Thanks to the current season of Insecure, all you've got to do is hop onto Twitter—Black Twitter, I mean—put in the words "Issa" and/or "Molly", and you're going to see a real-discussion-sometimes-war about what it means to have a real friendship. A good example of what I mean is Exhibit A.
Shoot, everything has actually gotten so intense to the point where executive producer Prentice Penny has come to the defense of Molly in the article, "'Insecure' Showrunner: Season 4 Backlash Against Molly Is 'Unnecessary'". Hmm. As someone who has been an avid watcher of the show, pretty much since day one, I've gotta say that "unnecessary" is a bit of a stretch (more on that in a bit). Then there is Issa Rae, the show's co-creator and her take on their dynamic. In one interview, she said, "They are friends, they are real-life friends, but there exists a specific dynamic in their friendship that both of them have gotten accustomed to. They're college friends who have taken on different paths." Real friends. That's an interesting conclusion to me as well.
I don't know about y'all, but I personally think the reason why a lot of what Issa and Molly have going on has us so triggered is because (thanks to this season's impeccable writing) we either have experienced what they are going through before or, perhaps we're recognizing that the Issa or Molly in our lives has us putting up with more than we actually should. And while their relationship has a billion-and-one takeaways, for me, I think what stands out, quite possibly the most, is it seems like they both could stand to gain a bigger grasp on what it means to be a supportive friend in someone else's life; especially if you profess that they are your best friend. If you give me a sec, I'll unpack a bit more where I am coming from by sharing some thoughts on what a supportive friend should actually do.
A Supportive Friend Makes You Stronger
While I'm not going to make this entire piece about Issa and Molly, I do think they both apply to my first two points really well. On the "make you stronger" tip, to tell you the truth, I think it's Issa who could stand to remember this particular point. Although Molly really has showed her ass in a lot of ways, one area where I totally get where she is coming from is Issa doesn't seem to be the most self-aware person on the planet. There have also been times, throughout all seasons of the show, when she comes across as extremely entitled and selfish, like when she automatically assumes that Molly is going to pick up the tab while they're out (like after the Kiss 'n Grind or when Issa wrecked her car and they went through a drive-thru to get something to eat). For Molly to get to the point where she is like "enough is enough" and "grow TF up" with her bestie, that doesn't make her evil or a bad person. It's just that her timing sucked in choosing to do it when Issa was in a bind. Plus, I'm not completely convinced that Molly's motive was pure. Without a doubt, she is passive aggressive as hell, with EVERYONE. She also isn't wrong in her eyes, hardly ever. But more on that in the second point.
Anyway, for Molly to want to pull back some so that her friend doesn't always treat her as her "get out of jail free card" is a form of being supportive, because if someone is always your crutch, if they are always enabling you, how are you going to mature and evolve?
The animal kingdom has all sorts of examples of mamas who, after a time, leave so that their babies can learn how to survive on their own. If we want our friends to be able to stand on their own, sometimes that means telling them "no". Not out of spite, but out of the sincere desire for them to embrace their own capabilities. That's one of the ways that all of us become stronger individuals.
A Supportive Friend Challenges You
If I had to choose between describing myself as being aggressive or passive aggressive, I'm definitely rocking with aggressive. I don't say "I'm fine" when I'm not (or act like things are fine when they aren't). I don't hold things in while waiting for someone to read my mind. I don't seek out to emotionally punish people who hurt me. Sarcasm isn't my first language. I'm not big on giving people the silent treatment. Meanwhile, Molly? Let me tell it, she's about all of these things. And since she sucks at being forthcoming about her feelings, wants and needs—and/or acts like folks should just automatically know about them—by the time she's suppressed to the point of being fed up, she comes across as mean…if not almost evil. She was like that with Jared (the Enterprise manager). She was like that with Jidenna's character (the lawyer). She was like that with Dro. She was like that with her dad when she found out that he did the same thing that she did (he cheated while she helped someone cheat). In this season, she did it with Issa (and she tries to do it with Asian Bae, Andrew). In fact, while I can't remember where I read the comment, a man by the name of Walt Bionick brought up another great point about how Molly tends to get down when he said, "Molly is the kind of person who invalidates your feelings if they conflict with her feelings." (I mean...)
Then, whenever all of these people bring to her attention that she could stand to look at herself and acknowledge that she's the clear common denominator in her relationships, she goes on the attack and acts like a victim (when Andrew apologized to her for helping out who is supposed to be her friend only "babied" her more into her toxic coping mechanisms, if you ask me. *le sigh*). Indeed, if anyone is the walking definition of not being able to take what they and their sharp tongue can dish out, it's Molly. Hmph. Perhaps if she listened to the people who truly cared about her, it could help her to get out of the cycle of constantly suppressing and then being resentful to the point of sabotaging so often—and so much.
Believe you me, some of the biggest "ouches" I've experienced have come from people who loved me enough to call me out on my ish. Anyone who thinks that a supportive friend shouldn't do that might want to mosey on over to Proverbs 27:6(NKJV) where it says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." I once read that this means a real friend will tell you about yourself without broadcasting their views to others because their intent is to challenge you to become a better person without putting you on full blast in the process. A mature individual will get that this is a form of support because if you only want people to see you as you do, there will probably be blind spots that will certainly hinder your progress—if not now, eventually. Friends want to see their friends thrive in life. Growing pains can be hard, so we have to be challenged, sometimes by our friends, along the way.
A Supportive Friend Is Lovingly Rather Than Brutally Honest
As direct as I am, personal growth is teaching me to dislike the phrase "brutally honest" more and more. I know folks are out here bragging about being savage and everything, but goodness—that is a really harsh word. While savage can mean "fierce", cruel, uncivilized and criticizing to the point of not knowing when and how to let up define it too. And you know what? All of this defines what it means to be a brutal individual. And who would want a friend, someone who professes to love and care about another individual, to speak from this kind of head and heart space?
I don't care if it's advice on a relationship or job, offering up some news that can be difficult to hear or being frank with someone about their personality or character, a supportive friend isn't going to lie. At the same time, what they also aren't going to set out to do is be honest in a way that ultimately does more harm than good. After all, one definition of support is to hold someone up. How can you do that if your words are so damning that all you actually end up doing is tearing your friend down?
A Supportive Friend CONSISTENTLY Wants to See You Win
One of the reasons why I wrote articles on this site like, "5 Signs Your Closest Friends Are The Most Envious Of You", "6 Signs A New 'Friend' Is Nothing But An Opportunist" and "10 Signs You've Got A Close (TOXIC) Friend" is because, make no mistake about it, deception is real, alive and kicking out in these streets. And the thing you've always going to remember about deceit is it's designed to look like the real thing…even though it's nothing more than a fraud.
How can you know when someone who claims to be a friend of yours is anything but? One sign is if they don't show any signs of wanting to see you win in life. You set goals and they automatically look at the obstacles—whether real or actualized—in order to discourage you. You ask for help and they are rarely available to assist. You end up with something (or even someone) that they wanted and they aren't enthused, they act shady or they even completely go ghost on you. It's like, so long as they are on top or you are "in the struggle" it's all good. But when success is within your grasp (or you've obtained it), now there's a problem. And that? That is a problem. By definition, a supportive person encourages, a supportive person helps, a supportive person rallies on your behalf. You know what else they do? They celebrate you in your wins. Not every once in a while, either; consistently so.
I've had some people in my life who wanted to be there so that I could support them. But when it came to me and my needs, I couldn't name one way that they were of assistance. That is wack. That's also (one of the reasons) why I released them too. A good friend is a great cheerleader. If you've got a "friend" who you can't say that about, I'd encourage you to rethink the role and position that they play in your life.
A Supportive Friend Loves You in Spite of Yourself. Period.
Is it just me or would it be super shocking if Insecure's Tiffany was hiding a secret about her baby, Simone? As a doula, while I must say that they are penning postpartum in a really realistic way (bravo!), Tiffany has always seemed to have a shady side to me. I mean, she did know that Lawrence and Condola were dating and didn't let Issa in on it. I also remember when her husband, Derek said he had to get "rid" of the co-worker Fred. Plus, Tiffany once said they had separated before but didn't want to talk about it (dun, dun, dun, dun). Chile, we shall see. But whatever is up, if there is one thing that the girls—Issa, Molly, Kelli and Tiffany—at least strive to do (even if it isn't always perfectly) is love one another…warts and all. Just as a supportive friend should do.
I don't know about you, but I've been in situations where I thought I was in a friendship. However, those people only acted like my friend so long as I had the same views, did the same things or approached life in a similar way to them. But when I wanted to do my own thing, even if that meant making some mistakes along the way, it's like I was penalized, if not emotionally punished for it. That made me want to be my authentic self with them less and less—and when you can't be genuine with someone, the relationship ends up being pretty unhealthy. And unhealthy eventually becomes unnecessary.
Another definition of supportive is sympathetic. That's when someone tries to understand how you feel. It's also when they extend compassion whenever possible. If your friends ain't doing that, if you're not doing that for your friends, support is severely lacking. And if you're not able to lean on each other and have each other's back—really, what are y'all doing? Why do you even call each other "friends" to begin with? Because, if at the end of the day, supportive isn't a top defining word for your friendships, it really is time to shift—possibly even move on. If anyone runs into Issa and Molly, relay the message, OK? I appreciate it.
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What If You Love Your Friend...But Don't Like Her Anymore?
Always Remember That Friendships Have "Levels" To Them
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At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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