By now, you have all heard of Ozempic, Wegovy,Mounjaro, andZepbound. These are the newest drugs on the market prescribed for weight loss and obesity. Deemed as the "cheat code" for summer body goals, celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Al Roker, Whoopi Goldberg, Amy Schumer, Tracey Morgan, Elon Musk, and Chelsea Handler have gone public about their use of the medication to aid in their weight loss journeys. And their results are giving. I mean, have you seen Oprah lately? The woman is 70 years old, and she is serving and giving it all.
Before these drugs were reclassified as weight loss medications by the FDA, these GLP-1 drugs hit the pharmaceutical market solely as a diabetes medication. The side effect of the drug is suppressed hunger and reduced “food noise.” These medications help overweight and/or obese patients successfully lose 25% of their body weight or more. Continuous debates on social media and news outlets are trending on the success of the drug in the fight against obesity, but also on the medical dangers and long-term side effects of using these drugs.
Nonetheless, the demand for these weight loss drugs continues to skyrocket, creating mass shortages from manufacturers Eli Lilly and Novo Nordisk.
The demand for these types of medication has created an unprecedented effect when it comes to access for patients with a medical diagnosis or not. Health insurance providers only cover the drug with a diabetes diagnosis or through an authorization process, thus creating an expensive out-of-pocket cost to patients. The cost of these medications is not cheap. Any variation of these GLP-1 drugs ranges from $1000-$1,500 per monthly supply.
Times that by three, six, or nine months – that is the equivalent of a luxurious international vacation or a down payment for a new car. Primary care physicians and medical specialists are writing prescriptions with no hesitation. And patients are willing to pay whether it is a medical necessity or not.
My truth: I am a 39-year-old woman who was previously 49 pounds overweight. I was prescribed a GLP-1 medication to heal my body, and I feel no type of way about it.
But before I share my story and justify my reasoning for using a weight loss medication, let’s first examine the facts to provide perspective and understand the underlying causes of weight gain because no two individuals's health and wellness journeys are identical.
2015 - the last time I was 135 pounds
Courtesy of the writer
The Weight Loss Drugs Facts Presented By Oprah
On March 18, 2024, ABC Network airedAn Oprah Special: Shame, Blame, and the Weight Loss Revolution.The purpose of the interview is to release the stigma, shame, and judgment for individuals who are overweight and how they choose to lose or not lose weight. The interview provides a 360-view of the biology of obesity, the use of weight loss medication, and the pharmaceutical industry. Invited to the conversation are users of the drug, medical specialists, representatives from the manufacturing companies of the medications, and the CEO of Weight Watchers.
The audience is comprised of current and past users of a GLP-1 or semaglutide medication. Oprah begins her interview special by openly discussing her struggle with her own weight. She states, “For 25 years making fun of my weight was a national sport.” In 1990, TV Guide referred to Oprah as “bumpy, lumpy, and downright dumpy.” Oprah also openly admits she starved herself for five months to lose 67 pounds on a liquid diet, which she gained back in less than days.
What The Experts Say About Obesity
Oprah states that the American Medical Association defined obesity as a chronic disease 10 years ago. Dr. W. Scott Butsch, Director of the Obesity Medicine in the Bariatric and Metabolic Institute at the Cleveland Clinic shares in the interview that obesity is a complex disease. Think about genetics, environments, food, sleep patterns, and microbiome changes. He states that it is the brain that controls body fat, food intake, and metabolism.
Obesity is defined as dysfunction of the regulatory system – when you lose weight, it intentionally slows your metabolism down, and your body is built to maintain your weight. Dr. Butsch continues to explain that some people are prone to hold on to their body fat. Therefore, it is wrong to shame people about obesity as they are subtypes of the disease in the obesity spectrum.
2018 - probably 160-175 lbs.
Courtesy of the writer
Types Of Weight Loss Drugs
Dr. Amanda Velasquez, Assistant Professor of Cedars-Sinai Surgery and Director of Obesity Medicine & Center of Metabolic Health states to date there are seven medications available to treat obesity, including glucagon-like-peptide 1 hormone (GLP-1s). This hormone is produced by the gastrointestinal organ and GLP-1s mimic what the hormone does and does it better. This means reducing food noise, feeling satiety faster, and slowing digestion. For people who are living with obesity, their GLP-1 hormone isn’t working properly. With that said, the medication reprograms the gastrointestinal organ.
Data does show that obesity patients would have to be on medications for the rest of their lives as the disease does not stay in remission. However, Oprah maintains her weight by hiking, walking, running, weight training, and a healthy diet. It is important to note that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved drugs like Ozempic 20 years ago for type II diabetes. Dr. Velasquez further states the side effects of choosing not to take the medications are higher than the mild side effects of nausea and vomiting – obesity is a disease, not a character flaw.
Weight Loss Issues
2021- 170-180 lbs
Courtesy of the writer
Now that we are clear on the biology of obesity, let’s get into my weight issues. I was born 0.9 pounds as a premature twin baby. I graduated high school at 115 pounds, graduated college at 125 pounds, and graduate school at 128 pounds. Given these numbers, you can see I was never a heavy-set person. Picture runway model skinny with tig ol’ bitties. Yes, that was me. It wasn’t until I transitioned into a high-stress career that my lifestyle habits began to change. I began to gain some weight. I went from 135 pounds in 2016 to 150-something pounds in 2017.
At the time some of my friends would say, “I look healthy” or “you look good” given I was in my early thirties. Now, combine a high-stress career with mental health issues, emotional trauma, and a worldwide pandemic together. Add 32 more pounds to the weight I previously gained – your girl is now THICC at 182 pounds. Even though I carried this new weight well, it was too much for my height of 5 '4 and small frame. Not only did I know this, but I felt it too. It was the way my clothes slowly stopped fitting me and the heavy breathing. It’s true – the body really does keep the score.
Returning To A Healthy Lifestyle & A Medical Diagnosis
March 2023- 150 lbs
Courtesy of the writer
In 2019, I left mycorporate career which eliminated my main source of stress. As the pandemic came to an end in 2021, fitness clubs fully reopened. I returned to the gym and my healthy lifestyle habits seamlessly. Please note I have always been a gym-goer or someone who enjoyed working out and eating healthy since 2011. I went back to my normal workout routine – running, climbing the stair mill, lifting weights on my own, and enlisted the help of a personal trainer twice a week.
It wasn’t until January 2022 that I noticed that the weight was not moving despite my clean eating and disciplined efforts.
In February 2022, I decided to seek medical assistance from my primary care physician, gynecologist, endocrinologist, and holistic/functional medicine doctor. It took a whole eight months before I received a proper medical diagnosis and clarity as to why my body was not responding to my normal weight loss efforts.
The answer was rooted in trauma and ahormonal imbalance, which gave me an autoimmune disease – Hashimoto Thyroiditis.
A Heavy Decision
June 2023- 133 lbs
Courtesy of the writer
It was September 2022 when I decided to pursue functional medicine to heal my body. I detoxed for 8 months with Chinese herbs, a paleo diet, and daily workouts. And it was the end of October 2022 when my endocrinologist said to me, “I am going to help you.” He said, “Have you heard of Eli Lilly?” I replied, “No.” My endocrinologist went on to explain that Eli Lilly manufactures the newest diabetes drug Mounjaro. A medication that beat clinical trials against Ozempic and Wegovy.
This new medication helps patients lower their A1C, and glucose, promotes insulin sensitivity, and helps patients lose 25% of their body weight. Keep in mind this was my first time hearing about medications for weight loss in general. I never had to be on medication for anything in my life outside the normal cold, sinus infection, flu, birth control, and hormonal acne.
The idea of prescribed medication to lose weight sounded absurd.
We are constantly told by the fitness industry to eat clean, eat our macros, stay in a caloric deficit, and work out. However, the body is complex – what they don’t tell women is that the problem is very much hormonal, and a holistic approach is required. At first, I was against using the medication because I did feel like it was cheating. I felt a sense of shame and anxiety too. “What are my family and friends going to say?” was my first thought.
I am the type of person who believes in discipline, consistency, hard work, and making the right decisions always gets you where you need to be. BUT, what my endocrinologist explained to me was that my body stopped responding due to my hormonal imbalance. He further explained that Mounjaro will stimulate my insulin (FYI insulin is a hormone) to function properly so that my body can naturally lose and/or maintain weight.
What I needed was what my endocrinologist referred to as a metabolic reset. This is achieved by losing 25% percent or more of my body weight. I had waited a good three months to secure an appointment with this man. And he wasn’t just any endocrinologist – he was the director of an endocrinology and diabetes institute. So, I decided to appease him and told him to “write the script.”
The Journey To Healing My Body
Currently 137 lbs
Courtesy of the writer
After I was prescribed Mounjaro and before I administered my first dose, I went down the rabbit hole of looking at TikTok videos from users who were prescribed a GLP-1. I wanted to listen to their reviews, success stories, and experiences with the side effects. I wanted to see what their diets looked like and if they gained any weight after coming off the medication. What I found was that most people did lose the weight they needed to. I also found that women who have insulin resistance (my initial diagnosis) and polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) were using GLP-1 medications too. They were also successful in achieving a healthier weight.
There were a few TikTok users who reported experiencing the known side effects of nausea, vomiting, bowel changes, and loss of appetite. When it came to diet, I noticed that either these people were not eating clean, unprocessed foods or they were barely eating at all. A lot of the content found on TikTok when it comes to diet was packaged, processed foods or fast food (i.e. Chipotle or Chick-fil-A salad). As for exercise, there were some people that worked out daily and others that did not.
With that said, my approach to using Mounjaro was completely different. I know myself, and my goal was to be healthy regardless of choices and sacrifices I had to make. I wasn’t interested in instant gratification, I was interested in longevity and sustainability.
Having started a holistic detox, I had previously adopted a paleo diet in conjunction with the medication. Organic meat, fish, vegetables, and fruit. I started to read food labels and if it had some long scientific ingredients – I wasn’t buying it. I also eliminated soy, dairy, sugar, caffeine, gluten, alcohol, white carbs, legumes, and inflammatory oils (seed and vegetable oils). I continued my daily workouts five times a week, controlled my stress, and adopted a new sleep routine.
Come November 2022, I injected my first dose of Mounjaro into my belly. I did experience changes in my bowels for one week as my body adjusted to the medication. It wasn’t enjoyable, but I survived.
I think I vomited a total of two times but I cannot confirm if it was a reaction to the detox phase I was in or the medication. By the end of December 2022, I had lost 15 pounds and by the end of February 2023, I had lost an additional 13 pounds. I continued to stay disciplined and consistent with everything I was doing. I was motivated by the results, more so because the medication wasn’t cheap and neither was the holistic detox.
By May 2023 I had achieved a metabolic reset by losing 25% of my body weight. My bloodwork showed an insulin level of below ten. The endocrinologist said going forward metabolic indicators are how flat my stomach is. Pay attention to my sugar and salt cravings – not the number on the scale.
Let me tell you my stomach is flatter than it used to be and I don’t crave any sugar or salt.
Courtesy of the writer
May 2024 will make it one year since I am Mounjaro free. And guess what? I have maintained my weight by strictly adhering to my paleo diet, lifestyle habits, and gym routine.
In May 2023, my weight was 137 pounds; in December 2023, I weighed 134 pounds. As of today, I currently weigh 137 pounds. I have achieved an insulin level (3.5) of a pro-athlete, which shocked my endocrinologist. In eight months, I will be 40 years old. I can run a mile in under nine minutes and three miles in under 35 minutes, and I lift moderately heavy for a girl.
I have no regrets about using a weight loss medication to heal my body nor do I feel any shame around my decision. My medical issues and circumstances are unique to me. I didn’t do anything different other than advocate for my health, seek the right answers, and execute accordingly.
For me, it is very rewarding to know that I am in good health thus far and the lab work shows. I am so grateful to have the information and resources accessible to me so that I could heal my body.
My physical transformation wasn’t just about losing weight – it was about getting back to myself. For years, all I wanted was to get me back. And that’s exactly what I went and did. I would say when it comes to navigating the decision to use weight loss medications to heal your body – listen to yourself first.
It’s okay to ask for help from your doctor – especially when it’s deemed medically necessary or if your body isn’t functioning properly. It’s not just about how you look and feel but it’s also about your general health too. Good health surpasses any negative opinions formed against you.
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The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
From their perspective, their friend should simply know what they should and shouldn’t do. Yeah, one day, I’m going to write an article about how a lot of relationships could be spared so much drama if we all stopped automatically expecting others to think, act, and even love like we do. Anyway, my client did pause for a moment; then she shared that there was one thing, in particular, that she had told her friend that she didn’t appreciate and her friend just kept on doing it — so much to the point where it was starting to feel not only intentional but disrespectful too. In response to that, here’s how the rest of the dialogue between us went down:
Me: “Did she apologize?”
Her: “I mean, after I about lost it and told her that I was sick of her sh-t, she did. I don’t know if I can trust it, though.”
Me: “Has the action happened again since?”
Her: “The last time was only a few weeks ago. It’s too soon to tell. I know I’m starting to put distance between us, though. I’m not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore at this point.”
*le sigh* What to do, what to freakin’ do, when you’ve got a friend in your life who does something that bothers, offends, hurts, or harms you (because those are all different things, y’all), they apologize and you’re not exactly sure what to do with their apology. That is something that I’m pretty sure that all of us have gone through, probably more than once. If you definitely have, and there have been times when it’s left you feeling stumped, let’s unpack it all a bit — just so you’ll know how to move, with complete peace of mind, for the sake of your friendship and, most importantly, your peace of mind.
People with Regrets Apologize (and Every Self-Aware Human Should Have Regrets)
GiphySometime last year, I was talking to a friend of mine about his spouse. As he was raving about all of the things that he adores about her, something that he said caused my eyes to get semi-big: “I mean, she doesn’t believe in apologizing which can get on my nerves but that’s about it.” Whew, chile. Also, another article for another time: It’s very hard for a marriage to function, in a healthy way, if both people aren’t willing to apologize and forgive because there are going to be countless times when doing one or the other is going to be extremely necessary. Why?
Because we all make mistakes and sometimes poor decisions (and no, those two things aren’t the same either) must be corrected with an apology. Not only that but we all also experience times when someone needs to apologize to us and, because of the first thing that I said, we should forgive them and LET. IT. GO.
Yeah, those “I don’t apologize” people? Talk about folks who I don’t trust because that typically either means that they have way too much pride going on or they suck and taking personal accountability for their actions — and neither of those things makes it easy when it comes to trying to have a solid relationship with someone else. Honestly, the only kind of folks who “cause me to pause” more are the ones who claim that they don’t have any regrets in life. Truly…what in the world are you talking about?
If you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while now, you already know that I totally and completely loathe the saying, “I don’t regret anything” (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”). SMDH. Some statements, I just think that they have been popular for so long that people repeat them without really thinking about what they actually mean.
When it comes to regret, if you look up its definition, you should see the word “remorse” somewhere in there and remorse means “deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction” — and if you NEVER feel this way, that low-key sounds like either you think that you never do anything wrong (which is a completely delusional mindset) or you don’t care to “right your wrongs” whenever you do them (which makes you a pretty unsafe individual to be around).
And why am I laying down all of this foundation? Because, before getting into how to discern someone’s apology, it’s important to first surround yourself with individuals who even get that they should apologize from time to time in the first place — not because you think so but because they think so. I’m telling you, it can spare you a ton of time and potential heartbreak to follow this tip.
I say that because I ended a relationship about six years ago, mostly because the person reached out to me to help them out with something, and when I wrote out a full email about something they did that was highly offensive and would result in my not obliging them — not only did they not apologize, they didn’t even acknowledge what I said. What kind of makes it “comically worse” (utter audacity-wise) is the few times that I’ve seen them since, they’ve acted like nothing even happened. Then I had to think back to other times when I’ve brought hurt feelings or offenses to their attention and how they would deflect, play the victim, or change the subject (bookmark that).
Hmph. We talk about narcissism a lot both on and offline — uh-huh, be careful about those narcissistic friends out here. They always want to be the center of attention. They constantly put their own needs first. They have a hard time forgiving and yet think that you should dismiss whatever they do that’s wrong (or damaging). I could go on and on about those jokers. For now, I’ll just bring this point to a close by saying that if you want to trust someone’s apology, you need to trust that they care enough to apologize in the first place. And lawd, won’t that preach?
Next point.
Karma Is Attached to Apologies
GiphyOne day, I’m also going to write an article about how much forgiveness tends to be weaponized — and how absolutely insane that is. Meaning, so many people think that they deserve an apology for all of the things that they do while others don’t — and that’s not really how forgiveness works. If you’re looking at it from a Scriptural standpoint, the Good Book tells us that if you want to be right with God, you’ve got to forgive other people (Matthew 6:14-15). Science says that if you want to be healthy, it’s wise to forgive as well. Adding to both of these things, since karma (which is basically just reaping what you sow) doesn’t discriminate, if you want to be forgiven in the future, you should forgive others in the present.
And that’s what I mean when I say that karma is attached to apologies. When it comes to some completely bold and If-I-were-a-different-type-of-person-things-would’ve-gone-very-differently things that have happened to me throughout the years — what has kept things peaceful and put me on a faster track to healing is choosing to forgive others; especially when they make a point to apologize (check out “How I Learned To Forgive People In My Life Who Weren't Sorry”).
Honestly, a part of the reason why I can do closure so well is because I can accept an apology. What I mean by that is I think a lot of times, we stay in “hamster wheel relationships” (same problems, no new solutions) or we’re so super devastated (because we’re not just sad, we also beat ourselves up with guilt and yes, regret) if something should happen to someone who we used to be in relationship with and it’s partly because we don’t accept apologies.
Me? I never want to be so high and mighty in my mindset that I think I can gamble my relationship with God or my health simply because I want someone to think that what they do and ask forgiveness doesn’t deserve mercy while I’m somewhere thinking that I should be pardoned for all of my mess. I don’t know about y’all but I need God’s forgiveness, plus, it feels good — cleansing even — whenever people who I’ve hurt or harmed have forgiven me and so I give forgiveness in order to receive it — because every single human needs to receive it.
Next point.
A Sincere Apology Doesn't Deflect, Justify or Play the Victim. It Takes Full Ownership.
GiphyNow that we’ve talked about why you should only befriend people who forgive and apologize and how you shouldn’t be in relationships if you don’t know how to forgive (and apologize) — let’s talk about what a sincere apology should even look like.
Years ago, I had a friend who violated a very clear boundary of mine. She kept trying to push something on me that I didn’t want to do until one day, she did it anyway. And boy, was I pissed. When she saw how angry I was, she called me crying and, although she did say that she was sorry, she also went into all kinds of reasons why she thought that she was the bigger victim. The more that I listened, it was like she wanted me to apologize to her for violating me (whew, chile). Yeah, don’t trust those kinds of apologies because they are chocked full of manipulation.
And this is where we start to tiptoe into the difference between accepting an apology and trusting one.
Since she literally said, “I’m so sorry,” I accepted her apology because, although I think that my discernment is pretty keen and she was trying to manipulate matters, at the end of the day, who am I to brush off her efforts to acknowledge what she did? Did I trust her apology, though? Absolutely not because to trust something, you’ve gotta be confident in it, and anyone who decides to make what they did to you totally about them? They don’t really get what an apology is all about.
Hmph. I grew up with people who would apologize and also deflect (shift blame, gaslight, go into semi-denial mode), justify poor behavior (make excuses, follow their apology with some long ass story) and/or play the victim (act like they are more hurt than you are) in the midst of their apologies and those types of individuals typically only apologize in order to “move on” from what they’ve done — not to really make sure that you are okay about what had transpired.
And those people? Whether they are too selfish, not self-aware enough or they’re simply ignorant about what a sincere apology looks like, if those three factors come into play, their apology can be accepted yet not really trusted in the sense of you believing that they will do their best to not repeat the action again. How could you TRUST it if they don’t fully OWN it? Make sense?
Next point.
Accepting Apologies and Actually Trusting Them Are Quite Different
GiphyIf you know that someday, you will need to apologize to someone, you will get again why I say that none of us should really refuse someone else’s apology. Another way of looking at this is if someone apologizes and you don’t accept it, it’s basically saying, “I don’t acknowledge that you acknowledge what you did that you are trying to take responsibility for” — and honestly, what kind of sense does that make?
Because while you are thinking that not accepting their apology is harming them, it’s really only hurting you because you are choosing to hold onto what their apology has actually released them from. Plus, y’all know that I am pretty word-literal and, at the end of the day, accepting an apology simply means that 1) you are responding to what they are saying and 2) you are receiving the effort. Over and out.
Now TRUSTING an apology? Again, that is something entirely different. I’ll give you another example. Everyone who knows me (check out “5 Signs You Really Know A Person”) knows that if I come out to a big function, that’s love — DEEP LOVE. Back when I was an entertainment journalist, I had my fill of stuff like that; these days, low-key is how I get down. Anyway, one time, a friend invited me out to a crowded and pretty important function. After a bit of convincing, I made the personal request of not wanting to go along with someone else in their world who I am not fond of (who they are now not even friends with because they discovered on their own just how shady the person can be).
My friend assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue — only for me to get to the place where we were meeting up and my friend then telling me on the way to the venue that the person would be joining us. When I tell you that we literally had the conversation about that not happening just a few hours before? Chile. My response? I left before we headed there and went back home. I am BIG on my boundaries being respected and I’m not going to be set up to be put in a position to somehow be the bad guy if I’m not kee-keeing with someone who I didn’t want to be around, intimately, in the first place. Plus, my friend needed to fully enjoy her night without worrying about what the energy was going to be like.
My friend owned that it was “bad business” to even move like that — that it was thoughtless and a bit manipulative on her part because a part of her thought that if I was pushed to the wall on the matter, I would just get over it. She apologized. I accepted it. However, I didn’t just accept it, I trusted it because, a few weeks later, she invited me to another event, out of state, all expenses paid.
Listen, if you know me, you know that it wasn’t the free trip that “moved me” because my favorite place is always gonna be at home. LOL. It’s that my friend didn’t just acknowledge what she did, she also took it upon herself to make amends — and that’s what a real apology should always include.
And what is amends? It’s “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.” That said, when we really get the weight and magnitude of something that we’ve done to another person, it’s never enough to just toss a flippant “My bad” in their direction — it’s important to put forth the effort to set things right.
I got that my friend understood how much effort it took for me to do the initial outing with her in the first place because she took a few steps up from that and turned another event into a girls' trip — just us. That was a couple of years ago now. We’ve not had an issue in that lane since.
Your friend who hurt you and apologized? One way to know if you can trust the apology to the point where you know that it’s okay to move on fully from the matter is if they are willing, on their own, to make amends. If, in their own way, they ask you, “How can I make this right?” If you get that from them, I really recommend that you give them a chance because not only does it seem like their apology is heartfelt, but they also want to help you to heal from what they did — and at the end of the day, because none of us can change the past, just “own” our part in it, there’s not much more that a human can do.
Plus, people who go so far as to make amends, they typically also put forth the effort to try and change their behavior (or not repeat the action). And again, what more can you really ask for from any fallible individual (and we are all that)…right?
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No one is perfect. We’re all going to mess up. If you really get that, when a friend apologizes to you, let both of yourselves off of the hook and accept it. And during the apology, if they take full ownership which includes making amends, trust your friend enough to have faith that they will try to not hurt you, in that way, again.
Accept is about recognizing.
Trusting is about putting your confidence in something.
When it comes to apologies, specifically, I hope it’s easier to now know the difference.
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