I remember once having a conversation with what I call an "old-school Christian" about meditation. While I was talking to them about why I thought it was a great thing to do, they claimed to not do it because it was "unbiblical". Yeah, no disrespect but that's not even close to being accurate. In the New King James Version alone, the word "meditate" is mentioned 20 times. Shoot, a verse that has personally saved me, many a times, is "Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah." (Psalm 4:4) For this reason, and about a dozen more, you can't convince me that meditation is not a powerful and very necessary spiritual practice; one that is good for the mind, body and soul simultaneously.
If you're not a big meditator, maybe you're wondering what some proven benefits are that come with making it a daily practice. Girl, how much time do you have?
- Meditation strengthens your immunity.
- Meditation reduces bodily inflammation.
- Meditation lowers anxiety and anxiety-related issues like phobias, paranoia and OCD.
- Meditation helps you to focus better; especially at work.
- Meditation reduces your risk for heart disease.
- Meditation better connects you to your unconscious mind.
- Meditation is a good source of pain management.
- Meditation improves your quality of sleep.
- Meditation increases self-awareness and self-esteem.
- Meditation gives you a more positive outlook on life.
And this is just 10 out of at least 80 reasons why meditation is scientifically proven to be so good for you. What I personally like so much about this practice in mindfulness is it's a really easy thing to do. Simply find a quiet place, sit down and focus on deep breathing for 10-20 minutes (by the way, a cool site that focuses on Black women who desire to learn more about meditation is Black Zen).
Trust me, if you try meditating for even a week—shoot, three days in a row is even good—it'll totally change your life. You'll be calmer, kinder and able to take on whatever life throws at you, so much more easily and effectively. Yeah, meditation is the total and complete bomb.
That's why, I did a double take when I read about a particular kind of meditation that is currently getting quite a bit of attention. It's called "orgasmic meditation". For all of you already-meditating sistahs out there, I don't know about you, but I was over here thinking, "If 'regular meditation' is great, I can only imagine how amazing orgasmic meditation is!"
What exactly is orgasmic meditation?
It's when you and your partner get together in a quiet space and they intentionally stroke your clitoris for 15 minutes. If you immediately read that and thought to yourself, "That's it?", the answer is "yes" and "no". It's actually a little bit more specific than that because your partner needs to aim for the upper-left quadrant of your clitoris and gently stroke it (giving it no more pressure than if they were to stroke one of your eyelids) with a finger that has some sort of lubricant on it. They are to repeat this action until the time is up. You are not to "return the favor" by stroking his genitalia.
Back when I was engaging in this kind of foreplay, if the guy was doing it right, an orgasm probably would've transpired at the end of the 15 minutes. But that's actually the other "catcher" about orgasmic meditation—the purpose of it isn't to climax (although it is sometimes a natural benefit); the focus is all about learning how to stay in the moment.
It's about you and your partner training yourselves to shut out the world around you, deep breathe with one another and establish a strong connection with each another's energy (hence the "meditation" in orgasmic meditation).
Aside from the orgasms that may arise, are there other benefits that come from this particular type of meditation? Indeed, there is. In fact, there is a website called the Institute of OM that includes lots of testimonials of people who practice orgasmic meditation. According to them, this particular practice has done everything from boost their confidence level and increase their feelings of happiness (I bet) to make they quality of their relationship healthier too. Also, because just about any form of meditation relaxes you while increasing blood circulation at the same time, it's almost a given that it's going to do wonders for your sex life overall.
Now, before sending your man a text that says, "How about doing some orgasmic meditating tonight?", let me break down the steps:
- Again, find a quiet space—one that is dimly lit and smells soothing and sensual.
- Put a yoga mat or blanket on the floor.
- Get into a comfortable position; one where your clitoris can be easily accessed.
- Set your timer for 13 minutes for the first round. Then again for two minutes following.
- Your partner should have lube on his finger (K-Y jelly, coconut oil or homemade lubricant is fine).
- After getting your consent to begin the process, he should gently stroke your clitoris in a downward motion. During this time, he should softly describe what he sees when it comes to different colors and textures. He should slowly do this for the total of 13 minutes.
- When the timer goes off, for another two minutes, he should apply more pressure, this time with his entire hand. Then stop, relax for a few moments, and the practice is officially complete.
Experts in the field of orgasmic meditation say that if two people do this for 15 minutes a day, every day, not only will it bring them closer together, it will also help to redefine or expand their views on orgasms, one another's bodies and even sex altogether.
I know, right? What more do you need to get sold on a form of clitoral touching that will calm you down and improve your sex life in the process? And what if your man is like, "So, when is it my turn?" Well, once the orgasmic meditation exercise is complete, y'all are free to do whatever you wish. Just remember that true orgasmic meditation is all about clitoral stimulation. Since he doesn't have one of those, well…you get my drift.
An author and AIDS activist by the name of Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati once said, "Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak." I can only imagine what else you can get to talking after a couple of rounds of orgasmic meditation. Never say a sistah never looked out. Enjoy, sis. Enjoy.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Powerful Mantras & Meditation Techniques For Mindful Mamas
This Is How You Master The Female Orgasm
Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
SZA On Life Lessons, Meditation, & Quantifying Your Worth Before God's Timing
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
The End Of The Road? Zoë Kravitz And Channing Tatum Reportedly Split
Rumors are circulating that Zoë Kravitz and Channing Tatum's engagement has come to an end. Adding to the intrigue, two hours prior to the news of their split becoming public, Channing celebrated the exciting announcement that he and Zoë would reunite for an upcoming alien invasion movie entitled Alpha Gang.
Some folks are saying that October is now “uncuffing season” as partners won’t have to deal with the weight and expectations that come with this time of year. From matching Halloween costumes to voting to Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seems the new cuffing season has moved to January.
In August 2021, Zoë and Channing were first rumored to be romantically involved after being photographed riding together through the streets of New York City on a BMX bike. The following month, they were seen leaving the Met Gala together, and Tatum confirmed their relationship on Halloween by posting a picture of them wearing a couples costume from Martin Scorsese's iconic 1976 film Taxi Driver on Instagram.
Instagram/@channingtatum
After collaborating on Zoë's directorial debut, Blink Twice, where Channing played a starring role, their relationship blossomed into a full-out romance. Approximately a year later, the Step Up star popped the question.
Because the streets are always watching, PEOPLE reported that Channing joined Zoë in seeing a production of a play by Blink Twice costar Levon Hawke in New York City's Red Hook neighborhood on Oct. 6. Most recently, Kravitz has been seen in public without her engagement ring, notably during an outing with her Big Little Lies co-star Shailene Woodley.
So the news of the split kinda comes as a surprise as we were just oozing over the couple’s undeniable chemistry during their Blink Twice press run in August. Channing and Zoë openly discussed their relationship and collaborated on multiple videos that went viral.
Even proud papa Lenny Kravitz gave his approval. During an interview with BBC’s Radio 2, he said, "He was raised well. So, you know, he’s got manners. He’s charming. He’s a soulful human being. And so, he’s become part of the family quite quickly. He fits and they're in love. We’re going to have a wedding next year."
As we mourn this breakup, let’s run back some memorable moments from the possibly uncoupled pair.
"Art is our love language."
When asked about future collaborations with her boo during the premiere of Blink Twice on Aug. 23, Zoë shared, "I think it's what we love, and we love talking about it, and experiencing it, and supporting each other.” Channing chimed in saying, “This is what I'll say about creating with someone that you are with or love: I suggest it. If you are thinking about having a kid or if you're thinking about getting married, go find the hardest possible creative project with your partner.”
“I got you forever.”
Channing took to Instagram to share an adoring photo of him holding Zoë. He captioned the photo, “This little sweet. She So tired bro. Every time I wondered if she’d break…. She just kept going and going and going. Always on the dig for truth. She pour’d every single ounce of her into this film. I’m so proud to stand ten toes down for her, this film and everyone in it. forever. Knowing what it took to make it. No one will ever know.”
The last line took us out: “Thank you for finding me and seeing me. I got you forever. Me and you back to back against it all. I’ll never blink. Let’s go. #blinktwice”
GOAT Talk
On Complex’s GOAT Talk, a show where stars are prompted to reveal their favorites of all time, Channing and Zoë disclosed their go-to song for singing in the shower, their beloved ad-lib line from Blink Twice, and their stance on conspiracy theories and their favorite rapper. The moment Channing challenged Zoë’s answer that Catwoman is the best superhero of all time was just too cute.
“The Lie Detector determined…”
The cast of Blink Twice underwent Vanity Fair's well-known lie detector test, facing a barrage of probing questions. Among the inquiries were: Did Channing Tatum and Naomi Watts ever irritate Zoë Kravitz during the filming of Blink Twice? Did Naomi ever pilfer anything from the set? Did Channing's portrayal of Gambit in Deadpool & Wolverine surpass his personal expectations?
Best of all were the moments you saw Zoë and Channing look at each other adoringly and when they would finish each other sentences. “We are equally cool,” Zoë beamed.
Puppy Love
The pair hung out with BuzzFeed and a slew of adorable puppies while chatting about their favorite improvised moment on set, who has the best rizz — which is apparently Channing according to Zoë — and their first impressions of each other. Not only did they binge-watch Love Island together but they also boasted they would win Love Is Blind if they were on the show.
The Pressure
Zoë Kravitz recently sat down with Esquirefor an interview and got real about her thoughts on becoming a parent. She shared that she's always kinda thought motherhood might not be her thing. “For a long time, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I was waiting for this light to go off in my head, and it never did. When you’re younger, you’re like, ‘Well, I can’t have kids. I’m too young! It’d be crazy.’”
Her viewpoint on childbirth and parenthood has evolved as she has matured and witnessed the societal pressure placed on women to reproduce. While she recognizes the immense strength and courage required to carry and raise a child, Kravitz believes that women should not be made to feel obligated to do so.
Zoë continued, “For a lot of people that have children, it is this giant, life-changing event – and I do think there is a certain amount of focus and respect that they should get from their community. There’s a lot of pressure on women to have children, and there’s a feeling that if you don’t, you don’t have purpose here.” The director feels a special connection to her new movie akin to giving birth.
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Featured image by Dave Benett/WireImage