I've often thought about how I would go about a threesome, how I'd go about setting boundaries for myself and ensuring that it wasn't some socialized desire I took to meet my "freak" quota for my man (we all know one). Would I even be willing to incorporate a threesome into my relationship? As a single person looking in, I decided I'd rather be the third to another couple and leave the potential for messiness in their bedroom. But as a sex educator, the reality is that it can be done, but a threesome requires communication and healthy boundary-setting to ensure that things can be tucked away with a neat little ribbon afterwards.
For some, the boundary is simply: "The third can never be someone who we'd invite to the wedding." Either way, specificity is key and in this day and age, the possibilities are infinite. Couples and singles are seeking out a third partner through apps like Thrinder, swingers clubs, at random, or in the age-old direct message.
For the expansion of your mind, body, and soul, it's important to know that a threesome has the ability to be diverse. Despite the sexism we learned around MMF threesomes, it is in fact that and not a train. And we should reject the idea that a threesome ONLY ever occurs when it's FFM because...you guessed it...that's dated, patriarchal, sex-negative language.
It encompasses voyeurism (you'll see) and/or the use of accessories such as strap-ons and vibrators. It takes place inside throuples but also with a group of singles. Threesomes are whatever you make them...except foursomes (that's just group sex, point blank). They can be sexy, they can be awkward, spontaneous or premeditated. Just like sex with an indiviudal, you might be more comfortable in one scenario than another.
But, let's get into it. Here are 8 threesome stories featuring people on what threesomes are really like through their own experiences.
1.Watch me watch you...
"My boyfriend and I have a semi-open relationship. To be honest, I don't know exactly how to label it because I'm not into labels and everything (to me) is fluid, based off of impulse and how we feel at the time. I've always been interested in group sex/threesomes, mostly two men and me, and I made this clear to my boyfriend early in our relationship, however never was comfortable with acting on it [and I] didn't know how down he would be. Anyway, I'm very up and down sexually.
"There are times where I'm asexual, and then there's times when I'm hypersexual and can't stop thinking about sex and prefer 'riskier' behavior. It's supposedly tied to the fact that I have BPD, as suggested by my previous therapist. Well, when I was at the height of my adderall addiction, I was extremely hypersexual, unfortunately to the point I would fuck random niggas behind [my boyfriend's] back. (Yes, my boyfriend and I were OK with fucking other people, BUT we didn't officially talk about it so technically I was cheating.)
"One day, he found out, because I'm not one to hide shit well. He was extremely angry, as he should have been, but eventually he forgave me and then began to want to incorporate my desires into our sex life. We would invite people over, and I'd f*ck them and he'd watch. So basically, he never participated in the threesome, but he'd watch/tape; or he would not be there, and request that whoever is f*cking me would tape it all and then I would send it to him."
"I say all this to say... I feel like sometimes people don't talk about the uncomfortable TRUTHS about this lifestyle. In my case, it began to be an obsession. It also stopped being something that was on 'a whim'. He [my partner] started constantly asking me if I was talking to someone (to initiate sex) and asking me details of what I was talking about and asking me about times/days, all that kind of shit.
"To incorporate him in the mix, it started being overwhelming and like a second job at that point. And I think it was mostly because he ultimately wasn't completely on board with me doing this with him, but he was interested in the thought of voyeurism/threesomes/group sex but just not me doing it. Anyway, long story short, we don't do that anymore. And that was my decision, not his."
2.Tonight's the night...
"It was with a hetero couple I dated. I met them while teaching their son but they didn't pursue anything until after I had stopped teaching him. But I knew they had been attracted to me for some time. We were hanging out casually, perhaps that was the time I was taking to get comfortable and warm up. Finally, in February we all went back to their place.
"I was ready and in the mood. I said we having sex tonight. We started with some p*ssy licking. I asked each of them to take turns while I'd close my eyes and guess who was performing at a given time."
"After, I found myself sitting on his face while she rode her husband. After that, I gave her some good head and made her jizz in my mouth. I recall feeling excited, slutty (in a good way), accomplished, stimulated."
3.Almost doesn't count...
"I basically auditioned. I was sought after. She wanted a threesome, she started talking to me on her own. Then, we met up for dinner and took it from there. But I really didn't find her boyfriend attractive. Then they started talking about 'girlfriend' business, but I didn't like him so we made an attempt and the first time she got mad because he was touching me, so I Ieft.
"Then, shortly after, they broke up and she and I started messing around. That was great. I was nervous for the threesome activity though, [it's] not really my style, and no I would never do it again (laughs). Maybe with two girls."
4.It's instinct, I guess...
"First off, I'll say I'm a 'compersive' person, meaning I get pleasure out of my partner receiving pleasure. The prospect of a threesome came up after one of my female friends asked me about it, as she was attracted to us both. I set her and my partner up on a date without me, so they could see if they vibed. Apparently, it was a good time, but nothing ever really panned out from that. Then when we were out of town out drinking with some old friends, I asked if she would be down for a threesome with one of my friends, who I know, but isn't too close to me. He's also a nigga I know that's down for almost anything, plus he's discrete, which made him a good candidate.
"Me and him went outside the club to smoke a blunt in the car and I asked him if he would be down. [Though] my partner gets a lot of attention and I knew he would be down, he first responded like, 'Why me?' and I told him to just consider himself lucky. He was like, 'Aight sign me up, imma stop asking questions' and laughed. I told him to meet us at the hotel later. When my partner and I got back to the hotel and started getting ready for bed, I made sure she stayed up and mentioned that one of my homies would be coming over.
"When he got there, we thought it was a good idea to start rolling up. I could tell he had never been in a threesome before. Anxiety was in the air. So before the weed came out, I started making out with my partner, then I said to her, 'You should go show my homie some love too' and I directed her towards him and they started making out. She had on a little short nightgown and I put my hand up her gown while she was making out with him."
"He was still nervous (and had trouble getting hard, understandably), and I could see her getting anxious too so I ate her out, while she started giving him head (he was semi at this point). Then I turned her around and gave her some aggressive backshots until she came a few times while giving him head, and he started to choke her. She asked me if I told him she liked being choked, which she does, and I actually didn't. It was instinct, I guess.
"Anyway at this point everybody was on 10 and I backed away to let him put a condom on so they could fuck too. She's submissive, and says things like 'yes please,' which he finds hot. I recorded a bit, they both came, then he left. After he left, we fucked again which was probably the best sex of the night tbh, and went to bed. She was GLOWING the next day, and we debriefed over breakfast. The next two weeks she was hornier than ever, throwing the pussy at me even if I just looked at her. I think she really felt confident in herself as a sexual being and her sex drive was on another level for a couple weeks. I really feel like it was a win-win-win overall."
5.I wanna play...
"I went to the swingers club with the intent of watching, but it's hard to be hard-wired for horny and not want to partake. I think I also planned on watching because I didn't anticipate any Black people being there and white people weren't going to get me off. My curiosity got the best of me when the Black couple I had been keeping tabs on while they exchanged oral had suddenly left the room. True to my Sag, my ass went to explore the situation. I found them with the one other Black couple making out on the couches.
"They gave me permission to join verbally and as a sign of good faith she gave his dick some room to breathe so I could show them I was serious. We moved to a private room where she and I took turns eating one another out, and giving him head."
"Soon after, we had sex but not for long because I panicked, through my clothes on, and dipped out. Unfortunately, I was forced to bump into them for the rest of the night in the club. I would definitely do it again but I would put slightly more thought into it. More intention."
6.An invitation...
"Back in undergrad, one of my closest friends also happened to be my roommate. She was going through a bad breakup and after a night of my then-boyfriend and I listening to her whine about it, I randomly said, 'We're going to have sex now. You're welcome to join. That may help get your mind off of things.' With very little hesitation, she asked for 30 minutes to clean herself up (shave and whatnot) and not too long after that we all fucked.
"Having sex with my best friend and my boyfriend for my first threesome was great. Knowing that I trusted them and we all were very familiar with one another definitely made us all more comfortable. I do think my boyfriend was having a mental conflict. He wasn't able to keep a hard on with my best friend. After the threesome was over, he had to finish in our room with me. The days following were pretty normal. We laughed about it, but there were no awkward moments."
7.Fifty shades of submission...
"There's lots of things that aren't very sensual about my sexual experiences, especially when it has to do with swinger lifestyle stuff. I've been a part of the swinger lifestyle for about four to five years and started in Baltimore. When I moved back to Detroit, I never really sought it out because it was too close to home, work, etc. Post-breakup, I went to a lifestyle party in February with a friend. Initially, I was like, 'I really don't wanna do this but you know I'm really f*cking horny and I really wanna have a community dynamic of, not only being f*cked but seeing people f*ck.' So I went.
"The host, whose name was Vick, and there was a guy named X, as well -- while I was there, I ended up f*cking like three guys [and] I played with a girl. Although I wanted to f*ck X, I didn't for whatever reason but I did end up f*cking Vick. Fast forward, not too long ago this past fall, Vick is like, 'Come over, I really wanna f*ck you' and I'm like whatever because I know he's going to slut me out. He has a Dom nature.
"Like I'm going to feel like I can serve and please him, which gives me my release. He also has this house where he lives with guys which also turns me on knowing that others can hear me getting f*cks, I don't know, just another kink of mine. And so while I'm f*cking him, I end up biting my fingers, sucking on my fingers, sucking on his fingers. Basically indicating that I need another dick. I'm this horny, I wanna please, I want to be slutted out. But I'm not going to shy away from it, I needed to be myself and I needed a release."
"So Vick is like, 'OK, do you trust me to bring someone over?' Minutes later, X walks in! Obviously, I'm excited. He also has a Dom nature about him. At this point, I'm in heaven. I'm sucking X's dick. But I'm also on this tip where not only do I want to be pleased but I also want to see the manifestation of me giving and me serving and making sure I get the ultimate slut/sub trophy and that's cum, right? So I'm sucking him off, letting him f*ck. He's cumming on my face and Vick is watching like, 'Good girl, keep going. Please him like you please, daddy.' We're going back and forth and eventually Vick is like, 'You need to bend over so I can take your ass.' And I wanted it! I wanted all of my holes filled that day.
"And that ended up happening. X ended up laying back and Vick was like, 'You're going to try DP (double penetration) for us.' It was again a very primitive, raw experience around being a slut and wanting to get all of my holes blown out, wanting both of these men to please me and knowing that they both have this Dom, honestly, hood persona that I adore. Which is opposite of how people see me but this is what turns me on. I was gone in a beautiful way. I enjoyed every minute of it."
8.The perfect stranger...
"This one is pretty wild. I was at a friend's bar (he was the bar manager) and there was a guy in there visiting from New York for business. We were discussing everything he had done so far since he was there and he said he hadn't done much! My other friend had met me at the bar (we usually went every Monday to get drunk for free and eat). About two hours had passed and we had been chatting it up with the guy but my friend had to go home because he had work in the morning. Me and the visitor kept chatting it up and he told me his hotel wasn't far and he wanted to go out tonight because it was his last night in ATL.
"We get to this other popular bar, both drunk off our asses and we go to the bathroom together (this bar is one of those bars where you have to go to the bathroom with your friends or they may get lost, if you know what I mean). The next thing I know me and the guy are making out in the bathroom! He invited me to his hotel but I told him I needed to go home to change first. In actuality, I was going to pick up my roommate/the other friend from the bar earlier. I told the guy that my friend likes to watch and he was TOTALLY DOWN! I run in the house to wake up my friend and give him the tea, he was WITH IT!
"So we go back to the guys' hotel and me and the guy are doing oral while my friend went to use the bathroom. Next thing I know, I'm calling for my friend to come out of the bathroom, but before he could, me and the visitor went to the bathroom and I started giving oral to my friend! We made our way to the bed and had our way! The guy was vers so he f*cked me and my friend f*cked him. It was quite the experience! We end up staying the night at the guy's hotel. We had to come up with an escape plan to leave the guy's hotel before he asked for a ride to the airport. So I 'went to get the car' from valet, and texted my friend to come down, but to say he'd be back! Never talked to that guy again."
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert