I remember once having a conversation with what I call an "old-school Christian" about meditation. While I was talking to them about why I thought it was a great thing to do, they claimed to not do it because it was "unbiblical". Yeah, no disrespect but that's not even close to being accurate. In the New King James Version alone, the word "meditate" is mentioned 20 times. Shoot, a verse that has personally saved me, many a times, is "Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah." (Psalm 4:4) For this reason, and about a dozen more, you can't convince me that meditation is not a powerful and very necessary spiritual practice; one that is good for the mind, body and soul simultaneously.
If you're not a big meditator, maybe you're wondering what some proven benefits are that come with making it a daily practice. Girl, how much time do you have?
- Meditation strengthens your immunity.
- Meditation reduces bodily inflammation.
- Meditation lowers anxiety and anxiety-related issues like phobias, paranoia and OCD.
- Meditation helps you to focus better; especially at work.
- Meditation reduces your risk for heart disease.
- Meditation better connects you to your unconscious mind.
- Meditation is a good source of pain management.
- Meditation improves your quality of sleep.
- Meditation increases self-awareness and self-esteem.
- Meditation gives you a more positive outlook on life.
And this is just 10 out of at least 80 reasons why meditation is scientifically proven to be so good for you. What I personally like so much about this practice in mindfulness is it's a really easy thing to do. Simply find a quiet place, sit down and focus on deep breathing for 10-20 minutes (by the way, a cool site that focuses on Black women who desire to learn more about meditation is Black Zen).
Trust me, if you try meditating for even a week—shoot, three days in a row is even good—it'll totally change your life. You'll be calmer, kinder and able to take on whatever life throws at you, so much more easily and effectively. Yeah, meditation is the total and complete bomb.
That's why, I did a double take when I read about a particular kind of meditation that is currently getting quite a bit of attention. It's called "orgasmic meditation". For all of you already-meditating sistahs out there, I don't know about you, but I was over here thinking, "If 'regular meditation' is great, I can only imagine how amazing orgasmic meditation is!"
What exactly is orgasmic meditation?
It's when you and your partner get together in a quiet space and they intentionally stroke your clitoris for 15 minutes. If you immediately read that and thought to yourself, "That's it?", the answer is "yes" and "no". It's actually a little bit more specific than that because your partner needs to aim for the upper-left quadrant of your clitoris and gently stroke it (giving it no more pressure than if they were to stroke one of your eyelids) with a finger that has some sort of lubricant on it. They are to repeat this action until the time is up. You are not to "return the favor" by stroking his genitalia.
Back when I was engaging in this kind of foreplay, if the guy was doing it right, an orgasm probably would've transpired at the end of the 15 minutes. But that's actually the other "catcher" about orgasmic meditation—the purpose of it isn't to climax (although it is sometimes a natural benefit); the focus is all about learning how to stay in the moment.
It's about you and your partner training yourselves to shut out the world around you, deep breathe with one another and establish a strong connection with each another's energy (hence the "meditation" in orgasmic meditation).
Aside from the orgasms that may arise, are there other benefits that come from this particular type of meditation? Indeed, there is. In fact, there is a website called the Institute of OM that includes lots of testimonials of people who practice orgasmic meditation. According to them, this particular practice has done everything from boost their confidence level and increase their feelings of happiness (I bet) to make they quality of their relationship healthier too. Also, because just about any form of meditation relaxes you while increasing blood circulation at the same time, it's almost a given that it's going to do wonders for your sex life overall.
Now, before sending your man a text that says, "How about doing some orgasmic meditating tonight?", let me break down the steps:
- Again, find a quiet space—one that is dimly lit and smells soothing and sensual.
- Put a yoga mat or blanket on the floor.
- Get into a comfortable position; one where your clitoris can be easily accessed.
- Set your timer for 13 minutes for the first round. Then again for two minutes following.
- Your partner should have lube on his finger (K-Y jelly, coconut oil or homemade lubricant is fine).
- After getting your consent to begin the process, he should gently stroke your clitoris in a downward motion. During this time, he should softly describe what he sees when it comes to different colors and textures. He should slowly do this for the total of 13 minutes.
- When the timer goes off, for another two minutes, he should apply more pressure, this time with his entire hand. Then stop, relax for a few moments, and the practice is officially complete.
Experts in the field of orgasmic meditation say that if two people do this for 15 minutes a day, every day, not only will it bring them closer together, it will also help to redefine or expand their views on orgasms, one another's bodies and even sex altogether.
I know, right? What more do you need to get sold on a form of clitoral touching that will calm you down and improve your sex life in the process? And what if your man is like, "So, when is it my turn?" Well, once the orgasmic meditation exercise is complete, y'all are free to do whatever you wish. Just remember that true orgasmic meditation is all about clitoral stimulation. Since he doesn't have one of those, well…you get my drift.
An author and AIDS activist by the name of Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati once said, "Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak." I can only imagine what else you can get to talking after a couple of rounds of orgasmic meditation. Never say a sistah never looked out. Enjoy, sis. Enjoy.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Powerful Mantras & Meditation Techniques For Mindful Mamas
This Is How You Master The Female Orgasm
Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
SZA On Life Lessons, Meditation, & Quantifying Your Worth Before God's Timing
Feature image by Getty Images
- I Went to an Orgasmic Meditation 'Turn-on,' and Things Got Intense ... ›
- What Exactly Is Orgasmic Meditation? | Shape ›
- Orgasmic meditation: changing lives and male attitudes to sex ... ›
- Orgasmic Meditation - The Secrets Of OM | Goop ›
- What is OM? | OneTaste ›
- What is Orgasmic Meditation? - YouTube ›
- Orgasmic Meditation Is Becoming More Popular, But What Is It ... ›
- The Dark Side of OneTaste, the Orgasmic Meditation Company ... ›
- What Is Orgasmic Meditation? Everything You Need to Know ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert