

I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Feature image screenshot/ xoNecole YouTube
Egypt Sherrod & Mike Jackson On Love, Business, And Financial Transparency On The First Date
Egypt Sherrod and Mike Jackson have captivated us on their HGTV show, Married to Real Estate, and podcast Marriage and Money.
Now, they have teamed up with TurboTax to assist small business owners with tax and financial support. The couple met while working in radio, and now they own multiple businesses together. While working with your spouse can have its ups and downs, they wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Besides the fact that I get to work with the person I love doing what I love to do, right? There's the aspect of our daughters, seeing us work together as a unit and actually doing it successful,” Mike tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview
“So they get to grow up and experience what it is to be entrepreneurs from ground level, right? Because Mom and Dad did it, and they did it in such a way that I want to emulate, even if they don't decide to do exactly what we do, but they get to see it. That, to me, means a lot.”
But owning a business, whether separate or together, comes with a lot of responsibility and mistakes can often happen, especially for novice entrepreneurs. Egypt opens up about mistakes her and Mike experienced working in real estate.
“On our journey of entrepreneurship, we made a lot of mistakes. We spent money, we did things backwards, we learned the hard way through the school of hard knocks. There was no road map for us,” she says.
“So our goal by partnering with TurboTax is to really open the eyes of fellow entrepreneurs, to show them that, especially when it comes to your finances, your taxes, and getting that right, there is a faster, more cost effective, more accurate way of getting the support that you need.”
“On our journey of entrepreneurship, we made a lot of mistakes. We spent money, we did things backwards, we learned the hard way through the school of hard knocks. There was no road map for us."
Being tax compliant is among small business owners’ top concerns, but it's often time-consuming and research-intensive to figure out taxes on your own. TurboTax Business provides small business owners and solopreneurs access to unlimited live expert help to get your taxes prepared and filed.
When it comes to their marriage, the money conversation never goes away. The couple owns six businesses together, multiple properties, and are parents to three daughters. So when it comes down to finances, they believe in transparency, even dating back to their first date 21 years ago.
“Our first conversation about money was that, ‘hey, I don't have no money.’ Okay?,” Mike says. “Because there's been past relationships that are no longer existing. There's been things going on that I had to take care of and get through. So you're meeting a man that is pretty much starting from scratch again. How do you feel about it?”
At the time, Mike was newly divorced and had a small child. Egypt says she found his honesty “refreshing” and was looking for someone to build with, so his finances weren’t a problem for her. “If you're building anything, and that's like, first, second, third date, and you feel like, okay, this is someone I can be invested with, even beyond money, you have to just be honest about your circumstances,” Egypt shares.
“Our first conversation about money was that, ‘hey, I don't have no money.’ Okay?. Because there's been past relationships that are no longer existing. There's been things going on that I had to take care of and get through. So you're meeting a man that is pretty much starting from scratch again. How do you feel about it?”
“Otherwise you're building a house of cards that can fall at any minute, but I think money is one of the things. Finances are one of the things that even when people are in love, they still can't make it work and it breaks up marriages. It breaks up relationships because it's a stressor.
“So, yeah it is something that you want to ask about up front. What's your credit? How much do you earn? You don't have to be rich, but I just need to know if if the math is mathing.”
While they don’t believe you should have the money conversation on the first date, they do believe you should have it early to avoid any misunderstandings down the line.
To hear more about their story, check out their podcast, Marriage and Money and watch the new season of Married to Real Estate on HGTV.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
“So they get to grow up and experience what it is to be entrepreneurs from ground level, right? Because Mom and Dad did it, and they did it in such a way that I want to emulate, even if they don't decide to do exactly what we do, but they get to see it. That, to me, means a lot.”
But owning a business, whether separate or together, comes with a lot of responsibility and mistakes can often happen, especially for novice entrepreneurs. Egypt opens up about mistakes her and Mike experienced working in real estate.
“On our journey of entrepreneurship, we made a lot of mistakes. We spent money, we did things backwards, we learned the hard way through the school of hard knocks. There was no road map for us,” she says.
“So our goal by partnering with TurboTax is to really open the eyes of fellow entrepreneurs, to show them that, especially when it comes to your finances, your taxes, and getting that right, there is a faster, more cost effective, more accurate way of getting the support that you need.”
“On our journey of entrepreneurship, we made a lot of mistakes. We spent money, we did things backwards, we learned the hard way through the school of hard knocks. There was no road map for us."
Being tax compliant is among small business owners’ top concerns, but it's often time-consuming and research-intensive to figure out taxes on your own. TurboTax Business provides small business owners and solopreneurs access to unlimited live expert help to get your taxes prepared and filed.
When it comes to their marriage, the money conversation never goes away. The couple owns six businesses together, multiple properties, and are parents to three daughters. So when it comes down to finances, they believe in transparency, even dating back to their first date 21 years ago.
“Our first conversation about money was that, ‘hey, I don't have no money.’ Okay?,” Mike says. “Because there's been past relationships that are no longer existing. There's been things going on that I had to take care of and get through. So you're meeting a man that is pretty much starting from scratch again. How do you feel about it?”
At the time, Mike was newly divorced and had a small child. Egypt says she found his honesty “refreshing” and was looking for someone to build with, so his finances weren’t a problem for her. “If you're building anything, and that's like, first, second, third date, and you feel like, okay, this is someone I can be invested with, even beyond money, you have to just be honest about your circumstances,” Egypt shares.
“Our first conversation about money was that, ‘hey, I don't have no money.’ Okay?. Because there's been past relationships that are no longer existing. There's been things going on that I had to take care of and get through. So you're meeting a man that is pretty much starting from scratch again. How do you feel about it?”
“Otherwise you're building a house of cards that can fall at any minute, but I think money is one of the things. Finances are one of the things that even when people are in love, they still can't make it work and it breaks up marriages. It breaks up relationships because it's a stressor.
“So, yeah it is something that you want to ask about up front. What's your credit? How much do you earn? You don't have to be rich, but I just need to know if if the math is mathing.”
While they don’t believe you should have the money conversation on the first date, they do believe you should have it early to avoid any misunderstandings down the line.
To hear more about their story, check out their podcast, Marriage and Money and watch the new season of Married to Real Estate on HGTV.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy