Vaginas are dope. That's why I write about 'em so much. I like to provide tips on how to care for them, facts that you may not know about them, ways to keep them as youthful as possible, how to properly wash them, foods that you should feed them, what to do if yours is stressed TF out—the list really does go on and on. Well today, in honor of being just a couple of weeks away from Christmas, I thought it would be a good idea to offer up a wish list on behalf of every vagina owner who is reading this right now. Because, when you really stop and think about all that your vagina—and vulva and clitoris—do for you, don't you think you should put together a little stocking with your vagina's name—relatively speaking, of course—on it? Me too, sis. Here are 10 gift ideas that your va-jay-jay will be oh so very thrilled with. I can promise you that.
1. Some New Panties
As we all prepare to go into a new year, an article that I wrote for the platform, a couple of years back, that I would encourage you to check out sometime is, "When Should You Replace Underwear, Make-Up, Bedding, Washcloths & Towels?" You might be floored by how much stuff you should've tossed—chile, years ago. When it comes to panties specifically, did you know that we're all supposed to get new ones every six months? A big part of the reason is because between passing gas and the washing machine, our panties eventually end up with tiny amounts of fecal matter that remain in them and can ultimately lead to an infection. So, if some of your panties have been in your life, shoot, since your college years, I can confidently speak for your vagina when I say that it's begging for you to treat it to some new underwear this year. At least 12 pair. Oh, and organic cotton is best if you want your vagina to "breathe", by the way.
2. A Menstrual Cup
As I sit here waiting to go into menopause (I'm not kidding; at 46 and in total peace about not birthing children, every time my period rolls around, I'm like "REALLY?!"), something that I wish I took more seriously, hell, years ago, is menstrual cups. I've been using one for many months now and it truly is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Since most have the expiration date of a decade, I don't have to spend money on pads (which makes them economical and good for the environment). When I make sure that it's "sealed in" properly, there is absolutely no leaking. Also, since they're made from silicone and adjust to the shape of my body, I don't feel them at all.
While there is a learning curve when it comes to putting a menstrual cup in and taking it out (without making a mess), I really could do an entire commercial, TED Talk and novella on the benefits of having a menstrual cup in your life. If you don't own one yet, it's a stocking stuffer for your vagina that you definitely will not regret.
3. An Herbal Heating Pad
If your period comes with cramps that would make you say all of the worst cuss words, if only you had enough strength to do so, I'm pretty sure that you probably already have a heating pad. This year, take it up a notch and cop yourself an herbal one. The cool thing about products that have all-natural herbs in them is the aromatherapy benefits are unmatched. Aromatherapy reduces stress, soothes discomfort, strengthens immunity, induces sound sleep and even kills bacteria.
And the great thing about a lot of the herbal heating pads that are currently on the market is you can zap them in the microwave for 60-90 seconds and they're ready to go. An affordable one that's worth checking out is located right here.
4. Padded Biker Shorts/Panties
If you like to ride your bike or you're in a spinning class, do your vagina a huge favor and invest in a pair of padded biker shorts. Not only will they help to take stress and strain off of some of your lower pressure points, they can reduce any irritation that can occur from all of the friction that comes from riding too. Another great perk? Padded biker shorts tend to absorb more moisture than regular ones, so that your nether regions don't cause you to end up with a nasty lil' yeast infection. Give thanks.
5. Vulva Exfoliant
Something that I don't think gets brought up enough is the importance of exfoliating—not your vagina (the inner tube that extends from your vulva to your uterus) but your vulva which is the outer part of your vagina (the outer skin that is around your vaginal opening). If you're prone to getting ingrown hairs there or you notice that your skin is slightly scaly or discolored, something that can help is a vulva exfoliant. Certain brands on the market that can help you out include Bikini Bump Blaster Ingrown Hair & Bikini Bump Eliminator, Grumari Body Exfoliant or (a personal favorite because it's Black-owned and I totally dig the name) Nookie For Your Cookie Scrub.
6. Sweet Almond and Avocado Oil Blend
When it comes to keeping the skin of your vulva nice and moisturized, it really doesn't get much better than sweet almond oil. That's because it's an oil that contains vitamins A and E, along with omega 3-fatty acids and zinc. Vitamin A helps to produce new skin cells, Vitamin E supports the healing of damaged ones, fatty acids prevent premature aging (yes, our vulva can age, just like the rest of us) and zinc has anti-inflammatory properties that can fade any scarring that you may have. If you add to sweet almond oil, some avocado oil, its Vitamin E, potassium and lecithin will help your vulva to produce more collagen while keeping its skin super smooth too. This non-irritating blend is ideal as a lubricant (only if you're NOT planning on using a condom; oil and latex do NOT mix) or if you want to apply an all-natural moisturizer to your vulva after stepping out of the shower or bath.
7. Rosemary, Mint and Parsley
This is definitely the cheapest recommendation on the list, but that doesn't make it any less relevant or necessary. Now listen to me on this—the belief that foods can make your vagina tastejust like them is about as ridiculous as thinking that there is a product that can repair your hair's split ends (there's not). The reality is that, for the most part, vaginas taste like a combo of water, metal (blood), salty/sour (sweat). Based on how much water you consume and the time of month it is, some of those tastes may be stronger than others—and all of them are perfectly natural and normal.
That said, there are foods that can make your vagina taste less acidic and/or smell more inviting. For instance, try drinking water that has some rosemary, mint, and/or parsley leaves in it. Because rosemary is anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and anti-microbial, mint is a great detoxifier and parsley is loaded with antioxidants, putting one or all of these into your water can help to make your vagina smell and even taste more refreshing (still like a vagina, though which is just fine).
8. Nonporous Sex Toys
Looking to get yourself a new (or upgraded) sex toy this year? If so, please make sure that you go with one that is nonporous. Not only do they feel a whole lot smoother, since they are also water-resistant, you can enjoy them in the bath or shower. Actually, though, those are not my main reasons for making sure that this goes on the list. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out in these streets who don't clean their sex toys as often and/or thoroughly as they should. As a result, bacteria gets stuck up in them and—I'm pretty sure I don't need to expound on where that can lead (eww). Nonporous sex toys make this a non-issue. So, although you still need to cleanse those bad boys, you significantly decrease your chances of irritating your vagina in a major way if your toys are nonporous to begin with.
9. At-Home pH Balance Kit
I'm pretty sure that you know, at least a little something about what a pH balance is. Still, just to make sure that we're all on the same page, the simplified technical breakdown is it's the balance that lies between the acidity and alkalinity levels that are within your system (for the most part, your lungs and kidneys play a key role). When it comes to your vagina specifically, a healthy balance is somewhere between 3.8-4.5. When it's too acidic (above a 4.5) or too alkaline (below a 3.8), it can result in an overgrowth of bacteria. One way to proactively prevent this from becoming an issue is to test the pH balance of your vagina from time to time. You can do this by taking an at-home pH balance kit.
And what if an at-home test does reveal that your va-jay-jay is a little "off-balance"? Well, if you're not noticing any itching, burning, or irritation (and you've been having safe sex), drinking more water, taking some probiotics, eating garlic (it is a powerful anti-fungal food), using condoms (semen can throw off your pH balance), getting more exercise, sleeping naked (so that your vagina can breathe) and de-stressing are all things that can help to bring your balance back. If you'd like to get yourself a few pH balance tests, some options are here, here, and here.
10. At-Home STI/STD Kit
Here's the deal about STDs. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are approximately 20 million new STD cases annually with half of them being people between the ages of 15-24. Y'all, not only is that a good enough reason to wear a condom during sex, it's also a reminder of why it's important to get tested, preferably every six months, too. And when it comes to a new sex partner, if you want to be extra sure that they're "I'm good" is accurate, there are at-home STI/STD tests that you both can take. Many of them, you can take in five minutes and get your results back within one business week. I won't lie to you, at-home STI/STD tests aren't the cheapest things on the planet (they are roughly around $100). But if they can assure you that you and your partner and your vagina are safe—isn't it worth it? I totally agree. Happy Christmas (Va-jay-jay) Shopping, y'all!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert