While it's certainly not life-threatening or anything, I don't know if there is anything more irritating—and sometimes inconvenient—than catching a cold. Yet, try as we might, there's a chance that we'll all come down with one before the year is out. Why is that? The long short of it is, a cold is a virus; one that comes in approximately 200 different varieties. By the way, contrary to what grandma might've said, no, you can't get one from going outside while your head is wet. You actually catch a cold from someone who already has one, either by being in direct contact with them or from touching a surface that they have.
As you probably already know, there isn't a cure for a cold. However, there are some things you can do to speed up the healing process. Staying hydrated will loosen up the congestion. Resting will build up your immune system. Turning on a humidifier will help to remove allergens out of the air. Oh, and there is some truth to feeding a cold as well. Drinking citrus juices will provide you with antioxidants and electrolytes that you might have lost. Also, if you enjoy comfort foods when you're sick (speaking of, have you ever checked out YouTube's Stove Top Kisses before? The host is hil-ar-ious and the recipes are the complete and total bomb!), just make sure that they are high in beta-carotene (like carrots and collards), Vitamin C (like papayas and peppers), Vitamin E (like tangerines and tomatoes) and bioflavonoids like lemons and limes—all of which can be depleted when you're feeling under the weather.
There's one more thing too. Make sure to avoid the following eight foods at all costs. Not just because they can "empower your cold", but because there is solid evidence that they each play a role in making cold viruses last longer than they should (which should be no more than 10 days; if your cold is lingering longer, make an appointment to see your physician as soon as possible). Are you ready to read about what you should keep off of your plate until your cold subsides?
What Not To Eat When You Have A Cold
1.Dairy
Dairy is milk. Dairy is cheese. Dairy is cream, butter, yogurt and anything else that is produced from a mammal's milk. If you're anything like me and you thoroughly enjoy most, if not all, of the things on this list, I can totally see why you might struggle with giving dairy up (or, at the very least, consuming these foods less than you currently do). But here's the thing to also keep in mind about it—because our bodies aren't really designed to consume another mammal's milk, if we eat (or drink) a lot of it, it can cause all sorts of health issues. For one thing, dairy is a huge source of saturated fat which can ultimately lead to heart disease and type 2 diabetes. There are even studies that point to the fact that dairy can up your risk for getting lung, breast and ovarian cancer. Also, if clear skin is your goal, less dairy is best. Why? Well, two proteins found in milk are whey and casein. Whenever we take them into our system, they have a tendency to trigger the production of a hormone called IGF-1; that can lead to breakouts.
As far as consuming dairy when you're sick goes, while you might've heard that it can produce more mucus, the actual scientific data suggests that the more accurate problem is dairy can lead to more coughing, if anything. Plus, it can make the mucus that you already have thicker; that can result in allergens remaining in your system longer which can ultimately result in your cold sticking around for a few more days than it actually should.
2.Coffee/Caffeine
If anything is a bit of a wild card on this list, it would have to be coffee. I say that because there are about as many "pros" as there are "cons" when it comes to drinking it. On the beneficial side, coffee can reduce post-workout muscle discomfort, lower the risk of depression, cancer and even type 2 diabetes. Plus, it's loaded with fiber and can even protect against cirrhosis of the liver. Some reasons why you should consume java in moderation is it has the ability to increase your stress hormone and homocysteine levels (which can ultimately lead to heart disease), deplete your system of the calcium, magnesium and potassium that your body needs, plus it can be addictive.
If you love coffee so much that you can't imagine ever going without it, try and at least push your cup aside while you're getting over a cold. Because coffee/caffeine is a diuretic, drinking it can prevent your body from getting the fluids that you need in order to fully heal.
3.Fake Meat (Kinda)
I grew up being a Seventh-Day Adventist. Anyone who is (or knows someone who is) knows that MorningStar Farms is a staple in that denomination's diet. If you're unfamiliar with MorningStar, it's basically one of the longest-running "fake meat" brands there is around. While I know that a lot of folks are out here consuming "the un-meat" like there's no tomorrow, it's important to keep in mind that 1) a lot of that stuff contains quite a bit of soy, sodium and preservatives (which isn't a good thing) and 2) some of those foods also are loaded with gluten. Gluten is basically a protein that is found in grains (especially wheat) that's considered by a lot of health professionals to be "irrelevant" because it doesn't really provide any nutrients to your body. On the flip side, what it can do is elevate inflammation in your body (especially if you've got celiac disease).
Since a symptom of having a cold is inflammation in your system, which can result in it being more difficult for mucus to pass through your body, you might want to save that Impossible Burger until after you get to feeling better. Or, at the very least, opt for a gluten-free one instead. Otherwise, you could be "feeding your cold". Just not in a good way.
4.Bread
I'm a bit of a bread girl, so I can get why this might be really hard to give up or why you may want to treat it as a comfort food while you're battling a cold. While a sandwich, a slice of pizza or some French toast on occasion isn't necessarily a bad thing, the rule to apply here is all things must be applied in moderation. No matter how much you might enjoy bread, the reality is that it's got a ton of carbs in it, it lacks micronutrients and, many brands contain gluten. Since carbs pack on pounds and raise blood sugar levels, that should be reason enough to not want to go overboard on bread which includes pasta, fortified cereals, tortillas and even—wait for it—grits.
Since bread has gluten in it and we've already talked about what it can do, that's why you should avoid eating biscuits or burritos until your cold is over. Even then, make sure that you at least go the whole-grain route and you limit your portions as much as possible. Your immunity will thank you for it if you do.
5.Seafood
Have you ever noticed that a lobster looks a lot like a cockroach? Yeah, a lot of seafood is considered to be bottom-feeders of the ocean. What this means is it's their job is to clean up filth in the water. If that's not enough of a reason to reconsider eating a lot of seafood, how about the fact that it's high in cholesterol and mercury; it is a common allergen; and, when foods like scallops, clams and oysters are not thoroughly cooked, the harmful bacteria that you can take into your system can be totally off the charts.
If you just read all of that and you're still like "whatever", try and hold off on the shrimp or calamari until you are feeling better. Something else that seafood contains plenty of are histamines (which explains why so many folks are allergic to it). Histamines can definitely elevate the congestion in your system and result in you feeling a lot more uncomfortable, if not flat-out miserable.
6.Anything Fried
You probably already know that eating fried foods on a consistent basis isn't the best thing for your overall health and well-being. Aside from the fact that they can help you to pack on the pounds, since fried foods are also high in trans fats, eating too many of them can lead to health issues like diabetes, heart disease and even cancer. Another problem with fried foods is the preparation of them can produce a toxic substance known as acrylamide; it's something that can lead to kidney and ovarian cancers.
As if all of this isn't enough of a reason to eat fried chicken and fried mushrooms less often, fried food is something else that can increase inflammation in your body. Also, since they are the kinds of foods that take longer for your body to digest, they can cause you to have an upset stomach. You definitely don't want that when you're dealing with all of the annoying symptoms that come along with having a cold.
7.Avocados
First off, were you aware of the fact that another name for avocados is "alligator pear"? The more you know, boy. Anyway, I know you probably want to give me some pushback on this one since there are so many health benefits that come from partaking of this particular fruit. After all, avocados are high in vitamins B6, C, E and K. They are loaded with fiber and healthy fats. They also packed with antioxidants that can strengthen your heart. And, thanks to the tryptophan, folate and omega-3s that are in them, avocados can decrease depression-related symptoms too.
So, why are they on this list? It's because they're another food that are packed with histamines. Even if guacamole is a comfort food for you, wait until your sinuses clear up. Otherwise, you could have a big mess of mucus on your hands. Literally.
8.Chocolate
When it comes to the health benefits of chocolate, it's important to mention that dark chocolate that has at least 60 percent cocoa in it is what you should consume. That said, if you do make it a point to eat that kind, dark chocolate can improve your blood sugar levels, reduce your heart disease risk, strengthen your cognitive function, protect your skin from UV damage and keep free radicals at bay. That's the good news.
The reason why a cup of hot chocolate is not a good idea when you've got a cold is 1) the high saturation of fat that it contains can increase inflammation in your system and 2) the sugar that's in the chocolate can potentially multiply yeast and increase bacteria, especially in your gut where a significant amount of your immune system is located. That's why it's best to go with some hot apple cider, herbal tea or hot water with lemon and honey instead.
Yeah, I know. Some of these foods are probably things that you don't want to do without, especially when you're under the weather. But look at it this way—if you "fast" from them while you're getting over your cold, there's a significant chance that you'll get over it a lot quicker. That way, you'll actually be able to breathe the next time you have some fettucine or a fish sandwich. Now, doesn't that make it worth the wait?
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
10 "Healthy" Foods That Actually, Well...Aren't
8 Foods That Will Keep You Cool, Calm & Totally Relaxed
Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone
The Foods You Should & Shouldn't Be Eating On A Plant-Based Diet
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 100 Worst Foods for Cold & Flu | Eat This, Not That! ›
- Foods to avoid when you have the flu | Ohio State Medical Center ›
- What to Eat When Sick - Best and Words Foods for Illness | Health.com ›
- The 15 Best Foods to Eat When You're Sick ›
- 10 foods dietitians say you should avoid when you're sick - Insider ›
RELATED
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
Now, if you’re already thinking that I must be buggin’ to even question that, let me first state that sex and foreplay are not the exact same thing. By definition, foreplay is what transpires prior to actual intercourse — the prelude, if you will. As far as how long that should be, quite a bit of research says that 20 minutes is what most women prefer (you can read about that here, here, and here). Okay, but after the warm-up session, is it more satisfying for things to take a shorter (fast) or longer (slow) amount of time? And yeah, what about all of the thrusting? What does science say the speed of that should be as well?
I think it goes without saying that when it comes to sexual satisfaction, “to each his or her own” should be the mindset and motto (check out “I’ve Got 7 'Sex Mantras' That Will Seriously Improve Your Sex Life” while you’re at it).
Still, if you’re curious about what research and data say about fast vs. slow sex, I’ve got a bit of intel that just might surprise you.
This Is What Science Says “Fast Sex” Is
hurry GIFGiphyFast: moving or able to move, operate, function, or take effect quickly; moving or able to move, operate, function, or take effect quickly; done in comparatively little time; taking a comparatively short time: fast work
Okay, so question: When it comes to sex, when you think of it going fast, what’s the movement that immediately comes to your mind? If it’s thrusting, that tracks because, after all, how would penetrative copulation be able to transpire without it? Well, when it comes to thrusting — and more specifically, the pace/speed of it — guess who prefers it to be faster?
If you thought men…you actually thought wrong, chile.
According to a popular survey that was published several years back, although a little over half of both male and female participants stated that they would like “an even split” between fast and slow-paced sex, almost 32 percent of women said that they prefer faster thrusting while a mere 20 percent of men agreed (interesting, right?). It should also go on record that (surprise, surprise) the over-35 crowd is who preferred slower sex the most along with those who actually had a deeper emotional connection with their partner (also, not shocking — more on that in a bit).
And while women preferring faster sex may seem odd on the surface, I venture to say not so much if you factor in how many absolutely enjoy vibrators these days — and honey, it’s A LOT of y’all because it would appear that at least 82 percent of women own at least one sex toy. And since masturbation to the point of orgasming apparently takes under five minutes (it would also appear that most women prefer to do this around 9 p.m., by the way) and, reportedly, sex toys can help you to climax faster and longer — it’s no wonder that those devices are all the rage these days.
And you know what? All of this is playing out to look like if an “efficient orgasm” truly is the (ultimate) goal, taking a short amount of time doesn’t bother (many) women in the least; in fact, most women prefer it. And that alone is why it shouldn’t be surprising that many women would prefer faster sex because — have you seen how quickly those damn rabbits move? Basically, so long as some actual sexual stimulation is transpiring, the faster, the better.
Ah — so perhaps what also needs to be factored in is women who can orgasm from penetration alone (which continues to not be a ton — check out “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”) are probably fonder of faster sex. Why? Well, the more that their G-spot is directly stimulated, the easier it is for them to “see the mountaintop” — and so, if their partner took his time long enough for them to be “ready to receive him” (check out “Here's How To Increase Vaginal Lubrication. Naturally.”), the thrusting — even the fast thrusting — will be pleasurable instead of uncomfortable. Yep, it makes all of the sense in the world.
Then there’s the timeframe of sex. To tell you the truth, “fast” wins out in that department as well because the average time for the most desirable type of intercourse? It’s been widely reported that it’s somewhere between 7-13 minutes. A GQ writer collected X (formerly known as Twitter) data from almost 2,400 people about five years ago and 61 percent of them said that they like penetration to last between 5-10 minutes (only 26 percent wanted it to go over 11 minutes).
Hmm…so while throwback R&B singer Lilo croons about wanting to make love all night long (if you know, you know), it looks like more women are actually on some Miguel “Quickie” (well…kind of…LOL).
So, where does slow sex fit into all of this? Yes, let’s touch on that.
This Is What Science Says “Slow Sex” Is
sexy make love GIF by SatisfactionGiphySlow: moving or proceeding with little or less than usual speed or velocity; characterized by lack of speed; taking or requiring a comparatively long time for completion
Now, I already shared that one study stated that people over 35 and those with a deeper emotional connection reportedly enjoy slower sex more than anyone else. From strictly a health angle, a part of that may be because, with age, comes things like delayed ejaculation for men and, for women, the shift/drop in sex hormones (during the later stage of perimenopause, in menopause and post-menopause) can make it more difficult to orgasm (or experience the same type of intensity of one).
Aside from that, though, pretty much every article that I read on the benefits of slow sex had more to do with the mental and emotional side of the sex than the physical benefits. For instance, slower sex makes (more) room for eye contact, being able to enjoy more intimate time with your partner, and you to get more creative (or romantic — check out “Tonight's The Night For A More Romantic Sexual Experience With Your Partner”). Then there’s the relevant point that slower sex encourages you to be more mindful (meaning, “in the moment” — check out “How About Having A 'Mindful Orgasm' Tonight?”).
Also, many experts believe that slower sex is what can help to close the orgasm gap because it encourages men to slow down (since they can orgasm way quicker and easier than most women) and “wait” for their partner to “get on the same page,” climax-wise, as them.
Now, I will say that I found some data that stated that many people don’t prefer intercourse to go over 30 minutes because then it can start to feel a bit uncomfortable (for both the man and the woman), so that’s a point off for slower sex, for sure.
So, this reads to be that slow sex is great sex on a connection tip, not automatically or necessarily a peak-of-physical-pleasure one…because, again, we’re not talking about foreplay (or afterplay, for that matter); we’re talking strictly intercourse here.
Okay, So Which One Is Better?
GiphyAight, so now that you have all of this science-backed information to ponder over, what are your thoughts? Did you go into this assuming that surely slower sex is best — yet now you see that some pretty solid points about faster sex have been made? Maybe you never looked at fast sex this way because you never “separated” foreplay from actual sex — now that you do, perhaps fast sex doesn’t warrant the eye rolls that you used to give it. Or maybe you’re someone who isn’t wired to enjoy sex unless it’s slower because a deep emotional connection must be present for you to enjoy sex at all.
To me, when I think of “better,” I think of something being more satisfying, and, strictly, from a scientific standpoint, it does look like more foreplay first and faster sex second is the winning combination.
That said, though, I honestly believe that the greater focus needs to be that paces are “in sync” because, if your partner is fast and you are slower (or vice versa), that probably makes for the most “womp-womp-womp” sexual experience of all.
I also believe that if you got no other takeaway from all of this — DO BOTH. Don’t turn your nose up at fast sex (including quickies) and make time to connect with your partner…because even if you don’t always cum from slower sex, the emotions that are shared can still make it a truly wonderful experience.
Finally, share this with your partner. See what he has to say. It might be time for him to separate foreplay and sex, for a more satisfying experience for all parties involved (just sayin’).
At the end of the day, again, doowutchyalike (the real ones know) — just don’t knock what science says about it all…because what you may have turned your nose at, with a bit of tweaking, it could quickly because your all-time fave. No pun intended. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy