All that most of us want out of life is to be happy. *Cue Kirk Franklin*
As simple as it sounds, why does it seem so hard? It feels like this lifelong journey that makes it almost impossible to know if we've arrived. Yes, there are moments that make us happy, from good food to even greater friends and family. But in general, are we really happy with our day to day lives?
Sometimes we don't realize that we're not happy until we face an obstacle and wonder why it took such an emotional toll on us.
For me, I had to evaluate several aspects of my life. I was a people pleaser who cared way too much about what other people thought, and I was cock-blocking myself from living my best life. It wasn't until I got to a point where I intentionally started embracing a happier life that I started to actually live one.
1.What Makes You Happy? Do That.
Think about the moments when you were at your happiest in life. What were doing? What made you laugh? What was it about those moments that you enjoyed?
Whatever it is, do more of that.
As much as we want it to, happiness doesn't just come to us whenever we want, or even whenever we need it. Thank God for the unexpected and pleasant surprises that make us happy, but we have to be intentional about going after what we know will make us smile and laugh. Taking advantage of even the smallest moments that put a smile on your face and doing more of it will make a world of difference in your happiness.
2.Know That You Deserve It
You know those times when we cheer on other people like, "Yaasss! Go bestfriend, that's my bestfriend!"?
Is it just me or is it really hard to do this for ourselves? To some, having pride is somehow associated with being conceited. In reality, it's not bad to cheer yourself on at all. Not doing it brings on this subconscious theme that we don't deserve good things like other people do. This can definitely mess with your happiness.
So whether it's those small moments like when your eyebrows finally come out the way you've been practicing, or major life changing moments like getting engaged or earning a major promotion at work, don't hesitate to let yourself know, "She did that!" just like you would for anyone else. Start doing this and watch your happiness flourish.
3.Don’t Focus On Things You Can’t Change
The popular serenity saying about knowing the difference between the things you can and cannot change is some real stuff.
A lot of times the frustration out of life comes from trying to change things that we simply can't and then focusing on and complaining about it. I can't lie, a lot of the times it feels good in the moment to have a vent session. But if you come out of it feeling the same with no solution, it does more harm to your happiness than good.
The more we talk about a situation or person we can't stand, the worse that situation will seem to be. And the only thing that's getting impacted is your happiness. I've had to learn myself that the sooner we come to terms with what a situation really is, and that we have no power to change it, the happier we'll be.
To be clear, this doesn't apply to a toxic situation or even social change that we're continuing to strive toward.
4.Help Make Others Happy
It's like when you're taking a picture of a group of people and smile behind the camera as if you're actually in the snapshot. There's just something about putting a smile on someone else's face that makes us happy.
Of course, there's a heavy line between this and just living for other people and completely forgetting about yourself. It's really about service and thinking of ourselves less. As important as our own happiness is to our well-being, it's also essential to take moments to get outside of ourselves and invest in someone else's happiness. Doing this really has a crazy way of boosting your own joy.
5.Know That Comparison Kills
Clearly not literally, but comparison does have the potential to kill your happiness and your dreams. There have been so many times where I'm completely content with where I am in life until I scroll on social media and see someone around my age (or even younger) making moves that I haven't even fathomed. Yes, I can celebrate them, clap it up, and put the heart emojis under their posts. But at times, it makes me feel like I'm supposed to be doing more.
In actuality, I know I'm right where I need to be.
Still, when comparison creeps in, it can make anyone question so many things and have us going in a direction that's not for us. I've realized that celebrating others, especially women, when they reach their goals and do amazing things, doesn't mean I have to try and get in their lane. It actually makes me feel more confident about my own.
In essence, realizing the toxicity of comparison and being intentional about not letting it get the best of you, is essential to being happy.
6.Phone A Friend
Having a close-knit circle of friends and relationships is a major key to your happiness. They let you know you're not doing this thing called life alone.
As humans, we thrive off of friendships and relationships. Even if you're not a people-person, everyone needs at least a couple of good friends they can talk to about anything. With friends and family, you experience so many ups and downs together. But having them with you during the down moments and vice versa helps you live a happier life.
7.Live For YOUR Happiness
Big ups to all my people pleasers. I can't even say this used to be me because I still legit struggle. Making decisions that I know are best for me, that people who are close to me have an issue with, is not easy at all.
But at the same time, I know I'm not going to be completely happy until I do what I want in life. Whether it's a career, or even eating a burger, if it's not something that's dangerous and harmful to you, who cares what anyone else thinks about it? Life is just way too short to live it for other people; especially in making decisions you don't want to, just to make others happy.
When it comes to your own life, your happiness is what matters the most.
Featured image by Giphy
- 20 Simple Ways to Live a Healthy, Happy Life ›
- 10 Ways to Be Happier - Real Simple ›
- 15 Essential Habits for a Happy Life | Live and Dare ›
- 11 Ways to Live a Happier Life, According to a Psychologist (Hint ... ›
- 4 Ways to Live A Happy Life - wikiHow ›
- How to Live a Happy Life: 10 Things to Say Yes to Starting Today ›
- 16 Things to Let Go to Live a Truly Happy Life ›
- 103 Ways to Live a Happier Life ›
- 15 Simple Ways to Live a Happy Life | HuffPost ›
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
There's something about snuggling up in your favorite blanket and watching a comfort show or movie on Netflix, and what better time to do just that than in December? As the weather outside gets cooler, staying in becomes more of the norm. Thus, Netflix and Chill is a go-to. Luckily, Netflix has released new Black films and series on their popular streaming platform.
From Tyler Perry's historical drama The Six Triple Eight, starring Kerry Washington, to the Will Packer-produced comedy starring Marsai Martin, Regina Hall, and Issa Rae, Little, this season is looking up.
See the full list below.
Little (12/1)
Regina Hall's character is a bossy tech mogul who has everyone scared of her, including her assistant, played by Issa Rae. However, when she transforms into her younger self (Marsai Martin), she learns how to be more kind to others.
Daddy Day Care (12/1)
Eddie Murphy stars in this film as a father who decides to open a daycare after losing his job.
30 For 30 Collection (12/2)
30 For 30 is an ESPN docu-series highlighting some of sports' legendary figures and moments. Some of the episodes include Winning Time: Reggie Miller Vs. The New York Knicks and Celtics/ Lakers: The Best of Enemies.
Jamie Foxx: What Had Happened Was (12/10)
In this special, the multi-talented Jamie Foxx returns to stand-up to give an unforgettable performance.
Blood, Sweat & Heels S2 (12/13)
The short-lived Bravo reality TV series documented the lives of a group of girlfriends making it in NYC. The show starred model-turned-podcaster Melyssa Ford, author Demetria Lucas, and the late TV host Daisy Lewellyn.
The Equalizer S1-3 (12/16)
The hit CBS show starring Queen Latifah is now available on Netflix. Watch the beloved actress kick ass and take names in this popular drama.
The Six Triple Eight (12/20)
The new Tyler Perry film starring Kerry Washington is a true story about the first and only Women’s Army Corps unit of color during World War II.
Christmas Game Day Ravens Vs. Texans (12/25)
While many will tune in to watch the Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans game, others will tune in to watch Beyoncé perform during halftime.
Michelle Buteau: A Buteau-ful Mind At Radio City Music Hall (12/31)
Comedian Michelle Buteau's comedy special will focus on her life with twins, going viral, and much more.
Evil S3 (12/31)
While Evil was unfortunately canceled by CBS, viewers can rewatch the series on Netflix, with season three premiering December 31st.
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Feature image screenshot/YouTube