CEO Cannabis Connoisseur Wanda James Reveals How She Planted The First Seeds Of Success
In The Smoking Gun, we talk to CEO cannabis connoisseurs about how they planted the very first seeds of success in their careers, how they balance their day-to-day life, and how they are using their work to make the marijuana market more inclusive to people of color.
Society tells us there are two types of people in this world: polished professionals who are CEOs of wildly successful businesses and people who like to get high AF. But Simply Pure CEO Wanda James is living proof that you, too, can be a woman who does both, sis.
Courtesy of Wanda James.
As a veteran, former member of President Obama's Finance Committee, previous campaign manager for congressman-turned-Colorado Governor, Jared Polis, and full-time business owner, there's no doubt that Colorado dispensary owner Wanda James has a lot on her plate. But this trailblazer is on a mission to ensure that every single person in our community has the opportunity to eat. After her brother was indicted and incarcerated for a minor weed offense at only 18 years old, Wanda discovered a discrepancy in the system that was obviously disproportionate to people of color and decided to become the agent of change that she wanted to see in the cannabis industry.
In 2009, Wanda and her husband, restaurateur Scott Durrah, became the first Black dispensary owners in Colorado, and since have used their platform to advocate for the abolition of mass incarceration and create opportunities for people of color in the cannabis industry. Wanda told xoNecole exclusively, "Along the way, we found out that cannabis is indeed, truly medicinal. That we can save people; we could help vets with PTSD...we found out that we can help babies with epilepsy and grownups with MS. So all of a sudden we've gone from a recreational plant that the side effects make you giggle and eat cheesecake, and we found that this amazing plant also heals your body."
I had a chance to sit down, roll up, and blaze one with this trailblazer, who spilled all the tea on how she got started, her love of the plant, and what she's doing to change the landscape for people of color in the cannabis industry. Here's what I learned:
What is your first memory of being introduced to cannabis?
I was 16, and I was hanging out with a really good friend of mine. He was giving me a ride home and he pulled out a joint and he's like, "You ready to try this yet?" And I was like, "You know what? Alright, I'll try it."
At first, I was scared because I was expecting to be stoned, [like] walls were gonna move and I was going to see pink elephants and my mind was going to be blown, and I was going to be stoned. And what I found was I was delightfully elevated. My thoughts became more focused because there were so many different things that I was thinking and feeling and I enjoyed it.
What does your day to day look like?
I want to be fair. I want people to know that I work my ass off and I need young people and I need women to know that, y'all, what everybody thinks they see, it's like the iceberg, right? That's 20% of what I do. The 80% of what I do is that underside of the iceberg. I am up every single day at 4:30 AM, Saturday and Sunday included. I don't sleep in; I can't sleep in. The minute I get up, I turn on my computer. I answer all of my emails from the last 10 hours or so. During that time, it's quiet. I can think and I can get my thoughts out. So I return all my emails. I then do all of my accounting. I take a shower and I'm in the office by 9:30, 10:00 every day.
I usually leave the office at about 5:30 or 6:00 every night, or maybe a little earlier and maybe Kali, my assistant, and I will go and end the day and smoke a joint and she'll go off and do her things. I'll get home here at about 6:30 or so. Scott and I will have dinner together. Maybe catch a few movies or whatever else. And then I'm usually in bed at about 11:00, 11:30 every day.
Has working in the cannabis industry always been a goal for you?
No, and it's funny because you're the second young person that's asked me, has this always been a goal? You have to remember, up until 2009 [when] I was 44 years old, the goal of selling weed would have made me a drug dealer, not an entrepreneur. See the difference?
Photo by Joe Mahoney
"Up until 2009 [when] I was 44 years old, the goal of selling weed would have made me a drug dealer, not an entrepreneur. See the difference?"
Yes! There is definitely a difference!
And this is what's really inspiring, you may not even know what your career is yet because your career may not have even been invented yet. I did not know until 2009 that the possibility of this being a business would even be a thing. I wasn't really sure what it was going to be, but I didn't think it was going to be that.
What inspired you to join the market in the first place?
Because of my 25 years with three senators on speed dial, with a governor on speed dial, with Congress on speed dial, we felt relatively confident that we were going to be able to enter this industry without the fear of going to jail, which was the point of entering the industry. Because up until then, Black people had been going to jail. When we started in 2009, the goal was social justice. $260 worth of the street value of bad cannabis cost my brother 10 years of his life. He never saw an attorney, which, when he told me that I didn't understand until I saw When They See Us.
He [later] tested positive on his piss test and they immediately put an 18-year-old in a privatized prison, where for the next four and a half years, my brother picked cotton every day. He had to pick a hundred pounds of cotton a day in Texas to purchase his freedom. My brother became a slave. A whole bunch of people's brothers became a slave because that became an American-Corporate balance. My brother picked a hundred pounds of cotton every day for four years. How much does the cotton industry owe my family?
For almost seven years, we were the only ones in Colorado and that's a shame. And this is the racism that we've got to be able to fight. I've often said that my father's generation fought to be able to ride the bus, right? To get on the bus and sit where they wanted to on the bus. Our challenge is how do we own the bus? How do we own the bus line, right? So, it's one thing to decriminalize, which is great. We should not be going to jail for this. But now let's take it a step further.
What has your extensive professional career working with Presidents and Fortune 500 Companies taught you about the work you’re doing now?
Ironically, everything that I have done in my life up until this point has prepared me for this point. When you're going through your life and like, "Why am I here? Why am I doing this?" When I look back on it, everything that I have done has trained me for this.
After 25 years in politics, I know how to talk to US senators. I know how to talk to governors. Hell, I know how to talk to presidents, right? So everything that I have done in my life has prepared me for this one moment in time. Even my love of the plant, you know? I'm not just the business owner, I'm a client.
Courtesy of Wanda James
"After 25 years in politics, I know how to talk to US senators. I know how to talk to governors. Hell, I know how to talk to presidents, right? So everything that I have done in my life has prepared me for this one moment in time. Even my love of the plant, you know? I'm not just the business owner, I'm a client."
I love that! And I saw in a previous interview you said that at your house, there’s weed in the wine, food, and beer and I’ve never aligned with someone so closely in my life. In your own words, what are your views on medical and recreational cannabis usage?
The only time that I didn't smoke was the five years that I was in the military because the penalty was too high for a military officer in the late 80s, early 90s. If you were caught with illegal drugs, you went directly to jail, period. No conversation, no nothing. You just went to jail. So I wasn't going to chance that.
If you go to The Officer's Club, you could get top-shelf alcohol for 75 cents a drink. If you could drink all night and get up in the morning and put on your uniform, you were doing it right. And during that time of my life, I mean that was probably the time that I felt the least like myself. I was in my twenties, so hangovers don't last long and you're able to deal with your day, but [you're] nowhere near as sharp as you could be, nowhere near as engaged as you could be and it was because of alcohol. So it's been interesting to me when I look at alcohol versus cannabis. Alcohol loses all the time in my book.
What is the biggest misconception you think people have about marijuana products?
I think that the biggest misconception about cannabis is that people want to put it in the drug column. For me, when I think of drugs, I think of something that your body doesn't necessarily want or doesn't want, may need but doesn't want. I think that cannabis is something that works with our bodies. It works in total alignment with our bodies.
I just don't see this as a negative at all. I run three businesses, I'm up at 4:30 every morning, my husband and I are in great shape; we run, we do all kinds of athletic things. Neither one of us have any "ailments" to speak of; we don't have high blood pressure, we don't have diabetes and I'm not saying that's because of cannabis, but I'm also not saying it's not because of cannabis.
What advice do you have for women like me who want to enter the cannabis industry but may be intimidated by the barriers to entry?
Don't be intimidated, first and foremost. Take the word "intimidated" out of your vocabulary. And let me say, we all feel nervous sometimes. We all feel anxiety sometimes. Every time I go into a meeting, I feel nervous. I get that weird feeling in my stomach. I'm like, "Oh, here we go." But you know what though? That's life. That's not a negative feeling. That's a positive feeling. That's your adrenaline getting going. Adrenaline is getting released in your body so that your brain gets sharp.
We need to learn to love that feeling because that's the feeling of excitement and things happening. Yes, it's scary. Absolutely. It's scary because you know what? It might not work, but so what? So what? Because it might work.
"Every time I go into a meeting, I feel nervous. I get that weird feeling in my stomach. I'm like, "Oh, here we go." But you know what though? That's life. That's not a negative feeling. That's a positive feeling. That's your adrenaline getting going. Adrenaline is getting released in your body so that your brain gets sharp."
What footprint do you plan to leave on the cannabis industry when you retire?
I want this industry to be the catalyst for ending slave labor in America. Because when we talk about mass incarceration, we are talking about [in cannabis-related arrests alone], 800,000 people a year arrested for simple possession before legalization started. A year. Not 800,000 people total; a year. So I want this industry to be equitable. I want it to shine a light on what racism has done to destroy the black and brown community.
And then I want to see cannabis be the means of fixing that issue. Okay. In other words, I want to see our families and our communities benefit long-term from cannabis in the exact same way that Kennedys benefited from Irish whiskey when it was illegal. I want to see America pay its debt. And it is a debt and they do owe us, and I think that cannabis, that this industry can be the vehicle in order to make that happen.
Make sure to stop by Simply Pure the next time you're in Colorado and keep up with Wanda's adventures on Instagram @WandaLJames!
*Some responses have been edited and condensed for clarity.
Featured image courtesy of Wanda James.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Featured image by Anchiy/Getty Images
Navigating Infertility As A Black Woman: My IVF Story From Start To Finish
I felt my husband’s leg tapping underneath the table, and I calmly put my hand on top of it. The doctor on the other side of the screen had just matter-of-factly told us that the likelihood of us having a child “the natural way” was slim to none and immediately recommended IVF.
“I’m going to have a financial counselor call you as early as next week.”
The call was quick. The doctor didn’t extend any empathy or any type of emotion - but I also didn’t know what to expect. The abrupt push for IVF didn’t feel right at the moment - I did know that.
I remember this day like it was yesterday. It was September of 2020, a few days shy of my oldest daughter’s 11th birthday, and we were still knee-deep in COVID, so all non-life-threatening appointments were virtual.
We had been trying for a baby for a year (as most doctors will tell you, that is the length of time to try for a baby before seeking medical attention), and nothing was budging. We moved to Dallas in May of 2020, and one of the first things I did was find Black practitioners to help me along this baby-making journey.
I found a Black female OBGYN who I thought was a sound choice, but after sharing my history of ovarian cyst bursts and learning that I had two small polyps in my uterus, she proceeded to tell me:
“I don’t feel the need to remove them, but if you were to get pregnant and possibly miscarriage, then I would go in to remove them.”
I was stunned. If you know I am actively trying for a baby, and you know there is something inside of me that could potentially prohibit that from happening, why would you fix your lips to say that to me?!
Needless to say, that was the last time I ever saw that doctor, and I immediately went on a search for a new OBGYN. Little did I know that was going to be one of the many times when I had to actively advocate for myself throughout this fertility journey.
Ironically, this OBGYN recommended the fertility specialist who laid the very harsh news on me and my husband that following September. While IVF may have been our only option, I knew in my spirit that this doctor wouldn’t be the right choice to walk along this journey with. We needed someone to deliver facts as well as empathy and compassion.
I didn’t want to feel like just another number. Another line item. After processing what was said and allowing my husband and myself to have a moment, I immediately started looking for a second opinion.
Always.
Always.
Always.
Get a second opinion.
My Marriage
Witnessing my husband’s response was gut-wrenching for me. I am grateful to have a partner who has never been ashamed of expressing his feelings, but I feel as though I saw hope leave his eyes. It was a lot to take in. Not just learning that we would need medical intervention to maybe have a child of our own (because there is no guarantee with IVF), but that he had also spent the past 6 years helping me raise my daughter - a little girl he claimed but shared no genes with.
“However long you need to process. Take your time. But whatever you do, please promise me that you won’t give up. That is all I ask.”
This is what I expressed to him at the moment and continued to express leading up to our actual IVF journey.
He honored that.
Starting IVF
We ended up getting a second opinion, and it affirmed what the initial doctor had told us, but this doctor was more compassionate in her facts and her language. I felt safe in her care, and we began discussing the next steps.
This included contacting my insurance company to see what all was covered on their end and how much we would have to come out of pocket. I can’t even begin to count how many times I called to speak with a rep or put in a request to chat with them through the chat box and save the transcript to ensure I was getting told the same thing from each rep.
I learned that all of our diagnostic testing was covered:
- Sonohysterogram
- Hysteroscopy
- Hysterosalpingogram (HSG)
- Ovarian Reserve Testing
- Semen Analysis
This doctor even removed those small polyps from my uterus that the previous doctor opted not to do.
“This journey costs way too much money to have anything that we can easily remove stand in the way of progress.”
Say less, doctor, say less.
Unfortunately, that is where the grace stopped with insurance. The diagnostic testing was the only thing that was covered. To actually begin IVF, we would have to come up with $20,000 for the cycle, PLUS another $5,000 to get our embryos tested if that is what we wanted.
We did not have that type of money.
But as of January 25, 2021, none of this would matter.
I was rushed to the hospital for what I now know to be my very first IBD flare. After a four-day emergency hospital stay and a colonoscopy, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called ulcerative colitis - the most common type of inflammatory bowel disease that causes inflammation in the colon.
“I understand that you are trying for a baby, but I strongly suggest you prioritize getting into remission before starting your IVF cycle,” my gastroenterologist recommended at the time.
Although my head understood the practicality of it all, this felt like a blow to my heart and spirit. This felt like another speed bump on our journey to have a baby - on top of the infertility speed bump we still hadn’t gotten over.
But I took heed to her words and did just that. I completely changed my diet, added supplements to my daily regimen, joined the gym, and did my best to keep my stress down.
I also took this time to lean into my marriage and my baby girl, who was alive and well and getting ready to start middle school. In hindsight, it felt good to not be fixated on IVF, even if just for a moment.
The road to remission would take me the remainder of 2021 but in true “God be knowing” fashion, I would end up securing a new job this same year with insurance that would cover my entire IVF cycle PLUS meds.
Courtesy
I remember how I felt when the box of injection meds showed up on my doorstep. I anticipated the delivery but also couldn’t believe we were actually getting started. We were officially approved for our IVF cycle in January of 2022, and I was set to begin taking injections that following day.
It was a mixture of five meds that needed to be taken at the exact same time every single day for 12 weeks.
Every.
Single.
Day.
My husband and I watched the tutorials on how to mix the meds and the ideal injection site to prevent lump bruising.
I was excited but equally nervous because what if I was doing all of this to my body and we didn’t get the outcome we desired?
Courtesy
In March 2022, I had my egg retrieval, which turned into seven healthy embryos.
On May 17, 2022, I had a successful embryo transfer.
Courtesy
On days 6 and 8 post-embryo transfer, just a few days away from going back to the clinic to see if I was, in fact, pregnant, I purchased two pregnancy tests, and both of them had positive results.
Courtesy
When we did finally go back to the fertility clinic, my blood test only confirmed what the at-home tests read. We were pregnant!
We’re Expecting
This exciting news didn’t come without its own scares.
Trigger Warning:
When we were seven weeks along, one day before we were scheduled to hear the heartbeat, I experienced what I now know to be a subchorionic hemorrhage (hematoma). A subchorionic hematoma is when blood forms between a baby's amniotic sac and the uterine wall.
I was on a flight back home from a work trip, and as soon as I stood up to deplane, I felt a rush of liquid in my pants. I went to the restroom and believed I was miscarrying.
Our first appointment since our pregnancy was confirmed the next morning, and I was believing the worst, but when we put the ultrasound wand on my belly, we heard the most beautiful sound. Our baby was doing just fine.
Our doctor confirmed the hematoma and ordered pelvic rest as, unfortunately, there is no resolve for subchorionic hemorrhages. It happens in about ⅕ of pregnancies, and while they don’t cause serious health conditions for the mom, they can cause miscarriages. These are even more common in IVF pregnancies.
This same afternoon, after returning home from our appointment, my body would have another episode. I just knew this time we had lost our baby. I found an after-hours facility that provided ultrasounds by appointment, and we went to check on our baby.
Again, our baby was doing just fine, and the heartbeat was strong. As the doctor said before, pelvic rest and be patient.
Prayer Warriors + Intercessors
Outside of a select few family members and close friends, we kept this journey close to the vest.
I didn’t feel as though sharing openly would necessarily jinx our process, but I knew I wouldn’t want those who would pray for us at the drop of a dime and meant us well to be in on the intimate details.
Between these few people and Facebook Infertility Support Groups, this was our saving grace.I knew how important having a community was throughout this process, specifically amongst those walking the same path as us. To this day, I am still involved in these support groups and share insight with those moms at the beginning of their journey.
Love at First Sight
On January 26, 2023, at 7:17 a.m., our miracle child, Demi Rae, was born right on our living room floor.
Now, that wasn’t the initial plan, but I knew we wouldn’t make it to the hospital. From my water breaking to her making it earthside, she was here in a total of 15 minutes, right in her daddy’s arms.
It was perfect.
Courtesy
My original desire for delivery this second time around was to give birth at home, but my anxiety convinced me otherwise. I had a doula and found a midwifery company that walked us through our birth plan, and even though nothing went according to plan, I am grateful for my birth team.
Our doula walked us through best-case and not-so-best-case scenarios. Meaning, that if we didn’t make it to the hospital, we would be prepared to confidently and safely bring her into the world.
As I am on all fours in the living room, my husband has our doula on the phone along with the paramedics to guide us through this tender moment. But to welcome our baby girl into this world with just him and I was a level of intimacy I am so grateful for and wouldn’t have had it any other way.
We went from being told we wouldn’t have our own biological child to constantly redirecting a soon-to-be two-year-old from slapping folks every time she doesn’t get her way. Life does come at you quick.
Demi is such a happy child and brought so much energy into our home, and to see the relationship between my two girls growing every day does my heart well.
Courtesy
I never thought IVF was going to be a part of our story, but now that we are on the other side, I make it a point to share our story and hold space for other couples (especially couples of color) who are fearful of infertility diagnosis and need to see that IVF can be an option for them too. It is not ideal, I get it, but it can be a solution.
In June of 2024, in honor of Infertility Awareness Week, I hosted a panel of other women who have gone through IVF (both successfully and unsuccessfully) to share their experience and give their insight into what their life is like now as well as a Q+A with a well-known infertility doctor for community members to have direct access to a medical professional.
Courtesy
Seeing other Black women in the fertility space normalized the journey for me, and I want to be a resource for others like the women in these support groups have been for me.
Prayers to the couples who are experiencing infertility and feel saddened, angry, and lost. I get it. I truly do. But this does not have to be the end all be all.
Talk to a therapist.
Consult with your insurance company to see what is covered if you are going the IVF route.
Join support groups like Black Women TTC and Black Women and Infertility.
Schedule a consult with a fertility doctor to learn all your options (and get a second opinion).
Get a workup done to learn your health status all around.
Pray.
Stay encouraged.
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