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
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. If you want to know what a man is really thinking, while your girlfriends—well, at least some of your girlfriends—can offer up some insight, you're going to be far better off picking the brains of your dad, your brothers, or some of your male buddies. I can vouch for this because I can probably count on one hand, the times I went to a guy and then a girl for advice on the same issue and they both had the same perspective on it. Men and women are different. God made them that way. Simple as that.
That's why, when it comes to topics like how men approach marriage, emotional connections, and sex, I think it's much wiser—enlightening too—to ask them directly than to be presuming or guessing with those of the female persuasion. When I asked several Black men about what turns them on, while the answers didn't surprise me much, some of the explanations behind them were interesting.
Sidenote: The actual turn-ons are direct quotes, but because there were a lot of "streams of consciousness" going on during the interviews, I decided to simply summarize their explanations so that you can get the overall gist. I hope that's cool with you.
So fellas, what turns you on about women? Whoops, let me specify—about Black women?
Here's What Turns Men On
“A woman who has a signature scent.”—Andre’, 32
Okay. So according to Andre', a lot of women smell too much like, well, other women. "I think the scent that you wear is a lot like the style that you choose and real style doesn't pay attention to what's in or out. Ladies with style are interested in what works for them." He has a good point there. He also told me that he's into essential oil blends instead of perfumes. And a woman who puts her signature scent in her hair can get just about anything she wants from him. Good to know, Andre'.
“Someone who is comfortable without make-up—at home and in public.”—Isaac, 27
I'm a woman and still, I find it interesting when some women get offended when a man says he's not a fan of make-up or extensions. I mean, if it's true that ladies are "doing it for themselves" and not for a guy's attention, applause or approval, why should it matter what men think…right? Anyway, what Isaac broke down to me is, as cliché as it might be, he agrees with Drake (in his "Best I Ever Had" song) when he said, "Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no make-up on. That's when you're the prettiest, I hope that you don't take it wrong."
"A woman who knows how to, what do the ladies say, 'beat' their face is an art form, no doubt. But it's not the most convenient for us. Make-up gets everywhere and their lips have residue on them. I dunno. I think a woman who can go out with nothing but lip gloss…there's something about her level of self-confidence that is super sexy to me."
“Manicured feet, soft hands and a sexy pair of shoes.”—Bryant, 40
When Bryant told me what his top turn-on was, I smiled because it took me back to one of my male besties when I was in college. I had never seen a foot fetish quite like it; he even told her that he'd prefer pretty feet over a beautiful face or a bangin' body (for real?!). When I shared this with Bryant, he nodded in agreement. When I asked him to explain WTH that was all about he said, "Do you know how much a woman loves herself if she makes sure to pamper her feet?" And the shoe thing? "Guys love sneakers. I think we just appreciate a woman who's as knowledgeable about shoes as we are."
The hands thing, I got. Ash is the worst. No expounding needed on that.
“Great conversation and a wonderful sense of humor.”—Keith, 25
Talking to Keith about his turn-ons was not surprising in the least, but it was fascinating. Not the sense of humor part because I believe most of us want that. No, it's what he said about conversing with a woman that especially caught my attention. "A woman who listens is amazing. I know a lot of women think that they listen, but they really don't. Their body language and the fact that a lot of them repeat back what they heard in their mind and not what actually came out of my mouth is frustrating. But a good conversation is about more than that. I love great timing, quick wit, and the ability to walk away and know that I learned something new or I can appreciate a different perspective. A great conversation that has a lot of laughter is the greatest aphrodisiac around."
“A woman who knows a little bit about everything.”—Justin, 36
When Justin told me that a knowledgeable woman was a turn-on for him, I didn't really look for him to expound much. It is for me as well, so I totally got where he was coming from. "It's just so hot when you can mention everything from an 80s rap group to a Scripture in the Bible to what's happening in politics and the woman across from you is not sitting with a blank stare on her face," Justin said. Then he paused and went on. "I think that's why Jacqueline had Marcus so messed up. She was fine, she was a business exec and she could enjoy a basketball game and a beer. That's my dream woman right there."
(In case you're wondering, that was a Boomerang [the movie, not the series] reference.)
“Stretch marks and an overbite.”—Lucas, 35
Lucas is a man of action more than words. So, when I asked him what was up with what drew him to a woman, he said, "Grown women have stretch marks and grown women are what turn me on." (shout out to my birthday twin Kendrick Lamar who basically said the same thing in his song "Humble".) And the overbite? "How X-rated can I get in this interview? Let's just say that an overbite is fellatio's very best friend." Yep. Moving on.
“Surprise piercings and tats.”—Marcus, 29
Talking to Marcus about his turn-ons was cool; not just because I have 10 piercings (eight of 'em are in my ears) and three tats myself, but because I have a friend who said a woman with tats is a total deal breaker for him (yes, out of his own mouth, he said that he would break up with a woman if he found out that she had one). Why is Marcus the total opposite? "Tattoos are stories to me. I'm intrigued when a woman is willing to tell a story on her body; especially if it's a…private tale." (You nasty, Marcus.)
As far as the piercings go, Marcus pleasantly surprised me when he was able to tell me that I had a tragus, along with the names of other types of piercings. "I love a woman of mystery and so, it's so sexy to me when a woman appears super-conservative and then, when you spend your first night with her, she has a nipple or clit piercing. Man."
“I like a woman who enjoys sex more than she’s simply ‘good at it’.”—Damon, 43
Recently, I penned a piece about how grown women approach sex. One of the things I shared is that grown women would rather have "B" (good) sex all of the time than A+ (totally off of the charts) sex every once in a while. When I shared this with Damon, he shook his head in total agreement. "I've been with women who made my toes curl, but their libido was on life support. A woman who lost her virginity late in life and has only had two partners but is enthusiastic about gettin' it in is way more appealing than a woman who's been told she's the best by all of her partners but only wants to have sex once a month." Damon, swap out woman for man in my case and I couldn't agree with you more.
“A woman who needs me without being needy.”—Timothy, 42
A little while back, I wrote an article for the site entitled "Are You In Love Or Are You In Need?" It gets into what it means to be needy in a relationship. Even as a woman, I totally get how that can be a total turn-off. When I asked Timothy to expound on the point, he said, "You can tell when a woman is looking for someone to make her feel good about herself vs. a woman who enjoys a man's presence in her life even though she doesn't really need him to be in it." I looked to him for more clarity, so he elaborated. "I'm not saying I don't want to be needed but I think that should come once a relationship has been established. Not after a date or two." Agreed. (That goes both ways too.)
“Someone who doesn’t try to be sexy. She just is.”—Xavier, 39
"No diss to the IG models out here in the world, but they do nothing for me. It's like overkill. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin, that's sexy to me. She's got her own views, her own style and she's drippin' with femininity—I will eat that up. Literally." Whew Xavier, tell us how you really feel.
"I don't think a lot of women realize that once a man gets to a certain stage in his life, T&A is icing on the cake. A big brain, tons of self-confidence, and a sexy walk will keep us more than a big booty and a smile will. A woman who carries herself like she knows all of this is the epitome of sexy to me." Indeed, Xavier. Indeed.
What's a trip about this is some folks are gonna read it and critique the responses. It's human nature. But my takeaway is if I want to know what turns someone on, I need to ask them and then accept it. It's not about what I think it should be; it's about what they tell me it is. By asking rather than assuming, I just might be surprised by what I hear—in the most pleasant way possible. Just as I was with these 10 Black men.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Your March 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Retrogrades & Revelations
March is a month of change, reflection, and taking things slow. We enter Retrograde Season now, and things can feel a little heavy at times. Right as we enter March, Venus goes retrograde in Aries. Venus only goes retrograde every 18 months or so, so this is one of the more significant astrological transits of the year. Venus will be retrograde in Aries from March 1 to March 27, and then in Pisces from March 27 to April 12.
While Venus is retrograde in Aries, love and relationship matters need some navigating. There can be a lack of direction when it comes to love this month, and this is overall occurring to put you in a better position within your relationships and relight the spark in you.
This month also begins Eclipse Season, and the first one of the year will be a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Virgo on March 14. This Eclipse is a full circle moment and will be a time of clearing the air, getting organized, making space, and finding the gifts within the changes you are moving through right now. Lunar Eclipses are a time to allow things to settle in rather than make any drastic moves, and being in Virgo, a lot of this has to do with the healing needed to get things back in order. This Eclipse opposes the Sun currently in Pisces, and there is beauty in the culmination.
March 2025 Astrology: Retrograde Season, Eclipses & Major Shifts
Mercury goes retrograde in Aries from March 15 to March 29 and then will be retrograde in Pisces from March 29 to April 7. This is the first Mercury retrograde of the year, and in Aries, brings a dynamic and passionate energy. This is not the best month to take any unnecessary risks, and playing it safe may turn out to be for the best right now. Mercury retrograde in Aries can cause clashes, power struggles, and a need for greater independence and freedom.
Don’t rush what you are trying to communicate or get across right now, and know that patience will lead you to better places than mental overexertion will.
Aries Season begins on March 20, and this is going to help pick up the pace and create more opportunities after the setbacks that may have prevailed this month. On March 29, the New Moon Solar Eclipse in Aries happens, creating a breakthrough from what you have been initiating and taking action on since April 2023. This is a powerful Eclipse and is bringing forth the manifestations from all the work you have done. Before the month ends, Neptune enters Aries, where this dreamy planet will remain until 2039.
Neptune in Aries drives us to pursue our creative and spiritual pursuits and gives us the boost of energy needed to see our dreams and inspirations through. Overall, through the changes and detours happening in March, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a new journey awaiting you.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what March has in store for you.
What Does March 2025 Have in Store for Your Zodiac Sign?
ARIES
March is one of the most if not the most important months for you, Aries. All eyes are on you, and most of the energy of March is in your sign. This begins with Venus going retrograde in Aries on March 1 until March 27. While Venus is retrograde in your sign, you are learning how to love yourself radically, and what that may mean for your relationships moving forward. Mercury also goes retrograde in your sign this month and will be guiding you toward inner clarity. Be careful with miscommunications in March, and focus on communicating your vision with strength.
Aries Season officially begins on March 20, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are ready for a new beginning and are embarking on it now. On March 29, there is a New Moon Solar Eclipse in your sign, and you are ready to embrace the beauty in your life and will be moving through a lot of fortunate changes during this time. Neptune then enters your sign on March 30 and will be in Aries until 2039, and you are moving into a creative, inspiring, and magical time.
TAURUS
Take things one day at a time this month, Taurus. Your ruling planet Venus is retrograde for the entire month, and you need some time to process things right now. The focus is on your healing, your truth, and your patience, and emotionally you are moving through a time of growth. With Mercury also retrograde and in your 12th house of closure, the past may be coming up for you a lot this month but remember that this is for your healing and not for you to repeat old patterns or mistakes.
On March 14, a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse will be held in fellow earth sign, Virgo, and this is an opportunity for closure and to grow closer to your heart. You are letting go of how you thought things would be, and owning what you are creating in your life now. Overall, this month is about not letting yourself overthink things that are still coming to fruition for you, and being patient with it all. Venus will be retrograde until April 12; use this time to get to know yourself better.
GEMINI
Everything's coming together for you this month, Gemini. You are looking at the full picture and accomplishing what you have set out to do this year. With Venus and Mercury both retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendships, community, aspirations, and social life; this isn’t the best time for meeting new people, but it is a time for understanding the social dynamics in your life better, and for creating greater harmony and connection here.
On March 14, there is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Virgo, and you are ready to let go of foundations that haven’t been serving you. You are no longer building things that don’t sustain and you are thinking a lot about the long-term of your life and creating plans in this way. Overall, March is about seeing things with new eyes, and trusting that you have done everything you needed to do to be where you want to be.
CANCER
March is a month of progress, Cancer. You are moving at full speed ahead and going after the things you have wanted for yourself. Life is happening for you right now, and you are excited about the opportunities that present themselves this month. Remember to keep two feet planted and ground yourself in the present moment, but know that things are really picking up for you in March.
A Full Moon Lunar Eclipse is happening in your 3rd house of communication mid-month, and this is helping you let go of any miscommunications that have been flowing in your world. You are looking at things a lot differently this month and this new perspective is helping you let go of a version of yourself you don’t resonate with anymore. Before the month ends, Venus retrograde enters Pisces, and this impacts your sense of adventure. Be careful with unnecessary risks over the next few weeks, and try to look at the bigger picture right now.
LEO
March is a month of letting things come to fruition and moving through life knowing that they will, Leo. While we are in the midst of Retrograde Season, there is a lot for you to process right now, especially regarding your plans for the future, your perspective, mind, and belief systems. You are asking yourself all the important questions this month, but it’s important to give yourself grace and compassion within this process.
The more you focus on nurturing your world instead of forcing things to unfold, the better this month. The Sun is in your 8th house of rebirth for most of March, and there are a lot of changes happening in your life right now. Own how these things play out for you. At the end of the month, there is a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your 2nd house of abundance, and your intentions are manifesting in your life. You are leaving the month seeing the gifts of your patience and walking with your head held high.
VIRGO
In March you are taking some time for yourself, Virgo. You have been through a lot as of late, and you need some space to process everything that has occurred. You are walking away from the things that no longer resonate, and are leading with your heart and with self-love right now. Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde this month from March 14 through April 7, and this is a good time to get clear on health matters and to see where things can use some reworking or replanning. Taking care of yourself can look many different ways this month, just make sure you are doing so.
On March 14, the first Eclipse of the year happens, and this Full Moon Lunar Eclipse will be in your sign, Virgo. You are moving through massive changes this month, and the key here is in letting go. Don’t hold onto things too tightly when they are falling away from your life, and trust that where you are going right now is better than where you have been. Overall, this month is about empowering yourself toward change.
LIBRA
This is a month of collaboration, dedication, and effort, Libra. You are taking care of your priorities and crossing off the to-do list this month, and a lot is going on for you. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines, this is a time for seeing the results of your efforts and for feeling more energetic and alive in the workplace and within the actions you are taking right now. However, with Venus and Mercury both retrograde and in your opposite sign this month, love is on the back burner as you figure out what your heart needs.
On March 29, one of the most important New Moons of the year for you occurs and this is the New Moon Solar Eclipse in Aries. This New Moon is when you finally get some closure and some answers you have been looking for in love over the past few years, and when you feel more in tune with your partnerships. Things are changing for you as the month ends, and they are moving in a better direction for you and your heart.
SCORPIO
March is about doing what is best for you and your health, rather than entertaining negative patterning or people, Scorpio. The gift this month is in letting go and not allowing yourself to get overly attached to things that haven’t been serving you. With Venus retrograde in your 6th house of health and daily routine this month, it’s important to take matters here a little more seriously and to put your peace and well-being first.
The first Lunar Eclipse of the year happens on March 14, and this highlights your friendships, hopes and dreams, and sense of community. The people you associate with or surround yourself with are changing for you right now, and this begins a journey of letting go that will be with you until 2027. You are recognizing what is authentic to you and your dreams, and what has been holding you back from obtaining that. Overall, you are moving through the month asking yourself the important questions and making the necessary moves to protect your peace.
SAGITTARIUS
Perspective is everything this month, and it’s important to go at your own pace, Sagittarius. Everything is coming into full focus for you and this is changing the way you look at some of the experiences you have been through. Mercury and Venus are both retrograde in your 5th house of romance, happiness, and self-expression, and you may be feeling like you need to relight the spark in your life. Look for the experiences that make you feel grounded, authentic, safe, and joyful, and spend more time there.
Juno goes retrograde in your sign from March 19 until April 15, and you are doing a lot of reassessing when it comes to your relationships right now. Ask yourself what a soulmate or a soul connection looks like for you at this time in your life. How can you authentically show up in your relationships or experiences right now, to attract these types of authentic connections? Before the month ends there is a Solar Eclipse in Aries, creating a breakthrough for you in love and a chance for a new beginning.
CAPRICORN
March is a fun month for you, Capricorn. Celebrations are in store and you are really leaning upon the people who make you happy. With the Sun in your 3rd house of communication for most of the month, you are having a lot of good conversations, meeting new people, and enjoying the life you have created for yourself. Even with the retrogrades happening this month you are overcoming as you always do, and having more fun than usual at the same time.
A Lunar Eclipse in Virgo happens on March 14, and this is wrapping up an adventure you have been on and fueling your quest for knowledge. You are mentally seeing things with a new perspective right now, and this is an inspiring and hopeful one. On March 27, Venus goes retrograde, and you are leaving the month needing more downtime from your social calendar and will be taking the time to relax your mind and create some space. Remember that you are loved, Capricorn.
AQUARIUS
March is a new beginning for you and your financial world, Aquarius. You are taking on new opportunities, and developing professionally, and some Aquariuses may begin a new career venture this month as well. All the intentions you have been setting and the efforts you have made are showing fruition for you now, and with the Sun in your 2nd house of income for most of the month, you are feeling a sense of abundance in your life that is lighting up your world. There is a lot to look forward to, and you deserve these wins.
With Mercury and Venus both retrograde in your 3rd house of communication this month, however, be careful with acting on impulse or creating confusion in communication matters by not leading with transparency. Before the month ends there is a New Moon Solar Eclipse, and this will be a breakthrough for you in clearing up any chaos and creating more order and understanding in your life and interactions. Overall, March is your month of opening new doors and owning the abundance you are finding yourself in.
PISCES
March moves fast for you, Pisces. You have a lot going on, but you are appreciating this pickup in pace. Your guidance for the month is to focus on your new beginnings, the present moment, and the good that is unfolding for you. This is Pisces Season and you deserve to enjoy where life is and everything you have become in the process. The light is shining on you, and there is a lot of support moving you forward in March. The Lunar Eclipse happening on March 14 is in your sister sign, Virgo, and the clarity you have been needing in love is blooming for you mid-month.
Venus and Mercury are both retrograde this month, and they move into your sign to finish their retrograde transit. Venus will be retrograde in Pisces from March 27 to April 12 and Mercury from March 29 to April 7. Leaving the month, you could feel a bit off and like you don’t know where you want to go from here. Know that these challenges are arising for you to get clearer on who you are and the things you want for yourself, and in mid-April, you are going to have an inner clarity and confidence bloom that will be worth the confusion.
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