A couple of years ago, while in a session with a married couple, the husband was sharing that he wished that his wife was more comfortable with having sex during daytime hours. When I asked her to break down her hesitation, she said, “It’s weird. When it’s dark, he can get me to do just about anything, but in the light, I’m just not that confident.” When I inquired if she meant when it came to her body, she said, “No, it’s more like my vagina. Beyond washing it and getting pap smears, I don’t really know what’s going on down there. I’m a bit self-conscious.”
Honestly, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a woman say something along those lines. It’s like, aside from peeing, periods, and intercourse, too many of us don’t give our vaginas very much thought at all — and that’s not good.
The solution? It’s in the title of this article. For years now, my motto has been to treat my vagina like a plant and watch how it flourishes. If that kinda-sorta makes sense to you in theory, yet you’d like me to break it all down just a bit more — sure. I’d be more than happy to, sis.
Water It
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Most of us learned in, what, elementary school that over 60 percent of our body is made up of water. And even though I am well aware of this fact, I will be the first to say that water (drinking it, that is) is not my favorite thing on the planet. I always describe it as “wet air” — just boring ass fluid.
Yet, isn’t it interesting that, just like plants need water in order for seeds to germinate and leaves to stay alive, our vaginas need water to 1) create natural lubrication so that sex is more comfortable; 2) to help to flush toxins out of it, and 3) to keep cervical mucus in great condition so that it’s easier to conceive a child.
And just how much water does “she” need in order to keep all of this going strong? Although most of us grew up hearing eight glasses a day, many studies are now saying that somewhere between 4-6 will get the job done. And what if you’re like me and you’re not a fan of H2O? Barely flavored sparkling water (like Bubly or Waterloo) with some fresh lemon or lime juice or even one-third of juice mixed in can make consuming agua so much easier to do. Your vagina will thank you. The rest of your body will too.
Feed It
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A big mistake that a lot of novice plant owners make is assuming that, so long as they water their plants and put them in a window to get some sun, it's all good. Nope. There are certain nutrients that plants need as well, so if you've got one and it seems to be struggling a bit, you might want to give it some nitrogen (to create chlorophyll), some magnesium (it helps with the whole photosynthesis process) and some potassium (to keep any plant-related diseases at bay). As far as your vagina goes, it needs to "eat well," too. To see a list of things that you should consume, check out "The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving."
As far as the ones that you should be avoiding, "Here's What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Eat LESS Of" has you covered. For now, I'll just say that berries are your vagina's friend because the acid in them will help to keep infections like urinary tract infections (UTIs) from becoming an issue; plus, they are great at decreasing your chances of experiencing a yeast infection as well.
“Prune” It
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One day, I really need to pen something for the platform about how it's important to do pruning in one's life on a consistent basis in order to flourish. For now, when it comes to the tree, shrub, flower, and plant world, pruning is all about getting rid of diseased and damaged foliage that hinders greenery from thriving.
When it comes to your vagina, I'm actually thinking about pubic hair on this one. Even though pubic hair has trends, and there are still women who continue to go without any at all, it really does need to go and stay on record that hair down there serves a purpose. It helps to reduce friction from your clothes while working out and during sex. It can help to protect you from STDs and other infections (to a certain extent; still use condoms, tho). It can also amplify pheromones which can make for a really good time as far as sexual activity goes.
So, where does the pruning come in? Well, even if you're someone who likes to go the full-on bush route, still make sure to give your pubic hair a trim from time to time. Any hair that has some length on it needs to have errand hairs and split ends (yep, pubic hair can get those, too) removed. Also, look (and/or feel) around for ingrown hairs that need to be tweezed out (they can be the worst!). I can't leave this point without saying that pruning can also make oral sex for/with your partner much more pleasant. Hey, don't take my word for it. Ask them.
Talk to It
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If you're someone who thinks that people who talk to their plants are crazy, you might want to do more Googling. There is something known as "sound science," and it actually backs up that when plants have someone verbally engaging them, it can help them to grow faster. In fact, the ranges of tone in a woman's voice increases their chances even more than a man's voice does.
Am I about to roll up in here and say that you should talk to your va-jay-jay too? You already know. I mean, at least feel good about talking about it (you know, to your partner, your physician, and even your friends based on the issue and context). If that's something that you've never really considered doing before, check out an article I wrote a while back entitled "Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey."
Doing things like looking at your vagina, speaking your thoughts out loud, and journaling some things as well can boost your self-confidence about that part of your body. It can also help to release some mental and emotional walls that you may have built up that you didn't even consider…because you never thought to interact with your vagina on that type of level before.
Give It Some Vitamin D
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Plants need sunlight. The main reason is that there is a process that plants go through known as photosynthesis in which, thanks to the help of the sun, it is able to make its own food. Listen, unless you’re cool with being naked outdoors, there’s a pretty good chance that your vagina won’t be taking in many natural sun rays. That doesn’t mean that it can’t benefit from something that the sun offers, though — Vitamin D.
When it comes to your vaginal health specifically, Vitamin D is awesome because it helps to prevent vaginal dryness. Plus, it can make going through menopause a lot easier. Foods that are high in this particular nutrient include salmon, tuna, fortified orange juice, egg yolks, mushrooms, dairy, and dark leafy greens. By the way, you can also take it in supplement form.
Word on the street is a combination of vitamins D3 and B12 can help to keep your tummy on the flatter side. #dopeness
Give It Some Space Too
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I’ve got a little love sister who has a ton of plants inside her tiny apartment. Some are growing by leaps and bounds, while others are limp and looking like they are basically on their last leg. I’ve been trying to tell her that overcrowding does them no good, but you know — some folks choose to learn the hard way.
And yes, vaginas also need some space. I could go real deep and talk about how seasons of abstinence ain’t neva hurt nobody; however, what I’m really talking about here is sleeping naked. When we’re wearing clothes all day long, it’s a good idea to give your vagina a break at night because, since it’s already moist and warm down there and because that is a breeding ground for bad bacteria in your vagina to grow, it needs air in order to “dry out” a bit and to also regulate its own temperature.
Since sleeping naked can also improve your quality of sleep, reduce stress levels and even lower your risk for diabetes — how can it not be a win, all the way around, to roll around in your birthday suit tonight (hell, every night)?
Properly Maintenance It
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Other things that plants need include good air circulation, to be put into the right kind of soil and to be in the proper temperature (for house plants, somewhere between 65-75 degrees) — bottom line, what they also need is routine maintenance.
Vaginas are no different. If you want yours to remain healthy, it’s important that you:
- Not douche (that throws its pH off)
- Avoid products that contain heavy perfumes (those can irritate it)
- Wash your bedding on a weekly basis (lots of dead skin cells are in sheets)
- Change your razors if you shave down below (every 5-7 shaves is ideal)
- Wear cotton panties more than ones made with synthetic fibers or thongs (again, the space thing) and get new drawers every 6-12 months
- Try to urinate after sex (to flush out bacteria)
- See your gynecologist on an annual basis (even if you don’t need a pap)
- Wash your sex toys after every use (and avoid ones made out of the chemicals listed here)
- Use condoms if you’re not in an exclusive long-term relationship
- Use all-natural lubrication (or make your own)
FULLY ACCEPT IT
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Did you know that, reportedly, there are almost 400,000 different species of plants in the world? This speaks to a wide variety of uniqueness and distinction. Well, there are billions of humans, and although vaginas all basically work the same way, each one has its own “signature” that makes them especially special too.
So, no matter what your vagina — more specifically here, your vulva, which is the outer part of your vagina — may look like, just like a plant accepts itself and flourishes, commit to following its example. It’s rare, it’s a sacred space, and it’s yours…and that’s enough to make it completely and totally bomb. Amen? Exactly.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak