If there are three words that I personally think get abused (or misused) a lot, it's "love," "friend," and "know". I mean, think about it — how is that the same word you would use for your favorite flavor of ice cream is the same word you would use to describe how you feel about your significant other (love)? Or, when you think about all that you and your bestie have been through, how do the people you barely speak to — let alone see — on social media get the same title as they do (friend)?
Most of y'all probably feel me on those two words, but "know"? What's my issue with that?
I always found it interesting, and also pretty cool, that if you read the New King James Version of the Bible, when it talks about a husband having sex with his wife, "knew" is the word that's used (Genesis 4:25). He wasn't smashin' or hittin' — he was getting to know her better.
To me, it cosigns what I think about the word "know"; that, in many ways, just like when it comes to love or friend, it's a sacred word. Folks can't be out here just casually claiming to know someone. There should be a certain kind of criteria that qualifies them to say that. For starters, the five following things must apply.
What It Means To Really Know Someone
You've Had Bonafide Shared Experiences with Each Other
"Know" is a pretty layered word. Two of my favorite definitions of it are "to perceive or understand as fact or truth" and "to understand from experience or attainment." If you know someone, you've experienced some things with them. Experiences are personal accounts.
When I think of experiences, I think of good times and tough times. I think of the people who were there for me during my latest heartbreak or the ones who can call me when they are short on a bill. Even when I think about the people I've gone to the movies with or had lunch with, it served some kind of a purpose beyond the surface. So yeah, for someone to say that they know me, we've spent some personal time together. Definitely.
They've Consistently Communicated with You Within the Last 12-16 Months
How is it that supposedly it takes 21 days to break a habit, but someone who hasn't spoken to you in five years is able to say that they know you? Shoot, with all of the self-work I've done over the past year or so, I barely know me (that's a joke— kinda), so I know folks I haven't seen since college don't.
Even the guys who've known me in the biblical sense, because it's been so long ago, I don't profess to know anymore. I'm pretty sure their anatomy hasn't changed, but time changes people mentally and emotionally, so hopefully they've evolved to the point where it's more accurate to say that I knew them.
My point? A part of the reason why we call people on the phone or take trips with them, etc. is so that we can remain connected to them throughout all of the things in life that change us over time. Things that evolve us and (hopefully) mature us.
I won't lie. Being away from some folks feels like missing two years of a soap opera; you see them again and it's like you didn't miss a thing. But overall, if it's been 1-1½ years and you haven't been in touch with someone, it's pretty bold to claim that you know them. Same goes for them professing that they know you.
Because think about it — if someone knows you so well unless they are in another country without phone access, why haven't you connected with them on some level within the past year-and-a-half anyway?!
Your Relationship with Them Goes Beyond Social Media
Personally, I haven't been on social media for almost a decade, so I'll tread softly here. I will say that when I was on it, the platform was Facebook and my page was pretty much a place where folks would debate hot topics. Aside from counseling, I wasn't doing a lot of "caring and sharing" on there, though. I prefer to get on the phone to do that. To this day, my circle knows that if you have my number (which might be 10 people, literally), that means you know me; that we really are homies.
However, I do know a lot of people who will comment on celebrities or even just people they follow online like they are close friends with them based on what those folks post on their own pages. Listen, people show you what they want you to see. Don't let that make you think that you truly know them, though.
Just because you see things about someone doesn't mean you know them.
They Can Provide More Details than Gossip
Remember how one of the definitions of the word "know" is someone who has facts and truth? Chile, is there more that needs to be said on this one? Who can you say you know facts (opinions are not facts) about? Who can say they know the truth (opinions are not truth either) about you?
For the record, some gossip is truth. But if you let someone into your life to the point that they know you, they shouldn't be the kind of folks who would tell your business. Feel me?
If someone professes to know you and it's only based on hearsay, they don't. They know what they heard, and 7 times out of 10, either that has very little to do with the real you or the people in your circle talk too much and you need to set new boundaries when it comes to dealing with the people you know.
You Agree with Them
This one is my favorite. Knowing is about intimacy and it's hard to be truly intimate when it's one-sided. There used to be a time when, whenever someone would come to me with something they heard from someone who claimed to "know" me, I got frustrated. These days, I don't because no one can claim to know me without my agreeing with them that they do.
I say that because no one knows the truth and facts about me like I do. Therefore, I have a say on who thinks that they do.
Right now, I know who can confidently say that they know me. We've been through some things together, we've connected within the past couple of months (at least), they have my phone number, they've got facts on me (not all of them are stellar but I will admit they are the truth) and there is a mutual intimacy between us.
Yeah. It feels good to know and be known. It feels even better to know I've got total control over that being the case.
Sis, so do you.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Meet The Millionaire Real Estate Developer Transforming Georgia’s Landscape And Generational Wealth
Delphine Bryant is trying to change the world, one real estate listing at a time. As a breast cancer survivor, she understands the importance of building a legacy that her children can be proud of, which is why she’s using her platform to educate others to create generational wealth of their own.
A distinguished real estate developer and entrepreneur, Bryant is also a millionaire with a portfolio of over 100 luxury and affordable homes across Georgia.
Known for her expertise in crafting properties that speak for themselves, she has a keen eye for design and a strong affinity for community development. Her goal with every property and business endeavor is to transform landscapes and enrich lives in the process.
“When they tell you that you have breast cancer and it's the fast-growing one, I was like, okay, am I dying or not, but I started focusing on making my dreams bigger than my problems,” Bryant recalls to xoNecole.
“I was like, I’m going to fight. I want to be able to fight as much as I can. So, during that process of fighting, I was still looking at real estate because I started real estate in 2012 while I was still a registered nurse, which would help me have extra income.”
Bryant’s health kept her at home during this time due to a low immune system and weakness from rounds of chemotherapy, but one thing that did not change was her determination to succeed. She used the time to lock in and learn the ins and outs of the real estate world.
“Navigating myself in the real estate world, I started looking at new construction and just focusing on seeing how much profit I would get from new construction as to holding properties, which I sued to do for the first five years in the business,” Bryant explains.
“I started realizing there’s so much money in getting into new construction and learning about the development world.”
She adds, “So, I pushed myself, paid a mentor about $40,000, who taught me how to buy land and subdivide it, and then I started building new construction. That has helped me a lot. Getting into the real estate world and seeing my coworkers, who were nurses and doctors, making so much money but not investing it, I started telling them what I was doing, and they started investing in some of my projects. Many people just saw me growing and kept asking how can you do this? How can you do that? So I also began mentoring in the space.”
Having acquired over $8 million in real estate assets, Bryant knows something about investing in suitable properties and helping others get more bang for their buck. Her number one lesson is not to get caught up in spending so much money, time, and effort into making a property “look a certain way.”
“I always advise people, if you’re going to buy and hold a property, you don’t want to invest too much to make that house look a certain way,” she says.
“Because you’re holding it, you want to rehab it. If you’re buying, let’s say, a property that needs rehab, you want to rehab it but spend less money if you’re going to hold it. On the other hand, if you plan to sell it, that’s a different ball game because buyers coming in want to make it look like a brand new house.”
“For those holding on to the property, you can spend half the fee you planned to rehab it. That way, the house still looks almost the same, brand new, but you're spending less money,” Bryant continues.
“And once you send an appraisal there, you will probably appraise it for almost the same price you sell it. Then, you can cash the equity out of that house, have someone stay there paying the mortgage while you get cash flow every month, and help that house appraise every three to four years.”
When it comes to investing, Bryant says it is essential to avoid properties with significant issues, such as the foundation, plumbing, etc., because they will eat up a person’s profit. She stressed the importance of leaning on resources like a real estate inspector who can assess whatever needs to be done to the property rather than a general contractor.
“A licensed inspector will pick up everything wrong on that property, and then you can take that list, that inspection list, present it to your general contractor; that way, you know how much you want to spend on a house before you ever invest in it. It is essential, or else you’ll see a house that sometimes looks pretty, but the AC is bad, or the roof needs to be taken down, so you want to make sure that you get a home inspector to assess what needs to be done to a property before making that investment.”
Additionally, she stresses the importance of evaluation. What is the market? What’s the market trending? These are questions that Bryant says are imperative to not throwing your hard-earned money away to renovations that won’t necessarily make you a profit.
“I love what I do,” Bryant concludes. “I make sure that I do my due diligence. I’ve never lost money in real estate. I wake up in the morning feeling very grateful. One of the things is that I have a history of breast cancer, and I’m a breast cancer survivor now, so I’m just grateful to be alive. I look at life differently but wake up feeling tons of gratitude.”
“I want to encourage people that real estate is an easy way to grow wealth that is not a liability. It’s an asset. You can transfer it from generation to generation,” she adds.
“A lot of us look at real estate, and we get scared, but if you do your numbers and educate yourself in real estate, you can make so much money quickly. I always encourage people to buy a house and get into the real estate world because you can transfer those assets to your children from generation to generation."
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Feature image courtesy of Delphine Bryant