If there's one thing that a lot of people can say has been a side effect of 2020, it's sleeplessness. Between the pandemic, working from home, always having the kids around and, let's be honest, trying not to panic over all of the above, striving to get quality rest has been a real challenge. Understandably so.
As I was recently recommending some healthy sleep tips to someone I know, I happened upon an all-natural sleepy time lotion that some of you might want to try (click here for the recipe). Yet as I thought about all of the things that we can externally do to make resting better, my mind then wandered over to things that we can do from the inside out too.
In walks, food. While it's always a good idea to have your last meal around 2 ½ hours before calling it a night (because your body can digest your meals and reduce heartburn and insomnia that way), there are certain foods that can play a direct role in you getting some quality zzz's each and every evening. So, if you've tried just about everything and have still found yourself tossing and turning for hours on end, check out the 10 foods that very well could bring an end to all of that.
1. Bananas
Let's start off with bananas, shall we? This is the kind of fruit that I have a pretty fickle relationship with because they have to be a perfect kind of ripe, with absolutely no bruises, in order for me to truly enjoy one. Anyway, if bananas are something that you eat on the regular, you are doing your body a favor on a few levels. That's because bananas contain a good amount of fiber, manganese, antioxidants, magnesium, potassium, protein, and Vitamin B6. Bananas also can help to keep your blood sugar levels intact, improve the health of your heart, help to keep your kidneys strong and can also help to relieve the discomfort of exercise-related muscle cramps (thanks to the potassium that's in them).
The reason why it's a good idea to snack on one or even make yourself a homemade banana smoothie a couple of hours before turning in is that, for one thing, the magnesium and potassium combo creates a wonderful way for your nerves and muscles to relax. Also, bananas have the amino acid tryptophan in them which makes it easier to feel calm and peaceful—sleepy even.
Banana Sleep Hack:Banana Tea Recipe
2. Kale
As far as dark leafy greens go, while I personally prefer collards over kale, I'll enjoy a kale salad or some homemade kale chips, every now and again because I know how good they are for me. Kale is considered to be one of the most nutrient-dense foods on the planet. What that means is it's got such a high amount of vitamins and minerals that you can receive a ton of what you need daily, nutrition-wise, just by consuming kale alone. For instance, did you know that kale contains almost 700 percent of Vitamin K, a little over 200 percent of the Vitamin A, and around 130 percent of the Vitamin C daily value that your system requires? Also, kale is high in fiber to keep you regular, antioxidants that fight off free radicals, and compounds that help to prevent cancer cells from forming too.
Since kale also has a fair amount of magnesium, potassium, and calcium, and since all of these are nerve relaxers, that's why kale gets a shout-out for being another food that can make going to sleep easier to do.
Kale Sleep Hack:Vegetarian Kale Soup Recipe3. Cantaloupe
If you are a melon fan, you're always looking out for your health if you're eating cantaloupe. It's loaded with antioxidants, Vitamin C, folate, beta-carotene (a form of Vitamin A), fiber, and potassium. Since it's also made up of 90 percent water, cantaloupe is a bona fide way to help to prevent dehydration. Some other health benefits include it being the kind of fruit that improves heart and eye health as well as improving your digestion.
Now check it. Did you know that dehydration can actually play a role in us not being able to fall or stay asleep? The backstory is that when we don't have enough fluid in our system, it can make our mouth and nasal drier which can result in sleep-disruptive snoring. Also, the antioxidants that are in this particular melon are actually proven to promote a better night's rest as well.
Cantaloupe Sleep Hack: Cantaloupe Sorbet Recipe
4. Nuts
No matter what kind of nuts you prefer, they are a good thing for you to snack on. Nuts are a great source of protein, healthy fats, fiber, selenium, manganese, magnesium, omega-3 fatty acids, phosphorus, and Vitamin E, as well as antioxidants. That alone helps to explain why you should chomp on a few, a couple of times a week. Nuts are also awesome when it comes to lowering cholesterol, reducing bodily inflammation, reducing your risk of experiencing a heart attack or stroke, improving the lining of your arteries, and helping you to feel full if you're trying to lose weight.
Aside from the magnesium in nuts, something else that makes them a cool sleep aid is the fact that they've got melatonin in them too. That's a hormone that helps to induce sleep while also regulating your internal clock so that your body gets sleepy on somewhat of a schedule. So, if you're someone who has trouble falling asleep every night, you might want to have a handful of nuts about three hours before bedtime. It could help to lull you to sleep quicker (almonds have a good amount of melatonin in them, by the way).
Nut Sleep Hack: Almond Butter Recipe
5. Tart Cherry Juice
I dig cherries anyway, so it was super easy to make the transition over to tart cherry juice when I found out that it was a great way to get my body to feel calmer and more relaxed. Anyway, as far as its health benefits go, tart cherry juice (which is the kind of juice that is made from Montmorency cherries) is a solid source of fiber, protein, and vitamins A and C while also having a good amount of manganese, potassium, and copper in it too. The reason why tart cherry juice is a smart juice to add to your diet overall is that it can also help to reduce muscle soreness after working out, lessen arthritic and gout-related discomfort, promote brain health (thanks to its antioxidants and plant compounds), strengthen your immune system and lower your blood pressure as well.
Drinking a cold or even warmed-up cup of tart cherry juice is a fabulous sleep agent because it's rich in melatonin, tryptophan, and also anthocyanins (water-soluble pigments that give cherries their red color). The cool thing about anthocyanins is they can help your body to create even more melatonin while lengthening the amount of time that it remains in your system. Just make sure that it's 100 percent tart cherry juice. The cocktail stuff is loaded with sugar and since sugar is a stimulant, I'm pretty sure you can see how drinking it would be counterproductive like a mug.
Tart Cherry Juice Sleep Hack: Tart Cherry Sleepytime Elixir
6. Eggs
A food that is basically a multivitamin in each serving is eggs. They are super high in protein, they've got a good amount of vitamins A, B, D, E, zinc, folate, selenium, calcium, and zinc, and they are considered to be a "healthy fat" that can help to lower your cholesterol levels. Eggs also contain choline that can help to build healthy cell membranes, antioxidants that can improve your vision, and amino acids that can increase muscle mass and make your bones stronger.
And what will eating a hard-boiled egg or omelet in the evening do for you? Well, the white of an egg helps your body to produce more melatonin. Also, one of the amino acids that eggs have in them is tryptophan and well, you already know what that does.
Egg Sleep Hack: A Bedtime Beverage (with egg yolks, carob powder, maple syrup and more)
7. Hummus
As far as dips go, hummus is pretty cool. If you've ever wondered exactly what hummus is, it's a Middle Eastern dish that is made up of chickpeas, sesame seeds, olive oil, lemon juice, and garlic powder. A lot of vegetarians and vegans adore it because it's pretty off-the-charts when it comes to how much protein it contains. Plus, hummus is full of fiber, manganese, copper, folate, magnesium, iron, and zinc. All of these nutrients work together to help to fight body inflammation, keep your gut in good condition (since 80 percent of our immune system is in our gut, that's definitely a good thing), lower your blood sugar levels, reduce your risk for heart disease and also, since it's gluten, dairy and nut-free, if you've got a sensitivity to any of those things, you can enjoy hummus with absolutely no worries.
If you've ever had hummus and then found yourself yawning 30 minutes later, that's not a mere coincidence. Hummus is another food that has tryptophan in it and, thanks to the traces of Vitamin B6 that it also contains, eating it before turning in can help to regulate your internal clock so that your body is better able to maintain some sort of sleep schedule.
Hummus Sleep Hack: Easy Hummus Recipe
8. Honey
For as long as I live, I doubt I will ever get over how something as sweet as honey can be as good for our overall health and well-being too (plus, it never expires, did you know that?). Honey is really good for you because it's full of antioxidants and antibacterial and antifungal properties; ones that can help to lower your blood pressure, improve your cholesterol levels, suppress coughs (especially in children), clear up congestion, and can even help wounds and pimples to heal at a much faster rate.
The really cool thing about honey, sleep-wise, is that aside from the fact that honey helps melatonin to get to your brain at a faster pace, what I also learned a few years back, is honey also provides your brain with enough fuel to actually stay asleep. How? Well, about a teaspoon of honey before bedtime gives your liver enough energy to produce the glycogen (a form of glucose) that you need for the insulin levels in your body to raise enough for tryptophan to release from your brain and produce serotonin—a natural chemical that stabilizes your mood and helps to relax you. So yeah, if you've been feeling restless, a little bit of honey sweetness may be the solution to all of your sleep-related worries.
Honey Sleep Hack: Honey Butter Recipe9. Grapes
Something that I like to snack on throughout the day is grapes (frozen ones are especially bomb!). Believe it or not, grapes actually have their fair share of protein in them. They also have an impressive amount of vitamins A and K, copper, and fiber too. Plus, the antioxidants in grapes can help to prevent chronic diseases, their plant compounds can fight off certain cancer cells, the potassium in grapes can help to lower your blood pressure and cholesterol levels, and they also contain properties that can improve both your moods as well as your memory.
Since grapes are another fruit that is full of water (approximately 82 percent), that's one reason why they make the "help you to sleep" list. Yet, what really makes them dope is they contain melatonin and again, since that's a sleep-regulating hormone, well—how could you go wrong by snacking on a handful of grapes at bedtime?
Grape Sleep Hack:Grape Salsa Recipe10. Whole Grains
Whole oats. Whole wheat. Buckwheat. Millet. Quinoa. Brown rice. Popcorn. These are just a handful of examples of what's considered to be whole-grain food. So, if you're someone who likes to have a heaping bowl of oatmeal in the morning or to snack on popcorn while watching television, you're actually doing yourself a world of good. That's because whole grains contain the entire grain kernel—the bran, endosperm, and germ—so that you're able to gain all of the nutrients from the grain before it's been processed. This means that you're able to partake of a high amount of fiber, protein, antioxidants, plant compounds, zinc, iron, magnesium, manganese, and B vitamins that your body needs in order to maintain optimal health. Also, whole grains help to lower your risk of heart disease, stroke, and obesity.
The main thing that makes whole grains stellar in the help-you-to-sleep department is the magnesium that's in them. As it calms your nerves and muscles, it can also bind to your gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) receptors, so that you're able to remain in your sleep cycle without any disruption. How scientifically outstanding is that?
Whole Grain Hack: You can get 50 different recipes to create your favorite popcorn flavor here. Enjoy and sweet dreams, sis.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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