Some things, you will always remember, just like it was yesterday. So is the case for me when it comes to early Wednesday afternoon, December 22, 2021. I got up, got dressed, and went to my eyebrow waxing appointment. Then I followed that up by picking up some expensive ass bras. Then I went to get some lamb chops that I planned on searing on my stove when I got home. As Ice Cube once said, “It was a good day.” Only, as I was a literal mile out from my house, I received a text from one of my landlords that simply said, “There’s been a fire in your unit call me back as soon as you can.”
I wish I could tell you that I went into immediate panic mode. I mean, that’s what most people would do, right? Nope. Instead, I called, asked him what was going on and he replied by asking me where I was. Then he said to be careful because “a few firetrucks were on my street.” Chile, when I turned onto my road, there were a whopping eight of them, neighbors were all over the place and several firemen were standing on the roof of my townhouse and literally cutting into it. It was an amazing sight to see.
And still, from me, emotionally, nothing.
Shellie R. Warren
“I just want to know what caused it,” is what I said to my landlord and the firemen who were asking me questions; some that I remember and some that I don’t. All of them replied with some variation of waiting for the fire marshal to make the call. What I knew is I didn’t have breakfast that morning and I didn’t iron either, so…what was up? As I walked around the back of my home and I saw the men pointing up at my HVAC unit, I wasn’t shocked in the least. Even my other landlord — who to this day, hasn’t said, “I’m sorry this happened to you” and actually chuckled a laugh of whiteness when he went through the property that night and, when I said it wasn’t funny and I could’ve died, he responded with, “Yeah…well” — stated that the unit was “as old as I was” (units are supposed to be replaced every 10-15 years by the way and they hadn’t even changed my air filters in over a year).
Yeah, I’ll let y’all read between the lines on my thoughts about that. Right now, I’ll just say, “He’s an idiot for coming at me like he did." Whiteness usually doesn’t think stuff like this through, though.
And that night, in the dark, as I saw that about 90 percent of what I own, in every single category of my life, was gone from the fire and/or water and/or the foam of the fire extinguishers and/or the hatchet jobs that they did to get into my place — still, emotionally, from me, nothing. Well, I take that back, peace. The “peace that passes all understanding” (Philippians 4:6-7) that the Bible speaks of that I wasn’t sure I’ve ever fully had before. Oh, but chile, I get what it is now. And yes, it has become a part of me.
And so now, as I’m not even a month out from that life-changing experience, I wanted to share some of the immediate takeaways that I got from it. Mostly because, if you live life for a little while, you realize that sometimes, you aren’t being “punished,” it isn’t “karma” and you aren’t a bad person (nor is God not looking out for you; Psalm 121:4). Sometimes, life is just life and it’s when it decides to show all the way out, you get to see who you really and truly are — or have become.
As far as who I now am, here are my six takeaways.
1.Be Careful What You Ask For…
Between my townhouse and the place that I lived before that, I had been in that neighborhood for close to 12 years. The location was relatively quiet (aside from my annoying as literal hell neighbor), you just couldn’t beat it. Only, for most of 2021, I had been mentioning to my tribe (more on them in a bit) that I was “lightly” looking for a place to live. I wasn’t being too aggressive with it because real estate in Nashville has become MIND-FREAKING-BLOWING. Still, I kind of felt ready for a change if the opportunity presented itself.
Not only that but there was someone in my world who wouldn’t know how to respect a boundary if the boundary beat the life out of them. I wanted the “exhale” of them no longer knowing where I lived after they so rudely and presumptuously popped up at my house one day and then tried to demand how I act in the place where I pay rent. Also, a man from my past, who casually mentions from time to time that he drives past my place…yeah, it’s time for him to not know how to “find” me either.
Welp. We see that those two issues are no longer issues, don’t we (LOL)? For me, it’s a reminder to be very careful and intentional about what you put into the universe. Sometimes, we’re so busy saying words that we don’t respect the power that’s behind them. So yeah, whether I realize it or not, things lined up with what I actually “requested.” Clearly, life took me literally. And handled it. Thoroughly so. Next point.
2.God Always Warns Us. Beforehand.
I am a firm believer that when we’re in tune spiritually and when we choose to pay attention to signs and flags, very rarely, if ever, are we fully blindsided. At the beginning of 2021, one of my closest friends died and God had been giving me a heads up that their health wasn’t in the best condition for two years prior to that. My friend received a diagnosis three weeks before they left this earth. Still, I had been forewarned. My house? Yeah, that’s a trip. After letting my rental insurance lapse (don’t EVER do that), I got a nudge in my spirit to re-up last spring and I said, “Eh, I’ll get around to it.” Chile. CHILE. Not only that but for the past month or so, the lead quote for this article? It kept circling around me. I mean, literally everywhere, I would see messages about how attachment is unhealthy — that, as a wise person once said, “If it comes, let it. If it leaves, let it.”
Without realizing it, I was emotionally detaching from my things in preparation for having to do so in the physical realm.
And so, while I can’t tell you that I thought that my place would go up in flames, what I do know is my mind, body, and spirit had received some indications that I needed to make preparations for something and that if I “married myself” to outcomes, it could prove to be close to devastating for me. Again, God loves us enough to prepare us. We have to meditate, pray and get quiet and still enough to hear him, though. He tends to not be as loud and forceful as humans tend to be.
Next point.
3.Self-Care Saved My Life
Throughout 2020 and 2021, something that I’ve been focused on is self-care and, then adding tax. And so literally, as I’ve been processing December 22, something that I’ve been sharing with folks is that literally and with no exaggeration, SELF-CARE SAVED MY LIFE. I know this because, as the fire marshal said, had I been asleep (I dig naps, so that is a huge possibility) or had I been in the shower (folks like to be clean, right?), “things probably wouldn’t have gone very well for you.” That’s because the fire actually started inside of the walls and then spread outwards. And my kitchen? The pic that you see up top is that. Forget about it. Probably only in my living room, would I have been spared to the point of being relatively unscathed because I would’ve been able to run out of the front door.
And so, in hearing those words from him and after looking around for about 20 minutes, I then looked at my phone, noticed the time, remembered that I had a pedicure appointment, and announced that was where I was going. My landlord said, “She’s in shock” and I said, “No, I like my feet to be done and my place is going to be burned down when I get back, so I’m going to take care of my feet.” While riding to the salon, I kept trying to “take my own temperature,” just to make sure that I really was good. I was. I called some of the closest people to me and honestly, they were all in more shock than I was. Anyway, as I sat in my chair and put my feet in the warm water while breaking what happened to my nail tech, I was like, “Self-care really did save my life.”
To this day, I think that is what has had me “shook” most of all. That, and the fact that self-care, is another way that I was getting myself prepared for what happened that day. Yep, without my even knowing it.
4.Tough Times Reveal Who Your Tribe TRULY Is
Let me tell you how “You’ve got to be kidding me” my landlords are. About a week later, one of them texted me to tell me that he and his wife had been praying for me and wanted to give me something. Guess what it was, chile. My security deposit (which they owed; it’s the law) and five $20 bills to — and I literally quote — “to help get me on my feet.” What the hell is $100 gonna do but basically replace the lamb chops that I lost because they didn’t have a home because I didn’t either? Whew, whiteness. Even one of my white friends was like, “That damn near sounds racist. Look at how little they thought of you.” Listen. SMDH.
My tribe, though? MY TRIBE? You never know, really and truly who your people are until you go through something of this magnitude. One friend immediately put me into a hotel for a few days. Two others replaced the laptop that I lost (I lost several) because they both knew that was how I made a living. Of the two, one got me the one that I had just bought for my birthday that I adore (and am typing on now); the other copped me one that was double its price. Some showed up with gift cards. Others had cash in hand. Cash Apps were coming from numerous directions. Calls were around the clock. Not one person in my intimate world said that I couldn’t indefinitely stay with them (and that they would fly me to them if need be).
And when I found a place, thanks to Craigslist, remarkably in five days (that site has ALWAYS been “the truth” for me when it comes to finding places to live), and I was scraping up first and last month’s rent (which was a minor miracle), another paid what I was lacking and said, “Forget about it, Shellie. It’s an honor.” And don’t get me on the friend who sent me a nice sum, told me to get some clothes and then shared how “insulted” (jokingly so) they were that I didn’t want any of theirs (because again, when I tell you that a sistah lost everything? EVERYTHING). Even a woman who I barely know gave me $500 because, as I was sharing the situation in her presence, she said she was “moved by my grace” in it all. Talk about cream rising to the top.
Then there were those who kind of Kanye — or Elmo — shrugged the situation. One person said, “I will call you right back” and that was two weeks ago. Another actually asked me for some money when — HELLO — I lost everything. Some others were being so selfish about petty stuff that I knew it was time to shift them into another space. And all of this let me know where to put these folks in my life, in this season of my life, as well (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have ‘Levels’ To Them”). Honestly, I’m grateful for that too because, most of us know what Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
As I say often (especially these days), there is a lot of space between “friend” and “enemy.” When folks reveal who they are and “friend” isn’t it, that doesn’t mean that they have to become your nemesis. It means that you learn what they should be privileged to and…what they shouldn’t. I know who my hold-me-downs are. I also know who are just “extras” in my life movie. I’m OK with both…being both. This moment in time has revealed that as well.
5.Wax On. Wax Off.
I used to own a hoodie that said, “wax on, wax off” on it. I gave it to a houseless person who was really cold one day. What I like about that part of the movie The Karate Kid is that when Mr. Miyagi was trying to teach Daniel things like how to wash a car and paint a fence, he was really preparing him for battle. Life does the same thing for us in many ways and you know what? When one of my friends said to me on the phone, “Shellie, you still sound like…Shellie. If you didn’t say that your house burned down, I would never know it,” when a client said, “Wait. You don’t have a place to live right now and you’re still doing sessions with people?!”, and my godchildren’s mother (one of the absolute closest people to me) emailed me on New Year’s Eve and said, “You, my friend, are the epitome of grace under fire. I marvel at how you are moving in this season” — I knew that some situations and disappointments that had happened earlier in the year had been my own “wax on, wax off” moments; ones that got me ready for December 22 and the week that followed (including some service staff stealing what little I had left from my first hotel room…chile. CHILE). Throughout all of this, not one tear. Not one sleepless night. Not one fit. My soul is well.
Not that crying, tossing, and turning or losing it for five minutes would’ve been “wrong.” Of course not. It’s just…not in me. And there is a part of me that is so grateful for that because when you lose at the magnitude that I have just lost and I couldn’t “rock my peace” if I tried — it feels like graduating at life on a whole ‘nother level. Wax on. Wax off.
Final point.
6.Stay in the Moment. Rinse and Repeat.
Another verse in Scripture that has proven itself to be very true — “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34 — NKJV) Christ is documented as speaking these words once upon a time. Peep how it’s not a suggestion or recommendation; it is a command. A command not to worry about what isn’t right before you, because today? Today your plate is already full. And that is my final takeaway from my lil’ test from December 22.
Each day since December 22, there have been a billion things to figure out but you know what? I’ve been intentional about putting no more than five things on my to-do list (as it relates to the fire) and that’s it. I’ll deal with more tomorrow. This resolve has kept me calm. This resolve has helped me spend the resources I have wisely. This resolve has kept me centered enough to still do my job(s). This resolve helped me to get my place (an all-inclusive spot in my absolutely favorite area of Nashville). This resolve has earned the respect of people I love…including myself (some of y’all will catch that later). This resolve has helped me to keep trusting that God has a plan, whether I totally “get it” or not. This resolve also has me excited to see my eyebrow waxer in just a few hours, so that I can tell her all of what I just shared with you.
By no means am I trying to say that just because I’m calm that this was comfortable. Chile, please. What I do hope you get from all of this, though, is being mindful, living in the moment, and resolving to only control what you can control can make getting through this life, oh so much richer in the good times and oh so much easier in the trying ones.
A lot of y’all know that I’m not a holiday person (check out “So, What If You Don't Observe Holidays?”) and that I actually observe Rosh Hashanah as my new year — real talk, both of these things probably prepared me too because your entire world going up in smoke, three days before Christmas is, really something. And again, while I'm still connecting the dots of what’s going on beyond my human level of processing, what I do know is I’m in a stable, solid, and secure place and December 22 helped to get and keep me there.
Beauty for ashes, for real, y’all. I am grateful — and to say that after all that has just happened? That is true evolution. For something. That’s coming. I know. Without question. And I’m ready. I am really and truly ready. I learned and graduated from this lesson — and I’m excited about that. “Unattached” and hopeful. Selah and amen.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
In her May 2022 Vogue cover story, the "Diamonds" singer opened up about Rocky for the first time. “People don’t get out of the friend zone very easily with me,” she said. “And I certainly took a while to get over how much I know him and how much he knows me because we also know how much trouble we can land each other in.”
However, after a road trip with just the two of them, she got to see another side of Rocky. The "D.M.B." rapper has also vocalized his love for the Bajan star. Read below to see everything A$AP Rocky has said about Rihanna.
A$AP Rocky On Meeting Rihanna For The First Time
Photo by Stephane Cardinale - Corbis/Corbis via Getty Images
Rihanna shot Rocky for the August cover story of W Magazine, and during the interview, he recalled when they first met. “It’s a lot of history between us,” he said. “I was kicked out of this nightclub. They wasn’t giving me no access to it. This is when I’m just starting out, so nobody knows me. I was with Matthew Williams and Virgil. I was getting into it with the bouncers, and she came out. We just locked eyes. She didn’t even know us, but she was like, ‘Yo! Why y’all not letting him in? What’s wrong with you?! Let that man in!’ ”
A$AP Rocky On Having Rihanna Star In His 2013 Music Video "Fashion Killa"
In his summer 2022 cover story for Dazed, the "Purple Swag" artist recalled the making of his "Fashion Killa" music video, which starred Rih. “I was just on tour with my lady, you know? We wanted it to feel like a love story, a fairytale with a street twist. I expected my core following to be receptive, but with Virgil in the mix, its success was a no-brainer. I was living in New York at the time, too.”
A$AP Rocky On Visiting Rihanna's Home Country Of Barbados For The First Time
In the same Dazed interview, he also opened up about visiting Barbados for the first time. During the trip, he not only met Rihanna's family but also some of his own family members. “It was honestly so unbelievable," he said.
"I had family there that only came up [to New York] once every five years, family I only spoke to over the phone my whole life. You remember those one-dollar, five-dollar phone cards? I was raised to know about my heritage, but I was missing the actual experience. I didn’t get to experience it until I was an adult. It was one of the most surreal experiences I’ve encountered in my lifetime.”
A$AP Rocky On Rihanna Being "The One"
In the June/ July 2021 issue of GQ, A$AP Rocky gushed about the bad gal being “the love of my life." “So much better when you got the One,” he said. “She amounts to probably, like, a million of the other ones. I think when you know, you know. She's the One.”
A$AP Rocky On His And Rihanna's Personal Styles
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Rocky and Riri are both fashion icons, respectively, so when they come together, it's a sight to behold. Speaking to Dazed, the father of two reflected on their personal styles. “I think it’s just natural. We happen to look good together naturally," he said.
"You know, it would take a lot of work to have us forcefully match before we leave the house. Sometimes we match to a T, or we just wear the same clothes. If I buy a shirt that she likes, I expect to get it stolen... but then I gotta steal it back.”
A$AP Rocky On He And Rihanna Making Time For Each Other
While speaking to Billboard, the Grammy-nominated rapper shared how he and Rih make time for each other despite their busy schedules. “[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that. And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.”
A$AP Rocky On His And Rihanna's Parenting Differences
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In a clip that went viral, the "Tailor Swif" rapper talked about his and Rih's parenting styles, explaining that she "plays too f-kn much."
"She's fun as sh-t, too. I mean, she's the mom. I'm the dad. She's a female. I'm a male, and I think that's the only differences," he said. "We both silly as sh-t. She play too f-kin much, like she likes to prank and sh-t like that."
A$AP Rocky On Knowing He And Rihanna Would End Up Together
When discussing Rihanna in W Magazine, Rocky revealed that he always knew they would end up together. "I knew from when we were younger. We both did, I think. So it was only right when we got older. We just kind of reconnected.”
A$AP Rocky On How His And Rihanna's Personalities Are Reflected In Their Sons
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As he continued speaking to W Magazine, the fashion designer dished on his sons and how they are a reflection of him and Rihanna. “I think Rza is going to keep to himself. He’s an introvert,” Rocky said.
“Riot’s an extrovert—he’s just like his mom. Rza is more so like his dad, like me. And he’s my twin. He got his mom’s forehead, but he got everything else from me. I love my boy’s big forehead! I loved it on his mother. Listen to ‘Jukebox Joints.’ ”
A$AP Rocky On Rihanna Being A Supportive Partner And Great Mother
Rounding out his W Magazine interview, the Harlem-bred rapper praised Rihanna as his “companion, from my woman, from my partner. She knows when to hold it down," he said.
"I think we both have our niches, our things that we do that we’re good at. She could never be a great dad, because she’s a great mom. And I could never be a great mom, because I’m the greatest dad in the whole wide world.”
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