Something that’s really cool about having friends for more than a decade of time is you literally get to watch each other grow, shift, and even transform — this includes spiritually, emotionally, professionally, relationally, and yes, physically. When it comes to my male friends, what has been beyond fascinating on the sexual tip (which is pretty much where the relational and physical “meet”) is how horny they seemed to be in their 20s and early to mid-30s vs. how they get once they hit about 36 or 37.
Don’t get me wrong, they still like sex (a lot). It’s just that…many of them start talking about having less energy, not being as consumed by getting some all of the time, and even gaining weight (as some start to lose their hair too).
Hmm…isn’t it interesting that whenever women start going through changes once they reach their mid-30s to early 40s, we automatically tack menopause (or perimenopause) onto them and yet, when men are experiencing their own “modifications,” we don’t quickly associate a word for them — even though there is one? And that word, my friends, is andropause.
If you’ve never heard of andropause before (or you have but you’re not exactly sure what it means), I’m going to do my best to break it down for you over the next few minutes. Because just like menopause is pretty much an unavoidable season of life for us, andropause is the exact same thing for the men in your world. Science has proven it.
So, What Is Andropause All About?
GiphyIf you really paid attention to all that I said in the intro, I’m sure some of you are like, “Okay, so andropause is basically ‘male menopause’” — and to a large extent, you would be correct. Still, probably the best way to explain andropause is it’s the stage in a man’s life when his testosterone levels begin to significantly drop (which is also known as hypogonadism which is why andropause is oftentimes called age-related hypogonadism). Although some health experts say that this begins to happen to men once they hit the age of 50, others say that around 40 is when testosterone begins to decrease on a pretty noticeable level.
The reason why this is super relevant is because a drop in testosterone can impact a man’s health on a myriad of different levels. That’s because testosterone is a hormone that is responsible for things like:
- Developing and maintaining genitalia
- Developing and maintaining muscle mass
- Developing and maintaining bone density
- Keeping one’s sex drive at an optimal level
- Stimulating the production of sperm
Okay, so what are some pretty clear indicators that a man may be producing less testosterone than he has in the past?
- A low(er) libido
- Going through the challenges of maintaining a (strong) erection
- Accumulating more body fat
- Having less bone and muscle mass
- Possibly having a (slightly) smaller penis and/or set of testicles
- Shifts in moods when it comes to handling stress and anxiety
- Hair loss
- Hot flashes (yes, hot flashes)
- Experiencing erratic sleep patterns
- Super dry skin
- Experiencing excessive sweating
- Having a lowered sense of self-esteem
Now, for accuracy’s sake, I think it’s important to share that even though men losing testosterone over time is pretty much inevitable, most lose somewhere around one percent (some experts say it’s more like 1.6 percent) per year between the ages of 30-40 and, by the time they turn 70, they drop is about 30 percent beneath what their hormone levels actually should be.
This is important to put on record because it shows that just like menopause isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” experience for women, andropause isn’t for men — some will go through more drastic changes than others and it may not be until they are much older before the changes are highly significant.
How Is Andropause Diagnosed and Treated?
GiphyOkay, so what if a guy is experiencing a few of the symptoms that I just mentioned? How can he find out if it’s directly connected to andropause? Listen, something that I am a fan of both men and women doing around the age of 40 is getting their hormone levels checked. Similar to how people can find out a lot about how their body responds/reacts to food by taking a food allergy test, to me, a hormone test is similarly beneficial. What I mean by that is, so often, something can be going on with us physically and we’re tempted to slightly freak out when, if we simply took a hormone test, we would get the clarity that we are seeking.
So yeah, if a man in your life doesn’t quite “feel like himself,” an appointment to check his levels would be a really wise move. That usually consists of him discussing his family history and taking a blood test (preferably in the morning when T cells are at their highest). For the record, there are also at-home hormone tests that are available; however, in order to get the most thorough results, a full examination by a physician is best.
What Are Some Home Remedies for Andropause?
GiphyAnd what if “he” does end up being diagnosed with andropause? Are there some all-natural approaches that he can take? Absolutely.
Take certain supplements. If the men in your life aren’t already taking a multivitamin, ASAP would be a great time for them to start. One reason is because three nutrients that are usually in them are zinc, magnesium, and vitamin D and those are really effective when it comes to maintaining testosterone levels. Another supplement that’s also worth considering is DHEA; it helps to increase the production of testosterone.
Tweak the diet (a bit). Thankfully, there are foods that help to increase testosterone levels as well. Some of them include dark leafy greens, fatty fish, ginger, pomegranates, avocados, egg yolks, olive oil, cocoa and even honey. While we’re on the subject, foods that should be consumed in more moderation include processed food (meaning junk food), mint, soy-based foods (because they are a phytoestrogen), dairy, and high carbs like pastries.
Maintain a healthy weight. Something that is pretty irrefutable when it comes to maintaining a healthy level of testosterone is thatthe larger someone’s waist is, the easier it is for testosterone levels to drop. In fact, some studies reveal that 40 percent of obese nondiabetic men and 50 percent of obese diabetic men have low testosterone levels. Moral to the story: encourage him to keep his weight under control.
Exercise. Aside from eating a healthy diet, definitely the easiest and fastest way to lose weight is to exercise 30-45 minutes at least three days a week. As far as testosterone levels go, research reveals that it’s another way to increase it too (albeit somewhat temporarily). So, you know what that means, right? Working out in the gym and then rewarding that by “working out” in the bedroom can help you to get the most out of a man’s testosterone levels. Hell, come to think of it…yours too.
Take power naps. Sleep deprivation is problematic on so many levels. Not only is it tied to health-related issues like heart disease, strokes, obesity, depression, and depression, but a lack of adequate rest can also throw off hormone levels. One study even said that after a week of only five hours of sleep per night, young men’s testosterone levels decreased by as much as 10-15 percent. So, even if the man in your life can’t get a consistent 6-8 hours of shut-eye in, encourage him to at least take a power nap of 15-20 minutes a day. It can do wonders.
Limit the alcohol intake. Although there are some ways that alcohol can actually benefit your health and well-being (check out “10 Ways Alcohol Can Be Good For You Past A Great Buzz”), it definitely shouldn’t be enjoyed in excess. Also, if the goal is to increase testosterone levels, it might need to be done away with altogether. That’s because research shows that alcohol has the ability to disrupt testosterone production to the point where it can tank testosterone levels, contribute to erectile dysfunction, and lower a man’s sex drive.
Monitor BPA consumption levels too. Bisphenol A (BPA) is a chemical that basically mimics estrogen. Since estrogen is the hormone that we as women naturally process (far more than men just like they produce way more testosterone in their system than we do), it would make sense that BPA would affect things like testosterone production and a man’s sperm count. Since, unfortunately, BPA is featured in some packaging products and plastics, before purchasing items, read the labels to make sure that they specifically say that they are BPA-free.
3 Tips for Supporting Your Man As He Goes Through Andropause
GiphySomething else that isn’t discussed enough: supporting men as they go through andropause, just like they should support us as we go through menopause. As I close this out, I’ve got a few ways to do that.
1. Do your own research on andropause. Just like new intel comes out on menopause, andropause can’t be covered in just one article. So, now that you know that andropause is indeed a thing, help the men in your life out by researching the topic and sharing what you find out. Lowered testosterone isn’t any man’s favorite topic of discussion; however, the more they know, the easier it will be to adjust to their life transitions.
2. Encourage him to get his hormones tested. It can’t be said enough that a guy who is around 40 (or a guy who is experiencing the symptoms that I mentioned, regardless of his age) should check his hormone levels. If the men/man in your life would prefer to do it from the convenience and privacy of his own home, Everlywell is a pretty trusted brand (although the test ain’t cheap). He can purchase their Men’s Health Testhere.
3. Remember the Golden Rule (especially now). If the guy who is going through andropause is also the man who you are (currently) sleeping with, please remember the Golden Rule of treating him the way that you would want to be treated. Meaning, you wouldn’t want it constantly pointed out if you were experiencing vaginal dryness, hot flashes, or less of a desire for sex — so, why would he want to have endless conversations about struggling to maintain an erection (sometimes), gaining weight or feeling like his penis is not as big as it once seemed? The reality is that hormonal changes are eventually coming for us all. Having compassion and expressing empathy are effective ways to maintain emotional closeness and trust.
___
Andropause. Like I said earlier, although the topic doesn’t come up a ton, I hope you now see why it should. It really is time out for the spotlight to only be on us and what we go through when it comes to time and hormones. Men should be a part of the chat too — since both of those things also affect them…and ultimately us too.
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The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
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Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
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What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak