Aight. Now y'all know that in order for me to write this, I already know the answer to this little — well, not super little — fact. And let me just say that a part of me did roll my eyes, just a bit. Only because, as I shared in the article, "BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go", I used to be someone who thought a man had to be huge to please me — even though some of the men with those big ole' thangs were less-than-impressive than the "smaller" fellas.
Still, as much as you all indulge me by letting me share so much of my own life and personal opinions, today isn't about what size pleases me most or what I prefer. It's all about a study that I found to be so fascinating that I thought some of y'all would be interested in hearing about too. So, if there's a part of you that has always wondered how big a penis truly needs to be in order for (vaginal) orgasms to happen on the regular, I've got what the word on the street (currently) is.
Drum Roll, Please: Guess What Penis Size Most Women Absolutely Rave About?
Lawd. There really is no telling how many times I have shared that the average size of a man's penis 5.5" erect while the most intense nerves inside of our vagina are the 2" of entry into us. This is a big part of the reason why sex toys, fingers and cunnilingus tend to be super pleasurable as far as things-that-penetrate go. Anyway, the reason why I think this can't be mentioned enough is because, if you can become super stimulated two inches in, why in the world do you need a man who is packin'? Chile, you don't.
We fall for that myth the same way men do when it comes to big breasts and even a big ass — sure, we all have preferences yet it's still important not to be "programmed" to the point where you close yourself off to the possibilities of what someone who may not be your "preferred size" may be (I feel like someone needed to hear that, so that's why I said it).
With that being out of the way, I have also shared, on multiple occasions, that while reportedly 70 percent of women do not experience vaginal orgasms (a lot of that has to do with how close your clitoris is to your vaginal opening, by the way; it ain't all on "him"), they are so much easier to achieve if you're going for a blended orgasm which is basically when your clitoris is being stimulated while you're being penetrated.
The reason why I thought it was important for both of these points to go on record is because, once I reveal the size that apparently gets "us" off more than any other, I don't want you to be side-eyeing your man if he doesn't exactly fit the bill (whether that means he is bigger or smaller). Now, with all of these disclaimers totally out of the way, are you ready to know what kind of penis can make women climax the most? Dun, dun, dun, DUN — EIGHT INCHES.
And just where did this data supposedly come from? Oh, that's where it really gets good. There's a site calledBig One that considers itself to be "the world's largest dating site for small penises" (I know, right?); however, they had some folks request that a site for large penises be made too (it's truly wild these world wide web streets!). Anyway, they conducted a survey of close to 4,800 women about what size got them to the mountaintop the most often and the blue ribbon prize went to Mr. Eight Inch at 44 percent (with 9" being 42 percent, 10" being 39 percent, 7" being 38 percent and 6" being 34 percent). So, what if you have a hard time grasping the exactness of it all? Basically, an average-sized remote control or just a little bit smaller than a beer bottle is what eight inches can be compared to.
So, what if your man doesn't — pardon the pun — measure up? First let me say that the women on the survey also shared that a man with an 11" penis had about as much success at pleasing them as someone with a 4" one. This means that if your guy is smaller, don't assume that someone big is gonna make you happy because, again, as I shared in the article that I referenced at the beginning of this, I have a friend-wife who often says — and I quote — "Girl, a big d—k ain't all it's cracked up to be. Believe that." A big part of the reason why is 1) there is still something to be said for technique; 2) when we are sexually aroused, our vagina stretches to 8" max (for the most part) and 3) if a man has so much ego surrounding his penis that he things that's all he needs to bring to the sexual table, you're not gonna get fed (pun intended and not intended). Straight up.
And what if you're currently not in a relationship and in your mind, you're like, "Whatever. You said 8", so that's exactly what I'm going to require"? Yeah. About that. If you're someone who strongly prefers a man who is over 6 feet tall and has an 8" penis, bless your heart because only around 15 percent of American men (actually, it's 14.5) are that tall and — whew — only three percent of men are that size.
Chile. What is a girl to do? Well, if you are currently with a "remote control", feel free to comment if you agree with the survey's findings. If you're with someone who is larger, check out our article "5 Go-To Positions For When Your Partner Is Well-Endowed". If he's smaller, check out "Sex Hacks For Different Kinds Of Penises (You Heard Me Right)". And, in general, let's briefly go over some hacks that make having a vaginal orgasm easier, regardless of what size a man's penis is.
5 Orgasm Hacks. Regardless of What Your Man’s Size May Be.
Kiss. A LOT. Did you know that some people can climax, just from a kiss? I personally know this to be quite true (wink). When two people are really connected and the kisses are in sync and intense, the sensitive nerve endings (especially from the tongue) can be a huge turn-on. It can make you wetter during foreplay and get you hotter during intercourse. So, if you don't tend to kiss much during sex (hey, some people don't; check out "Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?"), here's a(nother) reason to give reconsider it.
Get fingered. It's always funny when I hear guys share stories of sexual activity when they were high-school aged. It makes me think of the movie The Wood and the girls who were down to get fingered to death yet claimed they were too "pure" for actual intercourse or that that seeing a penis was nasty. Anyway, now that you're grown, fingering can still help to get you better prepared to experience a vaginal orgasm because it helps to relax you. Plus, if he knows what he's doing (double wink), he can locate your G-spot, so that he knows where and how to aim once he enters you (your G-spot is 2.5-3" into your vagina, at the roof of it; it feels a little bumpy when aroused and is about the size of a walnut).
Have an orgasm another way. First. If fingering doesn't result in an orgasm, do something else that does. For a lot of us, that would be cunnilingus yet whatever rocks your boat, try that. Many of my clients have shared with me that although a vaginal orgasm can be close-to-impossible the first round, once they are wetter and more euphoric, the second session tends to make climaxing a whole lot easier to do (yes, vaginally).
Prop your butt up. I'm all for a sex pillow. For a few reasons. If you put one underneath your head during oral sex (receiving, that is), it's easier to watch him and — whew. Who doesn't like to see that going down? If you put one underneath your back, that makes it easier for you to be penetrated more deeply (if that's what you're after). Underneath your butt prevents him from having to strain as much to reach your G-spot. Plus, if you happen to be someone who is in the 30-percentile and vaginal orgasms are pretty easy for you, a pillow up under your backside will make it so much easier for his penis to stimulate your clitoris and vagina at the same time.
You know what they say about "the motion of the ocean". More than anything, make peace with the penis you've got. Just like we spend so much time telling men that they should celebrate the body they are with, how hypocritical of us, if we don't do the same. Remember, the ladies in the survey said that a huge penis ain't no more pleasing than a tiny one which reminds me that it really isn't just a popular saying that it's not the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean.
A man who desires you. A man who isn't selfish. A man who studies your body. A man who takes his time. A man who is erotic, adventurous and passionate? Chile, he doesn't have to be 8" to shake the room. He's already more than halfway there before having the pleasure of…getting in. #thirdwink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Nara Smith Opens Up About Scalp Eczema & Spills On All Her Beauty Secrets
Nara Smith invites us into her world of simple yet effective beauty practices. Balancing her busy life as a mother and a model, Nara’s routine is as practical as it is thoughtful, with a focus on self-care and embracing natural beauty.
In the VogueBeauty Secrets video, we find that the popular TikToker’s beauty routine is more than just products—it’s a testament to self-care, practicality, and embracing life’s imperfections. Her balance of natural beauty and thoughtful touches serves as an inspiring guide for anyone looking to elevate their routine.
Skincare First: A Simple but Powerful Routine
Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube
Nara’s approach to skincare starts with simplicity.
- Cleansing: She begins her day by splashing her face with water. "I usually just splash my face with water in the morning," she explains.
- Nourishment: Nara swears by the True Botanicals Oil, a product she’s been using since her first pregnancy. "This is my favorite thing. I started using it four years ago when I was pregnant with my first baby."
- Hydration: For her dry, eczema-prone skin, Nara relies on DLA Real, a German pharmacy moisturizer she’s used for a decade. “I have very dry skin and deal with a lot of eczema...I try to keep my skin as moisturized as possible.”
- Sunscreen: Despite occasionally forgetting it, sunscreen is a staple in her routine. "I made this sunscreen once for my husband...he didn’t get a sunburn that day, so I guess it works."
Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube
Her DIY sensibilities extend to her lips, where she uses a homemade scrub crafted from brown sugar, coconut oil, honey, and peppermint essential oil. "My mom actually taught me how to make this."
Makeup: Natural, Fun and Versatile
Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube
When it comes to makeup, Nara’s philosophy is all about enhancing her natural beauty with a playful twist.
- Primer and Concealer: A matte primer sets the stage for her hydrating products. Nara mixes two shades of Hourglass Concealer, letting it sit for optimal coverage. “I apply my concealer and let it sit...it always helps with coverage.”
- Brows and Lashes: Her eyebrows, lightly plucked and filled for a wispy effect, have a story of their own. "I remember when I was 14, my modeling agency told me to never touch my eyebrows again. I didn’t, until a few months ago." For lashes, she relies on Ardell Individual Lashes, which "have carried me through very tough times."
- Blush and Contour: Nara admits to having “blush blindness” because of her love for the product. She layers cream blush with powder blush and contours lightly using the Fenty Matchstick in Mocha.
- Lips: A defined yet soft lip is her signature, using Mac Chestnut Lip Liner, a berry stain, and Mac Lip Glass. “I smudge the liner with my finger for a softer look.”
A Personal Touch to Haircare
@naraazizasmith well… #easyrecipe #hairtok #fypシ #homemade #hairgrowth
Nara’s hair journey reflects her resilience and adaptability. After struggling with severe scalp eczema, she transitioned from curly to straight hair to protect her scalp and hairline. "People always tell me to bring my curls back, but they don’t realize the struggle with scalp eczema."
She also shared on TikTok that she recently had a scissor-happy stylist who cut a little too much so of course the woman who also makes homemade PopTarts, Cola, and Cheez-Its, also made her own hair growth serum.
With rosemary sprigs and boiled water, she transforms the mixture into a spray bottle. Nara combines olive oil with clean rosemary sprigs, jojoba, sweet almond oil, vitamin E, peppermint oil and Argan oil for the rosemary hair oil. She sprays rosemary water onto her scalp and hair. Then, she will massage oil directly onto her scalp and leave it on before washing it out.
Finishing Touches
Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube
Nara’s final steps are all about adding a polished, dewy glow. She uses the Chanel Transparent Balm, describing it as a product that “makes you look dewy and sweaty, but in the best way.” A spritz of Fix Plus Spray sets her look, and her favorite fragrance, Maison Margiela Beach Walk, completes the routine.
Cooking, Kids and Confidence
Outside of beauty, the South African-born beauty finds joy in cooking from scratch—a necessity born from managing her autoimmune disease and eczema. "Cooking meals from scratch started when my eczema flared up so badly I couldn’t function." Her 4-year-old daughter, Rumble, also shares her love for makeup, often mimicking her routine. "She needs her blush on, and her eyebrows brushed up...the more glitter, the better."
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Feature image Screenshot/ Vogue YouTube