OK, so guess what penis means. Believe it or not, it's from the Latin meaning of the word "tail". Yeah, it's gonna be that kind of article today, y'all—an article that highlights some things about penises that I personally found to be pretty interesting, so I thought that some of you might dig them too.
Now let me just say that if you're a longtime reader of this platform, there might be a part of you that feels like this is a bit of déjà vu. To a certain extent, you would be right because it was actually around this time last year when I wrote "15 Pretty Tripped Out Things You May Not Know About Penises". You can pretty much look at this as a "part two" of that piece because one, knowledge is ever ending and two, there are some different points that I'm about to share with you now.
So, whether you're naturally curious about penises or you simply want to blow your man's mind with intel that he probably doesn't even know about his own member, here are 12 penis-related things that, on some level, just might trip you (or him) out.
1. Penises Have Three Tubes in Them
In life, nothing is really as simple as it seems. For instance, did you know that penises actually have three tubes/cylinders in them? There's the corpus spongiosum and two corpora cavernosa and they're all inside of a sheath known as the bucks fascia. The corpus spongiosum is made of up spongy tissue that surrounds a man's urethra; it helps a guy's urethra from closing up whenever he experiences an erection. That way, semen is able to come out of his urethra whenever he ejaculates.
The corpora cavernosas are also made up of spongy erectile tissue yet they have arteries in them. They are what help a man to have an erection because, whenever he becomes aroused, they fill up with blood and make his penis hard. After he ejaculates, blood leaves those tubes and returns back to other parts of the body. And just how much blood is in each erect penis? Roughly four shot glasses worth. Kinda crazy, right?
2. Penises Can Literally Deadlift
Contrary to popular belief, penises do not fall into the category of being a muscle. A penis is an organ that exists for the purpose of urination and sexual intercourse. And since it's not a muscle, how is it that a man by the name of Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng was once able to—wait for it—pull an entire truck along, just using his penis? A part of it is due to him working out his pubococcygeal (PC) muscles. Those muscles act like a sling which helps to keep all of a man's pelvic organs in the right place and position. And just how does a man work these muscles out? With kegels.
As a bonus, kegels can also increase blood flow which can give men a longer, fuller and stronger erection. It can also reduce the chances of him experiencing incontinence, including the dribbling that sometimes happens immediately following urination (you know, the kind that leads to pee on the toilet seat).
A brief walk-through on how a man can do kegels is located right here.
3. An Erection Can Get a Man All Up in His Feelings
Remember how in the movie Love Jones, Savon said that when a man has an erection, the blood from his head and feet go to his penis which means that he can't think or run? There actually is a bit of truth to that. A popular study from MIT and Carnegie Mellon University once reported that when men have a hard-on, they find pretty much anything that's presented to them to be sexually stimulating; stimulating to the point of even being willing to say they love a woman in order to get her into bed (which is why you shouldn't ask, "Do you love me?" for the first time during sex, y'all). It's also true that how a man is feeling at any given time can prevent erections from happening, especially when it comes to stress, anxiety, guilt, depression, relationship drama and low self-esteem. Bottom line, erections are connected to emotions…contrary to popular belief/assumption.
4. Penises Get Bigger During Fellatio
This one serves as more of a reminder because I actually mentioned something about this a couple of years ago in the article, "15 Super Random (& Weird) Facts About Sex". Anyway, if you want your man to get a little bigger, guess what would definitely help? Fellatio. While it might sound like some bullshishery that some random man made up, there is actually some scientific research to back up the fact that men who receive head experience larger erections than men who simply fantasize. I mean, when you think about how pleasurable oral sex is, I can totally see how this could be the case. Anyway, just another tripped out thing to put on record.
5. Erections Tend to Happen All Day Long (Kinda)
Ever wonder how many erections a man will experience before the end of his life? It's somewhere around 7,200. While a lot of these are due to sexual arousal, sometimes, they aren't. In fact, most men have somewhere around 11 erections a day; 7-9 of them are during the night while he's asleep (which makes "morning wood" make so much more sense). An ex of mine used to get one whenever he enjoyed a meal. So yeah, don't assume that every hard-on is sexually related. Oftentimes, it's not.
6. Circumcised Penises Can Be Safer. Sometimes Less Pleasurable Too.
As far as circumcision goes, nearly all Jewish and Muslim men in the world are circumcised. A lot of Christians are as well because it's mentioned in Scripture (Genesis 17). As far as safety goes, many health professionals are all for men going through this procedure because foreskin (what uncircumcised men still have) contains a lot of what are known as Langerhans cells. Something interesting about these cells is they are quite vulnerable when it comes to being infiltrated by HIV (more on this in a sec).
What's a trip about that fact is, at the same time, uncircumcised men tend to give their partners more consistent orgasms. The reason being is the extra bit of skin rubs against the sensitive nerve endings inside of our vaginas, creating a more intense sensation.
So, as far as if it's better or not to be circumcised, I guess it all depends on how you look at things.
7. A “Dirty” Penis Can Lead to HIV
Speaking of HIV, when it comes to this particular point, when I say "dirty", I don't mean a lack of hygiene. What I'm referring to is stored up bacteria that can collect on the tip of a man's penis, ultimately making him more susceptible to getting HIV. Long story short, something known as anaerobic bacteria can cause inflammation, draw the T-cells that HIV targets and up the chances for ultimately becoming diagnosed by the virus. This is just one more reason why condom-wearing is so important; especially for uncircumcised men because it's easier for the bacteria to lodge within their foreskin.
8. Some Men Suffer from “Penis Anxiety”
When it comes to body image issues, while I know that it's usually us who gets the most press, men experience it too, including when it comes to their penis size. Although the average one is around 5" and some change when they're erect, some men are so consumed by if their penis is large enough that they convince themselves that their partners aren't satisfied, even though 85 percent of women reportedly are.
If you've got a man who you sense is going through a bit of this kind of internalized stress, have him read, "BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go". Some women will get first in line to say that a big thang ain't all that it's cracked up to be. If all it is, is big and he doesn't know how to work it…it ain't.
9. Controlling Erections and Ejaculations Can Be Somewhat Difficult
There are a few different reasons why men typically have a—no pun intended—hard time controlling their erections and ejaculations. For starters, there are three different kinds of erections. There are psychogenic erections which come from fantasies, nocturnal erections which transpire while they are sleeping, and reflexogenic erections that happen due to some direct form of stimuli. Since a man can have a fleeting thought or rub up against something at any given time, you can see why erections aren't always in their control.
As far as ejaculations go, on the sexual tip, men actually go through similar phrases towards having an orgasm as we do—arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. However, it's wise to keep in mind that a man having an orgasm and a man experiencing ejaculation are not automatically one in the same.
Orgasms is about a series of muscle contractions, period. This means that some men can actually ejaculate without climaxing at all (which is why 1 in 4 men claim to have faked orgasms before; if you wonder why they would…if you've faked it before, why did you?).
Anyway, while edging can somewhat delay an orgasm, when a man is on the verge of ejaculation, it's pretty hard for him to keep it from transpiring. That is, unless he's become a master at retrograde ejaculation. That's kind of another article for another time, though (if you're curious, you can read more about it here).
10. Very Few Men Wear Condoms During Sex
I've heard folks—both men and women, by the way—say that if you really want to know a woman's "body count", you should take whatever she said and add three more people to the total. I'll let y'all debate over that on your own time. I'm just bringing it up because that's what came to my mind when I read that only one-third of men said that they wore condoms. The real catcher was even those who said that they don't do it all of the time (so that makes me think that even the one-third aren't being completely honest). With 45 percent of pregnancies in this country going on record as being unplanned and a whopping 376 million new STI/STD infections being diagnosed, worldwide, on an annual basis—chile, you'd better require a condom out here. That ridiculous "Meat 2 Meat" song that I've been hearing ain't worth it in the long run.
11. Cock Rings Are a Sex Toy Must-Have
Not too long ago, a male friend and I were having a conversation about cock rings. He had recently purchased one and was hesitant to try it. If you've got a man who is the same way, share with him that a cock ring the kind of sex toy that is able to help him to maintain a harder and longer erection; that it intensifies sexual stimulation and, if it's a vibrating one, a cock ring can also significantly ups the chances of him experiencing a blended orgasm with you.
Does something this good have a downside? Good question. If your partner is taking a blood-thinning medication, has a penile injury of some sort, is diabetic or has some sort of heart-related disease, a cock ring probably isn't the best idea. At the very least, he needs to talk to his doctor before making the purchase. Oh, but if he gets the green light, it's gonna be Christmas and the Fourth of July, simultaneously, in your house. Just you watch.
12. The Penis Has All Kinds of Spiritual Meanings
One more. As far as how a penis is perceived on a spiritual plane, pagans revere it as being a symbol of creativity while also being a connecting link between what's human and what's sacred (I totally get that). Ancient Hebrews viewed circumcision of the penis as an established covenant between God and man (which is why many Christians still choose to circumcise their sons to this day). The penis of the Hindu god Siva is referenced many times in sacred teachings that reference him and, to the ancient Greeks, the penis represented divine power and intelligence. Last year, when I wrote about how to give a man a lingam massage, I mentioned that in tantra, the penis is referred to as being a light wand. Hmph. Seems like almost everywhere you look, the penis has a profound spiritual meaning. Definitely something to think about the next time that you decide to…experience one. #wink
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
From their perspective, their friend should simply know what they should and shouldn’t do. Yeah, one day, I’m going to write an article about how a lot of relationships could be spared so much drama if we all stopped automatically expecting others to think, act, and even love like we do. Anyway, my client did pause for a moment; then she shared that there was one thing, in particular, that she had told her friend that she didn’t appreciate and her friend just kept on doing it — so much to the point where it was starting to feel not only intentional but disrespectful too. In response to that, here’s how the rest of the dialogue between us went down:
Me: “Did she apologize?”
Her: “I mean, after I about lost it and told her that I was sick of her sh-t, she did. I don’t know if I can trust it, though.”
Me: “Has the action happened again since?”
Her: “The last time was only a few weeks ago. It’s too soon to tell. I know I’m starting to put distance between us, though. I’m not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore at this point.”
*le sigh* What to do, what to freakin’ do, when you’ve got a friend in your life who does something that bothers, offends, hurts, or harms you (because those are all different things, y’all), they apologize and you’re not exactly sure what to do with their apology. That is something that I’m pretty sure that all of us have gone through, probably more than once. If you definitely have, and there have been times when it’s left you feeling stumped, let’s unpack it all a bit — just so you’ll know how to move, with complete peace of mind, for the sake of your friendship and, most importantly, your peace of mind.
People with Regrets Apologize (and Every Self-Aware Human Should Have Regrets)
GiphySometime last year, I was talking to a friend of mine about his spouse. As he was raving about all of the things that he adores about her, something that he said caused my eyes to get semi-big: “I mean, she doesn’t believe in apologizing which can get on my nerves but that’s about it.” Whew, chile. Also, another article for another time: It’s very hard for a marriage to function, in a healthy way, if both people aren’t willing to apologize and forgive because there are going to be countless times when doing one or the other is going to be extremely necessary. Why?
Because we all make mistakes and sometimes poor decisions (and no, those two things aren’t the same either) must be corrected with an apology. Not only that but we all also experience times when someone needs to apologize to us and, because of the first thing that I said, we should forgive them and LET. IT. GO.
Yeah, those “I don’t apologize” people? Talk about folks who I don’t trust because that typically either means that they have way too much pride going on or they suck and taking personal accountability for their actions — and neither of those things makes it easy when it comes to trying to have a solid relationship with someone else. Honestly, the only kind of folks who “cause me to pause” more are the ones who claim that they don’t have any regrets in life. Truly…what in the world are you talking about?
If you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while now, you already know that I totally and completely loathe the saying, “I don’t regret anything” (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”). SMDH. Some statements, I just think that they have been popular for so long that people repeat them without really thinking about what they actually mean.
When it comes to regret, if you look up its definition, you should see the word “remorse” somewhere in there and remorse means “deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction” — and if you NEVER feel this way, that low-key sounds like either you think that you never do anything wrong (which is a completely delusional mindset) or you don’t care to “right your wrongs” whenever you do them (which makes you a pretty unsafe individual to be around).
And why am I laying down all of this foundation? Because, before getting into how to discern someone’s apology, it’s important to first surround yourself with individuals who even get that they should apologize from time to time in the first place — not because you think so but because they think so. I’m telling you, it can spare you a ton of time and potential heartbreak to follow this tip.
I say that because I ended a relationship about six years ago, mostly because the person reached out to me to help them out with something, and when I wrote out a full email about something they did that was highly offensive and would result in my not obliging them — not only did they not apologize, they didn’t even acknowledge what I said. What kind of makes it “comically worse” (utter audacity-wise) is the few times that I’ve seen them since, they’ve acted like nothing even happened. Then I had to think back to other times when I’ve brought hurt feelings or offenses to their attention and how they would deflect, play the victim, or change the subject (bookmark that).
Hmph. We talk about narcissism a lot both on and offline — uh-huh, be careful about those narcissistic friends out here. They always want to be the center of attention. They constantly put their own needs first. They have a hard time forgiving and yet think that you should dismiss whatever they do that’s wrong (or damaging). I could go on and on about those jokers. For now, I’ll just bring this point to a close by saying that if you want to trust someone’s apology, you need to trust that they care enough to apologize in the first place. And lawd, won’t that preach?
Next point.
Karma Is Attached to Apologies
GiphyOne day, I’m also going to write an article about how much forgiveness tends to be weaponized — and how absolutely insane that is. Meaning, so many people think that they deserve an apology for all of the things that they do while others don’t — and that’s not really how forgiveness works. If you’re looking at it from a Scriptural standpoint, the Good Book tells us that if you want to be right with God, you’ve got to forgive other people (Matthew 6:14-15). Science says that if you want to be healthy, it’s wise to forgive as well. Adding to both of these things, since karma (which is basically just reaping what you sow) doesn’t discriminate, if you want to be forgiven in the future, you should forgive others in the present.
And that’s what I mean when I say that karma is attached to apologies. When it comes to some completely bold and If-I-were-a-different-type-of-person-things-would’ve-gone-very-differently things that have happened to me throughout the years — what has kept things peaceful and put me on a faster track to healing is choosing to forgive others; especially when they make a point to apologize (check out “How I Learned To Forgive People In My Life Who Weren't Sorry”).
Honestly, a part of the reason why I can do closure so well is because I can accept an apology. What I mean by that is I think a lot of times, we stay in “hamster wheel relationships” (same problems, no new solutions) or we’re so super devastated (because we’re not just sad, we also beat ourselves up with guilt and yes, regret) if something should happen to someone who we used to be in relationship with and it’s partly because we don’t accept apologies.
Me? I never want to be so high and mighty in my mindset that I think I can gamble my relationship with God or my health simply because I want someone to think that what they do and ask forgiveness doesn’t deserve mercy while I’m somewhere thinking that I should be pardoned for all of my mess. I don’t know about y’all but I need God’s forgiveness, plus, it feels good — cleansing even — whenever people who I’ve hurt or harmed have forgiven me and so I give forgiveness in order to receive it — because every single human needs to receive it.
Next point.
A Sincere Apology Doesn't Deflect, Justify or Play the Victim. It Takes Full Ownership.
GiphyNow that we’ve talked about why you should only befriend people who forgive and apologize and how you shouldn’t be in relationships if you don’t know how to forgive (and apologize) — let’s talk about what a sincere apology should even look like.
Years ago, I had a friend who violated a very clear boundary of mine. She kept trying to push something on me that I didn’t want to do until one day, she did it anyway. And boy, was I pissed. When she saw how angry I was, she called me crying and, although she did say that she was sorry, she also went into all kinds of reasons why she thought that she was the bigger victim. The more that I listened, it was like she wanted me to apologize to her for violating me (whew, chile). Yeah, don’t trust those kinds of apologies because they are chocked full of manipulation.
And this is where we start to tiptoe into the difference between accepting an apology and trusting one.
Since she literally said, “I’m so sorry,” I accepted her apology because, although I think that my discernment is pretty keen and she was trying to manipulate matters, at the end of the day, who am I to brush off her efforts to acknowledge what she did? Did I trust her apology, though? Absolutely not because to trust something, you’ve gotta be confident in it, and anyone who decides to make what they did to you totally about them? They don’t really get what an apology is all about.
Hmph. I grew up with people who would apologize and also deflect (shift blame, gaslight, go into semi-denial mode), justify poor behavior (make excuses, follow their apology with some long ass story) and/or play the victim (act like they are more hurt than you are) in the midst of their apologies and those types of individuals typically only apologize in order to “move on” from what they’ve done — not to really make sure that you are okay about what had transpired.
And those people? Whether they are too selfish, not self-aware enough or they’re simply ignorant about what a sincere apology looks like, if those three factors come into play, their apology can be accepted yet not really trusted in the sense of you believing that they will do their best to not repeat the action again. How could you TRUST it if they don’t fully OWN it? Make sense?
Next point.
Accepting Apologies and Actually Trusting Them Are Quite Different
GiphyIf you know that someday, you will need to apologize to someone, you will get again why I say that none of us should really refuse someone else’s apology. Another way of looking at this is if someone apologizes and you don’t accept it, it’s basically saying, “I don’t acknowledge that you acknowledge what you did that you are trying to take responsibility for” — and honestly, what kind of sense does that make?
Because while you are thinking that not accepting their apology is harming them, it’s really only hurting you because you are choosing to hold onto what their apology has actually released them from. Plus, y’all know that I am pretty word-literal and, at the end of the day, accepting an apology simply means that 1) you are responding to what they are saying and 2) you are receiving the effort. Over and out.
Now TRUSTING an apology? Again, that is something entirely different. I’ll give you another example. Everyone who knows me (check out “5 Signs You Really Know A Person”) knows that if I come out to a big function, that’s love — DEEP LOVE. Back when I was an entertainment journalist, I had my fill of stuff like that; these days, low-key is how I get down. Anyway, one time, a friend invited me out to a crowded and pretty important function. After a bit of convincing, I made the personal request of not wanting to go along with someone else in their world who I am not fond of (who they are now not even friends with because they discovered on their own just how shady the person can be).
My friend assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue — only for me to get to the place where we were meeting up and my friend then telling me on the way to the venue that the person would be joining us. When I tell you that we literally had the conversation about that not happening just a few hours before? Chile. My response? I left before we headed there and went back home. I am BIG on my boundaries being respected and I’m not going to be set up to be put in a position to somehow be the bad guy if I’m not kee-keeing with someone who I didn’t want to be around, intimately, in the first place. Plus, my friend needed to fully enjoy her night without worrying about what the energy was going to be like.
My friend owned that it was “bad business” to even move like that — that it was thoughtless and a bit manipulative on her part because a part of her thought that if I was pushed to the wall on the matter, I would just get over it. She apologized. I accepted it. However, I didn’t just accept it, I trusted it because, a few weeks later, she invited me to another event, out of state, all expenses paid.
Listen, if you know me, you know that it wasn’t the free trip that “moved me” because my favorite place is always gonna be at home. LOL. It’s that my friend didn’t just acknowledge what she did, she also took it upon herself to make amends — and that’s what a real apology should always include.
And what is amends? It’s “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.” That said, when we really get the weight and magnitude of something that we’ve done to another person, it’s never enough to just toss a flippant “My bad” in their direction — it’s important to put forth the effort to set things right.
I got that my friend understood how much effort it took for me to do the initial outing with her in the first place because she took a few steps up from that and turned another event into a girls' trip — just us. That was a couple of years ago now. We’ve not had an issue in that lane since.
Your friend who hurt you and apologized? One way to know if you can trust the apology to the point where you know that it’s okay to move on fully from the matter is if they are willing, on their own, to make amends. If, in their own way, they ask you, “How can I make this right?” If you get that from them, I really recommend that you give them a chance because not only does it seem like their apology is heartfelt, but they also want to help you to heal from what they did — and at the end of the day, because none of us can change the past, just “own” our part in it, there’s not much more that a human can do.
Plus, people who go so far as to make amends, they typically also put forth the effort to try and change their behavior (or not repeat the action). And again, what more can you really ask for from any fallible individual (and we are all that)…right?
____
No one is perfect. We’re all going to mess up. If you really get that, when a friend apologizes to you, let both of yourselves off of the hook and accept it. And during the apology, if they take full ownership which includes making amends, trust your friend enough to have faith that they will try to not hurt you, in that way, again.
Accept is about recognizing.
Trusting is about putting your confidence in something.
When it comes to apologies, specifically, I hope it’s easier to now know the difference.
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