I began my journey toward finding my peace after moving out of my parents' house about five years ago. After living in the chaos of having undergrad and grad school roommates, then back to a house with my parents and older brother — and having to write my name on my groceries — I was ready to venture off to a new place of solitude and quiet peace. I wanted to own and enjoy this transition.
I learned early on, that while a place can affect peace, perspective is one of its largest contributors.
With that revelation, I began the self-work necessary for cultivating peace. I unlearned and unpacked baggage I'd been carrying for years. I started rejecting the negative ways I associated myself in this world. I started looking at my life with a positive lens and I started becoming the love I wanted to see in the world. It took a lot of work, but I arrived. And with that, I recognized that arriving is half the battle — the other half is maintaining it.
With all the tragedy, hate, and insecurity looming in the world, it's critical to constantly assess and adjust our perspective, to ensure that we're manifesting the peace we so rightly deserve. Chaos will happen, but how we respond to it is what enhances, or threatens, our peace. Below are a few practical ways to protect the peace you've worked hard to achieve.
Social Media Cleanse.
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There are countless articles and Twitter threads dedicated to the ways a social media hiatus has improved the quality and peace of one's life; I can personally attest to this. One of the most prominent disruptions of our peace is the internal conflict between what we think we want, and what we truly want.
GG Renee said it best, "If you're not careful to check your ego and the message that can sneak into your head, you can get out of alignment with yourself, chasing an image or a lifestyle that's not really you, envying opportunities that you don't even want."
To rid ourselves of this internal battle, we must step away from the external sources, and connect back to ourselves. Taking a break from social media allows us to do that. It gives us a moment to silence society's voice and get in tune with our own. It also allows us to take a break from the constant comparison, insecurity, and frankly, nosiness of trying to stay in the know of what's going on around us.
Purge your Home.
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Sometimes too much abundance can be overwhelming. To clear your mind, it's important to clear your home. Purging, reorganizing, and removing clutter allows you to create a more functional home where everything has its place and its purpose. It also eliminates the physical chaos that often turns into mental chaos.
Organize your closet in a way that excites you to choose an outfit. Decorate your living room in a way that affords you structure and clarity – not clutter. Create a home environment where everything in your space brings you joy – not because you have stuff, but because that stuff is meaningful, beautiful, and functional. You spend most of your time at home, it ought to be a space that ushers in good vibes, happiness, and love. For help mastering your purge – because let's be honest, letting things go can be difficult – reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up is a great place to start.
Release Toxic Energies.
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Misery loves company, and the easiest way to disrupt your peace is to allow someone in your space whose energy, aura, or intentions, are not aligned with yours. Release people who breed negativity. Stop tending to places that cause you to revisit traumas. Let go of things that threaten your joy. And don't feel bad about doing so; remember, when you're at your best, you can be more present for the people, places, and things that make you happiest. Releasing energies that threaten your peace is critical to maintaining your peace.
Find a Quiet Space.
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Sometimes noise is the culprit. When chaos erupts in your life, sometimes just the sound of something can set you off. I've been in mental roadblocks where just the sound of the television would send me up a wall. I've learned that when those moments occur, it's my spirit's cry for attention. Recognizing this has taught me the importance of silencing that noise and allowing myself time to think through what may be going on around me. Maybe there's an internal dilemma that I need to think through. A thought I must get out. Or an emotional response I need to express.
Regardless of what that moment may be for you, it's hard to think through issues without the silent space required for doing so. Give yourself some time to shut down the noise, sit in silence, and reflect.
Focus on What's Important.
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When life gets away from you, it's important to remember what's most important to you. Whether it's family, friends, a fulfilling career, or a thriving social life, re-centering yourself on what's important will help remind you of what this entire journey is for. Sometimes understanding that the chaos has a purpose is enough to set your perspective back toward peace.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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- How To Find Balance When Your Life Is A Tightrope - xoNecole ›
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Meet The Black Woman Behind Cynthia Erivo's 'Wicked' Nails
Almost two weeks later, Wicked is still on everyone's lips. The high-grossing film stars Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande as Elphaba and Glinda, as their characters, tell a story about race and acceptance. However, what has captured audiences on and off the screen are Cynthia's and Ariana's looks as they play on their characters' styles.
Ariana, like her character Glinda, is often dressed in pink, and Cynthia, much like Elphaba, is covered in green. But what also has many people talking is the British actress' nails. Her nails are often long, blingy, and, of course, green. Many TikTok girlies are even doing their own versions of Elphaba's nails. But there's one person to thank for the green nail mania: Shea Osei.
The London-based nail artist has been working with the Wicked actress since she was 16 and shared all the tea on her epic nail styles with Unbothered UK.
Here what she said.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Being The First Thing We See Before Seeing The Character
I was ecstatic. I was happy. It was just great to see my craft, my artistry just out there, not just nationally but globally.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Representing Her Character Development
When we started with the first [nail] look, we chose nice, subtle green ombre nails that show who she is but a calm, chilled-out version of Elphaba. As she grew into herself, became more confident, and found herself, she was more like, yes, this is me, I’m Elphaba, I am who I am, and her nails became more daring. In the salon scene, when she had a transformation, her nails were, one, longer and two, they were more daring. There are many close-ups of Elphaba’s hands in the film, where you see her nails, and you see the difference in what they were [at the start of the film], so I feel like that helps to tell the story.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Representing Black Womanhood
Yes, it was 100%. And I feel like, yes, the nails represented Black womanhood but also just being yourself. I just feel like the nails represented Cynthia as if to say, ‘I'm Black and I can be a Black witch’. This is who I am. And also, I can have braids and they can be done in any kind of way and can still be styled however is needed. I think we saw, if I'm correct, three or four different braid styles in the movie. Sim Camps, who styled the braids, did an amazing job — there would be mornings when she would be making sure the braids were intact and looked amazing on camera. So, yeah, definitely the braids were an ode to Black culture and the nails were 100% like, yes, we're doing it.
Shea On Seeing The Fan Recreation On TikTok
Yes, I have! If you are going to the salon and you want to recreate Elphaba's nails and let's say, you're going for the nails after the salon scene, where she just gets a fresh set, I would say ask for a plain black base and then ask if they have green foils to stick it on top to give that green effect. Then apply a shiny top coat. And it looks insane! The green ombre is more complicated with colours mixed to give it a green earthy colour.
Shea On The Importance Of Expressing Yourself Through Nail Art, Despite Some Criticism
We love it and don't want anyone to change. Let's look at athletes such as Flo-Jo, remember her nails? Now we have ShaCarri Richardson and her nails are always long and she's always got nice designs [on them]. It’s also Black people, not only Black women — because if you look at athletes that are men that make sure they get their nails painted as well. A$AP Rocky gets his nails painted. It's just so good to see that our culture is so colourful and also so inviting. It’s not only Black people that can have these kinds of nails, anyone can have them. I’m glad we can be the inspiration to everybody and they can draw bits of our culture and add it to theirs.
I like the fact that Cynthia is able to go out of there into the world and still be authentically herself. She hasn't changed for anything or anyone. This is how I am. I like my nails like this, my nail techs love doing my nails like this.
I'm over the moon that Cynthia can go out and still have her nails how she wants to. [Cynthia’s nails] has been a topic this entire Wicked press tour. Everyone will ask Cynthia about her nails in every interview and I love that. I love it because that's who she is. And if you see her you'll see that she's always got her nails done and she’s always got some banging heels on. Even on her down days, she’s always dressed. That's just how she is.
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Feature image by Jeff Spicer/ Getty Images