistant who is just as sneaky, shady and late to work as she was.
Lynn Ann Searcy (Persia White)
I got my start as a writer by being a house poet at a local venue here in Nashville. So, I was aware of the spoken word artist Saul Williams for a while and was thrilled when he played Lynn's man Savid on the show (fun fact: Saul and Persia were actually married in real life, once upon a time).
Even though Vasco (played by John L. Adams) and Lynn probably had the most endearing relationship, in my mind, she and Savid found their way back to each other once Lynn actually found more than sex to keep her happy—or at least, focused (although I doubt she's married; she probably had a commitment ceremony on a beach in Bali, tatted some rings on her finger and called it a day).
These days, it's not uncommon to see her at Sundance festivals whenever she's not public speaking at universities across the country. And while Lynn still sings, she has finally found the beauty and benefits in not always mooching off of other people. So, she writes more than she performs so that she can collect that publishing check. She does still live in Joan's old house. Only difference is that now, the deed is actually in her name. She's hardly ever in it, though because she's always getting new stamps on her passport. Oh, and she has her own sex toy line. It too is called Indigo Sky (diehard fans will know why I threw the "too" in there).
Antoinette Marie Childress Garrett (Jill Marie Jones)
Toni. Before there was Molly (on Insecure), there was Toni Childs. Both women are chocolate and beautiful. Both women are super accomplished. Both women are fun to be around. And, both women are self-absorbed and semi-petty as all get out. By now, Toni and Dr. Todd Garrett's daughter, Morgan is (wow) in college herself.
Although Toni never saw it coming, she is quite the helicopter mom, and so she actually first moved from New York to Atlanta while Morgan attended her first year at Spelman. But since Toni is now a business consultant, she can pretty much live anywhere. So, she spends time in three places—New York, Los Angeles and Atlanta. She and Dr. Garrett peacefully co-parented, but she came to the conclusion a long time ago that marriage isn't really her thing. That doesn't mean she isn't seeing anyone, though.
Believe it or not, for a couple of years, she and my favorite boyfriend of hers, Greg (played by Chuma Gault) got back together; they still rendezvous from time to time. While he's always been the man who has had the most of her heart, for now, Toni enjoys not sharing, spending all of her money with no accountability and spending time with her girlfriends. Being a mom has brought some balance and perspective, so she does anonymously give to others, including to Joan's non-profit every year. She has no intention of ever letting Joan know that, though.
William Jerome Dent (Reggie Hayes)
Who didn't adore William? Now his choices in women were another story. Monica Charles Brooks-Dent (played by Keesha Sharp) couldn't have been more pretentious (I'm thinking that she's now a housewife on a reality series somewhere). Before her, there was the cop, Yvonne Blackwell (played by Cee Cee Michaela) who left him at the altar. Although he and Joan tried to make it work, I thought it was super realistic that the love was there, but the sex was wack. It's a reminder that sometimes platonic love is all that's meant to be between a man and a woman—and that's totally OK.
Yeah, William's love resume had much to be desired (remember when he and Lynn were cutty buddies and then had the nerve to get married? Uh-uh). Bless his heart.
While I secretly wish that he and Donna (played by Jill Scott) got back together, for some reason, I feel like William is still enjoying the bachelor life, even now. He's still a lawyer but he runs his own firm. He's still super tight with his nephew-son (who interns for him during the summertime), and he still has dinner with the girls on a consistent basis. He's actually godfather to one of Joan's children too.
I know. A lot of this sounds super idealistic, but a sistah can dream, can't she? Besides, I don't care how the actual movie script turns out, so long as there is one (le sigh). Either way, on behalf of the entire xoTribe, I just wanted to take out a little time to say—Joan, Mya, Lynn and Toni, we see you, we appreciate you—hell, we still watch you (Tracee, Golden, Persia and Jill Marie, what them syndication checks be lookin' like?!). Here's to 20 years now and the 20 years of more reruns—with prayerfully a movie too—to come! Take a bow. You've earned it.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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