Even though love is a universal concept, it is a unique experience for each individual. Successfully building and maintaining a healthy relationship requires you to learn your significant other's love language. You may be familiar with NY Times best-selling author Gary Chapman and his work known as The 5 Love Languages—a how-to guide about the five ways that people express and experience love. These categories include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Unfortunately, many people aren't familiar with their emotional needs or struggle with voicing them altogether. This results in dissatisfaction within relationships, often leading to resentment, if someone's love needs aren't being met.
Whether you're trying to win someone's heart, maintain a thriving relationship, or simply want to make a good impression on your boss, check out the tips below to help you gain (and keep) the key to their heart.
Aries & Their Love Language
Aries is considered the baby of the zodiac as this sign represents the birth of spring and the astrological new year. With that being said, it's important that you make the ram feel like they've got your undivided attention. They aren't necessarily needy as they do have a strong independent streak. It's not so much the amount of time that you spend with them but, more so, the quality of the experience. Aries loves to be on the go and this sign usually is a natural athlete. Take them out for a few rounds of paintball or go to your local arcade. Make sure to put up a good fight and don't let them win just because they like to. The ram enjoys dueling against a worthy opponent.
Even though they prefer to take the lead in a relationship, it's quite the turn-on if you do so from time to time. Your Aries man is likely to be super-machismo, so playing a role in his bondage and discipline fantasy will make an impression. As for your Aries woman, be open to role reversal. Allowing her to drive the boat lets her know that you trust her enough to get the job done.
Taurus & Their Love Language
A way to a Taurus' heart is through their stomach and their bank account. The calm, but stubborn bull, is ruled by Venus, the planet of love and money. Receiving gifts is their primary love language as this sign has an appreciation for the finer things in life. This doesn't mean that you have to go broke dating a Taurus. Even though they enjoy the material things that the world offers, this down-to-earth sign values consistency within their bonds, having a tendency to enjoy commitment due to them being a fixed sign.
Associated with the Earth element, Taurus is known for being one of the most sensual signs, making pleasure their top priority. Treat them to a fine dining experience or a weekend vacation at the wine vineyard. If your pockets are tight, don't worry! Taurus loves to be in the comfort of their home. Offer to cook for them or order takeout from their favorite restaurant. Set the mood by lighting some scented candles, running them a bath, then rubbing them down with warm oil before laying them down in their Egyptian cotton sheets. Keep in mind that this sign is big on receiving—with that being said Taurus men and women alike are big on getting some "face time".
Gemini & Their Love Language
Gemini is known to be one of the more free-spirited, flirtatious signs of the zodiac; their mutable energy makes them notorious serial daters. This can be a bit off-putting for people that prefer a bit more predictability but this playful sign can offer one of the most stimulating, adventurous relationships you've ever had. As a dual sign, associated with the twins, Gemini can portray multiple personalities, keeping their suitor on their toes.
Even though this sign may seem disinterested in commitment, they actually love companionship due to their duality. It's as though they're longing for their "other half", the one who gets them, throughout their entire lives. They need someone who can match their passionate curiosity about life but they also need someone to be their soft landing when they're burnt out from their explorations. Gemini is considered one of the most eccentric, brainy signs that will enjoy checking out an art museum or attending a poetry lounge where you can potentially pick up a cutie to join your midnight Ménage à trois.
Cancer & Their Love Language
The sensitive crab requires an emotionally nurturing relationship that makes them feel safe enough to venture outside of the protection of their shell. As loving as this sign is, they can be slow to open up and let others into their world. Once they do so, they run the risk of overly-extending themselves and being taken advantage of due to their kind, generous nature. Patience and quality time are required to build the trust of your Cancer but once they start feeling comfortable with you, you're in for one of the sweetest romances of all time. Naturally maternal, this sign prioritizes others over themselves to the point that they can neglect their own goals and needs.
You can show your Cancer some love by offering to do something for them as an act of service. Run an errand for them, cook dinner, or clean up around the house. They won't usually voice when they need help so it's important to be cognizant of how you may be taking too much from them. Cancer men are typically attracted to assertive women so dominating them in the bedroom is welcomed. As innocent as your Cancer woman may seem, you'd be surprised at how experimental she is.
Leo & Their Love Language
Pursuing the superstar of the zodiac isn't for the faint of heart or for the prideful. It's important that you make your Leo feel like they're basically the best thing that ever happened to you. This sign is notorious for its big ego but rightfully so, given the success that the Leo often experiences. You can always expect this ambitious feline to be in hot pursuit of his or her dreams. Although they can do well in a power couple dynamic, this sign usually likes to be in the spotlight while their significant other takes a lesser, supportive, yet equally important role.
Words of affirmation are one of the preferred love languages of the sun child. Compliments can go a long way but try not to overdo it to avoid coming off as a kiss-ass. Leo is typically an accomplished sign and their achievements should give you enough to brag about along with their impeccable sense of style. In the bedroom, your Leo man prefers to dominate his prey with choking, hair pulling, and slapping and the Leo woman is equally down for a bit of rough-housing as well.
Virgo & Their Love Language
When you're pursuing a Virgo, it's important that you display consistency and practicality in your approach. They're not apt to long, drawn-out social media affairs and would much rather book a flight to spend some time with their crush. If you live in close enough vicinity to your Virgo, spending quality time with them goes a long way. This ambitious sign is usually focused on their money and their business, so when they do make time for you, take it as a sign that they're really into you.
As one of the more structured zodiac signs, you can impress them by making the date night plans, buying their roundtrip plane ticket, or purchasing that vacuum on their Amazon wishlist.
Acts of service can also go a long way with this sign. Offer to spend the day helping them organize their office or make a trip to Whole Foods to restock their color-coordinated pantry. Although Virgo is known as the Virgin, both men and women of this sign are well-experienced behind closed doors. Virgo men typically like to dominate in the bedroom and your Virgo lady may be into recreating Maggie Gyllenhaal's provocative performance in Secretary.
Libra & Their Love Language
This Venus-ruled zodiac sign is associated with the 7th house, making them naturally relationship-oriented. You'll rarely find a Libra who doesn't have someone on their roster. As one of the most flirtatious signs, words of affirmation can go a long way with them. Don't just focus on their looks though. Libra is well-known for being one of the intellects of the zodiac, so complimenting their brilliant mind will win you some brownie points as well.
This sign is known for compromising due to their diplomatic approach to life. However, they can easily forget their own needs within love, often resulting in imbalances in their relationships. When you're pursuing a Libra, it's important to teach them the value of validating their wants and needs in the relationship. You can do so through acts of service and by giving them gifts. As a giver, the Libra man is a cunnilingus aficionado; while the Libra woman will be down to sixty-nine.
Scorpio & Their Love Language
As one of the most private signs of the zodiac, Scorpio can take a while to open up to someone pursuing them. They are deeply emotional but are typically good at masking their sensitivity. Patience is needed as they won't grant you access to their heart any sooner than they're ready to. Once they let you in, you'll be in for one of the most transformative, intimate romances of a lifetime.
Physical touch is one of Scorpio's favorite love languages. This sign enjoys the pleasure of foreplay and experiences that slowly build up to the big release. Take them out to a Tantra class, then try out what you've learned at the end of the night. As one of the most alluring signs of the zodiac, don't be surprised if you find yourself under your Scorpio's spell after the first rodeo. Their intuitive nature gives them the advantage of knowing exactly what your body needs. They are notorious for being one of the freakiest signs of the zodiac—both men and women likely having an interest in BDSM, anal, and a whole lot of latex.
Sagittarius & Their Love Language
This free-spirited zodiac sign can be a little hard to pin down, especially if you value stability and structure. As a mutable sign, Sagittarius prefers to explore the world, and their options—unless, of course, they can meet someone that is up to speed with them. Their fiery nature makes them passionate romantics who thrive off of adventure. You'll likely find them traveling around the world with their partner or enjoying various rendezvous with the foreigners they meet along their journey. The lively optimism of your Saggie will light up your world.
However, it's important that you're capable of offering this same positivity to them in their time of need through encouraging words of affirmation. As one of the dreamers of the zodiac, there always comes a time in which reality bursts their bubble, so it's necessary for them to have a safe space to lick their wounds before they're strong enough to get out into the world again. Spontaneity is a priority for this restless sign who likely enjoys sex in the car, outdoors, in the fitting room at the mall—basically anywhere they can do it without getting arrested. And even then, they may take the risk just so they can have an epic story to tell later.
Capricorn & Their Love Language
The boss of the zodiac typically likes to take the lead in love, if they even have the time for it, as they're usually more consumed with their plans of taking over the world. However, they could definitely use a sidekick to join them in their takeover. Capricorn has some lofty goals in mind and may need some help breaking down the process into concrete steps. That's where you come in. Acts of service go a long way with this ambitious zodiac sign. Offer to help them complete the minute tasks on their to-do list so they have time to focus on the more important stuff.
As an earth sign, Cappies value their business and financial security. Making an investment in their startup or putting some money towards their school tuition can put you in good standing with them. When it comes to their sexual needs, the Capricorn woman enjoys dominating her partner, settling for nothing less than their reverence. On the other hand, the traditional Capricorn male enjoys a more submissive lover.
Aquarius & Their Love Language
This free-spirited, intellectual sign craves a stimulating partnership both mentally and physically. As an air sign, Aquarius isn't typically into the emotional displays of affection. Instead, they value what they can learn from their significant other. Spending quality time with them, exploring their thoughts, and sharing your own personal experiences is something this sign thrives off of. Aquarius is associated with the 11th house, which has to do with society and humanitarianism.
Participating in acts of service that allow you to give back to the community can make a good impression on them. They also enjoy learning about different spiritual topics so take them out to a law of attraction seminar, meditation circle, or reiki center to show that you support their learning process. When it comes to their sexuality, Aquarius men appreciate receiving some creative nudes or a homemade flick of you partaking in some self-pleasure. As for the Aquarius woman, she particularly prefers more casual, no-strings-attached affairs, but within a commitment she'll be open to inviting another woman into the bedroom.
Pisces & Their Love Language
This sensitive water sign is a hopeless romantic just waiting to pour their love into anyone who's willing to receive it. However, their empathy often lands them in some pretty rough relationships where they end up carrying all of the weight in an attempt to heal or save someone. Pisces' association with the 12th house makes them a magnet for some of the most lower vibrational individuals dealing with issues of addiction, trauma, and mental illness. Over time, these types of relationships can start to wear down on this empathic sign—emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.
If you're interested in pursuing a Pisces, be willing to carry your own emotional weight. They are often considered the "strong friend" so make sure to check in and spend quality time with them. Small gestures like holding their hand or giving them a hug can go a long way. When it comes to the bedroom, Pisces women enjoy extended foreplay and slow, deep sexual experiences that end in pillow talk. The laidback Pisces man in your life enjoys being dominated by his lover and he may even have a secret foot fetish as well so make sure to keep your toes well-manicured.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Originally published March 28, 2019
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'We Had To Heal To Love': Taja Simpson And Ryan Easter’s Journey To Lasting Love
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
One of my favorite things about interviewing married couples and hearing their diverse “How We Met” stories is the way they affirm true love and integral beliefs. One principle that I wholeheartedly believe is that one must truly know and love oneself before effectively doing it for another human being, and Taja Simpson and Ryan Easter’s story affirms this.
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
Years ago, I interviewed a Jewish woman who was married to a Christian man about how they make the holiday season work in their household. As someone who personally doesn’t observe holidays, a particular thing that she said has always stayed with me: “I don’t observe Christmas, but I can support the spirit of the season.”
Yeah, that resolve is something that I can get down with — and since sex is something that I write about, quite often, on this platform, I must admit that I do look forward to sharing some holiday-themed tips and hacks. For instance, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, check out “Here's How You And Your Partner Can Engage In Some 'Gratitude Sex'” from a few years back.
Or, if Christmas is your favorite time of the year, “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?” may provide you with some holiday inspiration (speaking of Christmas, instead of rose petals, how about putting some poinsettia leaves on your bed? If you heard somewhere that they can be toxic, you’d have to eat like 500 of them for that to be the case, so no worries).
This year, along these same lines, I decided to share 12 creative things that you can do starting now through Christmastime. Each idea is festive, fun, and has its own aphrodisiac element to it that very well could turn this holiday season into some of the best sex that you’ve ever had. Ready?
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1. Snowstorm Sound Effects
Charge it to my mother being a New Yorker and/or me being born in Nebraska, but whenever I think of a romantic getaway, being in a log cabin that’s surrounded by nothing but pine trees and tons of snow is my idea of a really good time. Hmph, meanwhile, I’m writing this while Nashville is currently in the 60s-70s during the day. SMDH.
If you can currently feel my pain and you wish that you had a bit of snow around to get into the holiday season spirit, there are plenty of ASMR videos on YouTube that mimic snowstorms (like these here, here, and here) for you and your bae to cuddle up and listen or, umm, do other stuff to.
I mean, since science says that fall and winter are the best times for sex anyway (check out “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”), why not do what you can to create as much of the ambiance as possible?
2. Paper Snowflakes (with Sexy Messages on Them)
Speaking of snow, when’s the last time that you’ve made some paper snowflakes? As a child, you may have created them for decoration. Now that you’re grown, though, put a bit of a twist to them by writing sexy messages on the back — you know, things like your favorite sex memory with your partner, a fantasy that you’d like to explore, or what you enjoy most about your man as far as intimacy goes.
You can put the snowflakes in your partner’s briefcase, underneath their pillow, or even hang them over your bed. If you’ve forgotten how to make them, no problem; click here for some instructions.
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3. Portable Fireplaces (or Flameless LED Candles)
Last year, I purchased something that I think is too cute for a friend of mine: tiny reusable bonfires. If you don’t happen to have a fireplace in your home, on some levels, they are the next best thing because they can create a romantic mood on a smaller level. I especially like tabletop firepits (like this one here) and even portable mid-century LED fireplaces (like this one here). Or, if you want something a bit larger, there are indoor tabletop fireplaces that are smokeless and odorless (like this one here).
Speaking of fires, if you and your partner plan on some R&B (meaning all night long) sex, I’d feel better if you went with some LED candles or something. You can put dozens of them all over your bedroom, have sex, fall asleep, and not have to worry about them one bit.
4. DIY Sex Gratitude Journal
How fitting is it that writer William Arthur Ward once said, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it?" Since Thanksgiving is the holiday when all are encouraged to express thanks for what they are truly grateful for, purchase a fresh journal, decorate it, and then fill it with things about intimacy with your man that truly moves you.
Then, read some of the entries out loud to him. Learning how to incorporate all five senses (in this case, hearing) into sexual activity (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”) is how to make the experiences better than they’ve ever been.
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5. Homemade Candied Pecans
Pecan pie is pretty popular around this time of year. Well, did you know that pecans are considered to be aphrodisiacs? The main reason is that they are a fairly good source of zinc and zinc increases blood circulation, boosts your libido, and can even help with erectile dysfunction (if that’s something that your partner happens to deal with). So, why not curl up and snack on some homemade candied pecans (easy recipe here) while watching a movie or listening to some holiday music together? You never know how delicious the night may turn out to be because of it. Literally.
6. Cranberry (or Gingerbread) Syrup
A few years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious.” In it, I shouted out chocolate syrup; however, today, I’m gonna go with something that is a little less…predictable. Chile, we already know that cranberry sauce is gonna be sitting on somebody’s Thanksgiving table, and there’s a pretty good chance that a gingerbread house (or at least some gingersnaps) is going to be available over Christmas, so why not pick up some cranberry or gingerbread syrup?
Since cranberries and ginger are both considered to be aphrodisiacs, it can be a super sexy move to dab a bit of syrup on some of your favorite sex pressure points (and his).
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7. A Lil' “Sex Christmas Tree”
Whether you plan on putting a (real, right?) Christmas tree in your living room or not, again, in the spirit of the holiday, get a small artificial one for a nightstand or the top of your dresser in your bedroom. Then you can hang a few sex-related items like flavored condoms, Santa hat nipple pasties, sex position ornaments, edible penis wraps, and picture strips — and whatever else your freaky lil’ mind can think of!
8. Edible Bows
Red velvet lingerie is definitely a nice touch during the holiday season. And although whether men prefer lingerie or nudity is really up to which guy you ask, I can’t think of one who is gonna have a problem with you wrapping your birthday suit up in a bow — especially if it’s an edible one. Yep, I actually came across a YouTube video (here) that walks you through how to make one of those. And although it’s not something that you can do in 10 minutes or less, I do think the end result will make it far worth the time investment. Don’t you?
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9. Pumpkin-Flavored Whipped Cream
Another sex condiment that I shared in the article that I referred to earlier is whipped cream. Since pumpkins are currently in season, acknowledge them by bringing some pumpkin-flavored whipped cream into the mix. You can always purchase the kind that’s already made (like this brand here), or you can even make a batch of your own (via a recipe like this here). That way, you can customize how sweet and thick you want the cream to be in order to stand up to your…plans. #wink
10. Bourbon Eggnog
Eggnog is definitely a signature holiday drink, and a few years back, I shouted it out in the article “12 Traditional Christmas Items That Are Low-Key Aphrodisiacs Too.” Why? Well, the vanilla, honey, and nutmeg that’s in it are all considered to be aphrodisiacs. If you add a bit of bourbon (which is a type of whiskey) to it, that can help to calm your nerves, which can ultimately make climaxing so much easier to do. A recipe for homemade bourbon eggnog is right here.
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11. Peppermint Chocolate Bath Bombs
Peppermint and chocolate will also be in abundance around the holidays, and, as life would have it, they are considered to be aphrodisiacs,too. So, whether you plan on soaking in the bath to prepare for what the night has to offer or you and your boo thang are going to hang out in the tub together (even better!), why not throw a few DIY peppermint chocolate bath bombs (recipe here) in there? The scent alone will make you want to turn each other into your desserts after you get up outta there.
12. Sexy Homemade Holiday Lip Balm
Even though I am well aware of the fact that some people hate to kiss (check out “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?”), I also know that science says that kissing can help you find your ideal partner, and it can definitely make your sexual experiences better (check out “Wanna Climax More? KISS MORE.”). And although things like shea butter and batana oil (a personal favorite of mine) can give you some super smooth lips (after exfoliating them, of course), kissing will be even more scrumptious if you’ve got some flavored lip balm on.
A peppermint lip balm recipe is here (add a bit of Stevia, honey, or date sugar for flavoring), a chocolate lip balm recipe is here, and a vanilla lip balm recipe is here. Your man won’t be able to get enough of you — all holiday season long! ‘Tis the season, chile.
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