I already know I'm about to step onto some toes with what I'm about to say, but feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section because I'd honestly like to hear your thoughts. Ready?
Why is it that when gender roles are discussed in relationships, a lot of us are quick to say that those thoughts and principles are antiquated and even unnecessary? Oh, but when the topic of a woman proposing to a man or even asking a man out on a date, suddenly those same women are saying things along the lines of "No ma'am. That's what a man is supposed to do"?
If you're looking for my personal take on things, I'll just say that I'm more of a traditionalist than not and leave it at that. And while I'd personally prefer to be proposed to (in part, because I want to be sure a man is marrying me because he's ready to, not because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings if I were to ask him), I'm not the one who gasps in disgust or even confusion whenever a woman asks a man out. I don't think it's needy. I don't think it's desperate. I actually think it takes a confident and self-aware woman to do it because whenever we ask anyone to do anything, there's a chance that we'll hear "no".
What I will also say is that I do know some women who want to take the initiative to ask a man on a date and then want him to do all of the work after he says "yes". Should he be a gentleman? Of course. But should he suddenly act like he's the one who asked in the first place? Personally, I don't think so. Personally, I feel that when a woman asks a man on a date, there are certain things that are OK for the guy to expect…should he accept.
You to Plan the Date
I remember once talking to someone who was on the fence about asking a guy out. After she finally got the nerve to do it, although the guy initially said "yes", he ended up taking a pass. Why? Because after she asked him, she expected him to figure out what they should do. Yeah…that's not how it works. I mean, how would you feel if a guy asked you out and then called you to see what you had in mind and when? It doesn't seem like he's super invested, does it? Asking a guy out doesn't only consist of him agreeing to spend time with you; it's also about figuring out what the two of you should do together—and when.
I asked a few of my male friends what their idea of a great date would be. Some of them, I had to sit on the phone with dead air because they said that they're so used to planning dates that they never really gave their own dream date much thought. But once they got over the initial shock of my question, some said going to a sporting event, others said they'd want to do something outdoorsy that had a bit of an adrenaline rush to it and others said a live music event or binge-watching some of their favorite movies would be fun.
So yeah, that brings up one more point about planning dates. Although a lot of us like to be surprised, again, most men are thrown off-guard just by you making the initial request. That's why asking them what they enjoy doing doesn't come off as "lazy". If anything, it translates as being extremely thoughtful.
You to Pay for the Date
I would think that it's a given that if you ask a man out, you should be the one who pays, even if he offers to. For any of you who don't agree, please post in the comments section why because I don't get the logic behind expecting someone to finance what you planned for them in the first place. But hey, you don't have to take my word for it. An interview that actress Lauren London did several years back featured her take on who should pay for dates. After explaining her ideal date, her response was perfect (to me)—"Who pays on the first date? It depends on who asks. If a woman asks a man on a date, then she should be willing and prepared to pay…When you invite someone to your house for dinner, you don't expect them to bring the groceries." Amen? Amen.
For There to Be No “Uncomfortable Surprises”
Maybe it's just me, but I don't know a ton of guys that are big on surprises, in general. Unless it's from someone who knows them really well (enough to know what they like and don't know) or who's been with them for a while, being caught off-guard typically isn't their idea of a good time. That being said, asking a guy on a date and then "surprising him" by turning it into an impromptu double date with a couple of your friends, bringing some of your family along or taking him to one of your events like a wedding or work-related function without his knowledge really isn't the smartest idea in the world.
8 times out of 10, it translates into being a super pushy move or worse, a manipulative one. Even if he's a nice guy and sees the date through, I wouldn't be shocked in the least if your first date ends up being your last one as well.
For There to Be No Pressure Following the Date
So, you ask the guy you're interested in out, he says "yes" and the date is amazin'. There's chemistry and a connection. You both enjoy similar things and he even mentions going out again with, this time, it being on his dime. Good for you, girl! Wanna know how to totally mess all-a-dat up? Constant texts and phone calls. Not letting him bring up follow-up plans in his own way and time. Becoming passive aggressive when after—wow, a whole—week, he hasn't put anything on the books.
No matter how wonderful a date is, I have learned from personal experience that men can lose interest real quick once stress, anxiety or pressure comes into play. The same kind of confidence that you had to ask a guy out in the first place? Keep that same energy once the date is over. If he's into you, he'll make it known. LeToya Luckett's husband, Tommicus Walker, made that fact crystal clear in a recent interview on our site.
To Not Make Him the Bad Guy if Things Don’t Work Out
One reason why I think it's a good idea for us to ask a guy out every once in a while is so it will (hopefully) give us a new respect and insight into what they go through when they find the courage to, not only ask us out, but to deal with how the date goes should we accept. And here's the thing—just like you should not be considered low-key evil if you go on a date and the connection is simply not there or you're just not interested in going out again, neither is the man that you ask on a date.
Sometimes we think that if someone isn't interested in us that something is wrong with us when really, they simply aren't our person. In this instance, that doesn't make a man a bad guy. Maybe he's meant to be a friend. Maybe he was just a tool to give you the boldness to try something new. But please hear me when I say that until—or unless—you are able to ask a man out and know you can handle however it plays out, for the sake of all parties involved…wait. Either the opportunity will present itself at a better time or, if he's interested in you, maybe, just maybe, he'll beat you to the punch.
And then worrying about asking him out will cease to be an issue.
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert