Maybe it's just me, but whenever I hear someone say that they'd rather have a hot fudge sundae or to watch something on Hulu over having an orgasm, I can't help but wonder if they've ever actually had an orgasm before. Sure, there are other things that bring joy and pleasure in life, but I firmly believe that you'd be hard-pressed to find something that even comes close to a good old-fashioned climax.
The crazy thing is, if someone offered me $100 to describe what one feels like, I'd be stumped. I guess it's kind of like…going downhill on a roller coaster as you try and catch your breath. It makes you feel warm and tingly all over. Adding to that, it's the ultimate kind of release that is erotic, electric and totally satisfying. Actually, I've read authors who describe it as a glimpse into what heaven is like. Shoot, if that doesn't motivate you to live right in preparation for the afterlife, I don't know what will!
The way I see it, the only thing better than an orgasm is having multiple orgasms or a really intense one. As far as multiple ones go, we'll have to get into that at another time. But if you want a few tips on how to increase, deepen and strengthen your orgasms, here are some that are female-specific and proven. (You're welcome.)
Do Some Kegels
GiphyIf you are a self-professed sex connoisseur, you probably read this first tip and thought "Duh." I hear you, but I would be totally irresponsible to talk about how to take your orgasms up a notch and not mention the benefit and power that comes from doing kegels on a regular basis.
Kegels not only strengthen your pelvic floor, they also improve blood circulation to your vaginal region, increase lubrication, relax your vaginal muscles and help you to control your vaginal contractions better. If you want some tips on how to do kegels properly, pull out your exercise ball and then click here.
Take a Hot Bath
It's hard to not feel super sexy after soaking in your bathtub. If the water is hot, it will increase blood flow to your vagina. Something else it will do is make your vulva a lot more sensitive in the best way possible (why do you think some of us have orgasms while taking a bath or a hot shower?).
Have a Warm Cup of Saffron Milk
GiphyIf you're having trouble falling asleep, have a cup of warm milk. Although recent studies reveal that drinking it has more of a psychological effect than anything else, milk does contain small amounts of tryptophan which can definitely soothe your body, relax your mind and make going to sleep so much easier to do.
If you want to get a couple of rounds of sex in before catching some zzz's, put the spice saffron into your milk. Not only does it have the ability to increase your lubrication and intensify your arousal, but if you have a low libido due to depression symptoms, saffron can help to alleviate that too.
Eat a Spinach Omelet
Wanna have an earth-shattering orgasm? Try eating a spinach omelet an hour before gettin' it in. Eggs are sexually beneficial because they contain protein and choline. Protein helps to give you energy and choline triggers nitric oxide in your system so that blood circulation will increase to your genital region. Spinach is a nice addition because it's rich in manganese, magnesium and zinc. Manganese naturally helps your body to produce estrogen, magnesium improves your fertility and zinc boosts testosterone and lowers the production of prolactin in your body. That's a good thing because prolactin is sometimes linked to sexual dysfunction.
Fun fact: Something else that produces nitric oxide is evening primrose oil. It also balances hormones, relieves PMS and increases fertility as well.
Make Some Lube Out of Sweet Almond Oil and Peppermint Oil
GiphyPretty much any sex therapist will tell you that a golden key to powerful orgasms is lube, lube and more lube! If you want to create a slippery tingling sensation, make your own lubricant by combining sweet almond oil with peppermint oil.
Here's your warning. Pure peppermint oil is STRONG. If you're gonna put it anywhere near your vaginal region, a little bit goes a really long way. 1-2 drops in a half-cup of sweet almond oil is really all you need. Even then, test it out on the outer part of your labia (the outer folds of your vulva), just to make sure that it stimulates you instead of irritates you.
(By the way, if you'd like to add some lube to your sexual experience but you're also in the process of trying to conceive a child, Pre-Seed is a brand that will get you what you need without affecting your man's sperm in the process.)
Pay Attention to Your Nose (Vanilla/Black Licorice)
Did you know that women with a keen sense of smell have orgasms more often and more intensely? Two scents that are definitely an aphrodisiac for your nose are vanilla and black licorice.
Vanilla is the ultimate kind of seducer because it improves blood circulation throughout your body, has a euphoric effect on your brain, calms your nervous system and increases muscular energy. Black licorice works because it creates feelings of arousal in women.
You can get even more excited before and during sex if you apply vanilla or black licorice to some of your pressure points. Your breasts, your neck and, believe it or not, your ankles are three places where not only will the scents turn you on, but they can stimulate you easier and quicker too.
Become an Edging Master
GiphyOrgasms happen in four stages— excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. In order for edging to work, you and your partner need to build up to the second stage and then pull back a bit. If you do this at least 3-4 times, you'll be so mentally excited and your genital region will be so off-the-charts stimulated that when you finally do get to stage three, the climax will be truly something to behold!
By the way, two other benefits of edging is it can help men to last longer in bed while giving our vulvas more time to warm up. Yep, edging brings new meaning to good things cum—umm, come—to those who wait.
Apply the “Coital Alignment Technique”
Sooooo…what do you know about the mons Venus (also known as the mons pubis)? In a nutshell, it's the fatty tissue that lays right over your pubic bone. When you and yours decide to get into the coital alignment position, it's a 2.0 version of the missionary position. Instead of your legs being open, they're closed; instead of his legs being closed, they're open. This not only makes it easier for him to move around, but it also makes it possible for him to "grind" on your mons Venus more, which makes it easier for him to reach your clitoris and your G-spot (yay!). The more clitoral and G-spot stimulation you get, the better your orgasms will be.
Make Sure He Can Make You Laugh
If you ask pretty much any woman to share five traits that she wants in a man, a sense of humor is probably gonna be on this list. I like to do research on this kind of stuff rather than just take it at face value and according to some scientific data that I happened on, the reason why we're drawn to funny guys is because it gives us insight into how complementary we are with someone. Not only that but humor is respected as a qualification for a healthy relationship and, we also like being around people who can relieve tension, anxiety and stress from us. Humor has the ability to do that.
The calmness and security that a sense of humor provides outside of the bedroom also works well inside of it because research also reveals that when we're in a relationship with a funny guy, it makes us want to initiate sex and have sex more. It also makes our orgasms that much better. How funny—I mean sexy—is that?
Have More Blended Orgasms
Since we've been talking about how to make your orgasms more intense, let's end on an orgasm note. Blended orgasms are dope because they're all about receiving clitoral and vaginal stimulation at the same time (heaven, right?).
Off top, a sexual position that makes this easy to do is spooning. But if you want to do some more experimenting in this area, you can find a whopping 100 different Kama Sutra positions here. Through a little trial, error and practice, you should be able to find at least 15 different sexual positions that will make it possible for you to get your blending—and intensifying—on.
(Don't say a sistah never gave you anything!)
Featured image by Getty Images
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My First Orgasm Gave Me The Best Sex Of My Life
10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm
Self-Pleasure Changed How I Experience Sex
I Only Have One Rule In The Bedroom: I Come First.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert