When the date for the 6th Annual WEEN (Women In Entertainment Empowerment Network) Awards was announced, I couldn’t have been more excited. The event, held in New York City, is an awards show dedicated to honoring women who are leaders in entertainment, social justice, and entrepreneurship.
This year it would be no different – eight trailblazing women including Yara Shahidi, Dia Simms, Music Executive Ethiopia Habtemariam, Sandra Bland's mother and activist Geneva Reed-Veal, Meagan Good, Lil’ Kim, Teyana Taylor, and Teen Vogue EIC Elaine Welteroth were hand-picked for their commitment to empowering women, and for having overcome adversity to thrive in their respective fields.
Beyond my sheer excitement at hearing what these inspirational women had to say, I was also just as eager to network with my peers and top female executives, entrepreneurs, and entertainers who all share a passion for media, the arts, and female empowerment. However, with that excitement, came fear.
As an introvert, over-thinker, “Type A” personality, making meaningful connections at networking events has never been easy for me. In fact, at times it has been terribly, and sometimes embarrassingly, hard.
I never feel like I know the right thing to say, I get easily discouraged if my “hello” isn’t met with the same enthusiasm, I become sheepish about expressing my aspirations—the list goes on. But after moving to a new city where I knew only a handful of people, I was forced to confront my fear of networking in order to meet new friends and peers in the music and arts community.
Ween co-founder Valeisha Butterfield, Lil Kim and Entertainment attorney Londell McMillan
“Nobody can do what you can do, the way that you can do it. All that you have to do is be the best version of you.”
– Meagan Good, Actress
Over time, I have learned by trial and error what helps me to feel comfortable and confident in any room whether an intimate happy hour, or a high-profile event like the WEEN Awards:
Stylist June Ambrose with Teen Vogue Editor Elaine Welteroth and Apple Music Exec Bozoma Saint John
Practice your elevator pitch.
Whenever someone previously suggested fine-tuning my “elevator pitch”, it always took everything in me not to roll my eyes. Surprise, they were right. When interacting at networking events, you often encounter the same questions – what do you do, what do you want to do, and how can we help each other. Sit down and really think through the answers to those questions – it will lead to more productive and meaningful conversations.
Make sure your website and social media profiles are up to date.
It is always good to have business cards on hand, but I have found often when I mention my blog or my music, people go right to their phones to check out the site or follow me on social media. Don’t blow that opportunity to impress your future boss or collaborative partner by having a defunct website or inappropriate content on your social profiles. Take pride in your brand!
Do your research before approaching an industry titan.
If you see someone on the event bill that you are interested in connecting with, make sure you review their web presence. You may have a very brief window to catch their attention, so why not try to make the most of that opportunity by having some topic points in mind – you may find they are working on a new project, and you have the perfect tools to add to their team.
Scope out the event space and arrive early.
If you’re like me, particularly before larger events, you will have some (or a lot) of nervous energy. Don’t add to it by lacking a plan to travel to the event, or underestimating the number of people in attendance. Give yourself plenty of time to adjust to the energy of the event space, that way as the event is underway you are calm, cool, and collected.
Be prepared to be uncomfortable.
I always try to anticipate those first few moments when you arrive at an event and make eye contact with another person standing alone. Everything tells you to quickly turn away, but that is precisely the moment to engage. Take a deep breath, hold your head high, and lead with a smile —you can’t go wrong.
Teen Vogue EIC Elaine Welteroth and Blackish actress Yara Shahidi
[Tweet ""What a time to be alive. To be black. To be female...And to be empowered." - @ElaineWelteroth"]
Watch an exclusive recap of the WEEN Awards below:
Janay is a UPENN grad navigating her mid 20s. By day, a communications and marketing consultant, by night inspired creative — recording music, writing blog posts at ayminor.com and promoting her collection of short stories, Climbing Vines. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @ayminor.
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But Shellie, I don’t like them. Sex feels better without them. In an unbelievably ideal world where everyone waited until marriage and then remained with their spouse until death, you could be out here raw-ing it. With that not being even close to the case, though, it’s time to stop trying to skirt around using condoms and, instead, it’s time to figure out which ones can give you maximum pleasure.
Believe it or not, I’ve got a few tips, in the rubber shopping department, that just might help you out.
First Up, Most Women Can Tell When a Condom Is On
GiphyMy guy friends and I tend to have the most random conversations, boy. Take the time when two of them were trying to debate me down about whether or not women can tell if a condom is on. Their vote is that we can’t. Mine was that we absolutely can. And I mean, shouldn’t the one with the vagina (me) have a say, fellas? LOL. Hey, they don’t have to take my word for it because science also states that based on the material that the condom is made out of and how well it fits on a woman’s partner (more on that in a sec), they definitely help her to know if a guy is wearing one or not.
Not only that but data also backs up that a condom can also diminish the sensation that women feel during sex to a certain extent — not to mention that, sometimes, rubbers can affect natural vaginal wetness too.
With condoms having a 98 percent success rate at preventing STI/STDs and unwanted pregnancies (when used correctly, that is), by no means am I even coming close to implying that you shouldn’t use them (especially if you’re not in an exclusive or monogamous relationship [check out “Why I Use The Word 'Monogamous' In Marriage And 'Exclusive' In Dating”] and you and your partner don’t get tested annually).
All I’m saying is if you want to get the most out of your condom use experiences, you shouldn’t just assume that whatever condom the guy has on tap is what will work well for you — and figuring out what will bring you the most (pun intended) pleasure means that you should consider the following points.
Make Sure the Condom Fits Your Partner Well
GiphyWith the average size of a man’s penis being a little over 5” when it’s erect (relax, vaginas are around 4” unless stretched), it really is time to let all of the Magnum dreams go. And what I mean, specifically, by that is, guys bringing those just to fit into some stereotype of “packing” is doing no one any good because if it’s too big for him, it will result in slippage and if it’s too big for you, it could make sex a bit uncomfortable.
And what if it’s too small? Well, that could be semi-painful for him which could cause his performance to struggle. Bottom line here: condoms should have a snug fit and cover the entire penis.
And if you want to purchase some for your own collection — well, if y’all are close enough for him to be inside of you, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking to him about which kind/brand of condoms you should have on tow at your house. By the way, for tips on how to choose the right condoms, check out verywellhealth’s “Condom Size Chart: Finding the Brand and Style That Fits Best.”
Opt for Condoms That Are Free of the Following Things
GiphyWhile reading an article on what many doctors consider to be the best condoms, what stood out most to me was a female doctor who said that women must keep in mind that whatever goes into their vagina, also gets absorbed. This includes ingredients that condoms may be made out of including parabens, fragrances, GMOs (genetically modified organisms), synthetic dyes and flavors, and glycerin (for starters).
And gee, when you’ve got that stuff, not only inside of you, but moving around at a semi-rapid pace (at least some of the time), there’s a pretty good chance that your vagina isn’t gonna be very happy about it.
The remedy? Consider investing in some organic/vegan condoms — ones that are free of all-a-dat. Loveability makes some (here). Smile Makers make some (here). HANX makes some (here). And that’s just a few options to choose from. This point is a very valid one to keep in mind because, sometimes, it’s not the condom that’s pissing us off — it’s what it’s made out of that’s the actual issue.
Pre-Lubricated Condoms Can Improve Your Partner’s Stroke
GiphyIf you’ve never tried pre-lubricated condoms before, you definitely should because they can have your back, on the sexual pleasure tip, on a few different levels. For one thing, these types of condoms can definitely decrease the chances of a rubber breaking which can give you the peace of mind that you seek during the act. Also, condoms that have lube in them can make it easier for your partner to put it on, can make it more comfortable when it’s time for his penis to go inside of you and can reduce the amount of friction that you feel (especially if you’re not naturally wet enough) while you’re having sex.
While we’re on this topic — I don’t know why (so many) people think that they can’t get an STI/STD from oral sex because they absolutely can. So, if you are going to use a condom during fellatio (or a dental dam during cunnilingus), adding some flavored lube to an already flavored condom (like perhaps this brand here or this brand here) can make the experience much more…satisfying.
Polyisoprene or Polyurethane Condoms MAY Reduce Yeast Infections
GiphyOkay, this point is a bit tricky because, technically, condoms can’t give you a yeast infection; in fact, since they prevent sperm and semen from entering into your vagina which can potentially throw off your pH balance, rubbers usually play a role in preventing them.
Still, I wanted to include this due to what I said earlier about all of the “extras” that can sometimes go into making a condom — because those things? They might irritate your vagina which could ultimately lead to a yeast infection. Plus, if on the off chance, you’ve got a latex allergy, condoms that are made from that material could give you a yeast infection too.
The solution to both? Consider going with alternatives like polyisoprene or polyurethane. Although polyisoprene is more expensive than latex condoms, they are super comfortable and latex-free (although you can use them the same way that you would a latex condom, including when it comes to oral and anal sex).
Meanwhile, polyurethane deserves a shout-out because it’s actually stronger than latex and it can even handle oil-based lubricants (which is something that latex is not able to do). Polyurethane is also thinner than latex and polyisoprene which means that sex can end up feeling more intense for you with those.
Textured Condoms Are Bomb If Orgasms Are Your Goal
GiphyUh-huh. I keep trying to tell y’all that if you want your partner to be sensitive about and thoughtful towards how your vulva appears (check out “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep.”), the jokes about uncircumcised men really need to cease; especially since word on the street is the extra skin can actually make sex more intense for them while giving women more orgasms in the process.
And that actually helps to make sense of why textured condoms can cause women to cum more often and consistently as well. Thanks to the tiny ribs and dots on textured rubbers,they have the ability to stimulate the nerves that are inside of your vagina far more and easier than “regular” condoms do. Oh, and if you add someCBD lube to them? LOOK. OUT.
___
I’ll be real with y’all — when it comes to condoms, I think it’s always important that their purpose is protection over pleasure as far as how they are made. Still, with all of the advances in them out here — and now that you have this info as far as what your vagina would prefer — rubbers don’t have to feel like a downer. The right one can have you and your vagina climbing walls — plus, you can have the peace of mind that your health and family planning preferences aren’t being compromised in the process.
Music to your vagina’s ears. 90s R&B, to be exact…I bet. LOL.
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