With as much random unprotected sex I had back when I was sexually active, I'm kind of shocked that I can say I've only be diagnosed with an STD once. It was while I had strep throat and mono too. Crazy, I know.
Anyway, I found out that I had an STD because I had a sore throat that was killing me. I went to the doctor, not giving one thought that I might have a sexually transmitted disease, but when some tests came back, chlamydia was on the list. I thought that was so weird because my discharge hadn't changed, my genitals weren't irritated — I didn't have any of the signs that I had read about. According to my physician, it didn't show up before then because the infection had been lying dormant in my system; the strep and mono affecting my immune system actually "triggered" it.
Wow. For a couple of years (because my boyfriend at the time didn't have it and we had been together that long), I had been walking around with an asymptomatic STD. I was thinking who I was having sex with wasn't infected because I didn't show signs of having an infection. Still, I had one. Now, bookmark that as I get into what the title of this piece is all about.
A couple of weeks ago, per YouTube's recommendation, I binged watched two Black web-series. What was interesting is they both basically had the same theme. The first one was called Diary of a Cheating Man (which was well-written, funny and chock full of cautionary tales; especially for men). The other is, Side Chick.
I can't remember exactly which episode of Side Chick it was, but when one of the characters referred to a guy as being an STD and then followed it up by saying that it meant the guy was nothing more than Something To Do, that stayed with me.
Although I don't recall ever getting with a guy simply because I wanted something to do, what I can vouch for is staying in a relationship well past its shelf life, because I was too scared to try something different. But here's the real point I really hope you'll give some serious thought to:
There's research to support that the people you date have the potential to do everything from cause you to lose sight of yourself and stunt your self-growth, to having you pick up their negative traits while making you emotionally unstable.
While you're out here thinking that who you're seeing is nothing more than "something to do", they could be influencing you in ways you'd never imagine. While you're in the moment, because you're not seeing clear or obvious signs of how his presence is rubbing off on you, you could be thinking it's all good when, all the while, his presence could be affecting — or infecting — you more than you know.
Take a casual sex partner, for example. Did you know that there is actual scientific evidence to support that the partners you have prior to the one you choose to conceive a child with can still have an impact on how your offspring turns out? Yep, there is solid research that indicates any semen that comes into contact with a woman's system has the ability to affect the physical (and sometimes other) traits of the children she has.
Or what about casually dating someone simply because, in your mind, you have nothing better to do? Aside from all of the other potential risks I've shared, your time and energy are precious. It's very easy to waste moments or absorb negative energy, just by spending time with the wrong kinds of people. And by wrong, I mean people who don't truly complement you or make you better.
I don't know what the writers of Side Chicks meant when they used the term STD — as Something To Do — but what I just shared is what I got out of it. Human beings are far too powerful for us to be out here thinking they don't make a significant impact on us. No matter how serious or casual our interaction with them may be.
Please don't disillusion yourself by thinking that just because you're taking an "it's nothing" approach to a situationship that it won't ultimately come with consequences or repercussions; some that just might surprise you.
It seems like a new STD comes up every day. For the health and well-being of your mind, body, and spirit, don't let the Something To Do kind fly under your radar.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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