Just when you thought that Dwight Howard's ongoing legal battle with Royce Reed, which included a $9.2 million dollar lawsuit and repossession of her bank accounts and car, were the worst that could happen while co-parenting: in walks Ciara and Future.
This week, things went from bad to absolute worse between the former couple as Ciara filed a $15 million lawsuit claiming that Future is spreading lies about her in an attempt to ruin her career. She's also asking for an additional $250,000 in legal fees, and an order prohibiting him mentioning their son's name in the press.
Ouch!
Related: 7 Lessons We Can Learn From Ciara And Future's Parenting Fail
Ever since their public breakup following the birth of their son, we've seen their rocky co-parenting relationship tank, and it's been hard to watch. After keeping silent on their breakup amidst cheating rumors, Future broke his silence in a series of media interviews.
Well, it was more like a "Speak My Truth Tour," because the rapper was spilling all kinds of dirty tea about his ex-fianceé to nearly any interviewer who asked.
Like his infamous Huff Post Live chat, where he told Marc Lamont Hill that he felt "embarrassed" for Ciara after she covered Brides Magazine, even though they had already broken up.
We sat down and talked about it because we were like best friends and I told her how I felt. She was like, ‘Nah, I just took pictures.’ With the bridal thing… So it was like more of embarrassment and I felt embarrassed for her because you love someone you don’t want them to feel uncomfortable. And I was like I didn’t ever tell the media that we had called off the engagement and then when it started coming out, everybody assumed it was because of cheating. She never did an interview saying I cheated. I never did an interview saying I cheated.
Then he told The Breakfast Club in a separate interview that he wasn't feeling her new boo, Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson, being pictured pushing his son in a stroller. In fact, he didn't want Russell taking pics with his son at all.
"That's the number 1 rule. If I was a kid and my mama had a dude pushing me, I would have jumped out the stroller and slapped the sh*t out of him...You never do that in our community. You never even bring a man around your son. Like you don't even know this dude but for a few months and you bringing him around your son. Who does that? Nobody does that.""I'm not for the publicity stunts. Leave my son out of all the publicity stunts. Just leave him out of the relationship. Because we don't need your relationship for anything. I can take care of him on my own without any help. I don't need no help taking care of my son."
Ciara was pretty mum about her ex-fiance's media remarks, but she reportedly reached the end of her rope when he tweeted that she was keeping their son from him.
Why she's remained quiet about Future's remarks now makes total sense - she was collecting her receipts, and all of the details he disclosed in his interviews were listed in her suit.
Ciara says that Future's tattle-telling has ruined her reputation and is impacting her potential professional opportunities, which ultimately impacts the son they co-parent together.
Ciara also says in her suit that Future has not paid her his ordered $15,000 per month in child support since Baby Future's birth, and that his tweets casted her in a "negative and disparaging light." Especially when it comes to visitation, where she says that she's made their son available to him in whichever city they are both in at the same time, and on 19 different visitations (some spanning over the course of several days) since December 2014.
Ci's legal team even went as far as contacting Future's lawyers asking him for a retraction of his Tweets vilifying her as a mother, and an apology. Future has not responded, and no apology has been issued. In fact, as of press time, he hasn't responded to the lawsuit either.
What's sad about watching this tea spill in the public eye is that the most important person impacted by it is the one who suffers the most, and that's Baby Future. He's a little guy right now, so he doesn't understand what's happening. But young kids see things through Gods eyes, and while there is a lot they don't understand, they know when their parents are being less than cordial and hateful toward one another. That can hurt any child.
While Ciara and Future were at odds, Nick Cannon was building a successful co-parenting relationship following his divorce from Mariah Carey. He was able to share his lessons on a visit to The Ellen Show, where he chatted about how he was able to get through spending Thanksgiving with his children and Mariah, even though she had a new boyfriend. He told Ellen,
“It’s all about unconditional love...And knowing because they were so young, this is what they know: They know Mommy and Daddy still love each other, but more importantly they love us.”
He also told People that it was important for he and Mariah to remember that "family comes first" no matter what, and that was the key to their successful co-parenting relationship.
“...Just staying focused and putting priorities in order...Being able to just step out and control whatever you can control, and the things that you can’t, you just keep it moving."At the end of the day, that's what it's all about....You celebrate one another and celebrate family – you take time out for those moments."
Hopefully Ciara and Future can take some notes from Mariah and Nick, so that their most important asset does not miss out on valuable and precious moments with the two most important people in his life.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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