I remember the day one of my maternity photos went viral on Tumblr.
I had to blink a few times and refresh my browser because it was so strange to me. In a single day, this random image had been viewed, liked, and reblogged thousands of times by thousands of strangers. The comments underneath the photo left an unsettling grumble in the pit of my stomach.
“Life Goals…"
“Real Black Love!"
“This is what I want."
It was a photo of us back when we were still an “us."
I was standing with my back against the wall in the rock garden of William Land Park. My six-month pregnant mound was protruding through a sheer maxi dress. His hand was on my belly, his lips kissing my smiling cheeks as I beamed at the camera — filled with satisfaction and pride. We were both still so young. The kind of young that doesn't truly understand the meaning of love and depth and selflessness. The kind of young that comes before life strips you bare and forces you to see what you're actually made of.
It was the middle of spring. Hell, I was still just cute-pregnant — gross-pregnant was a few months away. In this photo, thousands of people had created a story. We were a beautiful Black couple embarking on a family, we had figured it all out, we would possibly live happily ever after.
By the time the photo went viral, we were separated and practically enemies — both facing a new life as single parents.
Behind what looked really simple and organic was actually a lot of work.
Because looking like you love and understand someone is easy, but loving and understanding someone — through the hard shit — is work.
Smiling was the easy part. Posing for a picture and being excited about the arrival of our little one — that required no effort. But being a young family, being newlyweds expecting their first child, navigating the waters of a shaky relationship that we both desperately wanted to keep together — that was the unseen and that was the death of us.
What I've learned since then is that pictures, these things we idolize and hashtag to kingdom come and share with our friends and point to and say,“There it is. That's what I want. That's what I'll have one day…" is really setting us all up for the worst kind of failure.
The kind where you don't make it to the end because you didn't even realize you would actually be required to run to the point of exhaustion. You thought maybe you could just stand on the track and little magical fairy people would carry you to the finish line just in time to snap a pic as your illustrious chest breaks the tape.
What I think is worthy of aspiring to — those things that one simply cannot capture in a photo or a phrase — are the millions of hard things we do everyday internally that help us get to the beautiful moments.
In this life where things come instantly, pictures can often be our worst enemy.
They are staged.
Even the most “candid" of shots are staged.
And what isn't staged is just appealing by the sheer concept of itself. Young couples are sexy, babies are adorable, a well-plated entrée captured in natural light will make you salivate. These are facts. But to build goals around what is captured by a lens in a matter of a few seconds may very well convince you that you're doing it wrong when the ugly sets in.
And the ugly does set in. The ugly is where the magic happens.
The ugly is when it's 4 AM and you just want to sleep but your baby is awake again and it's just you because that picture perfect guy you fell for didn't pan out and you have to scrape yourself out of bed and find the strength to open your eyelids and pull out your breast and not only feed this child, but change this child, tenderly reassure this child that everything is ok even though you don't actually believe that to be true yet.
Ugly is when people you've spent decades building relationships with begin to fall off because they think you work too much and don't think you're fun anymore, because you would rather sleep than party and the few moments you have to yourself you actually prefer to spend…by yourself.
What I've learned since then is that pictures, these things we idolize and hashtag to kingdom come and share with our friends and point to..
Ugly is when you have to persuade people to give you opportunities you're not even sure you deserve, so you undersell yourself and regret it later. Ugly is when you have to wait days or weeks for a payment from a publisher or a client who might think their little $400 is just pocket money for you, but it's actually what you pay your car insurance with and you count the days to its arrival because being a freelancer sometimes feels like a cruel joke you voluntarily play on yourself.
That you show people and say, “This used to be a person I could touch and hug and tell secrets to…" even though no one could possibly comprehend how much people who have died actually meant to the ones who loved them. And the cruelest part of remembering someone who passed is how you might linger a little too long on the memory of them cursing you out or telling you their disappointed in you or crying to you over the phone because they knew they would be dead soon and raged for a moment against the unfairness.
And no one wants to remember that.
No one shares pictures of their ugly internal quiet shit. Even though every beautiful moment we've all ever witnessed was filled to the brim with all the ugly shit that made it possible.
Then there are those times when something fills me with so much joviality but is also sincerely no one's business that I wouldn't dare take a photo of it and post it to Instagram or Tweet about it (#ILoveMyLife) or even tell a friend. I just kind of marvel in it, and all of its effortlessness and in its rarity. This is when I generally fall silent and take things in as deeply as I can knowing there will be no tangible evidence of its existence. Knowing that when it passes, things may get significantly harder.
I find solace in knowing that my fondest, most important, most romantic, most endearing moments are nowhere to be seen.
I'm glad that even though I stand just as human as the rest of the world, forever chasing beautiful things and sparkly shiny sun-drenched goals — I still rest happily in the privacy of my sh-tty moments.
And I remind myself that the magic is in the work, not the results.
Ashley Simpo is a freelance writer, creative and founder of bare frut collective, the first online directory for creative black girls. Follow her at @AshleySimpo
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert