Let me start by saying: hear me out! Read until the end because I know some of you may be reeling off the headline alone. "Sex-positive, who?" — that's what you're shouting to your computer screen and that's what you're gearing up to type in the comments section. But sex-positive and healthy guidelines don't equate to sexualizing your child. Shame, however, does.
Raising sex-positive children will help your child navigate a lifetime of sexual situations, from closing the orgasm gap to receiving and comfortably giving consent. Raising a sex-positive child rather than simply chanting "no means no" as a crash course on sexual assault actually helps them conceptualize what that "no" may look like. It creates awareness so that they create and respect boundaries. In fact, for each developmental stage, there is a sex-positive lesson to be learned by children.
Children have their first lessons in being sexualized via parents' shame.
When we tell them they can't walk around the house in certain clothes or pop their little hands for masturbating (because, yes, it begins well before puberty) — despite the fact that young toddlers and children don't view it as sexual, they simply know it feels good and they feel happy. Hell, consent starts with things as small as not tickling your child after they've asked you to stop (regardless of the laughter that may be present). While we may think it doesn't matter, all of that messaging remains with us and can mystify our view of our bodies, our sexuality, and our sex life in adulthood. And the entire experience begins right at home.
Though it may not be easy, it is worth it. So I asked 7 experts for some simple but extremely helpful ways for parents to raise sex-positive children and here's what they had to say.
1. Affirm pleasure and honor consent.
Rejected Break Up GIF by grown-ishGiphy"My first tip would be for parents to affirm pleasure and honor consent. Children are walking erogenous zones; they have a developmental imperative to experience happiness and joy, and to be supported in that through loving boundary-setting. They also have the right to say 'yes' or 'no' to an experience they do or do not want. If they don't want to be touched in that moment, affirm their capacity to know what feels right or wrong to them in any given moment.
"My final tip would be to heal anything that would keep you from showing up fully for your child's sexual development. Whether it's previous abuse, misuse, racial stereotyping, and/or sexual negative or erotophobic messaging, do the work to heal the effects of that on you so you don't project that into them." - Dr. Tracie Gilbert, founder of Thembi Anaiya LLC
2. Normalize body parts as early as possible.
"Start to normalize body parts including genitals and their function as early as possible. My book does this: These are My Eyes, This is My Nose, This is My Vulva, These are My Toes. Also, this normalization includes having firm discussions with family members and educational institutions so that you and your child are not flagged as 'endangerment' and so that language is not 'corrected' in other places.
"Children as young as one can say and identify a vulva, penis, and anus at least and can learn how to clean them, their functions, and grow to understand about urethra and clitoris as well. Further, it helps in preventing grooming behaviors with minor-attracted people and those who seek out to use sexual power over children." - Dr. Lexx Brown-James
3. Know the difference between being a sexual being and being sexually active.
"As a Christian Sexologist, I recognize that sex positivity is often a conversation that people of faith are left out of. Being a sex-positive parent and a Christian sometimes feels oxymoronic. I teach comprehensive sex education to youth and caregivers as well as offer intimacy coaching to help believers reconcile their faith with their beliefs about sexuality. When doing so, I help the people I work with to see how comprehensive sex education is actually honoring God more than many of the pervasive shameful teachings about sexuality and our bodies.
"God and the Bible are inherently sex-positive even if the values system includes certain timeline regulations."
"As well, in a practical sense with many believers opting for abstinence, I speak with them about the vital difference between being a sexual being and being sexually active, as well (for caregivers) how studies show youth who receive comprehensive sex education are more likely to delay sexual initiation. And most importantly are better equipped to make sound, safer decisions. I also find that many caregivers didn't receive sound sexuality education themselves which can hinder their efforts with their young people. My e-guide Understanding Intimacy, helps adults who believe in Jesus come to understand God's heart for intimacy, sexuality, and relationships." - Brittany Broaddus-Smith, LSW, MEd
4. Be the giver of all info when it comes to sex and sexuality.
investigating basketball wives GIF by VH1Giphy"My main tip is: there is no such thing as a 'sex talk', we are having a 'whole life talk'. And this is an ongoing conversation. Use opportunities as they arise to learn what your kids know and think. Challenge them to think on a broader scale as necessary. But remind them and yourself, that their body belongs to them and they get to make decisions. Be the giver of all info, or encourager of research, and give them opportunities to choose and make good decisions for themselves. It will extend itself to sex and sexuality if you let it. Just keep the door open." - Dr. Donna Oriowo
5. Teach sexual education and/or abstinence without shame.
"If you are going to teach sexual education/abstinence, do so without shame. Children should not be learning to be ashamed of themselves and what physical urges they are or will experience. Helping your child celebrate the changes that occur during puberty (i.e. period party) is a great way to normalize the physical and emotional changes they are occurring. Take this opportunity to teach your child about healthy and unhealthy practices, as well as the risks and benefits that come with each choice. It's OK if the child feels uncomfortable during the conversation. Keep them emotionally safe by validating their feelings." - Beverly Andre, LMFT
6. Create a culture that encourages the exploration of the child’s curiosities.
"The first place to start is increasing awareness around one's parenting style. Parents that are authoritarian in nature take on the 'children are to be seen and not heard...my house, my rules' approach to parenting. Parents with an authoritative parenting style are more inclined to partner healthy boundaries and standards in the home while being willing to explain and even incorporate children in decision-making. This helps create a culture in the home that encourages the child to explore topics out of curiosity rather than practicing avoidance and minimizing how they're experiencing the world.
"Parents can also consider taking them to age-appropriate local events like the Vagina Monologues or Walk a Mile in Her Shoes so that they can be exposed to sex-positive community gatherings. In addition, parents can even start on a smaller scale by promoting sex-positive language, challenging victim-blaming that may come up in the media, and shedding light on the history of marginalized populations like trans persons and sex workers. Practicing the usage of the appropriate pronouns can help as well." - Sierra Hillsman, M.Ed., APC, NCC, CCTP
7. Emphasize pleasure as much as you can and normalize alternative lifestyles.
"Put an emphasis on pleasure as much as you can, including self-love. Self-love and self-pleasure is a huge part of this process that is often neglected due to discomfort on both the caretaker's and the kid's parts. If you find yourself a bit uncomfortable discussing the benefits of masturbation, then you may need to explore your own ideas on masturbation before starting up this talk with your kids. You don't need to give details on how it's done, but at least let them know it's totally natural, totally OK and best done in private since that's not something that everyone around them consented to being a part of."
"Linking love and sex is incredibly common but can lead to some confusion down the line as hormones kick in. The potential benefit of loving someone before you decide to have sex can be presented, but it shouldn't be portrayed as the only way to enjoy sex. You can also let them know that they can choose to wait until they are ready to have sex, which only they can really know for sure."
"Make efforts to normalize alternative relationship styles, gender expressions and sexualities. Back in the day, the only families you ever saw on TV were a husband and wife with their biological children. Nowadays, families are incredibly diverse and it can be very beneficial for children to see all kinds of different families including same-sex couples, open or poly relationships, families with adopted or foster children, blended families, and family members that are part of the LGBTQIA+ community." - Praia Westerband-Otero, Remote Sex and Relationship Therapist
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
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However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
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Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
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Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
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If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert