It happens to the best of us, you leap at the opportunity to work at your dream company in your dream role and then suddenly you realize, you're in hell. Well maybe not exactly hell, but the work culture and your coworkers will surely make you feel like you're close to it. Or maybe you were like me, fresh out of college and you took an opportunity that had awesome benefits and even better pay, but the role itself was outside of your interests and passions.
I think it is safe to say that your career is not a one-stop shop and your dreams, similar to life, can change based on your experiences. Working a job that has transformed from a dream to a nightmare can seem daunting and may even feel like a stab at your mental health, but you don't have to remain stagnant.
Here are a few ways to help you wake up from your nightmare:
1.Create a Plan.
First things first, you will need to create a plan to prepare for your transition out of your nightmare. As a rule of thumb, you should always be updating your resume with your new responsibilities. When you're applying for jobs it can sometimes be hard to remember all of your responsibilities and major projects you worked on. At the very least, keep a document or email thread with your major contributions and achievements so you can reference them when it's time to update your resume. Next, it's time to start applying for new jobs, sis! Keep in mind company values and professional requirements as you begin to apply for jobs. You don't want to apply for new positions that will put you back in the same predicament.
2.Talk with Your Supervisor or Mentor.
We tend to forget that our supervisors should be an advocate for us. If there are concerns that can be remedied and create a better work environment for you, you should arrange a meeting with your manager. You may be surprised how willing your supervisor is to help you, whether it's creating a new position for you, escalating your concerns to find a solution, or being a listening ear. If speaking with your supervisor is not an option, seek out a mentor who may be able to give some guidance.
3.Talk to Your Human Resource Department.
Nevertheless, if you are still planning on quitting your job, you want to make sure that you have spoken with your HR department. Nothing will make this transition more horrifying than learning you owe your company thousands of dollars for breaking a contract. Also, quitting your job means losing your health insurance and benefits. Some employers provide coverage for a few weeks after your last day, and others terminate your benefits immediately. Before you lose access to your benefits, schedule your annual doctor appointments and get a 90-day supply of your prescriptions.
4.Take Care of Your Mental Health.
It's no secret that your environment and what you surround yourself with can affect your mental health and well-being. Don't lose your sense of self in the midst of your career. Having a therapist to talk with and organize your thoughts can bring some relief. Your therapist will not only be able to guide you through your journey, but it will also be able to provide tips on how not to become overwhelmed. Yoga and meditation are also great outlets to release tension built up in your body and disconnect from your thoughts. Additionally, self-help books can offer inspiration and motivation to take responsibility for your life and career. Reading, in general, can also be a stimulant for your mind and allow you to wander into a different world.
5.Find a Hobby.
We spend the majority of our day, and even more, the majority of our lives at work. If your 9-5 is a nightmare you need waking up from, try spending time doing something that makes you happy. As children, our lives are consumed with various hobbies and extracurricular activities that get us moving and our adrenaline pumping. Reconnect with your younger self and try joining an adult sports league or volunteering with a local non-profit organization. Having a hobby will give you something to look forward to after work and give you an outlet.
6.Don’t Compare Your Journey.
In the world of social media and the perfect lives that are projected on our phones, it can be a challenge to not compare your journey to others. People compare the journey of life to a marathon, but it's more similar to a triathlon with different courses that require you to adjust and maneuver around obstacles that can seemingly take your breath away and be an uphill challenge. During your transition, you must constantly remind yourself that this is only an obstacle in your journey and with determination, you will become a survivor!
In Michelle Obama's book Becoming, she mentions the overrated question a child is asked, "What do you want to be when you get older?" The former first lady reminds us that you can be many different things in a lifetime and your career is never a one-stop shop. Your dream job can and will shift but don't allow yourself to be stuck in a nightmare. The power of our lives is in our hands.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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